Eyes Wide Shut


Will you ever recognise me as I walk towards you, rictus grin fixed across my face, eyes ablaze with love, passion and desire? Will you notice the way I keep you in my sights as my charm flows over you, seeping into your every pore and orifice? Will you take heed of the sugar-coated words as they spill from my mouth, telling you so remarkably all the things that you want to hear? Will you take note of the phrases which have been recycled again and again and possess the novelty of a clichΓ©? Will you look deep into my eyes and see past your reflection or will you remain transfixed by what shines in these dulled, dark eyes? Will you question how is it that I know so much about you, where you live, where you work, your hobbies and your hates? Will you feel the chill down your spine as I appear once again without warning at a location you frequent or will you regard it as the tingling sensation of excitement and the thrill of my alluring personality? Will you question the platitudes that I issue, like confetti sprinkled on the breeze or will you smile and nod and savour the warmth that rises within you as I tell you how wonderful you are and that we belong together? Will you frown at my declaration of love within a day and a night and a day of meeting you or will you accept and swallow those carefully crafted words without a moment’s consideration? Will you wonder how my hands and mouth became so skilled or will you submit to their heady application and give breathless thanks that they are laid upon you? Will you query how this golden light continues to shine and wonder why you were chosen above all the others? Will you see through the veneer of scathing hatred for those who have gone before you or will you become co-conspirator and sneer at her or at him, disgusted by their lack of dignity in the way that they behave? Will you not ask yourself whether their words ring with truth and why they look as if their very essence has been sucked from them, leaving naught but a fractured shell? Will you wonder why the gifts keep on coming? Will you question the forbidden fruits that have been laid before you or will you gorge on them, delirious with desire and elated by the ecstasy of our largesse?

Will you recognise me when I turn my face from you when you try to kiss me? Will you know what is happening when you are left in a tearful heap on the floor for the third time in a week or will you flagellate yourself for your shortcomings? Will you notice as the triangles are weaved around you and your best friend becomes your supposed enemy, but by whose say so? Will you fight back against the control that is exerted on the way you look, what you choose to do and who you interact with or will you accept it and allow your sense of self to evaporate? Will you understand what is happening to you as you crawl alone into that ice-cold bed, this once haven of sexual congress that now lies like an empty tomb ? Will you realise what is going on as you blink back tears as the clock shows 3am and you have no idea where I am?Β  Will you stand up for yourself when you are labelled whore, slattern, idiot and fool or will you bow your head and retreat, thankful that your injuries are only verbal. This time. Will you remember what you once were ? Will you remain bound by the chains of confusion or will you break them across your knee and free yourself from your cruel bondage?

Will you recognise me as my hand grips your throat and my bile-infused words rain down on you, spittle flecked hatred peppering your face? Will you dial my number for the fiftieth time in two hours as you desperately try to hear my voice and ask me, beg me, plead for me to come home? Will you wince as another dinner set falls prey to my savage fury ? Will you kneel and pick up the pieces, fingers shaking as you fumble for the broken shards that lie scattered across the floor? Will you know what is being systematically done to you each and every day or will you obscure the reality by praying for that golden light to come back and dispel the darkness? Will you recognise me for what I truly am or will you make yet another excuse, wondering what will happen when you run dry of the excuses and hastily constructed explanations for my reign of terror?

Will you recognise me as I cast you aside, shoved into the dirt and sneered at? Will you look up from the smouldering ruins of what we once had and see her (or is it you?) looking back at you with disdain writ large across her made-up features? She seems so familiar, do you know her, there is such a fog now and it clouds so much. Will you understand why you have been forgotten about as your numbed fingers compose another searching e-mail, asking for explanations that will not come, expressing tearful anger that will be smiled at, detailing your abject hurt which will only ever receive a dismissive shrug?

Will you recognise me for what I am when I reach out a hand and lift you from your broken existence? Will you know what truly is going to happen as I lead you once more towards the brilliant, burning golden light? Will you feel the prick of caution in your mind or will you gladly race towards the promised land once again, concern and hesitation thrown to one side? Will you notice the rictus grin once again as you race ahead of me? Will you pay attention to the darkened glint in my baleful gaze or will you charge headlong towards the paradise,Β  addicted to its warmth and glorious sensations? Will you recognise me as I close the door behind us, bolt it and turn the heavy iron key in the lock as the thick drapes are pulled across the dirt-smeared windows? Will you notice the sharpened dagger that I have produced and hold behind my back?

Will you stop and glance in the shattered mirror that dominates this place and if you do, will you recognise yourself?

107 thoughts on “Eyes Wide Shut

  1. I am Destroyed says:

    This gave me chills… So on point. My mind though just can’t seem to take all this in. I knew something was very off about him and our relationship but after he told me his psych diagnosed him with npd he said “I’m ok with it” so I googled it and I haven’t stopped reading for 3 weeks. It’s a THING. Like literally everything that happened in our relationship was planned out.. I’m not going crazy.. he wasn’t losing his mind… This was all a THING. A heartless, caluculated, deliberate THING against me for what? His amusement? To kill time? A place to stay? Money? Every stage.. all the lies, pain, manipulation cheating was all done on purpose so he could emotionally, verbally and physically abuse me? While I stood by believing in him and loving him unconditionally… I played the fool all too well…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is more likely that it occurred as a matter of an instinctive response than a calculated one. It appears calculated to you owing to your world perspective, lack of knowledge and your emotional thinking. Most narcissists operate through instinct and do no calculate even if it feels that way to you. I can explain why this is in and in considerable detail to aid your understanding and the appropriate forum for doing so is through a consultation. You may wish to consider a Narc Detector consultation as this will enable you to ascertain which school and cadre this person belongs to and this will also then help you understand how and why the behaviour occurred.

  2. AH OH says:

    Love, you get position of PS.

    1. Love says:

      I love you Ah Oh. It would be a high honor to be Mr. Tudor’s PS. However, I realize now that crown belongs to a super empath. I would be in ecstasy just chained up in his dungeon.

      1. AH OH says:

        Love That alone is what a super empath would say. I, on the other hand, want to chain him up. Come to think about it, I will chain you up too Love.

        You do know his prerequisites? Beautiful, physically suburb, intelligent, willing. Hair and eye color are not a determining factor. Eye candy so others admire his catch. Must not have ink that is visible and no shrapnel on the face.
        Although if the fuel is worth it he will over look the later.
        Just my understanding of his words and his writings.
        Correct me if I am off base HG.

      2. Love says:

        Thank you for wanting to chain me up too. I’m sure Mr. Tudor would put up quite a fight, but I will be docile.
        In regards to his prerequisites, no one has asked for their money back yet… So hopefully he will be satisfied…
        But given that he’s a narc of the highest order, he never will be.
        As for the ink, yes, it is in a very discreet place.

        1. Indy says:

          @Shrapnel in the face”, lol, love the wording!!! Lol πŸ˜†

  3. AH OH says:

    He is all of them. He is everywhere.
    He would still be alluring to me if he looked like a frog because of his mind. As long as he is not a fat, smoking frog. Besides green is my favorite color.
    I can’t wait until HG is ready to convert and becomes a polygamist. Then all of us can have him! Such crazy fun.

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      I could see it now…I take you…and you…and you…(he wouldn’t take me)…too funny!

      1. AH OH says:

        Oh he would take you, he wants everything as he is everything.

    2. Love says:

      Would you want that Mr. Tudor? Or would multiple wives just equate to more headache? You’ve written that you’re continuously on a quest for ‘the one’. Do you think the one can actually be ‘the many’?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I already have the many, Love, many appliances but there can be only one primary source. In some respects, multiple wives would only be a re-classification of existing scenarios.

  4. AH OH says:

    We all adore HG. Until you last breath? Now that is some deep love. Why is this? I actually do not understand this “last breath love” for someone who is not of blood.
    You must be a lucky one and have met him. Nonetheless I am sure he is a lucky man to have someone love him in this way.
    No, you did not need to explain yourself at all to me. But in saying this, I still think you are crazy. Crazy love.
    Do you bake cookies?

    1. Love says:

      LMAO! πŸ˜‚ I’ve missed you Ah Oh! I’m laughing so hard. Is there a correlation between crazy and cookie baking? If so, estoy muy loca. Btw, I knew you had to have some firey Mediterranean blood.

      1. AH OH says:

        Yes I think so. Dee Dee, my crazy polish gf of 22 years, and I will be baking this coming Wednesday. She is so flipping funny. She married the guy I introduced her to. UGH, I lost my running partner.
        She looks like a 50 something year old Barbie. She has never changed her look from the 80’s. I use to tell her I was going to get her on Oprah for a makeover. She looked at me one day with tears in her eyes and said but this is who I am. I never said another word again about changing her hair.Yes, it is long and blond with ringlets. I love her just the way she is.
        Now this girl can bake, she is a Jack Mormon. We have done crazy things together. I laugh sitting here writing this. I am thinking of another great story of when we went to see Brad Coors in Colorado. OMG, so many stories. Great memories.

      2. AH OH says:

        I think HG, when he first reveals himself, it should be a gathering of his fans. I would love to meet all of the sister wives.

      3. Love says:

        Do you think he will? I don’t think Mr. Tudor will ever reveal himself. The mystery adds to his allure. He could be the man on the train, the one seated near you in the restaurant, or across the bar. Heck, he could be my boss… He’s English too and they sound similar.

        1. 1jaded1 says:

          Love. That’s why I pick the single seater on the upper deck of the train and close my eyes.

      4. Love says:

        Lol Jaded keep one eye open at all times πŸ˜‰

  5. Seduced says:

    Oh my Gosh πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ OH AH You need to know that I will always adore and love HG…. ALWAYS till my last breath… But You have to understand I’m not “in love” because that’s different feelings. … I have no need to explain myself to You yet I thought it would be polite to let You know.

  6. 1jaded1 says:

    I am a peasant, HG. Be jealous.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Get back to working my land, peasant!

    2. AH OH says:

      So am I 1J1, so am I. But only in build. The German side of me seems to dominate or could it be the Italian side, maybe the Polish side.

  7. AH OH says:

    LOVE Dont let me do that again! Going out there without my crew is dangerous.
    Don’t worry HG has tighten my mental leash. It was the apple that caught my eye and brought me back. He does set the traps now doesn’t he.

    1. Love says:

      Yes oh yes…. He has a pull on us.
      I’ve tried to leave a few times. I just can’t.
      I’ve even tried to find some Greaters in real life. No luck. No one can measure up to Mr. Tudor. He has set the bar very high.

      1. AH OH says:

        Right!? What will we do now?
        I will always pop in to see how it is going. I am sure if I become involved, and you know what I mean, I will be preoccupied with the new toy. But for now, HG is stuck with me.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am not complaining Ah Oh.

          1. AH OH says:

            Stuck on you!

      2. AH OH says:


        When watching the video I posted I want you to natice the name on the phone and also it is the crew is the sister wives.

      3. AH OH says:

        TYPOS!!! Notice the name on the phone and the girls dancing are all the sister wives. FMR! I can’t type at times.

      4. AH OH says:

        Love, Come to Las Vegas there are plenty of Greaters here. Trust me, you can find the whole lot of them varying in all categories.
        If I could get to my friends client list, I can narrow it down. But I know a few, Doctors, Lawyers, Indian Chiefs. Head of this Board, owner of this company, blah blah, blah. Hell there are a few in my neighborhood. (one told me again today that he has permission to have an affair with me. Although he is not married, they live together with the kids. I just might give him a spin. He is cute enough and has a great body to boot.) Oh yes they are everywhere.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ah Oh, come on ‘fess up, you are in Narcville Nevada really aren’t you?

          1. AH OH says:

            HG I am afraid so. I went to lunch with my friend of 20 years who is a psychologist, and we talked on this subject. Quote “This town is full of them.” I realized why I can’t find anyone I am attracted to. I can smell them.
            I am looking for someone stronger then me.
            Speaking of smelling……….
            I really have had a very interesting life. I have been told by many to write it down or dictate it and have a ghost writer. To me it is just a day in the life of me and being me is a full time job at times.
            Great story in whole but I had a complete stranger, very handsome man, to breath in my underarm in the middle of Whole Foods. And he did, long and deep. It started with telling him I use coconut oil under my arms for deodorant. I know he will never forget it. But I walked away thinking Guuurl you still have it! I should have given my number but I wasn’t ready to engage. I look for him every time I go to whole foods. His name is John. I know the day, time it happened because I was getting ready for a trip back to D.C. to the 20th celebration of the Holocaust Museum. I have a picture with Elie Wiesel. Amazing man and his speech rings still in my ears.
            Think about this for just a second. Who does this? ( I did not raise my arm, I just let him lean into the area and breath.)
            I do use coconut oil. Try it. But you need to let it absorb before you dress. Also dab with a towel to remove any excess. It is also great for all areas for moisture.;-)
            On your feet with socks at night. Good to eat too.
            I have so many stories of me saying or doing crazy things. Cray Cray but in a good way.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            This post was brought to you by the Coconut Council of Indonesia – For All Your Coconut Needs!

          3. AH OH says:

            HG Do you like the flavor of coconut? Do like backed goods with coconut? You should try coconut peanut butter. YUM!

          4. HG Tudor says:

            I have no issue with coconut. I read with a voracious appetite all communiques issued by the Coconut Council of Indonesia.

          5. AH OH says:

            It is a better alternative to deodorant. It is a natural antibacterial agent. I like it. We are a lovey bunch of coconuts.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha, I liked that final sentence.

      5. Love says:

        That was hilarious Ah Oh and so accurate! Yes we are the dancers and lol at the primary IP calling!
        Oh my goodness, Indian chief, you say??
        Never had one of those before. Mmmm sounds yummy. I do like variety.

      6. Love says:

        Mr. Tudor, you are hilarious! πŸ˜‚
        I can add to the testimonial: I use coconut oil on my hair and also to cook with. It works wonders!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I am. So long as it is intentional of course.

  8. ABB :-*
    1Jaded1 :-*
    Indy :-*
    Love :-*

    1. Love says:

      Lots of love to you DC and everyone else πŸ’ž

    2. Oh I forgot Snow too!

      Snow :-*

    3. Indy says:

      Muah, Muah, Muah DC πŸ™‚

  9. Seduced says:

    I don’t recognise myself anymore.. do You recognise me dear G.???

  10. Wow, this is really a difficult one. I have been there and done that… numerous times and I stayed anyway. I knew after YEARS something was not right and still chose to stay. It hurt but it got better… for a few years it was great and then it started to go back down hill but this time it did not effect me the same, I enjoyed the silent treatments and often broke them by way of peace offering and other times I let him come to me… The sharp words couldn’t even get through my skin BUT looking at his face and asking myself what I saw in him brought back every moment that I cherished and that is how I stopped hearing his ignorant words. Everything in life requires work and I would have continued to work had he not been physical…

    1. DC,
      I miss you. Where have you been? In fact where is Ah Oh? Indy, 1Jaded1, I see. Where is the harem?

      Sorry HG. I should have said I miss you to you first. Should I set an alarm to remind me to tell you everyday?

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I’m still causing a mess of trouble. I’m glad DC is here too.

      2. Indy says:

        Hi ABB,

        Yes, I have missed them as well. I saw DC has popped in a little (waves hi XOX, my hippy partner in crime). Missing some of that Ah Oh edge and fire!

        Yeah, I am still hanging around πŸ˜‰ Getting my tools and arming myself for the dating scene. Nice seeing you popping in too, love your wisdom, given at times with a gentle touch while other times with a flame thrower πŸ™‚ I love powerful women!

        1. Blue Lips says:

          Look at my new name to do nothing but confuse everyone. One account is enough. I had two, now just one. Easier this way. Notice my gravitar is ice in my mouth…lol trying to keep things cool or I am used to being put on ice? Could be that I have the ice between my teeth in a biting matter to crush the coldness that someone gives me. Or maybe I have been told to hold ice in my mouth as punishment. Maybe I am using it on someone for pleasure or pain. Blue lips as the color is unusual, I am unusual. It could be I am sad. Maybe I am an ice queen and this is my natural shade. I like Detroit. This is the Detroit Lions Color. I like men. Blue is for boys. I like blue eyes and blue skies. The ocean is blue and deep. I like deep. I love water. Swimming pools. This blue is calm. It’s sometimes the color of mermaid tails. I am imaginative. My mouth is pretty. It is the real thing, not fake. My lips are soft. I like to kiss. I like to talk and so on and so forth and I could go on and on. The truth, well that’s always stranger than fiction.

          Can you guess my other identity Indy?

          1. Indy says:

            Those lips are luscious, soft and deliver a good punch too. I too love blue…thus my name Indy is short for indiglowsky πŸ™‚
            Hmmm aliases….Well, I knew you were Black Lips, Anna Belle Black and now Blue Lips. Soooo, if it is not one of those aliases and its a new profile…lets see….Ana Frost? The combo of your first name and your new cool demeanor? I love puzzles! If it is an older profile, let me know and I will think on it πŸ˜‰

          2. Blue Lips says:

            FTW and Anna Belle Black Combo. New and Improved. Means I am letting go. Thinking of coloring my hair. Cherry Cola. Gotta change outside because inside is changing. It’s true that this time I may be giving up the ghost. In the sense that the predator is buried and so is the need for a proxy. My proxy was a poor choice anyway, he never gave me what I needed. Time to fly away and leave all this to yesterday. Soon.

          3. Indy says:

            Are you saying that your alter ego is French Toast or was it a hint?

            Ah, are you releasing the predator within or the actually person(s) that predated on you? Either way, this sounds like a lot of healing is going on (((hugs)))) Letting go is a tremendous step, especially when it is peaceful release. It is so hard, one that I battle with, off and on. Some days I can let go of seemingly significant things, other days I am mourning with claws out, grasping for morsals to hold. I wish you all the peace in this release and that your internal changes and external changes you love and reflect your true beauty. Cherry Cola sounds really pretty.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            ABB and French Toast is the same person Indy.

          5. Indy says:

            Makes sense. Thanks.

          6. AH OH says:

            Are they? I am confussed. Clarice started it.

          7. Blue Lips says:

            I am French Toast Web and I am ABB. They are both me. It’s interesting that people respond differently to a person by a name change. Some treated me different. This proves that people get a preconceived notion as to the personality type. I couldn’t help but show my feelings by writing style and thought processes because my personality is strong. When I played with your name Indy that came from working in the DEA. Reasoning, gut feeling recognition, deep thinking about why criminal behavior or crime is always instilled in those types of position. I was not a field agent. I did liason work. I’m good with negotiations so this helped. I could put myself in others positions and make them feel comfortable. I am persuasive. This helped to get information. I assisted others because I am good at taking commands. I am approachable. I also know how to keep secrets. Which is a huge part of that job. I did work for The President of a very famous international corporation for a time. I did that at the beginning and was with the federal government at the same time. I had to choose which one to stay with. There will always be criminals. The industry I was in would always be around too but I was torn because they offered me a job to work for the CEO taking care of just his emails. 6 figures. I almost stayed but took the other job because it paid just as good and I widened out my social circle. I still maintain contact with people from both jobs. If you notice all aspects of the work are people related. People will sometimes be like what the? They see each field as not connected, but it is in relation to people skills. I did alot of public speaking. I still do public speaking. It is a natural ability. That is alot of information about me.
            The predator I was has been gone for over 15 years. This letting go is someone I loved very very much. He and my Son are the only ones I ever were in love with. I have a form of love for my husband, but I am not in love with him. He knows this but accepts me. He is my best friend. I like him alot. He is very very good to me. I am everything to him. Which is hard when you have self esteem issues. I always wonder why he doesn’t abuse me. He just is normal. He has never raised his voice to me or any form of abuse at all. I am free to do as I want and I am not used to not being controlled so I am still working on my own identity. I have always been whatever anyone else wanted me to be.

            Well, now HG will be angry that I talked so much of myself. What can I say to make him happy? I hate you HG…we all know negative fuel is strongest…lol

          8. Indy says:

            Hi Blue Lips, ABB, and French Toast.

            I noticed the similarities, and thus why I like “you both” πŸ˜‰
            You definitely have an eye for people and seeing their details and profiling them well. As a therapist, I have some of that, though I also have a side that is what I used to call “gullible”. I trusted a lot at one time in my life. A side effect of being from a small town. Less so now, but I still run with it, as some people think I am naΓ―ve and it is my best secret weapon. LOL

            I am glad to see you around, it always makes me smile πŸ™‚

          9. Indy,
            I will remain ABB for the time being. That name is significant in a personal way. My therapist asks when I shall be Anna Belle White…As I just left his office I am about to drive around and contemplate our session. This is my way of unwinding after the intensity. Drive and listen to music. I sometimes listen to HG whilst doing this, just to hear him talk. No matter what the subject is. I need people and like to listen to them talk. Especially their inflections and pausing for emphasis, authority and anything else that relates to speech. I have written many speeches and am great at public speaking. My doctor just said I remind him of Kellyanne Conway. See, I could totally spin doctor HGs reckless behavior, we would make a great team. Well, off to contemplate the inner workings of my mind with Bruno Mars and as I love me some HG Tudor, I’ll make it a threesome. 😘

      3. Love says:

        I haven’t seen Ah Oh for a bit now. The rest of the harem is still here.

      4. Hello lovely blue lips Anna Belle… I miss you too sweets! I have been around… just super busy with work and life. πŸ™‚ I am trying to get on read and post but I am finding myself running short on time. πŸ™‚

        1. Blue Lips says:

          Im off work until May. Or who knows maybe forever. This is why I am trolling the blog. Lol

          1. Oh I would love to be off until May! MAY you enjoy this time to do what you wish! He he he he!

      5. AH OH says:

        I am here, being a voyeur. I had to step back. I am only here to say Whas up Biatches!!!?? You miss me huh. I was jealous of all you getting on the naughty step. So I made my own naughty step and I have been standing on it for the past ten days. πŸ˜‰

        Hey DC!!!! How’s life
        Hello 1J1. I have missed you
        Can I get a spankig from B_E?
        ABB! Have you been sucking on a smurf? You should be sharing, I hear they are yummy.
        Indy! My IQ is 135. When my brain is working. HUGS Let’s eat some acid and expand our universe.

        Hello HG, I am only here to check in with the other inmates. Have you missed me. I have missed you. I want to put you on my naughty step. I like what you have done with the blog. Can I send a picture of myself to you?

        Girls, I have been bad. But it feels so good.

        LOVE LOVE LOVE! Stop flirting with HG. It is my turn now. JK, you can have him. I am not very good fuel for the likes of him.

        Seduced? Are you still in love with HG?

        Snow White! My sweet. How are you?

        Did I miss anyone?

        I am addicted to ginger root.

        1. Blue Lips says:

          Voyeur? I’m not getting an action. What’s to watch? I might have to come join you on your naughty step or is it a platform? Are we dancing on it? Are there people there to make it rain? My lips are blue because I have been drinking the kool-aid, blue raspberry, with some ciroc of course. If you are being bad I want details! I have to live my life vicariously through someone. I am no longer a good fuel provider either. You know him though onwards and upwards. So I am stuck in Narcville with kryptonite, my powers weakened. Waiting for my turn all zombie like. It’s like someone cast a spell on me, like a wizard. Or maybe they were just waving at me? (Yes I stole that line). Help me Ah Oh you’re my only hope! OK ginger root? What are you using it for? I know that some use it for bedroom activities. Or are you making protein shakes with it?
          I did miss you. Thanks for checking in. *waves hand like Jedi* “You want to join us. Stop staying off HG’s blog & rethinking your life”!

          1. AH OH says:

            What is to watch? Whatever your imagination can conjure up.
            I also drank the Kool-aid. Everything I have is Apple/Mac. Maybe I should pour the Ciroc over them. Set them afire. Dance around them. Care to join me?

            Being bad? Oh I called a few out. I called one woman F**king C U Next Tuesday. It was glorious! Although I am not making friends doing this, nor am I going to be invited to any parties. I do not play well with others anyway. Also I am re connecting with a friend who is a bit of a toy, look him up. Blaise Dvorski. Not sure if I have it in me anymore. Nonetheless, he is arm candy to do outings. He enjoys my advice and always asks. I like it when people from my country club sees him with me. Their tongue wags. They very seldom see me with anyone.

            Ginger root, I grind a nice chunk up and add it to hot water with a nice dollop of honey from Hawaii. Fresh ginger of course. I use about 2 inches or 3 a day. I love it and it gets me to drink more water. I also put it in my steel cut oats with some other very tasty items.

            Are you referring to our great HG? Zombie like? I am your only hope? You were my only hope! OMG the blind leading the blind and it is HG with the strings connected to us. I have missed him and my sister wives.

            My wave is more like the Queen. But usually I have the middle finger prominently sticking up.

            Sheees back.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            The Queen would never behave in such a manner. That’s treason. Off with your head.

          3. AH OH says:

            You do know what I think of the Queen. She is simply super. Cool lady, wears amazing hats.

            Who said it was the Queen of England.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Only one queen matters.

          5. AH OH says:

            According to some of my male friends, they would beg to differ. I know some Queens.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            A contemptible remark to bracket the Queen with such shenanigans. POG will be after you!

          7. AH OH says:

            Will they bring restraints?
            Ahhhh I am sure I will be forgiven. I will say HG drove me crazy and I know not what I do.

          8. AH OH says:

            How about some head. Just kidding. My bad! I will go to my own Naughty Step.

          9. Blue Lips says:

            Ah Oh,
            Apathetic Divorcee, Great Choice.

        2. Indy says:

          Hey Ah Oh!! ((hugs)))))

          Indeed, lets get our inner Timothy Leary on…LOL Although, I am more of a tame mary-jane type myself. πŸ˜‰
          Oh, I know you are a smart chica. didn’t need the number πŸ™‚ Nice to see even more badassery female power in the mix…missed ya. Glad you are having fun being bad out there.
          Be extra bad for me out there!!

        3. 1jaded1 says:

          Hey AH OH glad to see you back! Never the same without you.

          1. AH OH says:

            1J1 What have you been doing? How was you holiday? While I was gone I saved my sisters marriage. Fact.
            I realized what had a hold of my brother-in-law via HG’s books. Long story, but a good one.

          2. 1jaded1 says:

            Hi AH OH. My holiday included a hoover that I ignored. Other than that…great. I’m glad you were able to help your sister. I’m sure the telling would be most interesting and educational. I’m just happy she is okay and that you are here.

      6. 1jaded1 says:

        I love your blue lips and all they represent. The Detroit Lions are kicking it this year. Stafford and team are smokin hot!

      7. Love says:

        Hi Ah Oh!!! I was worried about you. Good to see you back in Compound Tudor. You know it’s not safe out there. Can’t just go exploring the world like that. I’m happy you made it back safe and sound. Now put on your gingham dress and braid your hair before we all get in trouble. Keep your eyes down and don’t look straight at him.

        ABB, the blue lips are a gorgeous color and your lips are beautiful … but you know it’s against our dress code. Wipe it off and spit out the ice. Here is the shell pink lipstick.
        On your best behavior ladies.

      8. Love says:

        Oh my gosh, I didn’t know French and ABB were the same person! Wow, I would’ve never thought. French seemed glum and cynical while ABB was fun and a ball buster. My favorite ABB quote (not verbatim) “hold my chains or I’ll rip their throat out”. ABB, I thought your earlier nickname of Foxy Lady was the best. Reminded me of Foxy Brown.

      9. Bloody Elemental says:

        Ah Oh,

        Are you sure it is just a spanking you would like me to give you?

        1. AH OH says:

          What do you have in mind? Lipstick femme? This would be my preference. Perhaps I can climb down from my pillow perch and play. Do not tempt me as I am ripe for the picking.

  11. DFA says:

    Judy I understand your pain and your anger. He took so much from you, and it’s not fair. Wanting to end a life doesn’t bring a solution and it won’t stop the pain.
    Truth brings understanding in a way that brings peace, even in the darkest days.
    Anger brings hate and even more misery.

    I do hope you find a way to forgive and let go of the anger, not for him, but for yourself. It doesn’t take the loss away but brings peace and acceptance to things that can not be change.

  12. 1jaded1 says:

    This infused bile in me. Dare to grip throat and see what happens next.

    Mirrors do not exist bc neither does my soul.

  13. HG Tudor: Your theory of no contact does not work in reality. How can it work for those that have children with N’s where family court systems do not encourage no contact? How can it work when a N has moved on and using his unlucky lackey to undermine the mothering of the fortunate and courageous for untangling themselves from the N? The family court orders come into play because of the N’s non-conformity for visitations where his lies did not stop the victim gaining custody (why would a N oppose custody when they care nothing for their children, but to use them as pawns) anyway. No contact does not work because of the family court insistence that the biological parents owe it to one and other to be courteous to each other and are both responsible for the image’ that the parents depict to the children of the relationship between the two. What a joke! I mean come on, get with the program it is impossible although craved to have no contact, yet the courts undermine that. So now what? I am not standing by idle whilst a N thinks he holds the trump card on the system. I know the answer, do you HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      PRH, it is necessary for me to address several miscomprehensions in your comment.

      1. It is not my theory of No Contact. NC is a universally accepted method of dealing with our kind. It is highly effective because it denies us fuel, wounds us, prevents effective hoovering, creates a firebreak for the victim to gain some respite and forces the narcissist to go elsewhere, when implemented effectively. What I have done is explain how No Contact is regarded by my kind, how we respond to it and most of all how we will try to break it, in order to allow victims a unique perspective and what to look out for. The theory does work in reality.

      2. I have not stated however that it is the panacea which cures all narc problems. IF you can put it in place AND maintain it, it works, but that is not always easy. There are many reasons why NC is either not put in place or fails and I have written about that in my books – chief among those reasons are the issue of children.

      3. I have explained that even where children are an issue, the victim should endeavour to instigate no contact for his or her sake and that of the children. If that denies the N parent contact for a period, so be it. The victim owes it to themselves and their children to get out and stay out. Let the N parent worry about organising contact (if he or she is bothered – often they are not). Accordingly, even if you do have children, you can apply NC but you have to be selfish about it.

      4. If the victim will not not do this or if the N parent makes an application to court and gains residence, shared residence or contact (keeping in mind that the N will be doing this as part of ongoing game-playing and using the children as pawns and for fuel, they do not actually care about the well-being of the children) then of course no contact cannot be effected. I have written about that also. In such a situation, the counter manipulations described in Escape need to be utilised. I have also written about how in such instances the interaction should be reduced to the absolute minimum, should be through non-emotional text messages/e-mails and the victim needs to extend their good influence over the children to counter the effects of contact with the narcissist as per my comments in Save The Children.

      5. As I have written many times, No Contact is the ultimate aim but sometimes it cannot be achieved. I have then set out what is to be done in instances where No Contact cannot be achieved.

      1. Hmm Thank you for validating my stance on this HG, I appreciate that some of my concerns have been validated, but not all. Okay I have not read your books, or shall I unless they are freely accessed. I could have a skype meeting with you and would pay for that I too would don a mask. My issues are being heralded to the rooftops about this insidious abuse. I happen to give a damn and I will have victory to spare the women that I am advocating for where narcissists are out of control and for the death of that very individual and their children, some who have early narcissistic behavioural alterations due the raw and coarse behaviour patterns of the paternal ego tripping fool/s who are displaying their ego online, publicly. Their obsession with the self has lead me to this site and for that, I am learning through your admissions that I had good reason to fight from my gut and from my intuition to put a stopper’, on some narc ruining he children that I shall continue to protect. Pity Our System does not have or is equipped with the experience to endorse further damage to young sponges ( children absorbing infantile and highly narcissistic confusing behaviours and downright neglect the narcissist parent! By the glory and protection extended to me, I shall risk being shot by a gun holder to expose him to the world. Thanks for you reply but I have been there, done that.

      2. Okay, I have a reply from the N. I have asked that for the mediation and sake of the children, that he and his family, new partner come for Christmas celebrations to give the children (baby and small children) he gave the countdown bluff to get out of the family home, some stability and a glimpse of adults getting along amicably for the primary purpose of the children who are experiencing two worlds, his harsh world and their mothers unconditional love and attentive world where she gives them her undivided attention, pays for private education and therapy for the two children that have demonstrated that they are feeling the two worlds, ordered by the court system. He has threatened me with court action for harassment, in trying to bring peace to the lives of the children. That is what I expected. You know me by now HG and you know I don’t give in to oppression. I am happy for him to try and silence the truth, with strong and lengthy evidence of his narcissism. I think it maybe time to get a court order signed by three for a mental health act order. He thinks he can hire a barrister just for the day to force an undertaking from my daughter, myself- I, too have a personal barrister and shall pay less to produce the evidence to sow that the court system places innocent children at risk of harm and personality disorders through the times they spend with the narc who place them in nappies even at primary ages, because he is so slack he cannot take the time to take them to the toilet!!!! They arrive at their mum’s dehydrated, thirsty, distressed with dry nappies. Later on after the nappy is taken off with their original clothing they left in and have slept in, they pee and pee after drinking water. ABUSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      3. HG will you work with me to save the children? I am adamant about this! I cannot bear the little ones being in therapy because one has lost her voice and the professionals call it selective mutism! I cannot sit idle whilst the little boy only two tells me how he is scared of Dad. I cannot tolerate how the mute child puts two fingers on my mouth when I tell her brothers, not to make a hand trigger fingers toward me as a gun as guns are dangerous. The same children were exposed t the handgun from the narc, and came home expressing how he showed them and how he uses it! What the hell kind of justice system when children’s minds are being corrupted!!!!!!!!!!!

      4. Damn him to hell! He is a narc and he is going to own it. He is so demented about his childhood and so envious of others having a decent upbringing, that he is prepared to scar his children fro the rest of their days and our police wore his story once and I will dispel it. They said to me that he is ENTITLED to stalk for his mother is entitled to have contact with the children that she flew from the other side of Australia with his conniving, charleton father to bully the mother of the children basically to death around a round table meeting fro the final discard because she found that MR PT was a tart and preying on vulnerable young women.

      5. Mr Church pickup thief wolf in sheep clothing. I detected his intentions from the very beginning. I confronted him standing behind my granite benchtop. I saw him for what he was immediately. He had the audacity to twitch in his cheek and sneer through the truth being thrown his way and you will identify with this. I said, “you stand on the opposite side of this bench to me and you feel higher”. He raised himself higher on his tippy toes opposite me and then I said, “Yeah see what I mean, yo lurched yourself higher yet we are both on the same ground!” His cheek near his eye was nervously twitching and he bared his insipid thin lipped mouth at me showing his teeth like a little rat with curvature of the mouth, confronted in a corner of truth!” He is a pest. He is a little dibber dobber and he piss*s me off! He is an insignificant wannabee. He cannot even use the grammar that grade three pupils know. HUH. He is an ant and he needs a good wakeup call. I am not responsible for his shortcomings, nor shall I sit back and go like, yeah okay man you are cool!Little fakeartist. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

      6. Two YEARS of damage from this piece of garbage and this is the reply: Word fro word and I offered resolution for the children and lowered myself to be extra-sweet toward the ant.

        If don’t stop these text messages and interfering with these issues with my children and my work I will see u in court for harassment

      7. Stupid idiot, he sure will see me in court! Any authority that enables the narc will have to explain higher and higher. NO GO ZONE until Australia gets with the program!

      8. Seduced says:

        I AGREE .no more no less.

  14. Mrs Linton says:

    I agree, lets not upset the man that is helping us. HG thank you, things are so much clearer to me now after just a couple of weeks of studying your work. I see my ex still and after years of hurt and triangulation now feel no pain, just hard logic, I never thought I would see the day.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Mrs Linton.

  15. Heh. Well. We will NOW. πŸ˜‰

  16. Judy sanders says:

    The only way for you to stop is to END YOU PERMANENTLY. as you said “the only way it will end is when one of us is NO LONGER LIVING”

    1. Love says:

      No Judy. I know you’ve had a lot of traumatic experiences but ending narcs is not the solution. If you are using this forum to release your anger and pain, then good for you. I hope you do not have misdirected anger at Mr. Tudor. He hasn’t done anything to you. I wish you peace, happiness, and healing.

      1. Dawn, Judy, Love and HG Tudor- Dawn I don’t want for you to concede defeat. I wish I could talk to you and I do know how painful it is to be in this forum where the triggers are in HG Tudor’s every paragraph. The paragraphs that can certainly be interpreted as a NO Win for victims. A baron and lonely destination that in itself should not have been about the black and white of two soldiers of opposite armies fighting it out till the death, the win and loss like a simple game of chess or card game. I send you love and compassion, you did not deserve it and we know your agony. xox

        Judy, I understand your comment. I understand it well. I understand the projection onto HG. I understand your distaste of narcissists. I understand the dishonour and hearing through another’s words is the validation we must have at a cost. The further humiliation of it being almost boasted is why it comes so easily to project onto HG Tudor and those who practice this form of abuse. I understand the comments from the gunslingers and I understand why. I speak for myself in saying we are not the kind that could take a life, it does not gel with our kind and no one should be given no choice when a parasite is immovable or has no entomological insecticide to terminate it and it’s kind. I hear what you are saying, and validate your right to feel it and not contain it.

        Love, I hear what you say and each person visiting this forum was given the go ahead to express what they feel at the top of the site under the tabs. HG designed it this way and knew that it would cause controversy and has a clear understanding that each is at a different place in their knowledge base, wisdom and healing. He is a big boy and thrives off negative fuel in addition positive fuel and wherever the potency lays from his perspective. Who is HG is the question, he could be an injured empath for all we know as empaths that have been heavied by narcissists know the drill about illusions and could write as a narcissist because they know their gameplay backwards, outward and inward but for the exception of those still trying to add it all up stage.

        HG Tudor, as long as you can profit from others whilst telling your journey through our eyes and our journeys through your eyes, there is nothing illegal about it just as a trauma counsellor gains profit from clients that have suffered at the hands of narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths. What better way to gain an income from telling it how it is and using your writing to inform and educate. What we need to know but you may not allow anyone to know, being that you hold the power is if our stories have been given to others, without our consent and if we consent, to which body and where is our undertaking. Is there a disclaimer to this? More essentially, is there a boundary that you feel is being compromised by the voices that echo the hostility some of us may feel for your kind and can you make an educated decision to inform readers and commentators if you stand by your convictions that we may express ourselves without being disempowered toward you in the eyes of others? You are intelligent therefore are you able to work with what you are seeing happening here on your site or are you unable to detach from your habits where you may or may not relish being defended, protected and others leaving your site/s due to the triggering of triangulation and gain further awareness that some don’t feel like worshipping you as you represent the voice of their abusers?

  17. Dawn says:

    I’m gonna say goodbye HG xx

    I can’t keep myself glued on your blogs waiting for answers that deep down sadden me even more.
    I know what he is.
    I know how it’ll turn out too.
    I’ll lose, he’ll win.
    The hoover is never ever coming because I’m not even worth that in his eyes.
    He will triumph with his happy ever after.
    I will just endure a life of emptiness,
    I’m stopping myself reading any further literature on narcissism because I need my life back because it’s making me insane.
    I can’t give this anymore agonising thoughts.
    Thanks HG xx
    Bye xx

    1. Love says:

      Dawn, you may already be gone and not read this. I hope you stay. I am sorry for your pain. Know that a lot of people care on this forum and have tried to reach out and comfort you. Sometimes, when someone is so consumed by their pain, it doesn’t matter what anyone says, they will only hear and believe their own heartache as the truth. I know my words will fall on deaf ears, but you will heal. It may take some time but eventually you will rise again. I wish you the best on your journey.

    2. Dawn,
      Again you may not receive this, but I must tell you that you definitely do not want to think you lost. You are just so broken by what has happened that you are devestated. Your life will not remain empty. You will grow stronger with the logic HG has given you. Now that you have this understanding of what a narcissistic person is inside you will be able to make better choices of whom you are coupling with. I think you may need to work on your self esteem and realize that you are worth more than being treated as an object that is picked up and set down like a toy. He will try to hoover. I got hoovered many times over the last 29 years. For some they come after years of discard. Believe me the draw to engage him will trigger you. But If your self esteem is in tact and you are happy, you will remember HG’S voice echoing in your head telling you to use your head instead of your heart.
      All the best to you Dawn no matter what you choose.

      HG, you devil, that’s the master plan isn’t it? Having your voice echoing in the heads of millions!

      1. Indy says:

        Beautifully said, ABB.
        Indeed, he will be like a ear worm in all of our minds.

    3. Indy says:

      Do what you need and trust your inner wisdom for healing. Before you go, please know that the sisterhood here is full of support, should you need understanding ears. HG is intense to read when you are still raw from the abuse. However, if you need advice on how to approach future relationships and how to avoid being snared again, please know he is the real deal and can help if you need it when you are ready.

      I also want you to know something. At one time I too thought it was a winner-looser dynamic, with us being on the loosing team. Us having our hearts shattered and inrepairable. Time heals…those scars make you stronger. Ultimately, you win. You still have your integrity, your empathy, your morality, your dignity. And, ultimately, you do not need to abuse others to get fuel, he does. You still have your heart sweety.

      Hold strong. Never feel you cannot reach out. You are not alone. There is always someone here. If you feel a therapist would help and need help finding one, I would be more than happy to assist in helping you finding one…or give leads on how…they can be hard to find, the good ones that know about this. I only say this because I had a hard time finding one and they can help so much.
      My best to you,

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