Shouldn’t Have Done That

shouldnt-have-done-that

 

You caught the same train at 8-05 am every day from Monday to Friday. You always sat at a window seat nearest to the door with a seat beside you and a double seat opposite you. You never sat and read the paper. You did not hold a book. You kept your mobile ‘phone in your bag rather than prod and jab at it. You preferred to look at the passing scenery. You preferred to look at your fellow travellers. You told me that the opposite seat was free. You returned my smile.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello on the following day. You smiled again. You engaged in small talk with me and answered my seemingly innocuous questions. You accepted my compliment about your fragrance with modesty and thanks. You told me your name and I told you mine.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello again the day after and the one after that. You smiled at me first this time. You engaged in small talk again but it grew from small to medium as the train left the station. You told me where you worked and what you did. You told me where you used to work. You explained all about your hoped for transfer to another department. You told me about your colleagues and laughed at my remarks about them.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You turned in your seat looking for me as I entered the train. You smiled and the smile was wider. You waved me over and we engaged in conversation. The small talk had been left on the platform. You told me this, you told me that and you told me about the other. I absorbed it all. I told you how your outfit suited you and you told me where you got it from. You told me where you lived. You told me you lived alone.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You looked for me again as you did every day. You always kept a seat for me. Sometimes opposite you. Sometimes beside you. You always had plenty to talk to me about. You showed me your new ‘phone and I saw the Facebook logo. I also memorised your four-digit passcode as you tentatively typed it. You told me that you were going for drinks after work and you told me the bar.

You shouldn’t have done that.

I went to the bar but did not look for you. You came and found me instead. You invited me over. You invited me and my two lieutenants to join you and your colleagues. You introduced me to them and them to me. I made you laugh. I made them laugh. I bought you more drinks. You touched my arm and your touch lingered.

You shouldn’t have done that.

Your privacy settings are not as good as they should be. You placed so much of your life online. You accepted my friend request. You messaged me first that Thursday evening and I messaged back. You messaged again and again so I did so too. You told me about your plans. You told me about your family. You told me about your friends.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for coffee. You answered my questions. You gave me more and more information as our friendship grew. You gave me your telephone number. You told me about your ex. You told me about the one before him. You showed tears in your eyes.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for dinner. You laughed at my jokes. You told me your hopes. You told me your fears. You told me what you liked and I liked it too. You told me where you wanted to travel to and I wanted to travel there too. You looked in my eyes and you allowed me in.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You invited me to the party at your house. You greeted me with delight. You let me into your house. You showed me your books. You showed me your tastes. You showed me your friends and let me entertain them. You showed me my recruits. You poured me a drink and I poured one for you, then another and another. You kept coming to see me as I kept the group in the palm of my hand. You smiled and you laughed and you looked at me with something else, something more in your eyes. You kissed me.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You answered my calls. Each and every one. You talked with me for hours. You answered every one of my messages. You showed excitement. You showed delight. You showed enthusiasm. You accepted the flowers. You rang and thanked me. You accepted the jewellery. You rang squealing with pleasure. You accepted the invitations. You invited me over. You made me dinner. You insisted I stay. You took me to bed.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You thrilled at my notes. You soared at my voicemails. You revelled in my messages. You thanked me for my generosity. You clapped your hands in excitement when I showed you the tickets. You kept asking me to stay. You held on to me all night. You whispered in my ear and told me what you wanted, although I already knew.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You told me to leave a toothbrush. You insured me on your car. You gave me a key. You booked our first holiday together. You introduced me to your family. You introduced me to your boss. You introduced me to him, to her, to everyone. You believed everything I told you.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You gave me your heart and said keep it safe. You told me your plans for us. You told me you loved me though I said it first. You told me nothing like this had happened before.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You made this choice. You let me in. You ignored the red flags. You let my tendrils slide around you. You told me how I had captured your heart and made you a queen. I whispered softly in your ear as you slept in my arms,

“I always do that.”

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21 thoughts on “Shouldn’t Have Done That”

  1. OMG. Exact same thing. Once I called on his weirdness of going out with other girls even though he kept saying he liked me and missed (I had moved away)and he laughed and said – I always do that – you don’t know me.. he always kept saying that I didn’t know… noone knew him.. noone knew the REAL him!

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  2. I always think of this article when I’m on the train. I make sure to move to the window seat and put my phone in my purse… Just in case you get on board. So far, only elderly ladies with yarn and knitting needles have occupied the seat next to me. But one can dream….

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  3. I know Love! Lol…
    I make sure no one can sit next to me. If I knew it was you or HG that would be ok❤️
    That’s why I think people have an agenda because I know how this story ends. It all starts with a smile.
    I think about this story all the time.
    It’s brilliant HG

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    1. Aw Snow, you are the sweetest! It would be my pleasure to sit next to you! I will wear my violet wig so you recognize me. 😘

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  4. Although this appears like it is our doing, it takes two to tango and I cringe seeing any man asking inquiring questions toward women they have just met and watch how the boundaries are being bulldozed down. De Niro in Heat did it at the bar and I was like wanting to scream at the woman, “Stop giving it to him and reflecting on how easily and confidently some get away with this.” Many questions and dominating right there and then! Three to five questions in succession without the woman asking him anything just answering away is so naive but many of us know better now. Right there, is a redflag and follow up redflag when she asks something and nothing is given away and met with the short stick of a reply that may as well have not have been asked. We need to keep educating! Great post HG.

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  5. So very true!! This is one lesson ive learned well. Ive always been an open person and too trusting. Before the narc i was very naive. I didnt know there were people out there studying others to gain information to store and use. They do tho. One of the very things they look for are no or little boundaries. They love when we tell them everything because it can and will be used for and against you.
    They take what they learn to mirror back to you what you want to see. To access your character as potential supply and to find your weak points for later punishment and leverage. Its all very calculated and planned.
    Look for redflags and take things slowwww

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