Now, I Have You



We rely on ensnaring our victims. Whether it is a stranger who we pass each day and smile at, knowing that they will return the smile, whether it is a friend who relies on being associated with us and who enjoys the benefits of being seen with us or whether it is the intimate partner who is installed as our primary source, we need to ensure that our fuelling appliances are attached to us, connected and secured so that we can rely on the fuel being pumped our way. We have our ways of determining whether an appliance has become ours, no matter what source the appliance belongs to. These “shows” or “tells” are important to us for several reasons:-

  1. We know that the appliance has become attached to us and therefore the fuel will continue to flow;
  2. We are aware that our seduction of the appliance has worked. We seduce everybody that we target. There is the generally accepted definition of seduction that is applicable to the primary source, but our seduction also manifests against those who are secondary sources. When we seduce, we charm, win-over, beguile, attract and so forth and we do this to the friends, the colleagues and family members. Our seduction of a stranger may be as straight forward as smiling at them so they return the gesture, but it is a seduction nevertheless. Knowing that the seduction has succeeded is important.
  3. Once we know we have you, then we can adjust our approach appropriately. This may mean maintaining a certain level of behaviour and thus conserving energy, thus we do not expend energy too greatly trying to charm you further when we have already succeeded. It may mean knowing that since you have been seduced and you are attached, we can turn our attention elsewhere.
  4. We can broadcast the seduction to other people and know that we will not err in doing so. This broadcasting allows us to gain fuel both from those who admire our newly seduced appliance and those who are jealous of our latest conquest. Either way we receive fuel. Accordingly, the relationship bulletins can begin.
  5. It will be the trigger for the discard of the malfunctioning current primary source. Once we know that the prospective replacement has been seduced and attached we can commence the discard.

Not only do we look for these shows and tells in order to confirm to us that the seduction has been achieved, we use them as way markers to confirm to us that we are heading in the correct direction during the seduction and it will not be too long before we have you completely in our grasp. These indicators are important. If we do not see them, we know that we must apply more effort, more charm, more seductive power in order to reel you in. In some instances, if they remain absent we may form the view that the seduction is floundering and we may be better served turning our attentions elsewhere, so we are not denied fuel and we do not use up our energy on a wasted prospect. It is unusual for this to happen, but it can and therefore we need to see these indicators that confirm to us that you are falling under our spell, that you are being seduced and soon you will be attached to us.

In the context of seducing an intimate partner as a primary source these indicators are at their most prevalent and of course, by reason of that person being a prospective primary source, they are the most important ones to look for. Whilst it is material to see certain signs which tell us that we are acquiring a new and loyal inner circle friend, it is the indicators which signal to us that the prospective primary source is heeding our overtures which matter the most.

So, what are these indicators? There are many and the ones detailed below are not an exhaustive list but some of the more common ones. Some of these indicators do happen in ‘normal’ relationships, but they still should be heeded because they demonstrate that you are falling for us, that our charms are working and this will give us the comfort and information that we need to adjust our plans and machinations accordingly.

If you realise that you are doing these things now, then you are telegraphing to somebody that you are submitting to their seduction. If the seduction was once in the past, you may well recognise some of these things as matters which you did or said. Moreover, you will now know that if you wish to lay down a false scent, if you will, and deny us the indicators, these are the things you must avoid in order to encourage us in our seduction of you.

  1. Answering your ‘phone within one ring when we call you.
  2. Answering text messages in less than thirty seconds when we message you.
  3. Answering your ‘phone, whether call or message in the middle of the night.
  4. Cancelling plans with other people so that you can see us.
  5. Inconveniencing yourself to spend time with us, for instance, travelling across town just to spend 30 minutes with us in a lunch hour.
  6. Calling us and not having anything really to say to us.
  7. Asking to know what our movements are during the day.
  8. Going to something or doing something even though we know you do not like it really, just to please us and/or be with us;
  9. Dropping everything to come to us on the pretext of an emergency;
  10. Agreeing with us when we tell you that friends, family, colleagues etc are jealous of you and I and you do not try to make excuses for them, but instead you express dismay for their attitudes.
  11. Buying something so you have the similar item to us.
  12. Asking for an item of our clothing with our scent on so you can have us close to you.
  13. Allowing us to borrow something and not asking for it back even though we have kept it for longer than we said we would.
  14. Lending us money and not asking for it back.
  15. Preferring to stay in than go out with your friends in the hope that we will call you.
  16. Turning up unexpectedly at a place where we are.
  17. Making considerable changes in your appearance to impress us;
  18. Making changes to your home in order to impress us;
  19. Writing poems or love letters to us;
  20. Offering to do chores for us even though we do not live together;
  21. Wanting us to accompany you to events
  22. Telling us you miss us even though it has only been an afternoon that we have been apart.

Whilst it is a fact that these indicators also happen in ‘normal’ relationships, it is the fact that so many of them occur and that they do so with undue haste which sends us the signal that we want to see. Some would not happen in any relationship and with others it is the speed and aggregate effect of them which provides us with the indication that we wish to see. Be mindful of whether you are doing these things because if you are and you recognise the red flags of the way we behave towards you, you are in effect issuing a “come and get me I am yours” to us, with all the consequences that flow from that.

27 thoughts on “Now, I Have You

  1. Lake15 says:

    OMG HG,
    I did every single one of these because he trained me to. If I didn’t answer his calls or texts within seconds and would reply back I would get silence. His response would be “you had your chance” to talk to me. I would drop everything for him if he needed something. I would go to his house do his laundry, dishes, anything he needed. And he would always say “you have womanly duties here that need to be done”. “I almost have you trained after 4 years.”.
    I want to bang my head against a wall.

  2. Staci says:

    When he and I first met I was telling him about myself being bipolar and my diagnosis. He replied that he is bipolar blah blah blah with narsassistic rage. I have have been reading this blog now for a little longer then a month and am certain that my ex is a nasassist but why didn’t that word stand out at the beginning? I feel like an idiot. He truly made me feel like a retard, I questioned my intelligence so many times. As I still do not understand why it is so hard.

  3. jarwithaheavylid says:

    But I was unaware of the consequences. I didn’t know he was doing me a favour being in my company with his brilliance.


  4. BraveHeart says:

    This is a great reminder of the error of my ways. Thank you, HG!

  5. ava101 says:

    I want my own super-empath, HG, how do I find one? In the past I’ve always been found and seduced by your kind or someone with your traits.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ava101 I suppose I could lease you one of mine?

      1. ava101 says:

        HG, I would prefer a male one? Oh but you’re so generous! Or what are your terms?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Oh just a simple bonding to me for life, nothing complex.

      2. ava101 says:

        HG: oh, that sounds fair! Triangulation included.

      3. ava101 says:

        So I get 2in1. Wow.
        Would stay bonded for life willingly if completely anonymous.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The contract is being drawn up.

      4. ava101 says:

        The one I’m bound to and you’re not?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are learning.

  6. I’ve done most of these 😞

  7. Matilda says:

    Thank you for this reminder! I once was a fool like that, against my better judgement. I trust my gut now 🙂

  8. WP says:

    Send me an email, and I vow to not answer it for five [5] days.

  9. I feel so stupid, HG. I’ve done absolutely everything you mentioned. 🙁

    1. WP says:

      We all have, I think <3

  10. WideAwake says:

    I’m still uncertain what exactly I am dealing with. I’m trying to gauge where he is at. I knew something was not right and I did start to feel like I was spinning and going in circles and I have since learned that this is gas lighting. I’m thinking he is a narcissist/sociopath and that led me to researching manipulation which led me to narcissism and sociopath and then here, but it seems that labels get tossed around where they don’t belong often times and I can see through that, but he has shown an awful lot of the signs that you yourself brag about HG. It didn’t take me long to back off and that seems to have caused him a lot of fury. I still have not completely let go because he shows back up and always just when I’m moving forward

  11. Indy says:

    This meme remains nds ne of my theme song. HG, Thanks for making me a fighter!!!!

  12. Lizz sieling says:

    Another brilliant article hg!! You have helped all of your readers so much. Happy new year to you!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Lizz and a Happy New Year to you.

  13. Insatiable Learner says:

    Dear HG, are you ever concerned with losing an appliance after seduction and attachment are complete and you turn your attention elsewhere? Especially, if these are secondary sources, including IP and dirty secret?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, one ensures the embedding is such that any such risk is minimal, IL.

  14. Hope says:

    That man played me like a fiddle … 🙁

    1. Sometimes you get played so well, the only thing you can do is sit your ass down and enjoy it. Then when you know better, you adjust and dance to your own tune!

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

A Brief Period of Rejoicing

Next article