Bound

bound1

The moment you met me you signed a contract. You did not realise that you did this but you most certainly did. You did not see the contract and nobody mentioned it either but your interaction with me meant that you accepted my offer and you supported it with valid consideration and as a consequence a binding contract was entered into between you and I. How can you accept an offer that you did not know about? That does not matter because the applicable law to this contract is the law of my kingdom, not wherever you may be domiciled. Our offer was simple. We would give you a perfect love and in return for this perfect love you would provide us with perfect fuel. Straightforward isn’t it? I was even so kind as to explain to you how this perfect love would look and I gave you many examples didn’t I? Ah yes, I can see that it is all starting to make sense to you isn’t it? The charm, the seduction, the gifts, the love-making, the trips, the beautiful words, the moving letters, the little gestures and the promises of it lasting forever were all examples and manifestations of this perfect love. I kept my part of the bargain. I adored you and gave you this perfect love without restraint.

You began well and furnished me with that perfect fuel, high-grade and in vast quantities as you admired me as I impressed you with the repeated exhibitions of my perfect love but then you breached the contract. You failed to keep up the provision of the fuel. I must admit I was staggered when you did this. After all, you only had one obligation and it was not that difficult because you did it at first. It was not as if I asked something of you which you could not deliver. You began at the start to provide me with this perfect fuel but then you let it diminish. I even allowed you a chance to remedy your breach by giving you a further chance, I warned you as to your conduct but you failed to heed these fair and reasonable warnings. You have only yourself to blame but that is usually the case. Your breach meant that certain clauses were activated and it is no good complaining that they are unfair or that they are penalties because they are not. They are genuine pre-estimates of my loss based on your diminution and cessation of my fuel. Accordingly, I was able to invoke the clause allowing me to apply Punitive Manipulation and thereafter seek redress through the provision of negative fuel. It is no good bleating about how much trouble that caused you, you brought the problem on yourself and you have, as ever, only yourself to blame for this action. Was it an error of judgement on your part? If I was being charitable I would say that it was but most likely you did it because you thought, you could do what you wanted and escape this binding contract. Not only was I allowed, in accordance with the terms of this contract to apply Punitive Manipulation I was also fully entitled to invoke other provisions contained in the schedule. What do you mean you did not see a schedule? You did not need to did you because you said you would always give me what I needed, so why would I have to show you something when you evinced an intention to abide by the contract? Honestly, I think you take me for a fool at times. Thus I was able to rely on the clauses involving the following: –

  • Smear Campaign
  • Triangulation
  • Character Assassination
  • Circular Conversations
  • Boundary Recognition (Lack of)
  • Projection
  • Blame Shifting
  • Intimidation
  • Gas Lighting
  • Threatened Loss

I was divested of my obligations towards you and therefore I was able with immediate effect to bring about the cessation of Love Bombing. On the advice of my crack legal team it was also necessary for me to mitigate my position. I duly did so by engaging my Lieutenants, releasing my Crows and best of all I was allowed to seek fuel from alternative sources, both primary and supplementary with no fear of retribution from you. It is no use complaining, that is not going to resolve the situation. I suppose you really ought to have got a good lawyer on your side at the outset but then just like he has the best tunes, the devil has the best lawyers as well. See you in court.

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51 thoughts on “Bound”

  1. Lol this is great advice. Never deal with a master narc unless you know the game as well as he/she and are lawyered up, and know how to collect your evidence ahead of time, should the fairy tale blow up spectacularly. And even then, they are such master manipulators, they can probably spin anything you bring to the table to their own advantage. No wonder some of us empaths end up institutionalized. Lol Great article. 😀

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  2. Hg this is a vignette for want of a better term I wrote to another so called expert with no reply. Wonder what your thoughts are
    Richard, I’ve written posts on here before I may be full of myself and am somewhat aware that I’m a bit self absorbed. A vile quality but one I’m trying to change. And I’ve tried to prise some answers from you albeit for free and in retrospect these requests may have come across as a bit of a word salad and manic I believe I have cptsd and have been hospitalised from being emotionally abused the discharge sheet from the hospital. Said I had cluster b traits mainly bpd with narcissistic traits. Care eliciting tendencies, a pervasive sense of self entitlement and interpersonal difficulties in my relationships I’m wondering if I’ve been misdiagnosed the reason for this is that I’ve presented at the hospital with suicide threats claiming narcissistic abuse

    Call it cognitive dissonance but to this day I don’t know whether I was with a cluster b woman. I’ll try and break this down and not bore you with too much detail

    It started as an affair a married and pretty attractive woman who texted me furtively saying my soccer coaching prowess was great dropping suggestive hints as the conversation grew (I was her coach) I thought nothing of this at first .. A little flirty but nothing else as the days went on we started texting a bit more unbeknown to her husband. I didn’t feel guilt at this point because the conversations were fairly innocuous but then rapidly became more frequent and with my input it became more obvious that we were engaging in flippant sexual asides and having lengthy conversations for hours. She was giving me ridiculous compliments and then asking me too text explicit fantasies it became extremely addictive and obsessive (love bombing).

    The obvious happened and we started meeting each other I felt no guilt and was rapidly following in love (idiot).

    As soon as I started acting like a love smitten idiot her interest waned and then started taking interest in others (still with the husband) I ended it in a meeting on the beach stating that I didn’t want to be with someone who wanted to play the field. At no point did she admit any wrongdoing. So I was conflicted though I knew she was lying. She was howling in tears asking me not too hate her etc. I then did the unthinkable and took her back. Then it changed she started mocking me with the cruellest of put downs though the sex remained constant. Gas lighting ie denying the cruelty saying it was all in my head I then ended it again not replying to her texts. i went nuts and ended up in hospital. I wanted to know what the fuck was going on exercising due diligence playing detective etc. I lost my mind and was hospitalised. She would fuck me then taunt me grinning at my discomfort. I ended it again and she started texting me going into another girlfriends place of work begging her too get me back in contact. I wilted again it then became unimaginably torturous. Sweet then mean. She told her husband I was the sole lover he smashed my car up. She set her house on fire when the husband threatened too leave her. It was totally nuts. I was in a fog of hell. But I couldn’t let go. I wanted the girl I met in those first few weeks but only getting glimpses of it shed ring me up mockingly saying I was needy because I only felt any sort of sanity when she was with me I was emotionally dystegulated and she was the only one who could level me out as soon as I got calm she would start with the torture again. Anyway she moved on too the next soccer coach I was banished from the club I basically created on my own. I couldn’t believe what was happening it ended about a year later. I met her mum etc and would crash at theirs this sort of gave me some hope it would continue. But as mentioned above it ended. She would mock me on social settings giggle at me when I wasn’t looking then we would go home and fuck. What is this??? Can anyone help here ? Anyway three years on and more mental hospital visits later. I’m still fucked up. I’d email her for explanations but told to stop and threatened with harassment. The whole soccer community think I’m nuts while she’s some poor harassed woman. I did go overboard anyway everyday I feel she’ll of who I was and don’t feel I’m going to feel any differently

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  3. Hi H. G.
    Once again a very enlightening article. What I don’t understand, is why those of your kind get married or live with someone. Albeit yes, they need fuel but incapable of fidelity or the freedom to seek fuel at any time, why do they compromise their freedom with marriage or living together. Also, do the mid-range and Elite know that they are not in love or do they really believe the illusion, per your books, that this is “the one that will save their life” they finally found the “one” they love and cherish.

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    1. Marriage binds the victim and is important for the facade.
      Mid-Range believe they are in love.
      As for the Elite, that is a cadre and their belief is predicated on their school of narcissism not the cadre.

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  4. Its amazing how it is such a defense. The Narc knew I found out about one of his secrets (and many of his others). And he knew he was a total loser. And he knew he is a fraud. So he pulled all those tactics of going on the offense than defense. The first time he pulled the “You are a letdown” I was blown away. Not just for the audacity to say it, but because he is 100% a let down and the fact that he actually thought and believed he was better than me boggles my mind to today. But he believes it so deeply, I guess it doesn’t matter that all it is is a HUGE smokescreen or so patently false and unreal. As long as it was his operating belief, the only thing left was to get far away.

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  5. HG
    Speaking of bound….
    What is your idea of a vacation? Do you travel to other countries (other than work) just for the experience and to have a break? Or are you bound to your machine-like routine?

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    1. I often combine my professional travel with some sightseeing etc. I also have holidays without any professional element to them. Of course, fuel is gathered in either instance.

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  6. One of HG’s best stories. Perfect encapsulation of a female that I could not understand until I realized she had destroyed me.

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  7. He actually physically drew up a contract that said I had to commit to him to him to leave his family. Charade or trap? He wins in both.

    I didn’t sign it, of course. I didn’t want him to leave and I thank my lucky stars every day.

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    1. So nice to met you Ian, I see you are closed minded and judgemental, hang around this may change then again …….

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  8. IAN and EVERYONE ELSE

    To not allow Ian his thoughts and opinions is in itself close-minded and judgemental. No one has to adopt them. I am always interested in WHY someone feels or thinks in the way that they do over the fact that they do (which is entirely their right). I have learned many things that way. Being defensive alone has never changed anyones mind or opinion, but inviting discussion and offering an alternative view sometimes can. Having said that…..Ian, do you care to share why you feel that way?

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    1. Narc angel,
      I feel all sorts at any given time hg has given me a little buzz with his presentations, sometimes I feel sick to my stomach listening to his smug voice other times I feel heartened that I now realise I was used and abused and basically threw my trust and life to a viper with no moral compass. I’d wake at night with her staring at me with dupers delight at my discomfort. I equally cherished my victim mode because it was need to sustain this dead with a succubus with a body to die for. My days were swallowed up with her in my mind always as the abuse got so bad I didn’t know shit from pastry. My mentally ill daughter got in bed with us because she was frightened. Evil tried to get a sexual thing happening.

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  9. Think hg left two silly innocuous comments hmm I wrote a long winded tale which didn’t get to the rest of you. I’ve been at this for five years now and every day is hell with smatterings of light.

    Sufferers of npd abuse,to me, in the aftermath are basically wrecks and struggle to put a few sentences together. I have been in hospital a few times as a result and still have periods of utter disdain.
    The problem for me is that there are gurus emerging everywhere aka San vaknin Melanie Tonia Evans Richard Grannon and your current host

    This cult like phenomenon is turning people into sycophantic whiners grabbing hold of anyone with an inkling of what cluster b is about. Especially females

    Are the people who made you suffer really narcissists ? I think you have to be hones here and if you are truly convinced then you have my sympathy

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    1. Ian, I was with you until you said evil tried to get a sexual thing happening. The evil you speak of was your partner and the sexual act was with her?

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      1. Yeah my daughter was manic at the time and scared. My ex tried to get something happening. I have no fucking idea what was going through her head but it was totally inappropriate.

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    2. “Are the people who made you suffer really narcissists ?”
      (…)
      What do you think how I came to learn about the existence of malign narcissism / narcissistic psychopaths?
      I think people can judge well what kind of behavior they were dealing with. And also get whole sentences together.
      I also value the work of Sam Vaknin because it’s helpful.

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  10. Okay you are providing fuel for hg he is languishing in ecstasy at your tales of woe and pity even I’m drooling at some of it

    There are different sub classes of cluster b
    I’m supposed to be bod/npd. Thomas Sheridan argues there are only psychopaths
    Because of the many grey area of explanation it sounds like no one really knows
    Therapists I’ve talked to over here in Australia have never heard of gaslighting
    It’s a dangerous situation, trying to explain these things to counsellors leaves one looking unhinged and obsessive

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    1. Ian thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry about your daughter and I am happy to hear that you were there to prevent any trauma to her. You called your partner a succubus. Interesting title. I wonder if she was severely sexually abused as a child. The male and female narcs I’ve known were never too sexual. She may have comorbidities.

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      1. Love,
        Ex partner we were more like toxic companions and drawing from the hg explanation on sub classes of narcs she’d be somewhere btw mid range and greater

        Had me on a merry dance that’s no mean feat, sexually abused yeah maybe, very hard to extract information from. She would evilly smile at my efforts to do so.

        I’ve never met anyone like her ever…..
        She’d mourn the loss of her husband , but it was more of the fairy tale thing she missed than the reality of it
        They had a twenty year thing going until I surfaced and I’d wager many others

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  11. Is this a Hoover ?

    From:
    To:
    Subject: RE: A
    Date: Sun, 18 Nov 2012 09:38:01 +1100

    Hi rachael
    The story is harrowing and a reminder to me how low someone can go when they are blinded by obsessional love which is probably oxymoronic itself. Im not a heartless prick but an abstention of contact to you was necessary for me as i found our exchanges were becoming caustic and seethingly sarcastic like 2 spoilt narcissists going for it no quarter given dont send me any more emails explaining your credibility and how i can seek proof they are embarrassing and unneccessary if there is anything off putting about our whole thing it was the cruel texting when i was sick i knew your love fotr me was gone and i kept myself in denial i felt like a frog trapped in a toilet bowl. I couldnt fathom why you wanted me to suffer so much otber than wanting me out of your life you felt it inecessary to be cruel you should have jusr said that you didnt want it anymore instead of dangling me on a string i lovEd you so much i threw myself respect out of the window anfd ignored your guffaws over the phone. That shit is fucking hurtful and paid dividends if making me sick was your intention. Was it payback? Or was it you telling me that im some sort of a joke? Where you polishing someones ego? When youre in a light hearted state this kind of torture can be deflected but you meant to maim What because your from some shitty suburnb in newcastle it gives you some superiority. You make designs for wallaby bars and all of a sudden ypure lady muck with elitist airs and graces. Youre a 42 year old chronic diabetic who saps personality from others you dont give yourself over having sex isnt giving yourself over its a base act. You havre so much more to offer. Youre bright as fuck with a wicked sense of humour which borders on the criminal i never know when you are joking. You almost mirror me in a lot of ways ypu see through people uncannily but i think you are wrong about me i feel like myself again a bit flat I feel utterly disliked by you atm and have done for 4 months its affected me. And i wonder if its the extraordinary circumstances or whether that you would end up dislliking me anyway i have disliked myself and my torrent of emotions unchecked and overpowering i havent had a calm day in 4 months apart from the last 3 days im not lumping any of this on to you. Though i will hold you responsible for wanting me hurt obviously for telling funny thing is you would have been berter going the other way it was my pained nuttiness that compelled me to tell. And liking your fb pic was a mistake i looked at your pic on my phone you looked sad so i expanded the picture and hit the like button and went ” oh fucking no” then you texted me with ” ive been talking to muy girlfriends lately rtc”.

    Looking back i wish it all had been private anfd i blame myself and feel a terrible void withoit you but now i feel we just want to punish one another. I could live with thart if the cuddles and sex diluted the agony and i could kiss thart beautiful face of yours. Im also a culprit of sending mixed messages loke you. We are alike in a lot of ways regardless of upbringing. Both cruel and soft dont let go easily spoilt brats

    I hurt like hell you will be pleased to know because you mean something to me

    From: I
    To: R
    Subject: FW: A
    Date: Sun, 18 Nov 2012 03:32:09 +1100

    From: s
    To: i
    Subject: Ag
    Date: Sat, 17 Nov 2012 09:46:49 +1100

    Here’s a story I wrote inspired by you Poet. Your talent. I can see how your stories are inspired by life, by taking a small moment and making it extreme then you can use that as a vignette. Who knows if you’ll read it or even get it. Keith is not really you, and Agnes is not really right about Keith, we all think like Agnes we know things we really don’t, and anyway I wrote this a while ago. I think you’ll be fine, are fine, strong, better and that’s good. I think you are probably at the stage where things are not hurtding any more. I’m not someone who will walk away like you seem to be able to you heartless prick, but I can’t force you to communicate. I guess I’m going to run out of steam soon anyway to your relief.

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      1. Why. Elaborate please hg if you have the inclination. Do you go to all ends to protect your own kind.? Or can you extrapolate why this is a Hoover break it down. I may be able o offer something in return pro quid pro

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  12. Ian,
    I hope all is well with your daughter. The affects of sexual abuse or any abuse can lead to the onset of various personality disorders. Sometimes counseling at an earlier age could give her a chance to work through her feelings.
    Best of luck and continued healing for self as well.

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    1. She was unaware thank god but thanks. I’ve looked at of the rules of the blog,seems I’ve contravened quite a few that won’t happen again

      Problem with me is that I’m a malignant optimist and it’s got me into trouble I’ve also done the checklist thingy seems that I have npd myself but it’s borderline malignant though I have what I think is cold empathy. I really still am in love with an image of what might have been when really it was as perilous a situation as one could imagine. Of the four billion women on the planet she is there Omnipresent and ghosting me until the day I die

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  13. The stopping of giving fluel is the reason for nastiness ?
    Where was that rule ever in the contract?
    A contract in order to be signed has to be understood and accepted.
    If not, then you cannot say that it has been breached.
    Make sure that the contract its out on the table and well explained, then if it is signed but breached, then the fury may be unleashed.

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    1. The reduction in the potency, quantity and frequency of the positive fuel is a trigger for devaluation.

      It is our rule.

      The terms of the contract are according to the Narcissistic Laws, not yours.

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  14. But wouldn’t you gloat, that in order for the contract to be indestructible, let your victims to fully embrace it by knowing? Otherwise defeat its unavoidable.
    Why wanting to lord over victims who breech the contract when they do not even know there is one?
    Why not go for the ones that want to play your game fully knowing.
    Is it because your playing on ignorance is what you believe and chose for the provision of your needs? Or rather a fear that the fully aware person will not comply?
    Why don’ t you try?
    I, for example, I would understand and love you even more for it.
    Only once the contract it is sign in knowledge, then that ‘ signature’ belongs to you.
    Therefore all your ‘possessions’ are not what you think they are.
    Nothing can be yours in that way.
    Never.
    Therefore you do not control anything, all will wither and die and fall away.

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  15. “This cult like phenomenon is turning people into sycophantic whiners grabbing hold of anyone with an inkling of what cluster b is about. Especially females”

    “Are the people who made you suffer really narcissists ? I think you have to be hones here and if you are truly convinced then you have my sympathy”

    Ian, you put yourself in the ‘victim’ camp, then project anger at other victims. You’ve clearly been looking for answers too, yet seem annoyed that you can’t untangle your own emotional mess after five years, despite having found ”so called experts” which I presume you feel are not helping you. I’m confused by this. I’ve been here little more than 5 minutes and have been through some painful realisations, about more than one of the relationships in my life *and*, more importantly about *myself* (and yes, I am absolutely convinced that what has happened to me, and the state I was in was as a result of narcissistic abuse). I now feel able to apply a different logic to it, and it helps me. It was never about me, therefore I refuse to allow it to destroy me forever. That’s not to say I’m not ‘damaged’ ( or should I say *even more* damaged)…. far from it I will never be the same again, and I certainly wish it hadn’t happened, but it did, and this time through reading this bog, I have learned from it! I am down, but not out!

    I hope you can find the key to unlocking your own path to peace, and can move forward soon.

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      1. Penny also, if it was narc abuse. Surely the ambivalence of it all puts one in the idk what happened category ” was it me ? Where do I put my responsibility for myself in this story? Maybe abuse was needed ? She just highlighted my weaknesses and I should thank her for it
        I must be punished here. Conversely, anger ensues and the logical part of the brain is telling you, you where used and abused and those weaknesses you had were sought out by the narc and then utilised to manipulate you,
        These two conflicting explanations create a paradigm of confusion which to me is true npd abuse. You flit from one belief system to another sometimes in minutes hours and days

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  16. Been through (still going through) all of those emotions too. From what I gather that’s bound to happen after narcissistic abuse. I choose not to think of the exploitation of certain traits of mine as ‘weaknesses’ …. on the contrary…. I think I’m very strong! (have to be to have put up with this shit for so long). I think I am a good person, who has been treated badly, and won’t fall into that trap again.

    I will never fully get my head around the *how can they be like that and do these things??* side of things, but I feel I am getting to grips with understanding that they operate according to a different perspective/reality. A wolf cares little for the opinions of sheep! *our rules don’t apply* and until that penny drops,you’ll be stuck.

    I’m not sure how many of the articles you’ve read on this blog, but I would recommend you stick around a while and keep reading. You may stumble upon articles that suddenly ‘click’ with your situation, and you may be able to untangle some stuff. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It’s not fair that she still has this much control over your life after so long, she won’t feel remorse/pity/sympathy for that…. it’s *YOU* that’s got to let it go.

    Some articles that immediately spring to mind that may have some relevance are ”the post discard battle” parts 1, 2 and 3. give it a try…. i really hope they help.

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    1. Also sorry that your still entangled . You sound like a sweepea who deserves better and have the wherewithal to get through this a bit quicker than most… keep battling

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  17. Penny,
    I have read and realise what’s happened, I’ve been waiting for a eureka moment but I now realise that’s not going to happen

    I find now that things aren’t as intensely bad as they where and I feel healing happening. Yes this been prolonged by the notion there may have been a modicum of care her end, but there wasn’t , sex to me was always a barometer of where a relationship stood….the frequency and quality this remained constant, even though the emotional abuse got worse.

    I believe I have complicated grief, those five years I speak about three of them were post break up. Three years is way too long to be obsessing over someone I put it down to grieving a fantasy vs a real person bouncing back between the two ad nauseum.

    Seroquel, benzodiazapam and other drugs have got me through stages of sucidal ideation. I opened myself fully in hope of change to a nasty individual who would put me in a state of childlike sleep paralysis and sexeually assault me. The abuse was gross and extreme. So I put my lengthy dyad to this person down to a horrific trauma bond filled with ambivalence, there were times of loving intimacy and times of abject horror

    Hard one, a therapist told me to treat it as a one off and maybe my bpd has stymied my healing due to the inability to self soothe. Also a bit of phone hacking going on which drove me crazy … I’m getting better I can feel it But I feel it could have been fastracked but it is what it is

    My reactions to what happened to me where highly embarrassing and there is enough there for her to draw on to defend herself from any onslaught of her character. I felt my dignity was completely compromised and obliterated
    If there were courts or a justice system that

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  18. Were constructed with morality and not black and white actions a beheading would be called for and I’d be chomping into a pie as the axe fell on her gloriously pretty head

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    1. Hm. Ian, I know you are in pain. Your words are very strong. A bit disturbing. It is good that you can express yourself freely. I will say though, holding anger inside just burns a hole through you. One of the commentators on this blog is a counselor who specializes in BPD. Indy is her name. I hope you chat with her.

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      1. Hi Love and Ian,
        Thanks Love for the shout out.
        Hi Ian, welcome aboard! I’m here on this blog as I go through my own healing as I have experienced narcicistic abuse and trauma personally. Love is correct that I am a trained counselor in DBT and have worked extensively with those with BPD though I do not practice here on the blog. I’m here to learn from everyone, particularly from HG, share, and grow as well as offer support for my peers here. I hope you find support here and in your treatment team. This place has been invaluable in my personal understanding of NPD abuse, it’s effects and how to move on. I have danced with the devil many a time and part of the journey is indeed to look at what aspects of myself were drawn to toxic dynamics and how to work on my own issues. I’m stronger for my past experiences and greatful that I survived. I too was gaslit, manipulated and lie to as well as stalked and “hoovered” after I escaped and went “no contact”. The first 30 days were rough, as I was addicted to the dynamic and had obsessive thinking about my ex and anxiety that could only be compared to a true withdrawal. With time and use of various techniques HG recommends, I became less anxious and began my true healing. This journey is not for the faint hearted and I commend you for seeking and getting help. It takes courage.

        Indy

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  19. “Penny also, if it was narc abuse. Surely the ambivalence of it all puts one in the idk what happened category ” was it me ?”

    -reckon all the ‘victims’ have been through that stage…. i think *no, it wasn’t me*, it was the manipulating narc!

    “Where do I put my responsibility for myself in this story?”

    -You didn’t tell them to go f*ck themselves soon enough! (brutal truth…. they rely on us sticking around…. we shouldn’t have stuck around!…. we didn’t ‘fix’ the relationship by accepting the blame or trying harder, we just extended the whole painful rigmarole!)
    This is not meant to sound flippant, because i know it’s not always easy to leave…. this is from one who invested lots of money and time here, and am now about have to walk away and move into a relative’s spare room for a while! doesn’t alter the fact that the years I’ve spent building my life here then trying to cling to it were ultimately a waste of time.

    “Maybe abuse was needed ? She just highlighted my weaknesses and I should thank her for it. I must be punished here.”

    -wow, her blame shifting worked a treat on you eh? 😉
    just maybe you didn’t ”deserve” it at all, and it was a combination of bad luck and bad judgement (cos us empaths gloss over the warning signs, and try and try, despite gut feelings that something is off). you can’t do anything about the ‘luck’ aspect, but you can accept your part in the arrangement and try and affect the judgements you make in future so you don’t end up treading that same path again.

    So your narc trashed your life, (ditto!) but it doesn’t have to be that they ruined your *whole* life…. you could eventually move on, better informed. Don’t necessarily forgive them, remember the lessons learned from them, just forget *them*! 😉 that’s what I’m hoping to do anyway.

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  20. My previous replies have been posted slightly out of sync, so it could read a bit like I’m lecturing you. Sorry if it comes across that way.

    Your situation sounds utterly dreadful for you Ian. Hope you find your eureka moments (I don’t think there’s one magical moment that suddenly makes everything make sense and/or go away btw,, as you say, it’s complicated).

    The more I read about narcissistic abuse, the more I notice that the details of people’s experiences may vary, but there’s definite patterns that emerge, and that the resultant aftermath is always similar in the way it leaves their victims feeling, and completely incapable of rational thought. It’s kinda ‘predictable’. I’ve considered seeking medical attention…. many times I feel I can’t cope with the turmoil of emotions, it’s just too much to bear, but somewhere deep inside of me I am clinging on to ‘myself’. I’d like to say I won’t waste another tear on him. If I’m honest with myself that’s not strictly true but I think my tears are mostly for myself now, and at some point I hope they stop altogether and he will become completely irrelevant to me. I wish the same for everyone struggling with this. Right, that’s enough of my sob story…. All the best with your continued healing! keep getting better!

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  21. Cant argue with any of that. I was merely explaining what my state of mind was at the time. The knew what was going on and couldn’t change any of it.

    I enabled my misery, but I was in disbelief at the relentlessness of the narc. I did tell her to fuck off but it was my curiosity that got her back. Like mr Tudor has explained I was in the beginning a good source of supply but as I crumbled that supply became unsatisfying for her, I know this now and didn’t then. It was only my research in the latter stages that brought the whole narcissist thing to the fore

    So, you can imagine watching the little guy, the cartoon James and his simplistic explanations of npd/bpd contrasted with the cerebral and brutal Sam vaknin over to the discerning and kind ms tonia evans and the bubbly spartanlifecoach and finally hg tudour who seems to be the pick of the bunch why? Because he tells it as it is

    Bring this new found knowledge to mainstream psychology and you turn into an errant educator crying out for recognition. And if you see enough counsellors you’ll find elements of narcissism. You can tell by the feelings of schadenfreude etched in their faces

    There is no catharsis, just knowledge and nowhere to channel it. Family just humour you “have you run into any narcs today”. Though they soon hear the sound of one hand clapping when you bring up gaslighting because they’ve experienced it

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