I Want to Be Adored

adored

 

The only time that I have felt safe when I was young was when I felt powerful. There were two ways that I was able to achieve this. Adoration or fear. By causing someone to adore me, I felt powerful, I felt myself swelling inside, a warmth sweeping across me, a sensation of unlimited potential. I have realised now that this gave me a sense of feeling omnipotent, invulnerable and capable of doing anything. Indeed, the achievements that I accomplished, through academia, sport, hobbies supported this sensation that so long as I felt powerful I could do anything that I wanted but most of all nobody would hurt me. Of the two catalysts for this, people adoring me or people fearing me, it was adoration which arose first. When I am forced to think back to my childhood (since it is not something that I voluntarily do) I remember that those isolated and they were isolated, those isolated moments of adoration shielded me from everything else that went on.

When I was praised, complimented, lauded and applauded I felt this sensation of power surge inside of me and this overcame the wariness and nervousness that otherwise governed my day to day existence. You see, I learned that it was wiser to remain in the shadows. Out of sight meant out of range and therefore the caustic criticisms and cutting chastisement could be avoided, but only for so long. I cannot recall the first time that I felt the power which rose from praise but I do remember on one occasion I had finished first in the class in respect of English. I did not know what my position would be and I passed the sealed envelope to my mother who loomed over me as she always did. I waited for the irritated sigh, the articulation of disappointment or even the stinging slap of annoyance but none of these familiar mechanisms visited me this day.

“Excellent work.”

Had I misheard? No, I had been told that what I had achieved was excellent and I felt the warm surge which I would later come to know as the power. I tried to reach out, emboldened I suppose by this feeling of safety, to hug my mother but she sidestepped my attempt and moved away. For once though I did not feel that crushing sensation whenever she did such a thing to rebuff me, I felt good, I felt safe and it was because she had praised me. It was only much later that I began to understand the connection between being praised and adored made me feel so much better inside. I was always pushed, driven, instructed and commanded to excel and I knew that the achievement of excellence would surely draw more of this delicious praise that I craved so, so much. Little did I realise how elusive this place of safety caused by adoration would prove to be.

The following year, my first at secondary school and I received a mid-year report, around the end of November. With the change of school came the change of practice, for we were allowed to see our list of placings follow the mid-year examinations and besides the placing was the percentage score achieved, the grade and comments thereafter. I recently located all of my reports and sought out the very first one from my secondary school as I needed to check that my memory had not rusted given the passage of time. It had not. There amongst the results was the one for English Language. I was placed first, the percentage achieved was 76%, the grade was B+ and the comments are best described as cautious encouragement. I was first again. Top of the class. I felt the anticipatory surge of the praise that was sure to come once this report was passed to my mother.

Later that day I handed the report to her. My results were very good, I realised that, but it did not matter. I wanted, I needed her to tell me and make me feel good.

“I came top in English again,” I commented drawing attention to one of many highlights. There was no response as my mother took the folded sheet, opened it and examined the paper for evidence to support my assertion. I waited for the praise to come, relishing the warmth that would rise inside of me.

“Edward!” exploded my mother calling my father’s name. My father dutifully entered the living room from the adjoining study.

“Yes dear?” he asked.

“He came top with seventy-six per cent, just seventy-six per cent. That was enough to top the class. Have you placed him in a class of idiots? This is not good enough.”

My father began one of his protestations as he sought to mollify my mother. I do not recall what he said or what she said by way of response as their voices became background noise as I felt the anxiety and fear sweep over me. I was not good enough. I came top just like last time but it was not good enough. I turned and ran upstairs, the shame burning through me. There was no power. I felt unsafe, exposed and vulnerable. On the landing I passed my sister, Rachael, who had no doubt emerged as a consequence of my mother’s screeching and my father’s bumbling replies, ready to try to pacify the eruption as she always sought to do.

“What is it HG?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I snapped at her. I didn’t want her mocking me as well.

“Is it your exam results?” she asked. I nodded.

“Did you come top again?”

I nodded.

“Wow, that’s great, you are so clever HG,” she smiled and hugged me. I did not respond. I felt stiff and awkward but her comment caused the shame to lessen and a slight surge. It was not the same though. I broke away and headed to my room to curl up on my bed and hope that the still lingering shame would leave me alone.

I so desperately wanted that sense of power again and it had been denied to me. I felt useless. I knew however that there was only one thing to do. Work harder. Apply myself. Try harder and then she would give me the praise that I wanted and needed and that was rightfully mine.

I am beginning to understand that the seeds of my need to be adored were sown through instances like this. Adoration created power which created safety. Adoration created power which created the ability to do more, achieve more and gain even further adoration. Hers was always the adoration I wanted the most for with it I felt more powerful but I also found that any form of compliment, praise or adoration achieved a similar outcome. I knew that in order to be the powerful figure I knew that I actually was, all I had to do was ensure that I was adored. Achievement and accomplishment were the routes to gaining this adoration but then I realised that whilst I was successful, it was actually the image of success that mattered. Who were people to know that I didn’t actually hold the school record for swimming 100m when I recounted such an achievement years later? They did not know but the looks of admiration came nevertheless. All I had to do was show that whatever boast I made was vaguely credible. My physique being athletic meant that nearly all sporting achievements could be passed off as my own and I began to supplement those that I had with the bogus ones. The results were just the same if not better. Thus it became easy to tell lies. I did not stop securing achievements, I still had to be the best in my chosen fields, but I began to tell more and more lies to achieve the looks of admiration and adoration. I realised that it served my purposes to acquaint myself with other successful people because firstly, I belonged to such a group and secondly, I could listen to their achievements and then go and use them as my own. I could build up my suit of armour with a combination of my accomplishments and those stolen from those I interacted with. All that mattered was that I gained the praise, I received the admiration and the adoration. This desire infected all of my relationships and as time went on, I wanted and needed this from the man I passed in the street as I walked to the convenience store. I wanted and needed it from colleagues, friends, strangers in particular from those that I coupled with in the form of an intimate relationship. This was what mattered. I had to be adored because once I was I felt powerful, I was the person that I was meant to be. I ruled. I conquered. I felt safe. Nobody could hurt me when I felt this way. This is why I want you to adore me, each and every day, to praise the way I make a cup of tea for you, to compliment the way I dress, to admire the money that I make, to laud how popular I am, to adore the way I lead you by the hand into the bedroom.

She taught me that to survive I had to be praised. If this did not happen I felt weak, crushed and useless and such a sensation would arise from any and all criticisms that I perceived in respect of people’s treatment of me. The fact that praise was not forthcoming meant that this must inherently be a criticism and this wounds me, makes me feel small and pathetic and I am not those things, but you make me feel like that and that is why I lash at you. That is why I blame you because you do make me feel like that when you have it in your gift to adore me and make everything better for me.

Isn’t that what she was meant to do? Make everything better. I need to you to that now. I want to be adored.

120 thoughts on “I Want to Be Adored

  1. 🥀🌹🌺 says:

    I just wish I knew when this particular Mr. Tudor will be back…if it’s every Sunday, or once a month, or what. I’d much rather only come to this blog to ask my questions when it is this Mr. Tudor who is in office, and not the other one.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is only one HG.

      1. 💜💜💜 says:

        Oh

      2. Flickatina says:

        Which is more than can be said for some others on here….

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed.

          1. 💜💜 says:

            Indeed.

          2. 🌬 says:

            Indeed. Indeed Indeed Indeed

        2. 💜💜 says:

          Indeed.

        3. 🌬 says:

          If you were running from Narcs, and were afraid, you’d understand, Fluck a Tina.

  2. Maria says:

    butterfly
    reg: a different HG :
    maybe he got entangled with a Narcissistic woman and tasted his own poison ?😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    1. 💜💜💜 says:

      Perhaps, but I’d venture to say it is simply that he does not like me, personally. I can live with that.

      1. 💜💜💜 says:

        Perhaps I am doing something right, and healthy, if a Sociopath does not like me 😀 Maybe I am learning to “seize the power”!

      2. Scout says:

        Purple hearts – you should take that as a compliment. 🙂

        1. 🥀🌹🌺 says:

          😮Thank you, Scout! I will! They use to really like me a LOT, but I got stronger. I read Mr. Tudor’s book on Co-dependents. 🤗

  3. 🦋 says:

    Maybe he died.

    1. Scout says:

      Maybe this IS the real HG? But, we will never know, will we? It’s all a facade, a sham to hide his true self. But perhaps he doesn’t even know who is true self is?

      1. 💜💜💜 says:

        Scout, this is a very wise comment on your part. No one knows who he really is, and maybe he does not know, either…(like you said). But, I’ve seen the changes in him from one extreme to the other. I’ve seen it on the blog, through his writing style to the words he writes, and down to the things he will leave out, at times. I’ve seen him joke around, even give compliments, and then I’ve seen him ignore, and also be very short and curt. He seems moody. It’s nothing personal. It just takes me by surprise.

      2. Sunshine says:

        Why do either of you care? Take a step back. Come here to this blog for you – your own learning, your own enjoyment and entertainment. The moment you wonder too much about HG, you’re getting in too deep.

        Take the narcissism / narcopath learning aspect seriously and / or have a little fun and games with the other commentators and HG, but nothing else.

        We’re fantastic for him because we provide a little fuel, and a bit of income from his books and site advertising, he’s also got copyright over all of our comments – so he can use them any way he sees fit, and we’re also fuel against his latest squeeze, because this blog, his books, they are his secret. He has a secret his woman, his women, his friends, his family doesn’t know.

        Don’t get me wrong, I get something out of the articles (thank you HG) and I really enjoy the banter on here (some people on here who are awesome), but please don’t worry too much about who the real HG is.

        I apologise in advance if I sound a bit pedantic, or whatever, I genuinely am not. I care.

        One day, HG may reveal himself. He may step into the spotlight, once he himself has made it bright enough, and revel in the glory. But for now, he likes it this way. He likes the mystery and the intrigue. It’s power.

      3. Love says:

        Great points Sunshine 🌞
        My comments are currently in the Tudor slammer. 😞
        Free my comments! ✊

        1. Entertainment says:

          Your comment is awaiting moderation, like most of ours. This is not your week to monopolize, please be patient or pay the 30.00 for one on one consultation.

      4. Love says:

        Thank you Entertainment lol. My comments were not in need of answers. They were addressed to others. Not Mr. Tudor. I am not monopolizing your time. You are welcome to pay for whatever assistance you need.

  4. 🦋 says:

    Two very, very different Tudor’s.

  5. 🦋 says:

    The other H.G. Tudor of many, many months ago was very cool. This one is not so fun, and he is meaner…much meaner. This new one is not so adorable at all- not like the one before him. Did he get fired?

  6. 🦋 says:

    I miss the other H.G. Tudor who used to be on here 🌺

  7. Maria says:

    my belief is this: if someone adore another human withouth first adoring God in their innermost being.. then that adoration its nullified ..
    in order to truly adore, one must learn the adoration’s priority rules.
    Therefore HG, women who adore you withouth the knowledge of it.. are not really adoring you.. because they do not experience the AAoA : Adoration Almanac of Adoring.
    Why would you want a fake adoration ?
    . 😋

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It isn’t fake.

      1. Maria says:

        i think it is.
        for the reasons i’ ve said.
        Did you get my point even if you do not agree?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I did understand your point.

  8. He’s. Lying. Again. (Ding Dong). He’s. a. SOCIOPATH. It’s nothing personal, H.G… I’m just trying to say that one can never, ever, ever, NEVER believe a Sociopath. You even said so in a back, previous post, “You always fall for it”… all the sob stories, and everything… Not only are you a Sociopath, but you are a writer, too. Everything you say is probably a lie. Even when you say you will not “lie in this arena”, that is probably a lie, too. After all, who is it speaking the words, “I not lie in this arena”? A Sociopath. That’s who.

    You are teaching us about the thinking and reasoning behind Sociopaths, and Narcissists. Yet, because the words are coming from you, a professed Sociopath, we seem to be unwilling to connect these very same evil actions (in which you keep speaking of over and over), to you, ‘the one who is teaching us these things’, a Sociopath, himself…because you, yourself, are speaking the one speaking them.

    There is a sort of “circular paradox” of some kind whirling around this entire blog site of Knowing The Narcissist… it is a shared group cognitive dissonance going on here.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I understand your rationale however the fact that so much of what I detail here resonates with individuals own experiences clearly supports the fact that I detail the truth here. Indeed, the various admissions I have made further support this to be the case, admissions which I would never concede elsewhere. I can do so here because I do not know anybody on this blog.

      1. Rhyme Time Poetry says:

        You are a Sociopath; a Sociopath cannot be untrue to his/her very nature. Sociopaths lie. Even you, yourself, have taught us this. Shall I believe that what you say here, in this comment, is a lie, or should I believe that it is your details in your posts about your childhood years, that are the lie? Your posts say Narcissists lie, and your comment, here, says you are not lying. Which is the lie?

    2. Susan says:

      I think most people who read and participate with this web site/blog have questioned whether or not HG is who he says he is, whether or not His story is true etc. If it’s not true, it is an extremely creative way to run a business. His writing is very creative as well. I love reading his articles and look forward to what is coming. So if it purely just that, no truth, I would say that it is great entertainment. But, I can say personally that I have found no other site that describes these behaviors as well or as detailed as he does. I know them to be dead on accurate because I have lived it! When I read my first article of his I was floored. He was talking about my life and the more I read I was amazed at how many of the questions that I have struggled with for YEARS were answered.
      I choose to believe.

  9. The type of people your kind usually select do adore you, greatly. But, it still is never enough for the bottomless pit of your kind’s ego. No one person will ever be enough for you, no matter how great the adoration. You still cry, “More! More! More!” [And, it’s not just in the midnight hour].

  10. Maria says:

    i think i might have never experienced adoration..maybe that is why i am always be tempted to find a person to adore me.. and in return to adore?
    However i thought that adoration should only be given to God?
    Praise and admiration and love, yes, it should be reigning supreme in relationships.

    1. Amber says:

      Maria, I’m not sure what your religious background is, but I’m a traditionalist in a lot of ways re my views on marriage. In my opinion, the ideal relationship would be one in which the husband completes the connection with God, and as such, i believe a certain level of adoration and “worship” is not without merit. I also don’t believe God would begrudge the head of the household his due. I think the line is crossed if the man however tries to take us from our father, or cause us to become a stumbling block to others, and so on. My experience with narcissists is that they are even competitive with the love one may have for even just god alone, which i consider so bizarre, as he is not a human who can replace them and doesn’t compete with them for your love, yet it can happen.

      1. Entertainment says:

        Amber,
        Of course they feel the need to compete with God because they think they are God. I look for views the spiritual community regarding npd it’s pretty much the same. We read and are taught that with God all things are possible. Which, I believe…but I found most commenters from the religious aspect felt there was helping them. The empathy in me was like no way. However, there’s a lady on here that shared her story and believe she was going into her 3 Rd year with her husband transformation or shall I say changed behavior. HG, just reposted Narcs in Time. Something like that😊 I have not read this time yet, but I think it covers the staged in which a Narc may change his behavior. Glory to God if any of them change,

      2. Maria says:

        Amber i am a believer.
        I have had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ .
        I do believe that to be true twin souls in a relationship, is to be able to triangulate only with God.

  11. Belle Rebelle says:

    Hello, I am new to your blog – I jut found out that I am in a relationship with a narcissist. It has been less than a couple of months.

    I am intrigued to understand if there is a way to be upfront with a narcissist, along the lines – your strategies are not going to work with me as I have already figured you out to be a narcissist, so how about we cut the crap, you walk straight, I will be your fuel source, just no mind games, no devaluation (he attempted snide remarks and disrespect a couple of times and I told him off – without knowing he was a narcissist at that time. He toed the line when I did that. I am a pretty strong no-nonsense lady despite being an empath, as I am a few other things too which power me up spiritually, e.g being a Sufi who is connected to Source). My interest in keeping a connection to him is to help him evolve spiritually. I believe is it possible, not from a typical empath ‘Love heals all” perspective, but because we all have a soul and at soul level, we are all connected to Source and we are incarnated on Earth to live out our soul plan, and hence it is possible for his soul to evolve, to reconnect to Source. He chose to be a narcissist in this incarnation for karmic reasons, as well as to show to those he connects with what their inner wounds are that need healing. How people react and allow it to affect them is a different matter.

    Basically, on a spiritual level, there is a soul contract, and I have chosen to view it not only as step in my own spiritual evolution/ karmic transmutation but also to help him heal from past trauma, transmute karma and evolve spiritually. I was thinking it would be simpler to do that by having an above-board agreement with him to keep the connection as drama-free as possible. Is that possible and how is he likely to react to that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Belle and welcome on board.

      The difficulty with being up front is as follows :-

      1. Lesser and Mid-Rangers do not know what they are and therefore what you state will be rejected;
      2. The Greater knows what he or she is, but will regard your new found knowledge as an attempt to wrestle control away from them and over to you, thus it will be resisted.

      I must admit however, given my own situation, that if I happened to engage with someone in real life who was from the blog and knew everything about what I am and also I knew that they knew, what the outcome would be.

      1. Sunshine says:

        You mean when Flick, ABB and Love storm your compound?

        You admit what?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Nobody is storming my citadel.

          I admit what I wrote after the words “I admit”.

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        That is unchartered waters for you. You have never fully engaged with someone knowing fully what you are from the onset. You are the one who wrestles with the control issues. Not them. You can’t fully predict the outcome. You can only surmise certain things based on past experiences with the major component being they did not know.

      3. Flickatina says:

        HG – that sentence doesn’t make sense.

        Perhaps you’d have to kill us to ensure our silence!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes it does.

      4. Flickatina says:

        Wait – do you mean you know what the outcome would be?

        What would be the outcome?

      5. Sunshine says:

        I’m sorry, I’m confused on two fronts.

        I don’t think that’s a complete sentence. Did you mean that if you met someone from the blog, you don’t know what the outcome would be?

        I’m also not clear on what the variable outcome possibilities are?

      6. ava101 says:

        HG, either my English is failing me or you’ve left out a word after “I admit” … I don’t get the meaning of your second paragraph either.

      7. Love says:

        “Nobody is storming my citadel!”
        Well that is not very welcoming Mr. Tudor. We will just take our storming to another greater’s citadel. Maybe his fortress will be bigger better and more welcoming 😀

    2. Scout says:

      Belle – you make so much sense. I wish we could be friends!

    3. Sunshine says:

      Love – I reckon “Nobody is storming my citadel” is just a challenge. He’d be a fool if he underestimated you, Flick and ABB.

      HG – “…however, given my own situation, that if I happened to engage with someone in real life who was from the blog and knew everything about what I am and also I knew that they knew, what the outcome would be.”

      That isn’t a complete sentence – what did you mean?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Well your first sentence certainly entertained me.

        the last part of the quoted remark ought to have read “I would be interested in what the outcome would be.”

      2. Flickatina says:

        Aha! That makes more sense. I told you it didn’t make sense. *assumes air of superiority*

        And your kind can underestimate people – which can be your downfall.

  12. Matilda says:

    I cannot imagine what it must be like to have a ‘mother’ like that. Though I have had people like her in my life, and I tried to please them by being an achiever. Once I realised nothing would ever be good enough, I STOPPED trying altogether!

    And if I achieved nevertheless, and heard their praise, I only had scorn for them: because praise is WORTHLESS if it only comes when you are top of the class. You need it so much more when you are failing, to build you up again!

    Why did you not stop trying to please her, HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because I have to succeed so if I kept trying I thought I would one day please her and prove my worth.

      1. Entertainment says:

        HG,
        Are you still trying? That is to prove your worth to her. The lesser did and will continue until he’s dead.
        My sister still does with my mother. She’s the epitome of codependency so much so I look like the narc. She was hospitalized on Friday (mother) I didn’t go my sister is a nurse and works 12 hour days and felt she had to go daily without sleep to be with her during her 3 day stay.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Entertainment, this was actually discussed with the good doctors a little while ago. I rejected the suggestion that I am still trying to prove my worth to her because I try to have as little to do with her as I can. The good doctors take the view that all my endeavours, both in terms of my day to day achievements and also the gathering of fuel and the maintenance of the construct are linked to still seeking her approval. We discussed this at length and therefore I would state that there is no overt attempt to gain her approval (e.g. by saying hey Matrinarc see how well I have done at work, give me some praise) but rather there is an inherent desire to gain her approval by continuing to do as I do.

          1. Entertainment says:

            HG,
            Thanks for your response. I just find it odd and fairly normal. I see kids that parents did drugs neglect them and they constantly sought their approval and love.

            Since addiction is a disease I think most may have love for the kids but the addiction was stronger. The kids would deny the neglect and do what ever they could to protect the mom.

      2. Matilda says:

        This is painful to read, HG, and it makes me very angry that you were brought up in this manner.

        You did not have to prove your worth to her, or anyone else, when you were little… and you do not have to do that now! You are worthy, no matter what… I hope that you can free yourself from these shackles one day!

        “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” (Dr. Seuss) 🙂

      3. MLA - Clarece says:

        That underlying theme of “earn your keep”. I’m very familiar with that concept of interacting with loved ones. You’re only as good as your last act and that can change on a dime. Your worth is based on the gestures you produce.
        And you, have passed that torch to all of your IP’s.
        Upon reading this the third time you have run it, I honed in on her lesson to you was be praised or be weak. Quite a black and white way of viewing the world.

      4. Love says:

        We speak the same language Mr. Tudor:
        ” if I kept trying I thought I would one day please her and prove my worth.”
        That is the story of my life. I never stopped. I have continued to try to prove my worth to one and all.

      5. Matilda says:

        Others are trying to condition you to believe that your worth is based on what you do for them. They try to turn you into a monkey that dances on their command.

        Well, this has never worked with me, not even when I was little. An old lady came up to me one day when I was about four years old, asking to shake my hand. I joyfully stretched out my left hand (the dominant one), and she replied “No, give me your ‘good’ hand!”. I burst into tears, the rejection must have stung badly. And I crossed both hands firmly behind my back. So, if she did not want what I offered in good faith, she would not get anything! That’s pretty much how I have dealt with people ever since! 😀 😀

        What I realised later in life, also by observing how others fared with pleasing the ones who can never be pleased, is: the more you try, the less respect you are shown!! It is never getting better! They will NEVER wake up one day and say “oh my goodness, I have been blind all those years, but now I see the error of my ways. What a wonderful person he/she is!”. IT NEVER HAPPENS. If anything, it gets worse over time. Not worth trying at all!

        The only -temporary- exception I made was with my narc, and we know how that went. There is much wisdom in how four year olds see, and react to, the world. 🙂

      6. Kit says:

        I have a mother like this. No matter what I do, nothing please her. She is not a happy person. I believe she may be a mid-level narc, not sure what class (or is it coterie). She does sometimes play the victim. I think my one sister is a lesser – I think she just gave up and decided to be the “victim” all the time for self preservation. I’m not exactly sure what I am, but I got ensured by a narc, even though I was suspicious. I thought I was being too guarded and not open enough, so I fell. Anyway, this is a long way of me getting to my point, which is, “What do I have to complain about? I had all the material things in life I could have wanted. I was never beaten or hit.” Not to diminish those who have experienced it, but sometimes emotional abuse can be just as painful as physical. 🙁

      7. MsSevyn says:

        Have you come to the realization there is no accomplishment big enough to get her approval? The approval isn’t coming because she doesn’t have it to give. When I realized neither parent had the ability to give me their approval, it was bone-crushing. I had to find my own measure of approval and success. I had chased a moving target my whole life.

  13. Sunshine says:

    It’s a cautionary tale for all readers of this blog who are parents of young children or future parents.

    I may be a broken record, but it bears repeating that narcissists are made in different ways.

    The story here is one of emotional neglect and criticism. Of unattainable standards creating a constant need to excel to attain approval (at best, in place of love).

    But the opposite extreme can also lead to narcissism. Lynne Namka is a has a lot to say in this matter. I recommend some of her older articles on narcissism in family relationships.

  14. Ollie says:

    … or loved!?! I notice you use the word ‘adore’ a lot, but ‘love/loved’ not so much…
    And that bloody English old school way of raising kids sucked and i’m sorry you had to experience that… Makes me think about how I react to my kids performances in school…

  15. NoNarcs says:

    It seems to me that the Creature is the powerful one. Slay the beast, HG, and command that power as your birthright. Not as a consequence of Mommy Dearest’s treatment of you, but inspite of it.

  16. Amber says:

    Hg, this infuriates me, so I had to stop reading it halfway through. All i can think is that perhaps the lesson is to forgive her because she cannot give that which she does not have. Therefore, maybe the biggest challenge of all time would be, can you learn to have compassion for her, when she may have npd and thus be of one and the same as yourself, in the end? Btw, i and im sure many other followers are very proud of you and for you, even if it’s retroactively. I know that can’t ever replace what you needed at that time, but i wanted to offer it anyway. I hope you have a great week. Thank you as always for the considerable time you spend helping us navigate this condition and its many effects in our lives.

  17. Snow White says:

    I could see that my ex wanted praise out out me and I was happy to give it when she went to Starbucks for me or picked up a new wine glass for me. She did lots of little things and I could see the smile on her face when I told her I loved her for them. I was always thankful.
    I wish they would have been enough.

    HG, I adore you for being in my life every day. It has been a pleasure getting to know you and I’m sooo thankful for the work that you are doing. Keep the articles coming. I learn everyday from you.

  18. Bette says:

    Wow Mommie Dearests suck!!! I swear my ex’s mother followed
    the same script. But instead of having a father who tried to mollify
    her, he had a father that hated and humiliated him. And beat him.
    So he was left with a somewhat easily triggered terror mechanism
    which I think fueled his hatred all the more.

    Parenting classes should be mandatory for all new parents. As
    should education about narcissism and psychopathy.

  19. recoveringsubcarrier says:

    I need to say I so appreciate your honesty and disclosure HG, although as I recover from being abused by your N kind – I have to say some things I read trigger my issues… this particular post by you has.
    I still need to come to terms with how I could ‘adore’ a N and get reeled back in so many times..
    Onward then….and back to the fortress! Ladies… are you with me?

  20. Sunshine says:

    On a side note, why is the picture not of the Stone Roses?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because we have fallen out when I swapped them some Fool’s Gold for Sally Cinnamon. She is still in my basement.

      1. Sunshine says:

        You’re her world.

        I think I wanna be adored should be your anthem.

        Just coincidence that I want to be adored was followed by ‘Hush’, another 90’s indie song? I can’t get that song out of my head now.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Entirely coincidental Sunshine.

      2. 💜💜💜 says:

        I asked you in a previous post if you had a woman locked up in your basement…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          There’s a few. That’s where I keep the help.

          1. 💜💜💜 says:

            lol

  21. Sunshine says:

    This is really rather sad

    1. Kit says:

      Agree. 🙁

  22. Twilight says:

    I admire, adore,applaud, appreciate, approve,cherish, delight in, glorify, look up to, marvel at,praise, respect, revere, devoted, fascinated,idolize and worship you HG.

    I do hope I didn’t go overboard

    1. 💜💜💜 says:

      There’s a sitting target for you, H.G. – primed and ready.

      1. twilightdreams1 says:

        If you believe this is all that is needed to be seen for HG to target you, you are not listening to him in the first place. Listening and understanding by your perspective not his.

        1. 💜💜💜 says:

          I’m not talking about your words, I’m talking about your boot-licking adoration of a Sociopath/Malignant Narcissist. I’m talking about what’s behind those words. I do not know you, but I’m imagining someone saying all these things to a Sociopath. She’d be a great target if you are being true to your words, and her actions follow.

      2. twilightdreams1 says:

        You are right about one thing you don’t know me or my story, I do know my admiration for HG is not what would make me a target.

        1. ❤️Vacillator 🖤 says:

          I said that, “I do not know you.” But, I’m saying, as a general point, that if you feel these things that you are writing on here, and actually act upon them, I think you’d make a sitting target for a Sociopath or Narc. I’m just going off your words in what you said, that’s all.

          1. twilightdreams1 says:

            LOL I do like the name HG picked for you it suits you

          2. 💜💜 says:

            Yes, thank you. I like it, too 🦄🦄

        2. ❤️Vacillator 🖤 says:

          You glorify, worship, revere, and idolize (among other things) a Malignant Narcissist. I’m just going off of what you said. Maybe you are just trying to humor him? If not, and you mean these things you say, then you could easily be bait.

  23. alexis2015s says:

    I adore you HG 😍

    If someone has wronged you a little but they show signs of adoration again as they did previously. Would you accept their adoration ? Or always hold this against them ?

    I see some of the lessers / mids fall out with people then become friends again like they were in a playground.

    But how does this work with a greater ?

    1. alexis2015s says:

      I’m not talking PS rather an SS

    2. HG Tudor says:

      I accept the adoration. Then punish them for their wrong when they do not expect it. Fuel bonanza.

      1. alexis2015s says:

        Yes, that makes sense. I’ll await my punishment.

      2. recoveringsubcarrier says:

        Help me with this… So, you seek/target/accept adoration – however, because they risked and did/do adore you – that then becomes their “wrong”?
        And subsequently, that wrong behavior (adoring you – which you sought) is then addressed through a sucker punch (devaluation) to “punish” them for (wrongly) adoring you in the first place? Accurate?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We seek positive fuel. The primary source who is chief supplier of the best positive fuel then lets us down in terms of the potency, frequency and quantity of this positive fuel. To protect ourselves we need potent fuel and thus the switch to the contrasting negative fuel caused by devaluation is what happens.

          1. amsodone says:

            .. that makes sense, thank you

      3. recoveringsubcarrier says:

        Gee… my last comment about you punishing women because they adore you was not moderated/accepted…

        Being an empath I like to analyze behavior (as you know) and I might be wrong, however I can’t help but think your fuel sources – might be sourced for you to obtain what your mother could/would not.. and how that be – that a ‘stranger’ treat us (adore us) better than our own moms? Maybe displaced rage?

      4. 💜💜💜 says:

        Yes, I have witnessed this.

  24. girlfriday85 says:

    No disrespect but, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK PRAISE AND COMPLIMENTS IS THOW YOU ATTAIN CONTROL IN YOUR LIFE AND GET AHEAD. You have it backwards. THERAPY!!! You need self love, confidence, some arrogance & cockiness, yet humility, understanding, empathy and how you treat others and go about your life. I’ve never given a flying fuck my entire life I do as I please. No matter what I am comfortable being me good, bad and the ugly. Im far from perfect but I’m a prodigy in many areas, crazy high iq that honestly I don’t understand because I’ve never aimed that way I come from famous genius parents and family high standards. I don’t need praise, it doesn’t give you any sort of control, unless you work in the industry I do or a socialite like me. I’m not bragging what I do and how I grew up I naturally fell into it. Im a psychic empath that combined with my hard work and standing out and allowing people come to me and seizing opportunities when I see them and interning at times to land the real big jobs. I’m not desperate, god eau de desperation is such a turn off. By needing constant praise you’re more likely to be controlled and viewed as a mark. Pathetic and low self esteem basically ppl will control you. Time to grow up and think like a man but use the advantages of being a women. Strategic but be a real person. Its not easy and I have insecurities but I don’t know you but you are better to that. Ive been abused horribly and still would never succumb to that .You need to man up and self reflect, get professional help it works, and do things to build it from working out to going back to school, trying new things, fake it till you make it, I’ve got a ton to do but I could show you through other ways its enslavement. My step dad no matter what I did I was a loser, slut since I was 13, wouldn’t become anything yet I got into the best school im the country without sitting an SAT I wrote a thesis on how its bs and my athleticism and grades and personality. I went to juliard and always have been successful, raised his son with my mom, had a job and was a graff artist & explored my music scenes and went on crazy adventures. I gave up alot when he left and left me with 10k a month in bills a sick mother and my lil brother. Stole my ‘ money few million. I worked in the UK and went to uni to support 2 households but also worked multiple career jobs and ever a lot of stuff I wasn’t proud of because I have morals. He destroyed me bc thats what sociopaths do and their entitlement. I never justified myself to him. At times I seek praised then realized fuck that. You need to love and believe in yourself and overcome what hold you back. It takes a lot of work. But you need to know you have it totally wrong sweetie. Well I’m round if you need some clarification on what I wrote I don’t always take the time to leave comments but it saddens me anyone is better than that.

  25. Janice says:

    You were bullied, not loved.

  26. Entertainment says:

    H.G.
    I adore you, and every other living person; thing, and creature on earth. Including roaches, and unicorns.

  27. sarabella says:

    Intermittent reinforcement, experienced as power not love because of its inconsistency and that you had to do something to receive these random scraps. You were clicker trained.

    1. Clicker training on any animal sadly lacks and does not make up in any way for a trustworthy, healthy and loving bond or connection.

  28. Flickatina says:

    I think I want to kill your mother.

    1. Flickatina says:

      I thought the adoration bit went without saying…….

    2. Why? An adult need not be a slave to their mother, nor allow her to live in his blood of her blood and flesh of her flesh. He is giving her his body, his mind and he knows better than that. Nothing more pitiful than a full grown man, replicating his mother whom he is enslaved to and has lost his identity to. He is an adult! He chooses to be her, then complains about her. Why lose your identity and take hers as a replacement when you know the psychology behind it? May as go for the full display and wear her clothes, her shoes, carry her handbag and call yourself queenbee! Honestly, rise above that sh*t! Be anything but that, be anyone but her, be the complete opposite- Slap her in the face with the flounder of love to a woman, devotion to a woman, adore and be adored, love and be loved, smile and get rid of the cynic and show her you can love successfully a beautiful woman, beautiful inside and maybe outside but show her you cannot and will not love her the way that you can love an honest an genuine heart. Don’t die in fear, get geared to conquer your beast!

      1. Flickatina says:

        Not everyone has the strength to throw off the years of childhood conditioning. Those of us who have risen above it must feel compassion and pity for those who are still trapped and unable to free themselves.
        But even if HG were able to do this, I would still want to ritually slaughter any woman who treated her child like this.

        1. Mind boggling how well they use the skills acquired through their parentage to take a perfect new child and destroy their lives. Amazing skills at carrying this through to others who are innocent young children for example of their own flesh and blood. When a small child is in a completely shutdown state due to the conflicting messages of their narcissist parent it is very difficult to have compassion for the adult narcissist that is intentionally destroying the lives of babes, as their parent did to the them. Of the two I choose to be compassionate to the child, the second generation of the pattern of abuse. At times the compassion can be extended to the narcissist adult however the children who are in therapy at four and five, due to narcissistic abuse are where my heart and priority would lay.

  29. HG,
    After everything you have achieved, I can’t believe someone didn’t think you were enough. 💙

  30. Love says:

    I adore you, Mr. Tudor!!! ❤💗❤
    ** looking around to see if I’m going to get body slammed for my comment.
    Ok, the coast is cleahhhh #$!*# OOooof here comes a flying kick!!!

    1. Flickatina says:

      We are all free to adore whomever we choose. The approval of others is not required.

      1. Love says:

        I agree Flicka! Ah man, who ordered the Medium in the straight jacket?!? I told you I’m a Small.

    2. 🦋 says:

      No, you don’t. I do!

      1. Love says:

        Na ah! I adore him more! He is MINE! You will never have him. Muhahahaha!

        1. 💜💜💜 says:

          Yes, please do take him, Love. He is all yours as you wish.

        2. 💜💜💜 says:

          I was joking…I do not adore Malignant Narcissists. How can I adore someone who gets great pleasure from hurting others? His teachings to me do not fall upon deaf ears. I very much enjoy his helpful writings, but I venture to say, I would not enjoy the man, himself…being that he is a Malignant Narcissist/Sociopath.

      2. Love says:

        Yay! Thanks 💜

        1. 💜💜💜 says:

          No, thank YOU.

  31. Bloody Elemental says:

    Done and done.
    That is the easy part. 😉

    1. ❤️ Sweet & Spicy 💔 says:

      Do you adore, H.G., too, B_E?

  32. Tiffani says:

    Well i tried to adore you in my last post but it wasnt moderated 😓

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Elated and Eroded

Next article

Hush