How Could You?

 

how-could-you

 

“How could you do this to me?”

“How could you sleep with my sister?”

“How could you just walk out on us like that and never even contact us for months?”

“How could you treat me like I didn’t exist?”

“How could you hit me when you say that you love me?”

“How could you get me into so much debt?”

“How could you stand by and let me suffer so badly?”

“How could you not see what you were doing?”

“How could you not understand what I was saying to you?”

“How could you tear us apart like this?”

“How could you say such awful, horrible things to me?”

“How could you? In our bed of all places?”

“How could you even look at yourself in the mirror after doing that?”

“How could you let me down in such a terrible way?”

“How could you destroy our family?”

“How could you not control yourself?”

“How could you do such a thing to your own children, for God’s sake?”

“How could you disappear like that?”

“How could you be so heartless?”

There is little doubt that you have asked one or more of the questions above, or a variation of those queries when dealing with our kind. Your question will have been asked in a heightened emotional state as your world collapsed and you struggled to comprehend that somebody could behave in such a manner. Nothing made sense anymore.

Everything you thought that you knew had been torn up, re-written and trampled into the dirt. Your alarm, confusion and distress were considerable and your bewilderment and sheer astonishment that a human being could do such things only served to make your position even worse.

Whatever was said or done. No matter how morally bereft, ethically bankrupt or socially unacceptable the act. No matter the level of depravity, the depths to which we sunk and the new low we achieved, you found yourself asking this question. No matter what you did, what you gave and what you gave often, it mattered not one iota because you were left asking this question.

Invariably you received no explanation. Denial and deflection ruled the day. Perhaps there was some mumbled explanation or even a demonstration of false contrition by way of a Preventative Hoover, but whatever our response will have been, it will not have given you the truth of how we could have done those things.

We are able to say those things and commit those acts for several reasons.

  1. Golden Period. You were given the golden period. You were either spared the worst of our behaviour for a time period (usually the Lesser) or you were given the whole glorious illusion of love, passion and dizzying elation. You received this and you embraced it willingly. There is a price that comes with such largesse you know and now you are paying it through us behaving in such a manner as that which has caused you such distress.
  2. Entitlement. Who are you to challenge what we have done? Who do you think you are questioning us as to how we could have done those things? We are entitled to do as we please, when and how we like and you have to deal with that. Someone as great as us gets to behave as he wants and you ought to know better than to challenge us about it.
  3. Necessity. All we do is as is required by necessity. Whether it was to gain fuel, to punish you, to remind you of your position, to reinforce our superiority, to preserve the façade and so many other potential reasons, what we do is necessary and if that results in suffering for you, then that is how it must be. Our needs matter. Yours do not.
  4. No accountability. Linked to our sense of entitlement there can be no penalty, sanction or reprimand for our actions. We are immune from punishment or consequence. We do not even have to explain ourselves and therefore this allows us to proceed as we deem appropriate.
  5. No awareness. The Lesser or Mid-Range will not even be aware that what they have done is wrong or offensive since their perspective of the world is different to yours.
  6. No admission. The Greater knows what has happened is considered to be wrong by you, not that he cares and furthermore neither will he admit as such. To do so would be a sign of weakness and hand an advantage to you.
  7. You deserve it. You don’t function as you should any more. You have gone rogue and let us down. Accordingly, our response was entirely merited by punishing you.
  8. No conscience. There is no downside, no guilt or remorse in doing what we did. Therefore, we are untroubled by the import of your allegations.
  9. Fuel. We need it. Accordingly, everything is in play and anything can be done to acquire it.

How could you not realise all of this?

No wonder we get sick of you.

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21 thoughts on “How Could You?”

  1. Hello HG. About “No awareness”: “The Lesser or Mid-Range will not even be aware that what they have done is wrong or offensive since their perspective of the world is different to yours.”…My question is, if they do not know that they do or say bad things to others- why they twisting the facts and present themselves as victims to new primary source (aka smearing campaigns) same time hiding all the details of their wrongdoing? Lesser or mid-ranger have to know what they do BEFORE they do it. I just do not buy ‘no awareness’ concept. Or are you saying they only realize the wrongdoing AFTER they do it, this is why they hide and lie about it?

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    1. No, it is an instinctive response borne out of a different perspective whereby they must maintain the upper hand and control.Since they have a different perspective this means they respond in a different manner to that which you would expect when viewed from your perspective. They are not aware. They do not see it from your perspective and choose to respond in a different way, they respond in a different way as a matter of instinct because of their different perspective.

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      1. So that basically let’s them get away with everything since they’re not ‘aware’ because of the (distorted) way they view the world?

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      2. Certainly they would be aware murder or child molestation is wrong. Correct? And if so, how is it they can differentiate minor vs major wrong doings?

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      3. Some do not differentiate because of the ignition of fury and the impulsive behaviours. The key is that those of our kind with a higher cognitive function can recognise the difference BUT we do not care because we have no empathy, no sense of accountability and a sense of entitlement.

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    2. @ bananasareberries- ALL Narcs are FULLY aware of their actions. They have no self esteem and self confidence. Their pre-frontal cortex of the brain is damaged/ under-developed, and their world is one of a mixture of reality and their own delusions. They have the cognitive capacity of, at most, a 7 year old child, where they will twist the facts, lie (to others and themselves) and present as victims to others, in an attempt to still be accepted by someone, anyone, that will listen, and just possibly accept them.
      Think back to a time in your childhood, where you were aware you were doing something wrong, and afterwards, a parent asked “Did you do that?” In an attempt to not accept responsibility for your action, you may have lied, denied or deflected (blamed another). This is the same method a Narc will use as a response-that of a 5-7 year old.

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      1. We know what we are doing but there are different implications associated with that state of knowledge.

        A Lesser may lie. He is told he lied. He will deny he lied and he believes that denial to be entirely accurate.
        A Mid-Ranger may lie. He is told he lied. He may acknowledge he did but then explains he did so because it was someone else’s fault, someone made him or there was nothing wrong with him doing so.
        A Greater may lie. He is told he lied. He convinces the victim that he actually spoke the truth.

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  2. My mom. Never left my sister and I alone. After we left her, we would send holiday/bday cards. Every so often, we’d give a call to check things out. She remained the vindictive victim. I tried to let her get to know my children. That stopped working when at 3 years of age, my son asked her whether she was, “Gramma Diane or Gramma Dolores…” Poor mom. She had never adjusted to my Dad’s remarriage, and started to get mean over the phone with my son. At any rate, it was seven years before she died that she chose to remain nice to all of us. We resumed contact by telephone. It was ultimately a pretty sad life for mom.

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  3. For me it was my brother’s wife. I mildly disliked my sister-in-law and highly respected my brother. The sexual relationship lasted for three years; although, he was with many other women during this time. Question – is there a darker reason to have sex with a family member?

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    1. It is an attempt by the Narc to be accepted and liked. Narcs hate themselves. Another reason the Narc has sex with another family member, is that there are traits within that person, that the Narc aspires to, or wishes to morph into itself.

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    1. Because he did not respect you, that’s why, Jen. Because he thought he was superior to you and could do as he pleased.

      The same happened to me. As he did not value me enough to honour a promise -and not just this one- he will never get another chance. Actions have consequences… he has met the right one to teach him that.

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    2. @ Jen-Because the Narc realized along the course of the relationship with you, that it could never meet or match up to your standards as a normal person.
      They become angry, as they envy you, and are jealous of you, and like HG, who at the last minute, cancelled dinner with his brother, it is an attempt to hurt you, because they comprehend that they may never be on the same level as that of the normal human.
      Narcs have no respect for your feelings, because they have no respect for themselves.

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  4. Entitlement. “We are entitled to do as we please, when and how we like and you have to deal with that. Someone as great as us gets to behave as he wants and you ought to know better than to challenge us about it.” What if I told them that due to their behaviour I lost all my respect for them? Would this be perceived a a major criticism? To lose respect from the IPPS I mean.

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  5. Reblogged this on Loves Illusion…… and commented:
    How could you? Why did I let you? I’m not a stupid woman by any means. You wooed me, you adored me, you fooled me, you devalued me, you destroyed me but that is not the end of me, my story is just beginning, the story of how I Survived you!

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