The Narcissistic Truths – No. 218

never-underestimateour-capacityto-hoover

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72 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 218”

  1. This is so true!! Ours stole things from our home outside such as plants, garden flags, and door hangers while we were on vacation. It’s my husbands ex and she justified it in her head that since it was bought before the divorce she was entitled to it.

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  2. Is it typical for narcs to go back and re-read every written message ever sent to them from us to figure out the best way to hoover?

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      1. How long do you typically keep text messages / pictures? Do you clear things out pretty quick and rely on memory or do you save specific ones to reference for future confrontations or hoovers? I’m curious because JN always said he deleted everything rather quickly, but in the heat of the moment his memory is spot on.

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    1. My lesser would do this from time to time, he wouldn’t regard any message too old to read. He would dig out something from the past that was not replied to and reply as if it was current.
      It’s funny. Like we haven’t talked, I’m mad right, and he forwards a loving message I wrote from the past to remind me how I loved him. Rofl. Bypassing the cheating, the bad stuff from recently as if it didn’t happen. I thought it’s just cute. He would do other cute things like that, and I liked that he wouldn’t hold grudges, and ignore bad things I said to him.
      Sometimes I miss him. He was like a puppy, more than a human.

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  3. I literally just laughed out loud !!! After 15 glorious days of silence, let the hoovering begin. I mean he’s referring to a message from 3 wks ago and acting like it was yesterday!!! Thank you HG!! Without your site and all the questions you answer, I’m not sure where I’d emotionally or mentally be right now!!

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  4. Also HG, have you ever had panic / anxiety attacks, sleep paralysis, psoriasis or any other streee induced trigger?

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    1. There have been uncomfortable episodes but they are rare, but I would not describe them as panic or anxiety attacks. No sleep paralysis and not psoriasis.

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  5. Yes. HG is not lying here. Never ever underestimate it. They will do it. It’s now 30 years for one of my past Narcs. Last year he made the attempt again. If given the opportunity he would take it, I’m fuel soaked and he knows it. Be careful out there my fellow commenters. HG…keep telling them despite the fact they don’t want to believe it. Shove your books down their throats if you have to. Whatever works right? Btw, the picture made me think….I’ll choke a bitch for fuel….lol!

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  6. Or felt embarrassment ever. Like during a Hoover?

    And again what is the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath? You claim to be both but you never answer the question of what the hell is the diff. You obviously entertain one “disorder” more than the other. What gives. (Lol and for all you normals out there, textbooks claim there is a major difference)

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    1. I do not feel embarrassment.

      There is some confusion with regard to the use of sociopath and psychopath by those in the field. I have been described as a narcissistic sociopath and also as a narcissistic psychopath. That is why I use the term Greater which describes those which have NPD and ASPD. The essential difference between a narcissist and a sociopath or psychopath is the traits of ASPD.

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  7. The education of noble savages guarantees the continuance of the beastly traits. Systemic injury to each appliance and their offspring who marry into the dynamics in one form or another. I laugh at the term hoover, because that was my mothers favorite appliance. When she was trying to process her life, out came the hoover.
    Our house was inspection ready at any moment. The grand narcissist would threaten to visit her minions and we would all have to be ready. No indoor pets. No friends over. Keep a very tight inner circle. Suspect anyone. The reign of fear needed to be reinforced. Some of the more curious minions heard whispers of an alternative universe.

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  8. You ain’t kidding.

    I’ve written every single woman who to my knowledge has publicly expressed distress above him to explain what narcopathy is. I’ve blocked him on Facebook. I’ve blocked him (uselessly) on Twitter. I’ve warned women away from him. I made my Twitter account private, only to have him follow me with a dummy account. I’ve read everything there is to read on NPD so technically I know already, but fucking hell,

    what

    IS

    This?

    I think he more or less goes home with a different woman every week, so can’t he just leave the frothing meddlesome weirdo who never has and never will sleep with him alone?

    When does this end it’s been Two. Damn. Years.

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  9. When someone left you and you later hoovered them, do you just want to waste their time for a couple of years or do you plan on just keeping them around for as long as possible?

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      1. HG have you ever felt like you ever felt something close to what you thought was love even if you refer to others as appliances?

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      2. Then you’re saying the connection is only one sided by them? You have written that in the seduction phase you feel hopeful, you feel lust, affection, there’s obviously an attraction to their traits you admire. Has therapy altered how you view yourself in the seduction phase?
        If you know now what you thought was love when you felt it and you are incapable of that, do you still seek someone making you feel safe?

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      3. to follow up on Lake15’s question about ever loving someone, what made you think you once did and how did you realize you really didn’t?

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      4. Because I thought that was what love was like and I have come to realise from listening to others, observing others and the recent work with the good doctors that I have my own version of love but it is nothing like that which other people experience.

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      5. thank you for indulging my curiosity. I assume your affection for others is always intertwined with fuel requirements. I’m trying to fully comprehend what needing fuel would be like, but so far can only undestand it at a conceptual level. I cannot even fathom the internal construct you call The Creature, mostly because I know very little about it. Yet these are the driving forces that determine your connections to others.
        I hope the progress you make with the good doctors brings you ever closer to healing and, dare I say, finally frees you from the shackles of fuel dependency, but never ever dulls your quick wit.

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      6. Do you fear to connect to a person? We make ourselves vulnerable to another when we connect to them, this vulnerability thou can remind one of a point in time that one does not desire to remember.

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  10. I am certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that my ex greater narc will never hoover me. I will only appear in his sixth sphere of influence and I am in a box on the shelf. He is the MASTER of compartmentalization and gets an exorbitant amount of fuel by being a savior in his profession not to mention the women he is grooming. I am completely unnecessary. I am in the clear and excitedly awaiting his death.

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      1. Ha, ha! Makes me think of our national anthem! You’ve always got to be watching for the flag – in this case a black one! 🏴

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      1. You never know with a narc …. But why should he. The last encounters were frustrating enough for him. I also left the group where we met, we have absolutely nothing in common anymore, and he lives far enough away. If he does, you’ll be the first one to know. 😉
        I’m actually kind of disappointed that he didn’t so far, so I could apply what I’ve learned from you. But I promised him to leave him be in peace, if he doesn’t contact me, and if he would, I promised him hell (I promised to mirror everything back to him).

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    1. Well, that’s the point, its his 6th and that part is out of your control. I hope you are correct and that you are in the clear. Just to be sure..do not EVER let your guard down.

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  11. I’ve noticed cerebral narcissist don’t hoover but somatics will. Even elites won’t hoover or maybe cerebral and elites have a different way or method of going about their hoovering.

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  12. HG,
    If your ex-appliance becomes the hottest ex and men are drawn to her naturally, does this make you want to hoover more or less?

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      1. That explains the fact that I try over and over to prove myself to him when he hoover’s accusing me of other men, I deserve better ect… I am giving him all the fuel. I need to STOP.

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  13. A very intense meme. If you had to discribe how it felt in a picture, this would be it.
    Although I have never had to expirence this, I have a friend who does.
    I suggested to have him stalk her at my house for reasons that I am well armed. Yes, I will shoot to kill. I do not say this to be all badass. I say it because I would be this woman. This could be why I have never had this issue of stalking.

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    1. I understand and agree. I have missed out on much of the severest abuses over the decades bc all my narcissists knew I was a highly trained markswoman with numerous weapons. My exhusband has always known where the lines are he can not safely cross and thankfully was smart enough not to try me.

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      1. Windstorm Oh do tell of the weapons you are proficient in using.

        I have never experienced a narc that is like HG. I do not supply enough fuel. In looking back, I had a few but they cut me loose very quickly. Now I know why.

        I am not bad with a hand gun. But I do pack a mean punch. I prefer the heel of my hand to under the nose one best. Intellectually, I am keen. This is my best weapon.

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  14. HG…have you ever had an ex come back to you and say theyve forgiven you and that theyve moved on with their life? If so how did that make you feel and if not how do you think it would? Im sure you or a typical narc would want to derail an exes progress but what if they were 100% over you and you coud not hoover them at all how would you deal with it?
    Also… im thankful you share your experiences with us but i am curious bc you share detailed stories and even if names are changed arent you worried one of your exes will come across your blogs and figure out its you? Exposure etc? Unless youve altered the actual stories? Your site is quite popular and im sure your exes have researched narcissism.
    Thx so much!

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    1. Hello Evil Dead, yes I have had a couple state that they forgive me. That is not an issue as it is fuel. If they say that they have moved on, usually it is bravado on their part. Even if the individual feels that they have moved on, it is not something that would stop a hoover (subject to my usual points about Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria).
      Yes names have been changed. It is conceivable that they have come across the site. I will know if they look to post something. If they are reading the material and not commenting, they have not contacted me to say they believe I am HG Tudor.

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  15. In his last email to me, he “apologized” for his behavior and wished me well. He also blamed me for throwing accusations at him, which I hadn’t done, because up until the point that he borrowed money and ghosted me, I had thought everything was great. No lengthy devauation period, it was I love you one day and gone the next. So I didn’t say anything negative to him until after the fact. In the email he tried to seem genuinely apologetic and was very nice. I never responded because I had said everything I wanted to say, and I wasn’t nice about it, so I was surprised he was still pleasant. My question is, was he being nice to try to leave the door open, in case he wanted to come back one day and is it common for narcs to skip the devaluation period and just ghost someone? He already had someone else.

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  16. You win.

    While I fully get that the “I love you” music comes before you’ve even attempted to decide if want to commit or for that matter spend more than one night with someone, I know without believing that you’re incapable of love or treating women well.

    I know there’s no limit to the number of women you need confirmation of harboring this delusion from. I know as you get older this will only get worse.

    I know you prefer provoking these crazed outbursts from me to keeping relationships with perfectly worthy women alive. I know this is Bly Manor. I know this is ghost world.

    Just I’m badly made too, a noob incapable of not believing that it’s different with me, that a real passion and longing to connect is behind this terror campaign. A let’s face it narcissist who can’t find better things worth caring about than this pathetic project of solving you because I’m so special.

    So I’m not saying this to you anymore. You do give up on women who don’t engage and don’t care. I’m saying it instead to my new friend HG on his cyber stool for love-me drunks.

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    1. Wise words 1jaded. I know you are no fool, I know you approach matters utilising what I have provided to you and it is also honest of you to admit you have just recently fallen for a hoover. Your confirmation of what I repeatedly explain should be clearly heeded by other people.

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  17. Hi HG,

    When you hoover do you care about getting into trouble? I left a narc manager I’d say she is mid-range), and after a couple of months she contacted me with a handwritten note and she gave me a confidential document. I can guess that the purpose of this was for me to contact her back. BUT, as she wrote a handwritten note, i could easily prove she did it on purpose and i’m pretty sure it must be misconduct. So, i’m confused as to why she has exposed herself?

    Also, i’m thinking of reporting her, but wonder if it’s a good idea as she may try and take revenge (although i don’t work for her anymore but we may cross circles again in the future).

    Also, she has replaced me with a person who went to a top University – would she treat this person better because of that? Or would she at some point hate that this person is a better pedigree than her?

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  18. While I’m still licking my wounds after being discarded by my mid-range someone else who I was briefly involved with and who went back to Australia at the time ,recently hoovered me after 10 years of no contact!! First social media stalking taken place ( I ignored his fb message and friends request) ,than proxy hoover ( I was told by third party- my friend that he was hospitalised due to heart problems) , and shortly after he actually had called me ! So yes, it really happens.

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