The Mind Games – Part Two

 

mind-games-2

 

Having detailed some of the mind games that we deploy against you, this leads to the inevitable question of why do we do this? I daresay that some of you will be tempted to answer

“Because you are all arseholes.”

Whilst this is understandable and potentially accurate (when viewed from your perspective) it is not going to provide you with any insight into the workings of our minds and behaviours. Accordingly, I will expand on why it is we use mind games to comprehensively.

  1. Fuel. An obvious one and rightly the first one that is considered. The application of mind games to the dynamic between you and us is done in order to prompt an emotional reaction from you and thus garner fuel from you. Whether you become upset, distraught, frustrated, annoyed or angry as a consequence of the games being played, it is all fuel which we will readily drink up.
  2. Control. We are obsessed with control. Our environment must be beholden to us. We have to control everything around us in order to ensure that we continue to exist, receive fuel, minimise and remove risks and so forth. By subjecting you to mind games, we are able to achieve this need for control, since you become trapped by them, you remain paralysed by their effects as you try to establish what is happening, rather than knowing them for what they are and moving away from them.
  3. Future planning. It is a common outcome from entangling with our kind that you will be labelled as The Crazy One once you have been discarded or escaped, as part of the smear campaign. The mind games bring about such a state of mind in you that it becomes easy enough for us to point to your behaviour during devaluation, your behaviour post discard/escape and demonstrate that you are indeed unhinged. There are very few people who can actually resist the proliferation of mind games and not be affected by them in some way and many people are left at the end of their tether creating an appearance of being “crazy”.
  4. Façade management. By engaging in games where we are I control, you are seen as histrionic and volatile, where we are calm and pleasant to everybody but you and causing people to form an adverse view about you, this allows us to manage and maintain the façade. We have an array of lieutenants and members of our coterie who all regard us as decent and kind, which then makes your life even harder in terms of trying to persuade people about what we really are.
  5. Superiority reinforcement. We operate from the perspective that we are superior to everybody around us and especially you. By engaging in games where we are able to pull the string, make you upset and angry and exert control, this allows us to emphasise that we are indeed superior to you.
  6. Self-defence. Many of the mind games that we engage in are because we need to defend ourselves from being challenged or criticised. Hence when we project, deny, deflect and blame-shift, although there may be a collateral benefit in terms of how it affects you, the primary reason for engaging in these behaviour is to protect ourselves by rejecting blame, preventing your challenge and addressing criticism.
  7. Exhaustion. With any situation, you respond to it more effectively when you are rested and able to think in a clear manner. The deployment of mind games causes you to become exhausted which results in your lacking clarity, experiencing a reduced resistance and diminished will-power. This means that you are far less likely to try to escape what we are doing and far more likely to accept doing what we want.
  8. Plausible deniability. By operating within the vestiges of the spoken, gestures and actions, we are often able to maintain being vague and amorphous. This allows us to manipulate you to a further degree but also serves an incredibly useful purpose in denying that we have engaged in such behaviours to begin with, especially with a third party. If we are challenged by, for example, someone in authority, we can point to the absence of proof or turn it into the word of someone calm and reasonable against some frazzled, ranting Crazy Person.
  9. Impact. The impact of emotional and psychological abuse is invariably more difficult for the victim to handle than physical abuse. Whilst physical abuse is understandably unpleasant, the insidious nature of mind games means that the victim cannot grasp what is happening, cannot ascertain if they are being subjected to a mind game (being punched is obvious and unequivocal) and cannot fathom why they are being treated in this manner. You no doubt will have heard victims state,

“I would have preferred to have been physically assaulted than be put through the mental torture.”

For someone to choose physical injury over this underlines just how devastating the impact is.

  1. Lack of detectability. Alongside plausible deniability is the fact that a bruise is a bruise and therefore raises questions. It is far harder to determine the effect of the mind games. Yes, someone may present as exhausted, anxious, hypervigilant, terrified and so on, but there is always the potential for us to suggest that it is put on and/or is related to something else. It is harder to do this with physical abuse (although not impossible). Indeed, some people do not allow the effect of the mind games to be seen, preferring to keep it hidden from other parties.
  2. Erosion. If you suffer a broken arm, you can still function. You can use your other arm, you can walk places, talk, you can hear and see and so forth. The mind games naturally affect that which controls and governs everything you do. By wearing down your mind, we are able to grind you down, causing your resistance to weaken and preventing you from functioning in a manner which might aid your escape from us.
  3. Tenderising. The application of mind games through achieving erosion and exhaustion as described above means that in effect you are being “tenderised” for further manipulations to be applied against you with maximum effect.
  4. Empathic vulnerability. As a person who has empathic traits and thus the reason why you were targeted by us, you are more susceptible to these kind of behaviours. Mind games work especially well against you as a consequence of your traits such as honesty, decency, telling the truth, needing to understand, wanting to help and your emotional responses.
  5. Endeavour. Some of the mind games end up making you try harder to please and do things for us with the additional benefit which naturally arises from this.
  6. Power. This is applicable to the Greater Narcissist only as the Lesser and Mid-Range are not aware of the true extent of the application of mind games. The Greater Narcissist revels in being apply to treat somebody in this manner, distort their world, have them jumping and moving at their say so, causing them to fountain with fuel and have no idea how or why this is being done to them. The various manipulations and their outcomes means this appeals to the omnipotence which Greaters believe that they have.
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54 thoughts on “The Mind Games – Part Two”

  1. Well, you have effectively killed fuel supply to three narcissists in my life, and all the rest that will follow in the future. No more mind games.
    And to many more reading your work.
    Is this your aim, and if then why.

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      1. You are redeeming yourself through this blog. Do you know that is compassionate, good and kind? You may have multiple motives for this blog but it still remains true that you are providing healing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow Mr Tudor! And I believe you will succeed, one post at a time, one like at a time. And look forward to it because personally I’m tired of being the target of psychologically disordered individuals, they have contributed to extracting years from my life and ruined what wasn’t extracted. I have an idea, why don’t all narcissist just target each other since they are equally dysfunctional and are not affected by the manipulations the same as normal/empathetic individuals??

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I must say I appreciate your work. Thank you for opening your world of how you think to empaths like myself.

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      4. Conflict orchestrated by our kind?
        I couldn’t disagree more, mr Tudor. I understand why you say that, ofc it’s never your fault.. but all in all, it is no ones fault, it is a result of misunderstanding, a clash of two kinds that cannot understand each other. Until your blog happened that is, we gain deeper knowledge, and it’s only for the better. Conflict is unavoidable, but can be mitigated in time, and war prevented. Unless that is your aim to gain fuel from such a war.

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      5. Forget it. You’re never going to win. To be willing to kill to be the leader is your fatal flaw.

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      6. Do you think it’s plausible? Empaths do not have the strength or callousness necessary to go to war with your type. We operate on emotions whereas your type are clueless to what we consider normal ethical behavior. You hold the unrealistic expectation we should be perfect in your warp sense of thinking and feelings of entitlement. Inevitably, since this is impossible, you fail. It is beyond your control to ensure that we will always perform or adhere to your advise when we are mere mortals. You conclude that we are stupid incompetent, and unfit to go to war with your kind. We start with an unfair advantage your kind operate like robots/machines we act and react on real emotions. To win the war we must start within. How can we be soldiers of war when there is no war?

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  2. If you stay within your own generation (a few yrs hither thither – it’s harder to play and win) you might meet your nemesis.

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      1. The one in the far end of the spectrum if they saw you as the enemy, yet they see you and the big picture and the part you play in it. War is never pretty, and the best one to get the job done is one who understands it better then anyone.

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  3. Good Evening H.G…

    You are brilliant ,but you already know that. I wish to thank you sincerely! Your brilliance is my greatest ally. You are far more brilliant than the narc I am divorcing, He wishes he were as intelligent as you! As an empath, my heart feels for you. However as a believer, I know you adore this erotic , perverse chess game called “your life.” You have my vote.

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  4. I had a breakdown in September after dating a narcissist…. it was interesting to see your reasons for a breakup…. I see now that the breakdown actually saved my life…..Dang…… I appreciate your candid honesty and I’m sure you still have no problems finding peeps to date…… but me? hell no, not a chance after that roller coaster ride……..

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  5. Time to derail the future planning and blow the façade apart for my destructive narc. He is in full plausible deniability mode in court right now. It will enrage him when his new friends discover what he actually is.

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  6. Wow! All I can say is Wow! Thank you for explaining the narcissistic mind. It explains everything and makes it scientific rather than emotional. I really appreciate you, and it’s okay that you are gathering fuel from this comment, LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sometimes I think/ believe there must have been an existential lack of emotional response at the beginning of your life. Maybe you were fed at a certain time, held at a certain time,neglected for the rest of the time. No appropriate emotional response of your mother to your smiles, to your crying, to your hurts. There was a time, when it was fashion to treat babies like that. Maybe that is the reason why so many people are narcissists just now. If you were raised like that, you could not feel that you exist at all. The few moments, when you got attention (feeding, cleaning) were the only one to feel your existence and the feeling to be welcome.Therefore there is an extremely strong need/ addiction to emotional response/ attention. It is an overwhelming need and it is anchored in your subconscious. You want to exist. And you feel that you exist by emotional response, positive or negative. It is all the same, called “fuel”. This need started with your birth, maybe even earlier. It remembers of the experiment that one king did in the past. All the babies, who were only fed and cleaned, died after a short time. No emotional response, no physical contact leads to death. It is only my theory, but I think that could explain your need for “fuel.” What do you think about it, HG?

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  8. He tried to play mind games with me . But , if he says I am the crazy one nobody is going to believe . In this game my empathy will win . I have many friends and I always attract people because of my empathy and my smile with dimples and people say I am very friendly and that I have a very good energy.

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  9. Although I have seen all of these play out, he has esp. been using 3 and 4 over the past several months.

    HG—you mention this applies to the Greater–do you mean the entire post or just specifically about #10?

    My narc is definitely not a greater—I’d say upper lesser or mid-range—but he knows these working and has used each one of them like a master. Even if he does not exactly know WHY he is doing it, he IS doing it. Looking back over 20 years of marriage, I can see he was taught by masters—his mother and grandmother.

    I am not heartless, he knows this. There is a part of me that feels such compassion for him. He did not ask to be raised in this way. But, I can look at a scared dog that is growling, showing its teeth and know not to reach out to touch him. My narc, as much compassion as I have towards him, would not waste a chance to attack (mentally) and maul me or try to annihilate me. I feel like I am watching another human being imploding and it does scare me what he might do….it scares me that he might redirect his rage upon himself.

    Thank you for another enlightening post, HG. I think I am going to share your blog with my lawyer. I am certain he has has to deal with many of your kind in the confines of a court room.

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  10. HG – I feel I’ve developed narcissistic traits from being ensnared so many times. I play their games back at them when I feel I can’t trust them. Your work has made me aware of this and I’ve been able to control my narcissistic triaits better by identifying that they’re wrong and becoming indifferent to narcs by realizing that acting like a narcissist is a waste of my time.

    In fact, I realize I may have driven a couple empaths away with my behavior (trust issues, never putting all my eggs in one basket, etc.) brought on by Narc mental abuse and I feel terrible I treated good honest people like that. Lessons learned. Thank you thank you.

    Do you agree normals or empaths can have narcissistic behaviors without being full blown narcs? Behaviors that when recognized, can be controlled by us?

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      1. In response to Joanne’s comment and your reply, I am noticing similar traits. I have learned so much, that I think I am evolving or at least have traits of both super empath and empathic supernova (in the sky…ha ha.) I would rather disengage completely, (and have read Exorcism,) but am having difficulty in execution. Perhaps will revisit those articles, and read that book again. Thank you both.

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    1. Joanne, I have allowed myself to be drawn back into the bronze period (was never gold) …and am hoping not just to escape this time, (at least we are not living together this time) but when the devaluation starts, to devalue him more, and then hopefully go no contact at some point again. …I struggle with the head vs. heart battle, and am hoping I can do this. I know in my head the only way to win is not to play their games. …but now that we know how they play, war is tempting. Maybe I need to focus back on myself and just disengage to truly win. Need to read more and think it all through.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Freebird
        When you understand what they are, toying with them can be both fun and therapeutic. But it’s a lot like playing with broken glass, very hard not to be cut.

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      2. Free Bird – What helped me was keeping busy with people / family who actually love you, re-establish friendships that you neglected because in the end THOSE are the people who will always pick you up. Eliminate other toxic people too even if it’s temporary while you heal.

        Set goals for yourself and take it day by day to rebuild your self esteem. Imagine the best version of yourself whether in your career goals or fitness goals, etc. & do not allow losers to distract you. Get excited for who you can be & that you did it. Get mad at the abuse say fuck you to these leeches pieces of shit and go no contact. Let the imbalanced attract the imbalanced.

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    2. Joanne, I hear you.

      The task though is to not lose sight of the games but to incorporate them into a personal sense of power. I have found that my deeper understanding has helped me navigate difficult people even if they are not full blown narcs. I think the greater take away is for the empath to learn to be both powerful and empathic. Being empathic alone is not a good state of being. Nor is being a narc. We need to be able to move through both spaces which is what we can do authentically. A narc can only mimic going through an empathic state.

      I think many of us who are empathic or super empathic have been victims of families or systems or experiences with pathological narc dynamics from a very young age. Its very hard to leave that role of the empath/quasi doormat/scapegoat and take power in a way that isn’t the way we learned. The world seems to divide itself into takers and givers as those are the most obvious and easiest sometimes way to be. Our monumental task, with this awareness and education, is to find the middle role. Just my thoughts lately. I don’t want to be in that SuperNova role anymore nor do I want to go back to that limp empath dish rag mode, either. It is very hard to have such an understanding now of both sides. We are in a unique position that is not one offered to full unaware narcs or empaths.

      In a funny way, we are all becoming like HG… fully aware but… now what? Where does HG go? (even with therapy) Where do we go?

      There are bizarre theories that there are two races of humans, not along the lines of color or country, but literally two races across humanity, sometimes both exisiting within one family. What if we are now seeing the emergence of the third race? The true melding of the 2 other races? The narcs and empaths waking up to the vast differences within us and what this means for our lives and for humanity? Slowly forming the new race that brings us all together? As our thoughts will change, our genes morphy, our way of being in the world changes, and how we raise our children to see the world will change …

      must be too much coffee

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sarabella,

        I agree! & Interesting you mentioned navigating through fake vs empathic people. Reminded me of racial & gender politics going on in the world. People of different ethnicities & women who claim having to navigate through X-dominated spaces to succeed, in higher education & the corporate world.

        It’s very similar with us except I wish narcs or people with personality disorders could be visible. I think reading between the lines, really trusting your gut, & following HG’s advice of paying attention to actions and the intention of those actions is key. As soon as someone wrongs me, I will question them and overall make it hard for them to manipulate instead of trying to catch them using their own games. That behavior can taint empaths. Better to make it hard for them to keep the mask on & if they leave, let them. I want to be in the middle too, full empaths are too vulnerable and Narcs are just assholes. I want to be empathic enough to care for the better of humanity but Narc/asshole enough to choose me over the bullshit harming me.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. in terms of human behaviour, the entire human race falls into three categories:

        people in the first class are the perfect secretaries, assistants, companions. They have a very fluid personality, but their fluidity is not nourishing. They are, however, serviceable, concerned, totally domestic, resourceful within limits, humorous, well mannered, sweet, delicate. In other words, they are the nicest people one could find. But they have one huge flaw: they cannot function alone. They are always in need of someone to direct them. With direction, no matter gow strained or antagonistic that direction might be, they are stupendous. By themselves, they perish.

        People in the second class are not nice at all: they are petty, vindictive, envious, jealous, self-centered. They talk exclusively about themselves and usually demand that people conform to their standards. They always take the initiative even though they are not comfortable with it. They are thoroughly ill at ease in every situation and never relax. They are insecure and are never pleased. The more insecure they become, the nastier they are. Their fatal flaw is that they would kill to be leaders.

        people in the third class are neither nice nor nasty. they serve noone, nor do they impose themselves on anyone. Rather they are indifferent. They have an exalted idea about themselves,  derived solely from daydreams and wishful thinking. If they are extraordinary at anything, it is at waiting for things to happen. They are waiting to be discovered and conquered and have a marvellous facility for creating the illusion that they have great things in abeyance, which they always promise to deliver but never do because, in fact, they do not have such resources.

        Which one are you?

        All of us are trapped into one of those categories for life, but there is one avenue if redemption: only our personal self-reflection falls into one of those three categories. The trouble with us is that we take ourselves seriously. Whichever category our self-image falls into only matters because of our self-importance. If we weren’t self-important, it wouldn’t matter which category we fall into.

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  11. I totally agree with No. 9 (Impact). Emotional and psychological abuse is more devastating than physical abuse.
    This blog is the only place which has given me validation that I am not too sensitive and that I am not exaggerating when I consider emotional abuse to be worse than physical abuse, especially when we have to endure it for a period of time. The few people I have spoken to about it have shown me their contempt.

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  12. Hi HG,

    You can call me Emerging Butterfly.

    I happen to find your blog via YouTube one evening while listening to another individual who was explaining why NARCs do what they do. I am delighted at the quality of content you have carefully put together for your readers. It has helped me gain clarity and perspective on a lot of the smoke and mirror BS that was targeted towards me which I am now finally emerging from after 5 years of slowly piecing together what is left of my social life, which isn’t much.

    Before meeting the NARC who I believe is a cross between mid-range and elite (just my personal observation) I was on track to attend Law school once I finished my undergrad studies; I considered myself, at the time, to be a quality partner in terms of my intellect and physical appeal (ex-model, athletic, sociable, well-liked, educated and cultured) Never one to have a lot of friends, but the one or two friends I did have were at the time just enough for me. My last year of school everything came tumbling down one brick at a time.The devaluation and discard stage lasted for a period of 1 year. I lost acquaintances and friends, even my best friend from childhood. I lost my passion and desire for Law school and I voluntarily went into isolation. Unable to work for a few years in a proper career I took low wage jobs because I couldn’t function or focus on anything that required an advanced level of analytical skills. (why do you think that was?)

    Meanwhile, this prick (the NARC) carried on life with his new fiancé, now wife as if we never met or ever knew each other in this lifetime. I know a smear campaign was initiated and it was a vicious one, but I do not have access to his inner circle of ‘lieutenants’ and minions (including my ex-friends) as you appropriately call them, so my question to you would be how do I go about re-emerging stronger than ever without attempting full-blown revenge? That sort of approach is not my personality and I probably would retract mid-way through the process out of a guilty conscience; thus, I refuse to stoop to his level of evil mind games. It’s been 5 years of no contact, which I am happy about! However, I do suspect that he does hoover from time to time via fake phone calls.

    These years have given me time to reflect and review on how things went down and why they went down the way it did. I wasn’t equipped with the necessary knowledge or personal support I needed from TRUE friends – But, I’m okay. I’m a fighter, always have been. I’ve made peace with that. But I want him to know that despite the great pain and destruction he brought into my life I AM STILL STANDING even stronger than before! Any feedback or recommendations on how to move forward in terms of letting him know in an indirect way that he may have tried, but I am still standing and intend on pursuing my goals without having to exact total revenge on him. Is there a way to do this? I am a Taurus and by nature I am extremely stubborn. I’m done licking my wounds and now I want his minions and lieutenants to carry news back to their god that she looks amazing and HAPPY!

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    1. KL….
      Don’t do it. You are one meat puppet in a toy box. He’ll play with you and throw you back in the box, broken. You know the consequences.

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    2. Webster dictionary defines an opportunity as:
      a favorable juncture of circumstances the halt provided an opportunity for rest and refreshment
      2
      : a good chance for advancement or progress

      If your definition of having an opportunity to engaged with a narc whom I assume has hurt you in the past. I am sorry, but you should consider seeking help outside of this blog.

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    3. Karen do not do it. Temporary satisfaction will take you 5 steps back. He is a loser, let the imbalanced be with the imbalanced & be excited for what you can be without him.

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  13. I chose me sanity and healing over what would have been a terrible mistake. I still find it almost impossible to believe he Never loved me. 30 years wasted. If it had not been for HGs website I would have never known and would have never had the chance to find true love.

    The door is now closed to the life I knew with him. No more mind games. No more crying myself to sleep knowing he was in the next room online with all his next victims. He thinks he has everyone fooled but they will see once the divorce is final. He has no friends and never connects with anyone! It is all so very sad. I have determined I’m a super empath and have tons of friends. They have helped me get through this. 3 months ago I kicked him out and then he decided it was time for the discard. I still cry everyday. I know one day I won’t. I am using the books to move forward. Thank you to everyone that responded. Much love to you! Karen

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    1. Karen, they don’t want friends, and they don’t want you to have friends. They want isolation to do their work, and they need you isolated because you are their job, their check, their project, their masterpiece if they are successful. Compartmentalizing everything is a must. My narc has been hoovering after disappearing 9 months ago. He’s been calling from restricted numbers all of sudden. No remorse for the hurt, very nonchalant and calm, and thinks he is entitled to put himself back in my life. Thanks for H. G., I know I am going to have to pay for the consultation because I am now getting a barrage of calls. When I first came across this site I was so mad I wanted him dead, but now that I know what this is, it’s entertaining and insulting to hear the crap that comes out of his mouth. He spoke for 3 hr 33 min and 23 seconds and it was all him talking and all tall tales and lies. I sat there on the phone transcribing word-for-word what he said and then came to this site last night and just searched through the categories. The three posts that fit him are “Silent, Oh Silent”, “Tall Stories”, and “Lies”. Most of the others do too, but I posted excerpts of “Silent, Oh Silent” in his fb. messenger since he asked me for a picture and had the nerve to say that mine was old even though he denies use of fb (even faked asking a co-worker to see their phone to look at my photo- sigh), and thank God today he hasn’t called once. I think he is strategizing, but it doesn’t matter, as long as I am armed with these posts, and I bought some of the book this week from Amazon. It will help defeat my heart in giving in and taking him back since the No Contact was broken by a restricted call.

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      1. Narcout,
        When you say restricted call what do you mean? 3 hours of talk time, how do you place restrictions?

        I place restrictions from my phone by blocking phone calls and text. However, it does not stop them from calling from other numbers when that happens it’s on me to engage or disengage with them.

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      2. The caller ID said restricted. It doesn’t display the number, or it says private. I heard there was an app to reverse it and display the number, but I don’t have it. The number was blocked from me to see, which of course there was a lie about why it was restricted, he was on a boat and using the phone on the boat, and blah, blah, blah…. I have answered restricted calls and it be business calls, since I hadn’t heard from him since he disappeared nine months ago, he was the last person I expected to be on the other end.

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      3. Narcedoutanjl
        Thank you for your response, or thought there was another or new app that allowed that. I am not sure if you are in the USA some phone companies will allow *67 before phone number to block number. I just found out you can block most block phone numbers without installing a app. Rather it 1 minute or an hour any time we give them is fuel and will help the ascertain their next hoover.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I can verify that the *67 works on Verizon.

        My narc has called for the past two days. I am waiting for the “restricted” call–I won’t answer those either. LOL

        Please ignore his texts as well.

        Can you change your number? Verizon allows you to go on MyVerizon and change your number at no charge. Might be something similar for other carriers.

        My narc has control of my cell and see all calls coming in, going out—the same with text numbers. I have had to do all of my business stuff (including my lawyer) through email—that is, until I can afford my own cell plan.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. I would like to know what’s in it for the lieutenants or the ‘coterie’ of people you describe a narc uses to do their dirty work – research, dating for info, etc? The lieutenants must know that the ‘date’ they’re going on can’t be taken further or the ‘research’ they are doing won’t benefit them – so how come this ‘coterie’ volunteers and keeps volunteering? Are they empaths too or do narcs do this for each other knowingly?

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  15. Joanne and Sarabella

    Yes! Yes! Embracing your Narc traits is the way. We all have them in different degrees, but some think that developing them or acting on them makes you a Narc. Not so. I read a lot of posts where people say they are going to stay alone to avoid being ensnared again, or that they trust no one and draw into themselves. That serves no one but the narc. He wins. Enjoy your life, meet new people and have new experiences, but first work on being able to trust action over words, to not automatically give people the benefit of the doubt but rather time, so you can determine if what they said or did was genuine. To say no thank you to something without having to follow it up with apologies or excuses so as not to hurt the other persons feelings. To give yourself the consideration that you afford to others. There is no pride in being an Empath if you do not practice with yourself what you offer to others. If you assert yourself and someone does not respect your boundaries let them go. Those people clutter up your head and monopolize your time, preventing you from enjoying your life and spending time with those who would add to your life, so why do you worry about offending them? The biggest thing is giving yourself time to observe what ACTUALLY happens (not your empathic interpretation) within an interaction, and then determining for yourself what you would advise someone you love dearly to do. That someone should be you. So go ahead, be a little more of what you think is selfish (its not), enjoy new people (but dont embrace everything about them immediately) and observe, observe,observe. Live life as it was meant to be: shared-not serving everyone but yourselves.

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  16. Entertainment and SweetFreedom thanks for the input. I knew about *67 with Verizon (I am in the USA), I didn’t know you could use it that way. I thought you use it to restrict others from seeing your number, as he did me, and it shows up private or restricted when it rings your phone. I saw this app and I tried to download it but you had to pay to use it. It would trace the number of the blocked call and reveal it to you. I lied to him and told him that I had the app and that I knew his number and address and that I would send someone to knock on his door to prove it-haven’t heard another word from him since.

    I thought he would never make contact but everything H.G. has said has been spot on. His post, “Shall I deploy a (follow up) hoover” was exactly how the conversation went once I picked up, with the exception of his number being revealed, and my voice didn’t crack, I actually cried. It was like H.G. was sitting on the call.

    I am so thankful for H.G. and for you all sharing your comments. I have bought so many books now, just got Sitting Target in the mail. With the books and falling asleep to the YouTube videos from his channel, I think I am going to survive this. June will be 1 year post-discard, with only one hoover last month by restricted call/witheld number, so hopefully he will stay away for years, and by then, I will have found Mr. Right or disappeared myself off the grid)

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