Know the Signs Heed the Signs

redflag black flag

The most effective way to win the war is not fight it to begin with.

Spot the narcissist before it is too late.

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5 thoughts on “Know the Signs Heed the Signs”

  1. Thank you. Is there anyway that you know if it was the good way or the bad way? Or both? And why would he even say that comment to me? Was it a test? A test to see if he had control over me or a test to see my reaction?

      1. It’s okay, HG. By looking twice at what you wrote, I understand your point. Thank you, HG!

  2. Great book! I was reading Red Flag. I have yet to read Black Flag, but I will.

    This must have been a warning sign. During the lovebombing period, I told him through a chatting session that he is a good guy. He said that “if other guys knew what I was thinking and what I wanted to do to you, then they wouldn’t agree.” I thought that he was just being dirty since we were sleeping together after all and he just couldn’t be serious anyway (well, the joke was on me). But after all that has happened and what I know now from you, he wasn’t kidding.

    So, what was he thinking and what did he want to do to me? Hurt me, control me, use me, rape me, what? He knew that I was struggling with the effects of rape but by somebody else at this time. So, I was in a vulnerable place to begin with, I know. And why did he even say this to me?

    He also said that if the situation (his married life) is hurting me, then that concerns a great deal to him. He said, “I don’t want to hurt you, Lauren. I don’t want to hurt you ever. And if what we are doing is starting to hurt, then please let me know.” If it starts to hurt? So, he did want me to be hurt. What was that then? Another warning sign for him hurting me in the future?

    1. He was showing that he was different to other people and in his mind superior to them. What did he want to do to you? All manner of different things which would gain fuel and mark him out as special to you, be that special in a good way (he liked to experiment and thrill) or in a bad way (he liked to let you know that he is dangerous).

      He did not care about hurting you. He said that in order to look good, to appear as if he cared when he does not.

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