Never Enough

blinking

I will have told you that I only have eyes for you, that you are the one, that I am completely dedicated to you and that I only ever want to be with you. You make me say these things. It is your expectation of such faithfulness to you and you alone, indoctrinated into you by the world, that causes me to have to say these things. I need to fulfil your expectations in order to capture you and then keep you. It is a ridiculous state of affairs. Since when can a person be sustained on one thing alone? It is impossible. At its most basic, you are given only water to drink and nothing to eat. You will starve. Then if you are given just bread to eat your body will be malnourished as it is not getting the nutrients it needs from fruit, vegetables, meat and so on. One food stuff alone is not sufficient. Take your job. If you had to do the same thing over and over again, the absolute same task you will go out of your mind with boredom. Either that or you would lose your job to mechanisation. One thing is not enough.

Have you only ever had one relationship? Unlikely. How else would you know whether this is right if you have nothing to compare it against? Can one man win a football match? Of course not. He needs his team mates. Where does your stimulation come from? Are you confined to reading just one book repeatedly? No. One film seen countless times? No, you like and prefer a variety of silver-screened entertainment. Do you have just one person you interact with on a social level? Again the answer is no. You draw your social nourishment from different friends, family members, acquaintances and so forth. One is not enough.

I am no different. The thing that sustains me is fuel. I must draw this from several sources. Yet, my necessary actions in acquiring this fuel subject me to moral indignation and disapproval. How is that fair? I do not tell you that you must only eat one kind of breakfast cereal for the rest of your life, why should I be expected to gather my fuel from just one appliance? I need the variety. Not only is this necessary to ensure that I have fuel on tap at all times, it is necessary to provide the catalyst for the provision of fuel from my primary appliance. If I have nothing by which I can provoke a reaction from you, your free-flowing fuel will soon dry up.

The result is that you and I are never alone. There is no singularity despite all of my words asserting that this is the case. When I first ensnare you there will be another who is being subjected to my vitriol. You are most likely warned of this psychotic ex. What I am less likely to tell you about is my ongoing campaign of denigration in order to harvest further fuel from this harlot who has let me down. I may even be faithful at first. Yes faithful by your understanding of the concept, namely that I will not physically consort with another. I am not faithful however in just being solely committed to you. I will be reaching out to others in order to bring them into my sphere of influence, most likely whispering the very same things that I have said to you. My lips may not lock with these new opportunities but that is more by accident than design. I have certainly locked with them in order to draw fuel from them. As I walk through the day those invisible fuel lines reach out and attach to most who I interact with.I am sure, judged by your standards, you would not be overly concerned about the methods by which I draw fuel from some. In other instances you would be most concerned. Yet, you must understand that I am only doing what everyone does. I am seeking variety. In your instance you do it because you prefer it that way. It is interesting. Maintaining a variance keeps things fresh and stimulating. In my case I have to do it. There may not yet be any lipstick on my collar but there are scores of fuel lines attached and in ways that you are always going to find distasteful. That is of course if you ever find out.

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33 thoughts on “Never Enough”

  1. Cool meme
    I’ll probably take a hit over this but its the truth: I share that view in most of this. I do not believe we were meant to be with one person and furthermore, think that I have a lot of company in this but societal rules prevent it from being admitted to even if you never act on it. If you were to be 100% faithful but admitted these thoughts, you would always be suspect at the very least of cheating and all of your morals and values would be questioned. While youre sitting there, just take a minute to think how freeing it would be to be able to see who you like when you like (sexually or otherwise) without having to explain to someone what your status or intentions are. The freedom. There is no such thing really as dating. You see someone a couple times outside of a group and you are now considered paired or coupled. If I see someone a few times and then tell him I am going out to dinner with someone else it is considered some invisible breach and unacceptable. You do get tired of the same book, movie, and yes even friends and lovers when there is constant exposure. It is the reason there is so much infidelity and it used to be predominantly men in focus but more and more women are found to be participating. It gets stale and we look (consciously or not) for something or someone else to add excitement to fill the void we have. The Narc switches from one appliance to another and also from positive to negative to acheive the same result. I think the difference to the people currently wanting to gouge my eyes out is: This is not what they signed on for. The average person that cheats may have fallen into it by interacting closely with someone say at work, or a close friend, or got caught up after a one-night stand and things progressed. Not intentional (well… thats debatable and for another time) whereas the Narc presented a beautiful and over the top fantasy of committment and love. One that promised to fill a void you had (and you must have had to fall as fast and hard and be as accepting as you were). You were duped. But you must remember, that at one time he believed it would be true and that he could actually fulfill this with you. There are plenty of people coupled for a long time who have just settled in and lets face it-usually for the kids even if grown and the judgement of others. Some even waiting quietly for the other to pass on so they can enjoy some time unencumbered before they themselves pass. They are numb and gave up individual hopes and dreams to do the right thing and live by this societal code. Is it any wonder that when this white knight arrives with his charm and excitement (and his utter belief that this time he can do it) that people get swept up in that dream and lock onto it like a pitbull when they start to see the edges fraying? Narcs are under a delusion and Empaths in addiction. I see both sides as responsible. Narcs for the entrance and Empaths for the exit.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. NarcAngel
      if one wants to live having all that constant intimate companionship because he gets easily bored.. well.. it is his choice.. however while doing that he is promising for years commitment and fidelity to a partner who truly loves.. then it is absolutely diabolical.. that is deceiving, cheating, lying hurting …
      that is when a line should be drawn.. he should stick to people who wants the same.. not with the ones who wants committed to one partner…
      there is a difference you know?
      and we are all different..

      Like

      1. I agree with Maria. Freedom of choice for both partners. Not expecting the partner to stay faithful while doing whatever he wants behind her back. It can be someone’s freedom to choose to have one partner only, and if there has been an agreement on this and is broken, that’s not okay. Simply agree mutually on the terms.

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  2. Hi H.G,

    Great article, as always. Sadly, seems we find out too late once discarded.

    Hypothetically:
     
    1. Kim’s fuel is deluxe prime octane, fit for a Rolls Royce. All is well in Narc World.
     
    2. It’s Friday night, you’re having drinks with your inner circle mates at your new favourite bar, The Empath’s Handbag.

    Walk in Gigi Hadid (latest Top Model. Apologies if you’ve already ‘had’ her, just substitute her name 😁). 

    Naturally, she is spellbound by your exploits. Adding her name as yet another notch to your bed post (assuming there’s room left 😎) would elevate you even higher (if that’s possible!), among your pals.

    3. You’re drunk with Gigi’s supermodel fuel and must embed her at once. She has all the bells and whistles an empath can have, except… patience. 

    Alas, Gigi won’t go for ‘IPSS’ (not that she knows what that means of course), and won’t settle for anything less than ‘Trophy IPPS’, (even though she has no clue about that one either). 

    She’s eager to ‘get things going’ ASAP, “A La Narc”, and is already planning to see you the next day, at your place. Can’t imagine you’d decline.

    4. Soooo, would you bypass Kim’s devaluation (who’s at Narc Castle, patiently waiting for her Master’s return) and discard her right away, to reel Gigi in?

    You’d miss out on the negative fuel provided by the slow burn that is the devaluation.

    We all know what would “go down” with Gigi on Saturday night and every night thereafter. (Goody you barely sleep! Just resurface to catch your breath and send a few memes our way though! 😀)

    5. Or, would you pass on Gigi (hard to believe), her beauty “might” eclipse yours? People looking more at her than you, would most definitely not do. 

    Argh! But, you had “instant fuel chemistry” and almost combusted…so she could be…the one! 
    What’s a Greater to do?

    Sure, I could have directly asked: “would you ever bypass an IPPS’ s devaluation, straight to discard, in order to secure an impatient trophy appliance, but where’s the fun in that?

    Like

    1. Entertaining scenario Ballerina9.

      1. I assume that Kim is in the golden period in your example. If so, there would be no looking to acquire a new IPPS because she is The One.
      2. Gigi would thus be connected as a NISS. (Thus there is a connection which could be exploited in due course).

      Liked by 1 person

      1.  
        Hi H.G,

        Thank you for your answer. I’m a bit surprised.

        I thought I had read you had been unfaithful to your wife (prior to the wedding).

        1.Were you not in the GP then, fully infatuated thinking she was The One too?

        2. Or, was the infidelity “only” during the marriage. 

        Not judging. Just trying to understand better.
        Thank you 

        Like

    2. Ballerina9
      That was creative and entertaining. Also helpful in laying out the question so people new here can understand the scenario better until they are familiar to the terms and abbreviations we use. I know It took me a bit to sort them out. I enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand your point of view and do not disagree. I only differ in that I would prefer to be alone and in the company of myself, then to cheat. That is freedom for “me”.

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    1. Ms Brown
      Well I do always say what can a man do for me that an appliance cant? Course I may have to change the wording since the damn Narcs have claimed the word appliance.
      Ok
      What can a man do for me that rechargeable Cyberskin covered apparatus cant?
      Sometimes solo is the way to go.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ms Brown
        I dont really DO Fakebook but I was curious about what you brought up previously about other groups/forums/blogs on there and the difference in climate. There are so many. Are there particular ones in general or were you lumping them all in together? I thought I might dip a toe in to see the difference. I cant remember what it is you were curious about knowing. If you can shed any light I would appreciate it. You know-just in case I decide to check it out.

        Like

      2. NA: It was HG that was curious about what would happen if I posted a particular statement I had made (about Karma) on FB…. you can scroll and follow that commentary on his “Damned if you do/don’t” post, April 4th…

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      3. NA

        I am in full agreement. Now that’s something I will lock on to like a pit bull. 😊 I’ve thrown away at least 4 those were easy exits but never lasted long. I would hoover and stalk them at the shop whilst picking up my hemp toiletries. Only to return later to purchase another 😂😂
        Sounds sick ewe, at least they do not talk back.

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      4. It is much more than what an appliance could fulfil. We need all 5 senses, and sometimes the 6th too. Touch, taste, scent, sight, and sound.

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      5. Love
        True, all of that adds to the experience when paired with someone like-minded. I meant sometimes its better to go solo rather than put up with the horseshit just to be with someone. You know-like the time I previously told where he was doing his victory lap around the room, hands raised above his head saying how proud he was of HIMSELF. Now, that was both fascinating and entertaining, but prior to THAT performance I would have had more fun if I had been alone and uncaged the rubber rabbit.

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      6. Love
        A whole minute is a long time when youre trying to bang someone with a piece of string, so in that respect I suppose it was cause for celebration. See how much Ive grown to recognize that? Damn that Tudor is a good teacher!

        Like

    2. Ms Brown. I can also agree with this way of living. However, for myself, companionship is something I do enjoy and crave in the form of love. While I do feel a general love towards myself and others I interact with on a daily basis; a connection that inspires and cultivates a range of experiences and emotions has always been something I’ve wanted. I’m a bit of a love fool in that regard.

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  4. Reaching out to others, building bridges towards orhers, including others in our fellowship of life, it is right, needful and satisfying.
    It is the “intimately coupling” with many, when one should be commited to one partner, that it is corroupting.. and brings misery and shame.

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  5. This blog really got me thinking on the subject of validation. As a codependant ive seeked validation thru certain individuals in my life. I feel ive achieved a good amount and am content with that but i still find im not sure of myself and need that certain someone there which in my case is the narc im involved with.
    What really perplexes me are the narcs like HG who have achieved so much and have tons going for them. charismatic, smart and funny. People love these types. Also creative. I look at you HG and others like you be it celebs etc that have the world at their feet and you see so many of them spun out on drugs and overdosing. Micheal jackson, prince etc they lose themselves. I keep wondering how someone with so much going for them can feel empty and need other people to like themselves. The only answer i can come up with is the nurturing of a parent at a young age. Its amazing it impacts throughout ones life. These people have so much they really dont need others to feel proud of who they are and to like themselves yet they do.

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