20 Commandments of Social Media Etiquette

20 COMMANDMENTSOF SOCIAL MEDIA ETIQUETTE

 

Social media and the internet. When the Romans built those long, straight and effective roads they had no idea what was going to be using those roads in years to come. Similarly, those early pioneers – Tim Berners-Lee, Mark Zuckerberg, Noah Glass, Kevin Systrom et al could not have realised what their various creations might achieve and might still achieve. I daresay none of them realised what fantastic tools they had created for my kind and me. The advance of technology and the various forms of applications and social media have not only contributed to a growth in our numbers, those entitled millennials for example, but our reach has been massively extended beyond the use of the humble telephone. Whereas once my tendrils coiled from my person when I was physically proximate to you, through the use of Lieutenants, elegant hand-crafted letters and those whispered words from landlines and telephone booths, now my tendrils are multiplied a billion times over. They surge across the internet, striking from well-composed e-mails, appearing from the medley of text messages which race to and fro. I surf forums selecting those who are the most appropriate targets and victims and use the vast array of electronic media at my disposal to seduce and ensnare. Messages, photos, videos fly back and forth across the many outlets, across my many devices. In my bolthole the glow from multiple screens would allow you, if I ever admitted you across the threshold, to see my studious gaze and fuel-filled grin as my fingers dart and glide. Opening one application, closing another, composing a message, answering a query, laughing at a comment, reaching out, reeling in, seducing, devaluing, hoovering. Like some grand organist at a technological organ, the screens change and glow, from phone to phone, from PC to laptop, to tablet. The notifications pings and appear, each one the potential for fuel. Yes, the seemingly unstoppable advance of the availability of wireless communication and the many, many methods of connection that are available have been a playground for our kind. We can observe, learn, ply our trade as we cross jurisdictions, mountain ranges and oceans like never before. Once upon a time a bar or a club was a prime hunting ground for some of our kind. Now it invariably begins online and we can broadcast our love-bombs across a massive area, tweaking and adjusting until we refine matters so we can close in on those in a proximate area. The few hundred in a local bar become several million in a city who can then be met face to face and the most potent fuelling begins.

The use of social media and the internet is all pervading throughout your entanglement with our kind We seduce using it, we bombard and charm using it. We harness its formidable power to devalue, to smear, to disseminate the lies about you and then broadcast news of our newest conquest in order to further your misery. Pictures plastered across our timeline. Comments smeared across your own. Others piling into the frenzy of electronic barbs and hooks. The enticing hoover of a late night text message. The blocking, the deleting, the eradicating. The capacity to scour your online profile for information to commence your seduction. The ability to monitor where you are and who you are with as we ready a hoover. The game playing from knowing you can see I have read a message but I won’t respond, leaving you churning, anxious and on the edge of indecision as to whether you ought to try again or remain distant. The carousel of available targets, the endless permutations and possibilities for gathering fuel. Such potential and such excitement. The triangulation across the airwaves, the shuttling of similar messages back and forth to various recipients, a beauty parade where the most effective responders then are chosen for the next stage.

If all of this was taken away I can revert to old school methods. I have that skill set. The junior of our number would be in serious distress, thrashing around and unable to perform effectively as us great sharks cruise easily utilising the older methods to suck up all that fuel to leave the younger of our brethren starving and failing. Not that such an occurrence is likely to happen. No, instead it will only become more and more of a narcissist’s heaven as faster and more intuitive devices are created. How long before the “Find an Empath” application makes its presence known? Watch with glee as the radar sweeps around and notifies me that there are 42 empaths in a one-mile radius. Such sweet delight!

Of course with every new system, every new method of interaction there come rules, obligations, conventions, protocols and procedures. Many are informal, internationally recognised as the dos and don’ts of social media usage. Our kind, naturally, is not isolated from such a development and there is indeed an etiquette (which is just a euphemistic way of saying this is what you really should do) with regard to social media usage involving our kind and your kind. Accordingly, let me introduce you to twenty commandments of social media etiquette as decreed by the Council of Narcissists.

  1. You are never to tag us in any photographs without our prior permission which can be revoked at any time and without reason.

 

  1. Our relationship status is only updated when we deem it appropriate. Any insistence by you that we reflect your existence will meet with repercussions. Your relationship status? Nobody is interested.

 

  1. All photographs post discard will show us ecstatically happy and with ourselves draped around your replacement. You should make sure you look and do so regularly.

 

  1. All adverse comments about you are true and must never be removed, amended or diluted by you.

 

  1. We have a stock of unlimited likes which we can throw around over other people’s comments and pictures as often as we want and you have to deal with it.

 

  1. If messenger says I was active five minutes ago, it is lying.

 

  1. I can block, ban, unblock, revoke bans as and when required. You must facilitate access to all your social media at all times without condition or exclusion.

 

  1. My tweets are slices of intellectual brilliance. Nobody reads yours (unless they praise me).

 

  1. All electronic communications used by me never existed. You imagined them.

 

  1. My 1500 friends of the opposite sex are exactly that. Why else are they described as friends?

 

  1. All postings by you are subject to scrutiny and questioning as in, “Whose hand is that in the background?” and

“I see two glasses on the table. Who else was there?”

 

  1. Just because it shows I have read your message is not determinative proof that I have done so.

 

 

  1. It shows my message to you has been read. You have ten seconds to reply.

 

  1. You are duty bound post discard or escape to accept follower and friend requests from utter strangers with unusual profile pictures.

 

  1. Notifications do not appear on my lock screen to save battery power. Honest.

 

  1. All my postings must be liked and commented, re-tweeted etc. by you within one hour of their creation. All comments must reflect my brilliance and incisive insights on the topic du jour.

 

  1. The fact my device automatically logs in at a location is not evidence I have been before. It merely shows how welcome I am.

 

  1. You are not permitted to demonstrate favour to other posts, tweets, pictures etc. over mine.

 

  1. I filter everything that might appear on my timeline. Popularity requires such a step. No, I have not got anything to hide.

 

  1. If my response is a non-sequitur when we are messaging this does not mean I am messaging someone else at the same time. It means you are not keeping up with me.
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20 thoughts on “20 Commandments of Social Media Etiquette”

  1. Oh Tudor Tudor, you do make me laugh, and then I realize….oh wait…..hes serious….

    ”’Likes” reminds me. After one particular hoover that advised me of yet another charitable event that had people singing his praises, I responded to tell him that I was impressed by his involvement in such a worthy cause. I proceeded to tell him that I scrolled through all of the photos (there were many) and “liked” each and every one he was in and only those. I pictured his smile and satisfaction at having me acknowledge him in this way. And then I added: But I did notice something concerning. In all of the photos I noticed the men wearing low black socks in black athletic shoes whereas you had the high white basketball socks and white shoes that scream I am gay and in grade 7. You should consider that at the next event. Great job!!

    What can I say? Its just in me to give.

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    1. Lol. NarcAngel, I think your calling is a life coach for narcs. 😉
      One of my former bosses created a PowerPoint of his life achievements for my orientation session. Each slide was a comparison of his wins to a former college buddy who had become a well known doctor. He even included a pic of himself doing a high jump dunk on the basketball court.
      I had to bite my tongue and not ask if there was a trampoline under him and if the basket was at a child’s height.

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    2. Very good 😂
      The narc I knew asked me to post things on my fb and to like posts. No way matey I said I have a mind of my own. I said anyway why would I do that as now you never like anything I post. His reply ” you are clever”. Yes I will take that as I am clever=goodbye ass hole 😂

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  2. LOL at the “find an empath” app.

    Up until a few days ago I had no idea “liking” a picture on Instagram was considered a hoover!

    Does your kind ever take a social media break? I will admit I still stalk him on social media and he has not posted in almost 4 months. I wonder if he has multiple social media pages or is just filtering me out. It does not seem that I am blocked but who even knows.

    He did ask me to refrain from interacting with (liking and commenting on his posts) because I was a dirty secret and he was tired of explaining (aka: lying) to his family, friends and wife about who I was. But yeah he was free to comment and like on whatever he felt like with me.

    In the beginning he went crazy liking all my pics. Now he is non existent on my social media. I have identified a handful of people he “like” bombs though.

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      1. I interpret “enforced” to mean that he is back to focusing on the wife (IPPS) before finding a new shiny toy to play with. Seeing as how I was caught with a FB hook it makes sense.

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  3. Number 17 😂😂😂
    Oh my goodness me I really do laugh at your kinds stupidity (no offense).
    Groundhog day must be so very boring. You do the same things day in and day out.
    Another fantastic read. Once you get to the place of understanding you can just see it all unfold in front of your eyes. My councellor told me some people never wake up and so they do not. Lucky me is all I can say.

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  4. His FB relationship status remains single , recent photos taken on Saturday nights at his favourite place but with male friends only , no signs of my replacement whatsoever but I know there is someone. He just keeps a low profile.. maybe not so sure of attachment yet .

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  5. These are brilliant HG. When I had finally worked out what he was & his tactics, I asked him why he had not let a particular picture of us together go through to his timeline but he’d let pictures of himself & others at the same event go through. The diversionary tactics he used were priceless. First he said, “I see them all” (the photos). Then he launched into a critique of my grammar to completely change the subject. So so funny. And they think they’re so smart….

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  6. Hello HG, My exNarc made some comments about me on a blog, a few times this week, I don’t consider that a hoover is it? After 5 weeks of NC after his last email to me….. I emailed him about it and called him out. Surprisingly, he responded….he usually gives me the silent treatment. However his response was verbatim of the last one….the same old BS he always says. It started with his classic like…:”I don’t ordinarily respond to your emails” and then said he did because I reached out to him. He then said again, he now has no respect for me, and told me not to contact him ever again…..just like he did 5 weeks ago.

    I replied to him but this time he didn’t read my email (I have a read reciept on my emails he does NOT know I have), so he must have blocked me now on email? which he has never done before. I sent another and same thing. Normally he reads them within minutes. Since he does not know I can see if he read my emails, it must mean something more….because for all he knows, he is just ignoring me again. Is this significant?

    Today I resent that email from a different account and this time he read it. I am not sure what to make of this.

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    1. He made you dance through 3 accounts or attempts. I heard the same words and experienced the same pattern. He is in control. But only as long as you keep letting him be. I will never reach out to the coward again. Ever. Cause I will never give him an opportunity to tell me, “normally I don’t reply,” or put me down or any of his grotesque games.

      You are the mouse, he is the cat. He is toying with you. sadly.

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  7. Hi HG,

    If a Middle Mid Range Narcissist notices that I have unfollowed on Twitter, defriended on FB and have removed photos of us together, what would their reaction be?

    And during devaluation is it common to have a MMR “liking” your posts?

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  8. HG

    What is your take? Narc has 2 FB accounts in his name. I am not sure how much he uses one account privately but its not active publicly. Only was used by some friend of his to post fashion and pageant junk he was tagged in. That account he set up when FB switched its timeline layout. The friends part has always been open. Now his other account is his main account which he uses regularly. His original one that ages ago got flipped to the new FB layout. He no longer posts photos openly but I believe he uses the Instagram feed so photos are openly visible in Instagram. His friends list has always been closed. For years. But the other day, he opened his friend list so its now visible.

    Any idea why he suddenly would do tbat? Why all this time not mind an open list on a less used account, hide it on his main one, and now open it?

    I am glad as I have wondered what happened to someone he used to engage with alot and I see now she is gone.

    I am wondering why he would make that move? Could there be no reason or can you put your narc speculation cap on and does anything come to mind? If everything is a manipulation of some sort, why would he change this do you think?

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  9. HG,
    Is it typical for an UMRN to delete 11 years of our pictures and then say it was a bug on the phone? I could not believe it when he said it and his face kind of gave him away-or at least he looked spooked or uncomfortable-fumbled with the lie.
    Do you really say all those things to your IPPS? What is her response?
    Thanks!

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