You? Me? Them?



Once upon a time. The Princess and the Pea. Prince Charming. Snow White. Pretty Woman. Barbie and Ken. The Waltons. Hug you from behind. Breakfast in bed. Picking you up in the rain. Glimpsing you from a train and running after you. The Fabulous Baker Boys. Roman Holiday. Bouquets. Surrounded by your loving family as you pass away. Snow at Christmas. Remembered birthdays. The Little House on the Prairie. Beauty and the Beast. A Room With a View. City breaks. Walking in the foam. Holding hands. Growing old together. Gone With the Wind. The white knight. Crazy For You. The Passion. Spooning in bed. Monogamy. Rosanna. Love Me Tender. Truly Madly Deeply. A candlelit bath. The Best. Gift on the pillow. Save the Best For Last. Impromptu lunch. Dancing cheek to cheek. Someday my prince will come. Red roses. White roses. Opening doors. Up Where We Belong. Rome and Juliet. Holding your hair. You’re the First, My Last, My Everything. Writing ‘I Love You’ in the steamed up mirror. Endless Love. I Think I Love You. Dedicating a song on the radio. Father Figure. The Power of Love. Fairytale wedding. Carved initials on a tree inside a heart. Giving you the last Rolo. Love conquers all. Love will save the day. Love’s young dream. Love is a many splendored thing. Writing poems. Love notes in a lunch box. A message in the sand. Till death do us part. Together forever. Bright young things. Never Tear Us Apart. Soulmate. Other half. My Heart Will Go On. Bridget Jones’ Diary. I’ll Stand By You. Children. A Whole New World. Paris in the spring time. Lazing in a hammock together. A log cabin by the lake. The Notebook. The Spiderman kiss. Notting Hill. Rose and Jack. Letting you sleep in. Bella and Edward. Latika and Jamal. Dirty Dancing. Leading the dancing. Remembering anniversaries. In sickness and in health. When Harry Met Sally. Synchronised orgasms. Sex in the morning. Sex in the evening. Still having sex after all these years. Fidelity. Eyes only for you. An Officer and a Gentleman. Isla and Rick. Letting you first. Knowing you hate spiders. Viola and William. Stardust. Walking in the snow together. Walking through leaves together. Edward Scissorhands. Just the Way You Are. My Girl. Annie’s Song. Matching tattoos. Wearing a wedding band. I Will Always Love You. When a Man Loves a Woman. I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. Love is blind. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The perfect match. Our love is predestined. It was written in the stars above. Love at first sight. Mr/Mrs Right, “My one and only,” “man/woman of my dreams,” “match made in heaven,” “love of my life,” “my true love,” “made for each,” “my perfect match,” “I met the love of my life,” “I knew this was the one.”  “We were meant for each other.” “instant connection,” “clicked right away,” “chemistry at first sight,” “hit it off right away,” “experienced immediate attraction,” “instant rapport,” “completely hit it off,” “it was magical,” “you put a spell on me” . Love is a river that drowns the tender reed. The perfect house. The country idyll. Home is where the heart is. Wuthering Heights. Jayne Eyre. Twilight. The Hunger Games. Gabriel’s Inferno. Water for Elephants. Warming the bed first. Investigating a bump in the night. Holding you during a storm. Never being taken for granted. Perfection. Having it all. The Happy Ever After.

False promises and unrealistic ideals created by them.

A gateway to the false promised land, to the unrealistic ideal life offered and exploited by us.

Resorting to self-destructive and addictive behaviours in order to compensate for these failings and disappointments by becoming entangled with us again and again and again. That’s you.

Who is to blame?

29 thoughts on “You? Me? Them?

  1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Gone with the wind … you got me there. Oh Scarlet – she’s bad ass. Her histrionic behavior always entertained me.

  2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    thank god im not a romantic …lol

  3. DJ says:

    I don’t think anyone genuinely believes in the fairy tale love created by society’s poets, song writers and movie makers but the idealisation of love in the arts is by no means a new concept and probably as old as time. I personally want a healthy union of 2 like minded people bonded by love. Is that too much to ask?! A narcissist targeted me for my strength, my empathy and my lifestyle. I do not have an unrealistic desire for an impossible fairy tale version of love, so he did not dangle that particular carrot in order to attract and ensnare me. In fact had he attempted that I would have laughed him all the way back to his fairy tale castle with his big white steed’s tail between it’s legs. That’s why your kind are so dangerous. You know your target and which carrot to dangle. So don’t go blaming us for whatever idea we have of love because, whatever it is, you’ll fake it to get what you need.

  4. narseeker says:

    You may be right, maybe romance is a social construct. I read a while ago a book in which it was put forward that the ideal of “romantic love” was one of the things that helped to consolidate the bourgeoisie, and differentiate an emerging middle class both from the aristocracy and the poor. A very interesting theory.
    HG, if you were to write a book for young girls (and boys), an alternative, realistic story (instead of the above fairy tales that enable your kind to exploit our cravings for a false promised land) then, please, what would you write?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would have to think about that beforehand.

      1. Susan Mitchell says:

        Hg, world class seller:
        Book written for parents as guidance for children.
        You are the ultra, the legacy of an army of little empaths

  5. Matilda says:

    Most of the movies and songs listed are too kitschy for my taste… but the activities are little acts of appreciation for someone you love. Absolutely NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!

    I refuse to let the narc spoil it for me just because *he* did not mean any of it! That’s just not on!! With an HONEST, decent man by your side, it will be worth it!

  6. K says:

    I may have had the ability to choose in the beginning but that first high has me forever Chasing the Dragon. My self control is gone and my ability to think clearly has been stolen. I want to feel that magical time once again. You are my smack dealer. You did this to me and you are to blame.

    1. K says:


      You are a junkie too, resorting to self-destructive and addictive behaviours in order to compensate for your failings and disappointments by becoming entangled with us again and again and again. That’s you. And I am your smack dealer. You are just as hooked as I am.

      1. K says:

        We feed each others addictions, so I, too, am to blame.

      2. shantily says:

        So accurate completely and utterly fucking hooked ! 🖤 I didn’t even know it was possible to be addicted to a person and that’s exactly what it is addiction in all its simplicity and all it’s complexity- its addiction 🙁

    2. Gabrielle says:

      It really is like a drug addiction.

      1. K says:

        Ditto, Gabrielle.

  7. Where’s Whistle Down The Wind? I always wanted to protect a murderer from the police and feed him scrag ends of food in a secretive manner.

  8. gabbanzobean says:

    You forgot “magnetic pull”. LOL. 🤔😉

  9. I was crying the entire time reading this.
    My N gave it all to me, and more than I could ever imagine.

  10. Indy says:

    Wait a min HG, who is looking for ” the one” again? (The one whose fuel will never go stale?)…not me. I don’t believe in the one, never did.

    Yes, we have a role too as does the media too. And, do we blame the media when a person of normal intelligence and a clear understanding of right/wrong abuses his/her mate purposely for fuel? No.

    I get why you wrote this as no one gets anywhere without ownership of their own issues, delusions, and misconceptions.

  11. abrokenwing says:

    I ‘ll think about it tomorrow. Like Scarlett O’hara.

  12. giulia says:

    And what is it exactly we should whish for?
    Money sex and success? And these aspirations can’t be exploited?

  13. shantily says:

    SELF destructive and addictive behaviours over and over again…

    Hadn’t thought about the synchronized orgasms in awhile, thanks for that little gem HG. Grrr

    1. strongerwendy says:

      Is that even really possible?

      1. K says:


        Yes, it is.

      2. shantily says:

        Lol 😂 yes and often damn it !!

        1. strongerwendy says:

          Not according to Mr. Tudor and I believe he’s had lots of opportunities. 😊

          From Sex and the Narcissist:
          “I have had many sexual partners and in all the times, I have coupled with them there has never been an occasion where we have both come together. Never. Yet, the makers of films, the writers of romance novels will have you believe that this is something that people should try and attain, it is the golden moment of sex.”

    2. K says:


      You go girl!

      1. shantily says:

        Well poor HG then !!! because it’s happened to me before with my Narc and other men… sorry but true !!

        How is it not possible? I’ve even had it happen ..uhhh manually in synch !! Lmao ..confession booth much ???

  14. Ms brown says:

    HG!!! This is so F*****g true though!! I never believed in the stupid “fairy tale”. I really wasn’t that difficult for the N I was married to, and never had unrealistic expectations… HE DID THOUGH, lol. So I say he’s to blame

    1. Patricia says:

      They sell us such a line of bullsh*t but we fall for it all

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