Facebook Predator

facebookWhat causes the narcissist to use Facebook so much? Firstly, it is the online success story of recent times. Originating in 2004 it has seen off its rivals, such as Bebo and Myspace and has dominated the market. Over a billion people have Facebook profiles. That is a lot of potential targets for us. Secondly, it provides us with an extensive net to cast through whichever device we happen to have to hand. It is accessible and effective. Thirdly, the presentation of information on Facebook in particular tells our kind plenty of things which allow us to ascertain whether there is a viable target in our sights.

I am not referring to this in terms of the class traits that we look for, for instance, a somatic narcissist would seek out those who post plenty of pictures of how physically attractive they are, their ongoing diet and exercise regime, which would of course appeal to the somatic. Instead, I am going to highlight for you a number of instances on Facebook which tell our kind that this is a person who has a higher susceptibility to being seduced. Thus, if we then determine thereafter that this person has the relevant empathic, class and hopefully special traits then we know that a play should be made to ensnare them.

Accordingly, what is it that you might post on Facebook that signal to my kind that you are susceptible to being seduced and drawn into our false reality?

  1. You include a detailed list of your favourite books, television programmes and films

I do not mean three or four of your favourites but fifteen or more in one or more of the above categories. This signals to us that you have not only time to watch and detail these books and movies, but you are content for people to know that you do. This tells us that you are lonely and therefore apt for some attention.

  1. You detail your relationship status

It does not matter what the status reads incidentally because even if you stated that you are married, engaged or in a relationship, we do not recognise any such boundary as being a hindrance to our advances. Indeed, we take the view that you are probably short of attention in that relationship. By declaring what your relationship status is, you are wanting to initiate contact and you are providing us with material to do so. If you do not feel the need to tell anybody your relationship status, that signals to us that you have sufficient self-esteem not to need to herald it and therefore you are probably harder to ensnare.

  1. Ask me, ask me ask me

You know those statuses which read

‘So angry right now’, ‘I am fuming’ or ‘Totally heartbroken’

Such statuses are just a fishing hook for nosey and supposedly supportive friends, who are actually far more interested in showing concern and mock horror through some bad acting, to then as the writer what is ‘up’, what has happened and what is going on? The mysterious injunction will then be issued for the apparently caring friend to ‘inbox me’ or ‘I will inbox you’ as yet another noun suddenly finds that it has become a verb.

These attention seekers are also avoided by our kind. They are unlikely to be of our brethren but they are certainly self-centred and not going to provide us with what we need. Thus they go down as an avoid.

  1. I miss you

Anybody who posts about missing a relative or partner who has passed away, either directly by stating ‘I miss you Dad, you were my best friend’ or posts memes appertaining to people watching down from above. This lingering grief acts a beacon to us and tells us this person is susceptible to being ensnared far more readily because of their ongoing emotional state and their propensity to become emotional if the matter of the deceased individual is raised.

  1. Frequent comment about events

You are interested in the world and other people. You are not there to keep showing us what you had to eat for dinner or your latest car. You give attention and do not get much in return. This tells us that you will be highly amenable to receiving our attention.

  1. More pictures of animals than people

This is not so much about you being an animal-lover, which of course tells us that you have empathic traits, but is more about the fact that once again you are a giver of attention to this lower life form and you tend to get your attention back from the animal rather than people. It might be that you would rather keep the company of animals than people, although this is rarer than someone who likes animals and for once would enjoy the attention of another person, namely us.

  1. Frequent comments about your achievements and what you have been doing

You may not be one of us but you are certainly exhibiting narcissistic traits and therefore caution will be exercised before we proceed. These may be healthy narcissistic traits and we unearth additional information about you which encourages out targeting of you, but seeing this turns on an amber light.

  1. Sharing charity appeals

Yet another indicator that you are more about giving time and attention to others as opposed to receiving it. A most encouraging item to see on someone’s wall.

  1. Pictures of family and friends. Few selfies.

It may be the case that everything in your photo album is animal-based and see the point above. If there are pictures of people as well, we like to ascertain who these people are. If they are family and friends, rather than random people from nights out, this again provides us with a positive indicator. If your photo album is you and nothing else then another amber light will come on.

  1. You profile picture is a scene, an object but not you

This suggests again that your self-esteem is not what it might be, that you are not keen to be the centre of attention and as a consequence this acts as a beacon to our kind. It may also of course mean that you are unfortunately-faced, although is not always a concern if it is Cerebral or Victim Narcissist scouring your profile.

  1. Children are the future

A few proud parent pictures actually prove encouraging. The existence of children provides additional fuel sources and evidence that you are a caring and giving person, something which we like to see. If, however your timeline and photo album are plastered with your offspring then this puts us off. You might think that someone who is busy with a child or children would be in need of attention. They are not. They get plenty from their children and more to the point this tells us that your own attention will be on someone else and not us, therefore our efforts are more than likely to be wasted.

  1. You don’t get many likes or comments

Whatever you happen to post may be interesting, amusing and thoughtful but you rarely get many comments or likes as we scroll through your timeline. There is an attention deficit waiting to be filled.

  1. Posts about your romantic partner

If you are always talking about your romantic partner, how much you love them, how much you miss them and such like, you are going overboard and this to us is a further indicator of low self-esteem which we can readily exploit. This gets even better if we see no evidence of reciprocation. We can ready the Love Bombers.

  1. Poetry

If you post poetry, whether your own or somebody else’s, this tell us that you are lonely and therefore you will be most susceptible to our attention.

  1. Membership of support groups

Naturally this will tell us that you are likely to be empathic and/or have special traits which is most encouraging, but at this early stage we regard the evidence of this on your Facebook wall that you are again providing attention to others which means there is likely to be a deficit which we can exploit with regards to you.

The more of these indicators we see, naturally the more encouraging it is which tells us that you will be susceptible to an approach by us and our charm. Other indicators cause us to exercise caution and may well result in us moving onto a different target if these warning signs are not heavily offset by positive indicators. The friend request and/or message will be readied in anticipation of making a move.

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17 thoughts on “Facebook Predator”

  1. Yes, I was ensnared on Facebook while I was seeing someone (my relationship status was blank though). This did not put him off. It’s clear now that my posts, how you’ve described them, were green flags for him. For years I’d always felt that something was odd, but the manipulation worked so well that I stayed. It’s only now (with the help from your articles) that I have awoken from a bad dream and smelled the coffee. I can actually taste it now thanks to you.

    Good morning, Vietnam.

  2. “you are a giver of attention to this lower life form”

    Lower? No way!

    Speaking of animals: how do you get along with cats and dogs, HG?
    Do they see through you, and start hissing and growling at the sight of you? Or are they just as easily fooled as their humans? 😀

    1. Cats try to rub against my shins. I fight the urge to kick them out of the way to preserve the façade.
      Dogs bound up to me wagging their tails.
      I am very good at bringing misbehaving dogs under control – it is all in the eyes.

      1. Ha ha, I bet you are! You stare them into submission with your blackened eyes.

        Better indulge cats, though. They will sink their sharp claws into your flesh with glee if *you* misbehave. 😀

      2. Eternal hell upon your soul if you do that, Mr. Tudor!!

        But seriously, there is nothing more soothing than having a cat lying in your lap, rolled into a soft, furry ball, eyes closed, and purring as you stroke her gently – feline fuel for you! You should try it once 🙂

      3. Dogs always defer to the alpha (so this makes perfect sense).
        Now if you could just teach me how to get that “don’t fuck with me or you will regret it for all eternity” look in my eye to use when my dog misbehaves.

  3. FB is a troubling place. It’s said that half of all profiles are fake. For this reason I don’t put pics of myself or my family on there for privacy reasons. Narcypants took a cue out of my book and took his profile pic off and deleted lots of pics of women and hid his friend list. He seldom went on FB but would check his ex’s profile.
    Now since we split he’s on FB more than ever. If he went away with someone he would put a post up making out that he’d been away alone. He now registers he is attending events that we used to to attend or would attend together something he never did before on FB.
    HG, would you mind if I ask what is behind this behaviour? I gather his postings that do not reveal holiday companions is to show current supply he’s not with another woman, but what’s behind him registering for events? Is this a signal to new supply he’s available or is it his way of telling me to stay away?

    1. Hello Scout, the reference to the events that you used to attend is him activating ever presence with you for the purpose of “tenderising” you for a prospective hoover or even hoping that you will contact him because of these references.

      1. Thank you HG, your reply is extremely helpful and appreciated. Just one more query, if you please…. Narcypants signed his name over my name in the signing in register were we work. I found this action bizarre and a little disturbing… I assume this is simply to provoke me?

      2. Yes it was designed to provoke. It may have been done in order to cause you to think that you belong together or signifies how he regards himself as more important than you, hence he has overwritten you.

      3. With reference to the signature, I believe your latter suggestion fits his mindset.
        Thank you HG, for your invaluable insight into a multilayered, complex disorder by shining a torch into the darkened corners of a dysfunctional mind.
        Time to block him on FB.

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