The Ten Obligations of the Empath



In order to manipulate you and control you, we rely on certain behaviours which cause you to act out of fear. Fear of injury, isolation, financial ruin, loss of your home or loss of your children. We also rely on your deeply embedded sense of obligation. Owing to your honesty and decency, you feel need to do certain things. Your sense of obligation is greater than normal and we exploit this in the following ways:

  1. You feel responsible for us

So much of what we do is of our own doing. In fact, next to nothing is caused by you when looked at through your worldview. From our perspective you are responsible for everything. It is always your fault and we repeatedly project and blame-shift in order to condition you to feel responsible for us. You already have a sense of responsibility towards us. You feel a sense of responsibly to nearly everybody because of the fact you are caring and compassionate. This increases when it comes to us because we are your intimate partner and you believe that it is the intimate partner who ranks amongst the highest who deserve such responsibility. This increases again when you realise that we have certain flaws and you feel a need to take on responsibility for them. Indeed, combine this natural state with the conditioning that we cause and you become someone who is over-responsible for us.

  1. You feel that you owe us

Once again this is a combination of the natural and the condition. You have been given such a wonderful time during the seduction period, given so much both material and emotional that you feel you do owe us. You are also a person who is polite and well-mannered and you feel a natural desire to return favours, thank people for what they do for you and a sense of paying the debt that has arisen. We also believe you owe us for everything we gave you during the seduction and accordingly you are obliged to repay us for the rest of the relationship and beyond. Combine these two elements and a powerful obligation of owing us is created which we are then able to exploit to our advantage.

  1. You feel sorry for us

That natural sympathy people possess is available in spades with someone as empathic as you. You never regard someone as weak or pathetic but rather feel sorry for them. You would not regard a homeless person as a stain on society but rather feel sorry that they find themselves in such a situation and you consider how they ended up where they are what might be done about it. You realise our behaviours are abhorrent but rather than always feel angry about it, you feel sorry for us that we behave this way. You feel sorry that we cannot explain ourselves, that we lash out and behave in such a destructive fashion. Your exuding sympathy not only fuels us but it creates an obligation on your part towards us.

  1. You feel guilty

Even if you know that a certain course of action is for the best, you are assailed by the guilt that you might be hurting someone, stopping them what they want to do or upsetting them in some way. Tough love is not a concept you want to embrace as the guilt at seeing someone else hurting, as a consequence of something that you have done, is too great. This sense of guilt forces you down different routes, often doing things which are not the best for you but nevertheless you feel obligated to do out of this considerable sense of guilt which looms large which someone empathic like you.

  1. You feel a need to fix us

You are a problem solver. You enjoyed the Sound of Music when you were younger and you always felt that if you had been given the chance you would have solved a problem like Maria. You regard it as your role to heal and to fix. You are of the unshakeable mind-set that everybody can be fixed. Everyone can be made better and when you experience the broken elements of our machinations and manipulations you do not shirk from them. Instead, you remain in situ and work out how you can resolve them. This obligation to make things better and to heal is a central part of who you are and is readily exploited by us since we know you are unlikely to go anywhere despite how bad things are.

  1. You feel it is your duty

You have a strong sense of duty. Duty to be an excellent parent, supportive friend, caring son or daughter, hard-working colleague and all round decent human being. Most of all you regard your duty to your intimate partner as one where no matter how difficult things might be you are not going to walk away. This duty is often compelled from the vows that you have taken and a strong religious undertone to your personality.

Duty is paramount and from that rises the obligation.

  1. You feel a need to abide by your standards

So often the world appears to have lost its moral compass and therefore it falls to a diminishing group of people to right the wrongs, stand up for the vulnerable and defend the weak. You often see that people are ruled by those twin gods of sex and money and this causes people to forget who they are and the standards they once adhered to. This is not for you. You do not do this to be lauded by others but do so because you cannot lie straight in your bed at night if you do not uphold these standards for yourself and in your daily dealings. This translates into treating people with patience, understanding, compassion and empathy, no matter how difficult it becomes. Some might suggest that you are making a rod for your own back.

  1. You feel a need to maintain appearances

This is not done for your own benefit. You are not like us creating an image to show the world. No, you do this to maintain appearances for the sake of others. It is keeping the family together for the sake of your children so they are not upset. It is appearing to get along with your difficult brother for the sake of your fragile elderly parents. It is taking one for the team in order to maintain an appearance so that you deal with the pain and aggravation so others do not. This need creates an obligation in you which we are content to exploit as we know it will keep you around and stop you from speaking out about what we do.

  1. You feel a need to never give up.

You are not a quitter. You do not give up at the first bump in the road or black cloud. You keep going, you are tenacious. You are indefatigable and you persevere. You plough forwards and feel that it is only right to do this because you know that the just reward will come at the end of it. Anything worth doing is worth doing properly. Anything worth having takes effort. We applaud this desire to stick at things.

  1. You feel a need to have done your best

When everything is added up and evaluated, at the end of the day, you want that satisfaction, just for yourself, to know that you did your best and you could have done no more. You always consider whether you could have done something a different way and more effectively. You are self-critical and behave like this in order to fulfil your chosen role as a good person. This obliges you to try and try again.

These empathic obligations result in your remaining with us longer, enduring more of our abusive behaviours and forgiving more of what we do than an ordinary person. We know these obligations exist and we exploit them.

23 thoughts on “The Ten Obligations of the Empath

  1. Luisa says:

    This is insane…you’re describing myself….But my question is, how can I be with someone for 20 years (best man, best husband, best dad) and for the last year he slowly became a Narc-monster? Some people tell me he has been like that and I was in denial, but everyone that has known him is in shock of his behavior.His Dad and Grandfather are horrible just like he is now, but they’ve been like that forever. He once told me that his dad got worse close to 40s. He is 39….could this be genetic?

    1. Jenna says:


      Thank u for sharing ur story. Did u never see any signs in the first 19 yrs of bad behavior?

  2. rhuston773 says:

    Yes, the sad story of my life. Can we ever really truly be happy… for ourselves?

  3. skippi_oz says:

    It astounds me that you are able to explain everything so succinctly. Thank you HG for sharing your knowledge of both your ‘narc’ thinking processes and our own motivations.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  4. D says:

    empaths are growing again to counter an upward surge in narcissistic abuse…you narcs have been put on notice…we know your game and we are conquering the fear that you so badly need over us….i know who you are and i fear you know more the student has become your master…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Marvellous, I enjoy a good fight.

  5. Jacqueline says:

    I’m an empath my husband 18 yrs master narc n that’s exactly how it goes and I might add in spite of his assholish ways I still love him very much he may be a master but I’ve worked my way in a time or two I see how n when or approx when he became a narcissist I put bits n pieces in chronological order n wrote it out. I learned a lot by finally doing that.. thx

  6. K says:

    Empath Spy Report: My spy informed me this afternoon that last week my ex told her that she looked like she had lost some weight. Her response, “No, I haven’t.” When she told me this, I laughed and said, “He was looking for positive fuel.”
    She also told me that when my daughter exited the school on Tuesday she was chewing on her sweater (cashmere) and my ex’s face completely changed as if caught off guard. She described his look as, “not just anger, more than normal anger that was so quick I almost couldn’t believe my eyes.” Then he went over to our daughter and said something to her and wouldn’t let her play with the other children in the playground. My spy said that my daughter looked upset as they left. I want to annihilate my ex.

  7. Diane says:

    He’s hoovering me again. Why? He’s on the brink of ruining the marriage of some beautiful hot shit artist. He’s got her. She’ll send her life up in flames for him tonight. What’s the game here?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The same as it always is – the Prime Aims and chief amongst them is fuel.

  8. K says:

    Here is a copy of the e-mail I sent to Bree and Athena this morning:

    Dear Bree and Athena,

    The live-streamed WNAAD Tele-Summit on June 1st was excellent. Thank you for all of your hard work and dedication. Might I suggest that you live-stream HG Tudor during the next Tele-Summit in 2018, as he is a key player in the narcissistic abuse dynamic. It would be remiss to ignore the fact that he is a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath whose perspective is central to truly understanding narcissistic predation. A broad perspective reduces information asymmetry and communicates with the audience in an impartial fashion that facilitates the healing process at a far more celeritous rate. Education is pivotal and all sides should be represented more equitably.

    Thank you
    Warm regards

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you K.

  9. Tanya says:

    More often than not, these get me in trouble. Helping others to much, taking their shit. Many times I wish I wasn’t a empath.

  10. KT says:

    So you dont run if she knows that you are broken and needs fixing? From a Midranger perspective?

  11. Jenna says:

    I felt all of these. But i’m realizing slowly that he cannot be healed. 😞

  12. amsodone says:

    I admit I stayed with it way longer than I should have. I am happy to say I remain an empath, yet more educated, enlightened and will be far more selective. Loving the Fortress.

  13. Scout says:

    I’ve never enjoyed The Sound of Puke… Er.. Music!

  14. Betsyboo87 says:

    Sent from my Samsung device

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Always good to know BB87!

  15. MLA - Clarece says:

    During a golden period when you, yourself are in the infatuation phase thinking they could be the one, do you find yourself thinking you could feel duty or have responsibility towards that person? Or are these just foreign to you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have no obligation but I will protect my investment in that person.

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