That Doesn’t Matter

Our sense of entitlement, lack of consideration and our failure to recognise and respect boundaries means that we are important and you are not. Our need is an emergency. Your needs are secondary. Our requirements are fundamental. Your wants are irrelevant. If we want something it must be done and you must drop everything else, cancel your plans and ensure we are provided for and catered to otherwise all hell breaks loose. Fail to do something we want and when we want (even if we haven’t told you what it is) is regarded by us a criticism and our fury is ignited. We may impose a cold furious silent treatment or lambast you with our heated fury but either way we are important and you are not. We show no appreciation of your situation, no consideration of your position and scant regard for what you might need or have to contend with. It is predictable all about us. Any situation, any time and any moment we will trample all over what you are doing in order to get what we want done. Whatever you may have organised, planned or whatever you are doing is minutiae and utterly inconsequential to the massively important event, occurrence or happening that we have decreed. Expect interruptions, abrasive treatment and a complete lack of manners and consideration. This mind-set that what you are doing is not important appears often and repeated and is symptomatic of so many of our narcissistic traits. Here are twenty instances you may recognise where what you are doing is not important right now.

  1. Talking over you.
  2. Changing channel on the television when you are clearly watching something.
  3. Switching off music that you are listening to.
  4. Playing music loudly when you are relaxing.
  5. Thrusting a newspaper under your nose when you are reading a book and saying “look at this”
  6. Talking to you when you are on the telephone.
  7. Calling you at work and raising a trivial matter and demanding that you do something about it.
  8. Asking you to pass something that is in reach when you are doing some other task.
  9. Saying la la la when you are trying to explain something.
  10. Making you late because we needed you to straighten our tie several times first.
  11. Calling you indoors from an outdoors task just to point out something on the television which is irrelevant.
  12. Calling you and asking where something is when it is easy to find.
  13. Calling you when you are socialising and demanding that you return home to deal with an emergency – such as the blinds are stuck or we have run out of peanut butter
  14. Demanding you prepare our evening meal when you are trying to get ready to go out.
  15. Feigning a greater illness when you are unwell.
  16. Waking you up to tell you something pointless.
  17. Ringing the landline from our mobile (withholding the number) and insisting you answer when you are trying to eat and then hanging up.
  18. Demanding to be picked up or given a lift irrespective of what you might be doing.
  19. Using items you need to complete a task.
  20. Thrusting a tablet under your nose as you are trying to do something and telling you to “watch this” only to see a video of a man falling down some stairs.

It does not matter how trivial, ridiculous or childish the behaviour is as long as it disrupts you and thrusts your attention onto us, even if it is to react in a negative way, we will always behave in such a way.

18 thoughts on “That Doesn’t Matter

  1. Nunja says:

    HG,

    Have you done some of these? These seem somewhat below the persona you present. Although I have seen quite a few from my former N.

  2. Ali says:

    yes, sorry HG but… a lot of that list’s behaviors are like hissy fitting children that require mommy RIGHT… NOW…

    hmmm… have you ever considered that you hurt these women because matrinarc hurt/wounded you deeply? Sort of an indirect revenge…? and at the same time “dirtying” a good woman to try and please matrinarc who no doubt would dirty any good person for her own selfish gains for fuel in an attempt to gain her approval/respect/love…which she is sadly incapable of giving being a narc herself…?
    you don’t have to reply unless you want to (stating the obvious) as this is rhetorical and more for you to think on rather then to get an actual reply… over thinking it a bit here but just pointing out it is rhetorical and for your own thoughts, knowing you will respond if you feel like it anyway… well you get the point and I don’t need to ramble a poor explanation more…

  3. 12345 says:

    I know this is a very serious topic but I was dying laughing over the examples 😂 I haven’t said “la la la” when someone was talking since probably 3rd grade. I know I’d be pissed in the moment but this was a much needed laugh for a Monday.

  4. jenna says:

    My ex covert mid-ranger never did any of these except a variation of ‘lalala’ when i would argue/bring up a point that bothered me, but that he did not agree with. Instead he would let out a loud sigh of frustration, then become silent. He only did this twice during three years.
    HG could it be that covert, quiet, introverted mid-rangers don’t have the courage to do many of these things? Mine certainly didn’t. He was always on his best behavior when face to face- very gentle, polite, sweet. Even during deval, he was sweet if face to face (deval would vanish). But via text, he was a little aggressive with his words during deval.
    That’s why i think i will b jealous of his future wife. Because in the 3 yrs we’ve been together, he’s always been kind when face to face. And with his future wife, most of his interaction would be face to face since they would be living together, so i’m assuming he will be kind to her. I know superxena said that was not the case in her situation, but she was married to a greater.
    My mid-ranger is somewhat spineless when we’re physically proximate, and he would never behave in a bad manner. In fact, he always used to put me first when we are together, offer help, wash the dishes etc. without my asking – during golden period, during deval, during respite.
    How will my jealousy go away? I think she is not in for golden period, deval, respite, repeat. He doesn’t have the guts to do that when face to face with someone. He is too introverted. Pls reply to this. The jealousy is killing me.

  5. Giulia says:

    one morning I had to go to work. I was stepping out of the house and my f. calls me : ” now, you, listen, it looks like a hot day and I want to refresh my room with cold air before it gets too hot. I NEED to take your mother out for breakfast, SHE NEEDS IT and I MUST DO WHAT SHE WANTS so you SHALL stay here to make sure nobody jumps into my room while the windows are open and I’m out with YOUR MOTHER.”
    I say ” but I am going to work, I can’t stay here to wait for you”

    ” ohh…it won’t be long, maybe an hour or so. There’s a comfortable chair over there, you can stay here, and look outside, it’s very nice…”

    I look at my mother and say “..now, mother….is he serious..? did he loose it completely? do you think this is a normal request? to sit in front of an open window for an hour and a half while you go to the bar to have your cappuccinos and croissants because he want fresh morning air in his room..?!!??”

    My mother bubbles something to my f. like ” well…don’t worry….we will get back in time for you to refresh your room” then she wispers to me ” you go, I’ll deal with him, go! before he sees you walking out the door!”

    So I flee the house, like a thief.

    1. 🙁 dear giulia how have you been? i missed you.. 🙂

      1. giulia says:

        Hello ED, I think I don’t exist anymore. Busy working and going after my father.
        One day I will be free, maybe.
        Till then I’ve got my meds. And this is all.
        Wish you luck. Ciao 💜

  6. giulia says:

    One evening we were out for dinner, we were little. All of a sudden someone in the restaurant falls with his face in his plate. Everybody turns to look in shock. My father gets up, grabs the guy’s head, he had blue lips, he was dying. My father screams for a knife, the waiter jumps and brings him a knife flying, without asking one fucking question, everybody was looking in awe. Father cuts the throat of this guy, then he asks for a straw, he sticks it in the guy’s throat and he starts to breathe.
    Then the ambulance arrives ” thank you doctor you saved his life”
    Everybody’s clapping.
    We finish our dinner. We go home.

  7. giulia says:

    That’s daddy, all of them and:
    -forced to eat something he just bought at the market even if you just had your morning coffe. Let’s say he bought ham, or cheese or wine and you just finished your morning coffe, then you’d must eat a piece of each and drink the wine. That’s because you must tell him he bought something delicious. If you say “no” get ready for fury and a day long fight with retaliations and smear.

    – of you go to the restaurant with him don’t expect to look at the menue. He’ll order what he likes and you shall eat and say it’s the best meal of your life. If you are allergic and you must not eat something then he’ll say “don’t worry, this will not bother you because it’s been hand picked by someone I trust and it does nothing but good to you, in any case I’ll take to the emergency room, I’ll make sure they’ll give you excellent treatment”

    With my father you exist only to serve him and provide him with praise.

  8. emotion detective says:

    This was the most endearing part of him. I laughed inside every time, because his little interruptions were so boyish, and cute.
    If I decided to take the bath, he was there immediately too, and wanted to get in too, and have me soap him everywhere and then rinse. If he didn’t want a bath, he would come and sit on the toilet while I was in the bathtub. Or he would use my hair brush and make noises how good it felt on his hair. 😂
    And ofc when I took a nap or he came early in the morning -‘despite knowing well I wanted to sleep longer, he would assume this was an invitation to sex… how? idk but he would either start undressing me slowly as if not wanting to wake me up, or wake me up and ask me: do you want me to take you?
    That ofc was a rethorical question.
    He would interrupt my life in negative ways too like leave plastic bottles in my fridge, knowing I don’t use and detest anything made of plastic. He would rearrange things in my apartment without me being there, marking his trrritory.
    Or.. the weirdest thing.. he must have seen me as a quiet person who doesn’t say much, and likes the quiet. So he would often make very unpleasant noises around me like gargling, loudly clearing his throat in that disgusting men’s way, and spit out the car window or on the street. Or sometimes throw up disgustingly.

    But when he was happy, he was a good boy. My perfect mirror.

  9. Blackmail says:

    And you’re right, my previous explanation of psychopathy having its root in ultimate fear does not matter.
    Because you’re already gone. There’s nothing left and none of you have the guts to face your demons during this life.

    That’s why you’ll meet your demons in hell when you die. When you don’t confront the reason for your sickness during this test life, the next phase forces you to do so in a most unpleasant way.

    You will feel. You will feel it all. And you will see what you actually look like as well.

    You don’t get to simply die.
    Oh no no no! You must meet your demons at some point in time. How silly that people think the body is the same thing as the consciousness!
    How unintelligent to believe that this physical existence is all there is to life. Scientists have attempted to recreate love by inducing the exact chemical reactions noted to happen during the “falling in love” phase. They have not been successful. So how would anyone logically propose that consciousness is simply a set of chemical reactions of the brain?

    A soul is more than algorithms and chemical equations.

    A body void of a soul is an open house.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y9SfWmXQY3o

  10. K says:

    My mother woke me up one time, by bellowing my name over and over again, when I was a young child so I could go downstairs and change the channel on the TV. She and my narcissistic sister were both sitting on their lazy asses in the living room. My ex used to hover over me while I sat at the computer working and he would reach over and start typing on the keyboard and, then, completely take over the mouse. I guess I was too stupid to handle a google search. Everyone talked over me all the time. It was tedious and vexing.

  11. Patricia says:

    These are all completely accurate and then some! I did that taking to him while he was on the phone thing back to him several times. He didn’t enjoy that very much, Ha!

  12. abrokenwing says:

    157 blog hits from me today ..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am obliged!

  13. Anonymous says:

    “Saying la la la when you are trying to explain something”.

    Goodness, this made me snort. I didn’t realise this was an actual thing! He said “sha la la”. I kept telling my friend and we both were perplexed/amused by this. He didn’t only do it when I tried to explain something, but also randomly. The last time I saw him, shortly before I discovered the truth, he took a video of me on a swing and you can hear him go “sha la la”.

    1. windstorm2 says:

      Anonymous, my exhusband would actually put his hands over his ears and walk away going, “la, la, la, la,la” when I would try to talk to him!

  14. Matilda says:

    On average, how long (hours to months) do your IPPSs put up with this ridiculous behaviour, HG? And why?

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