The Poisoned Messages of Devaluation



We avail ourselves of the use of technology through all the various stages of the narcissistic cycle and the period of devaluation is no exception. We will use the sending of messages, be they of the text, messenger or e-mail variety, to roll out our devaluation against you. These poisonous messages are sent because it is so easy for us to do so. It is a simple task of typing that message, whether we happen to be at home, in the office, sat waiting for a plane or in a queue of traffic. We can unleash a poisoned arrow from anywhere and have it winging its way to pierce your heart. We can do it at any time and reap the reward from the provision of fuel. Sometimes the fuel arises as consequence of your response, by messaging us back or ringing us. Other times it is gathered through Thought Fuel as we envisage your reaction based on what we know of your emotional responses and sometimes we even get the combination of both Proximate and Thought Fuel. There is little energy expenditure for us and the prospects of fuel and exerting control over you are invariably very good. Here are ten ways in which we send you poisonous messages during devaluation.

1. The Barren Periods

We have, through the extensive and exciting messaging we engaged in during the golden period created an expectancy on your part to receive messages from first thing in the morning until last thing at night and at regular and repeated intervals. You have become used to this and then all of a sudden it dries up. You send a message to us in the hope of generating a response but there is nothing. You send another, just in case the first did not somehow get through. There is nothing but silence. You wait and try to do something else but you cannot concentrate because you keep looking to your ‘phone hoping for that message to appear but it does not. Many hours may pass, perhaps a day until you either happen to bump into us or we deign to finally respond. You can expect the replies to be along the lines of:

“There was no signal where I was.”

“There must be a fault with my ‘phone as I never received any messages.”

“I did reply, did you not get it?”

“All your messages have just come through now, that’s why I messaged when I did.”

“I ran out of credit.”

“I ran out of battery.”

Do not accept these explanations. These are rolled out to pull the wool over your eyes. The failure to reply was deliberate and calculated and more often than not it was because we were busy with somebody else.

2. The Raised Hopes

We will make an arrangement with you, suggesting we go out to dinner tomorrow evening or attend that new play you were excited to see. You look forward to spending time with us, alter your other arrangements, put yourself to time and expense in preparation for whatever event is and then at the last minute we cancel with either no excuse or half an excuse and then we fall silent.

3. The Wrong Recipient

You receive a message which is clearly meant for someone else. It might be using a nickname that is unfamiliar to you, confirming an arrangement when you knew of none to be confirmed, thanking you for a wonderful evening when we did not see one another that evening or any number of combinations where the content of the message is at odds with what you know. It is rarely a mistake when this happens. It is done deliberately.

4. The Vitriolic Volley

A straight forward nasty barrage of insults sent in the form of text messages. The content will be savage and hurtful and you will have no or little idea why the messages are being sent or what they actually relate to. You will be accused of being a slut, when you have always been faithful, or wasting money when you are careful with it, or not caring about us when you have just done something especially loving. The words will be barbed, picking on your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and is often done when you have gone out without us or you have friends around without us being invited. It is a short and sharp method of upsetting you in a quick as possible manner.

5. The Afterthought

We tell you what we are doing and happen to mention that you might like it as well even though now, given the late notice you have been given, that it is nigh on impossible for you to join in. Typical messages will read

“Great party at Harry’s you would love the music here.”

“I am at Portofino’s with Hannah, the food is just your type of thing.” (Plus, who is Hannah by the way?)

“I am watching U2, they are awesome, you like them don’t you?” (When we know full well that U2 is your favourite band.)

You are left upset as you are missing out on something you would enjoy and also hurt because we have done it without you, knowing that you would have wanted to attend as well.

6. The Mirror

This does not appear as though it is actually a poisonous message because its content is pleasant and it is WHEN it is sent that is of relevance. If you are going through a period of devaluation and you then receive messages which appear to provide a Respite Period from the nastiness, be warned; you and somebody else are getting the same messages. Thus if we have been unpleasant to you for a number of weeks and you then get a message stating

“I miss you.”

“I love you.”

“I wish you were with me.”

It will lift your heart but understand that its generic quality, lack of personalisation and out-of-the blue quality denotes that you and your prospective replacement are both receiving this message from us. Double fuel.

7. The Backhander

It may seem like a pleasant message but it is not. This is usually sent to emphasise our importance and demote the apparent pleasantry in our message to you by causing it to appear second-best to the rest of what we have written. Examples would include

“I miss you but I am so busy closing this massive deal at the moment.”

“I hope you are well but I am focused on beating my time for the half marathon so lots of training at present.”

“I was thinking about you as I was polishing my new car.”

8. The False Hope

You receive a blank message from us following a period of silence and this causes you to respond, pleased to have received even this crumb of apparent comfort and thus you respond to it. We deny messaging you or suggest it must have been done by accident. The text equivalent of the butt dial. It was done on purpose and we noted just how quickly you replied to us as well.

9. The Forewarned Silent Treatment

You are told we will not be available to contact. The reason given is not because we are travelling or engaged in meetings or such like, but rather it will be explanations such as

“Don’t message me for 48 hours, I need to do some thinking.”

“I need some space, so I won’t be in touch for a few days.”

“I am feeling pressured so just need some breathing space. Don’t contact me until I contact you.”

Aside from gaining Thought Fuel at your disappointed and concerned reaction, this is being done to exert control over you and most of all to ensure that you do not get in the way and interfere as we are seducing someone else.

10. The False Emergency

We send a message asking for your help with something and you feel pleased to be involved as matters have been decidedly icy between us for a few days. You respond straight away but you are then told that it does not matter since Joe or Helen or Angela has already come to our aid/lent us the onion/changed the tyre etc. There was no incident which required your help or help from anybody. We wanted to see how quickly you would respond to our control and then we garner fuel from both your perceived and witnessed responses.

7 thoughts on “The Poisoned Messages of Devaluation

  1. alexissmith2016 says:

    hmmm I’ve thought about it. He is perhaps hoping I will be upset at him going away or perhaps he is about to embark on a new golden period with a Candidate PS or he is giving his wife a respite GP and although I am not an IP, he would like this, so perhaps in his head I am and when he is in any kind of GP with someone else he would need to focus on them. All weird but I doubt he is planning anything because he hasn’t dug for any info. Maybe even his way of shelving me and feeling in control that he has shelved me. As long as he is not up to anything dodgy…

  2. alexissmith2016 says:

    @K @K

    I’m looking for an article/comment on here as to what a forewarned silent treatment means. Not as in above article. Because it was not an ‘I need some space’, rather, “I have a family commitment for a couple of weeks further up the country and I don’t how this will impact on my availability going forward”.

    What I find rather odd about it. Is this is an NIPSS who would like to have me under his control. I don’t contact him unless I hear from him anyway so it’s odd he would even bother? And he wouldn’t normally use a forewarned ST he just wouldn’t contact me, nor me him?

    A suspected greater with a very likely long term Stepford wife.

    Just a bit creeped out by it primarily because there was no real need to foreworn me because I wouldn’t have contacted him anyway? which he would know.

    So either he is up to something but wants me to believe he is far away therefore anything which happened could not be linked to him or he is just trying to get me to submit to his control by me saying please don’t go etc which of course I would not do.

  3. Pamela says:

    Wow, HG. Unbelievable and true. Excellent blog post.

  4. M. says:

    I wish you had been there then, HG. I have experienced all, except 9. Now, when hoovering, he still uses one or two, at least he tries. For example, he calls, the phone rings once, and he hangs up. I never call back, but surely he reminds me of his presence. During the first year of the story, he used facebook a lot, he liked the indirect communication through song lyrics etc and I responded to this game (don’t we all?) So, when we had a good time and everything seemed sweet, he suddenly posted a very bitter song with a really sad comment. Of course I tried to understand if he was addressing me (and I became puzzled) or somebodu else. And who was that “somebody else”?His mind games were endless.

  5. Cindy Fisher says:

    I am desperate for healing ,, thank you HG Tudor
    I know your a narc but the empath in wants to believe your trying to help us,, your therapist is good!!
    You speak to my heart ,, it’s painful like washing out a wound,, but is essential to healing!!

  6. Sarah says:

    “Lent us the onion”

  7. Watermelon says:

    Using social media to make you feel crap after they’ve told you they ‘don’t have time for anything but work’, then they’re on Facebook saying ‘hey Joe, long time no see, we should catch up for tennis, beers, lunch…give me a buzz anytime’.

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