This Time It Will Work

this-time-it-will-work

When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to. I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence. I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one. You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent. This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route. I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me. Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to. You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target. I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.

You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.

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24 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work”

  1. HG,
    Magnificently written-you are the best!!!
    This article is so true because during the Golden Period you guys make us feel that anything is possible! I feel that this is the most damaging cycle of all-worse than the devaluation because knowing that you will never experience that magical period again is devastating and so hard to forget and get over.
    I can imagine that the higher up the scale the narcissist is the more elaborate the golden period. Is this always the case?
    I have started to date again and everyone who gives me a compliment or is too nice on the first date I believe is a narcissist. What can I do to distinguish a compliment or a little too much praise from knowing they are a narcissist? I know you have written various articles about this-but I need to remember which ones best apply.
    I’m just wondering will I always be this paranoid-I just feel like I cannot let my guard down because I am such a target-3 in a row.
    Thank you kind Sir for this wonderful reminder!

  2. “Or if you do keep up the quantity and frequency, we find it stale because we have had so much of it.” – frm your comment above.
    This perhaps was my prblm. I was always complimenting him on his dedication towards his studies, his kind, subdued nature (so i thought), his looks, his physique, his attention towards fitness and healthy eating, his dressing style, his devotion towards religion etc. (Of course i expected him to compliment me in return lol). Eventually, my compliments didn’t really mean anything to him. I think they became stale.

  3. HG
    Wow, from your point of view it makes sense but impossible to attain. As you once stated after time no mater what we do it gets familiar thus boring. How can that be a sided? Beautifuly stated😎

  4. I understand the concept of fuel. I get it, this is just what you need every day. That’s the way you are designed, period.

    But I will never understand why our fuel is never enough? Why get rid of something once so wonderful instead of taking care of it, investing into it? Why it has to become stale or disappointing ? I just don’t get it…

    1. It is usually the IPPS who comes off worst in terms of the fuel issue.

      You either don’t provide it in the quantity and/or frequency you once did, because in your mind the relationship has “settled down” and this does not meet our fuel needs but also signals to us that you are treacherous and unreliable. Thus devaluation occurs.

      Or if you do keep up the quantity and frequency, we find it stale because we have had so much of it.

      You are damned if you do and damned if you do not as the IPPS because of our expectations of you.

      We take care of our investment, but not you. We take care of that investment by keeping hold of you, coming back, drawing more fuel from you and so forth.

      1. So what you’re saying in reality is in the non-boredom case…we let you down, because you’ve let us down and we have the gall to let your reduced attention, infidelity, dishonesty and devaluation change how we feel about you and the relationship, and therefore change the flavor of our supply. Sound fairly accurate?

      2. I RECENTLY TOLD MY MALE NARCISSIST FRIEND THAT I NOW KNOW WHAT HE IS ,WHY ME , BUT ALSO,THAT I KNOW HE NEEDS MY FUEL , TAKE IT ,I GIVE IT FREELY TAKE IT ,I KNOW WHY YOU SAY,DO ,& HURT AS YOU HAVE DONE I SAID I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU ,I NOW UNDERSTAND YOU ! I SAW THE SMILE , THEN THE TOO BLACK HOLE’S (HE,S A LESSER NARCISSIST ,! WILL HE HATE ME MORE NOW?? THANK YOU VERY MUCH H.G.🐱🐱🐱🐱!

  5. Have to ask. If that is truly what you want and I can understand other fuel sources but why then start to triangle? If you never did that could be possible. The primary would feel good and continue supplying you fuel. But triangling brings insecurity to your primary. Then everything just escalates from there.

  6. Dear HG,
    The dream of receiving the golden period while extracting the golden fuel is the dream.
    That’s what it is, a dream. I’ve tried with everything I have…even curling up at his feet like a cat for hours at a time..
    You, yourself have said that the needs within you are unquenchable.
    And in order for symbiosis to work…both sides have to give & take. The desired relationship narcissists desire is parasitic not symbiotic.
    Any creature eventually will die if they are preyed upon by a parasite …especially if it goes on long enough.
    A narcissist’s needs make them the parasite…this means any person you choose…no matter how plentiful & potent the fuel, they will eventually crumple from giving without reciprocation.
    We (empaths) can only continue to give when energy is given. At least this is my experience. I love the elation, and how I wish the golden period was real.
    You’ve been very clear it’s not. Your perception of nobility is my perception of malicious intent.
    Everything you “give” is empty from the beginning. It’s all about you.
    If your giving had anything to do with the person you choose…the reciprocation of fuel would be longer, potent, & like a lifelong supply of sunshine.
    We both know now that’s just a dream.

    1. Very well said, A.R. as a fellow empath I agree 100%. With receipt of proper treatment (perpetual Golden Period or close to it, fidelity etc) an Empath could be a perpetual source of energy, and gladly so. However, narcissists don’t appear to be capable of it, of getting themselves in a ‘balanced’ state where they don’t have to keep shooting themselves in the foot and continually expending energy on triangulation and driving away their source, to recruit another source, only to then spend energy to drive that one away and then more energy to either try to hoover or to try to find ANOTHER source.

      It must be exhausting being a narcissist, creating your own self-fulfilling prophecy of perpetual failure and therefore the need for perpetual hunt.

      @HG – Do ‘your kind’ really feel that they can have/want to find a permanent source and enter into new ‘hunts’ with that mindset? Do you know of any that have ever been successful in this?

  7. Mr Tudor, have you ever resumed this hope with a Primary after devaluation has begun? Has anyone seemingly redeemed themselves and reignited that great hope for a period of time after they have “let you down”?

      1. So during this respite period you were again fully infatuated with her, just as in the beginning? Has this ever happened after discard as well?

      2. Not for me because I am Nomadic, but it is entirely feasible that a narcissist could hoover someone post dis-engagement and recommence the Formal Relationship and become infatuated again.

  8. Well, you’ve made me cry HG. 🙁 Because from everything else you’ve said, this dream is impossible to realize.

    And of course, beautiful writing as always.

  9. HG, one suggestion: buy a prostitute. She will nearly always do what you want. She can play every role you expect and demand. And if the fuel becomes stale, you buy another one for it. Or better : buy two and they share their job. No one is hurt and you are satisfied. If you book them for about a month or so , it becomes cheaper. You give them a clear work order and then every thing is o.k. You do not have to fake love, both or all of you play their role. You can control them, it is part of their work order. Why not? This is a pretty good solution.

    1. A prostitute is an IPTS. The fuel therefore is of a low potency. So your suggestion is not effective.

      1. I know. It is not real. You still have the hope to find someone, but there is the boredom too and the lack of the ability to bond and the lack of empathy the lack of conscience and all the other serious problems. And in the end there is the need to let someone suffer like you suffered in the past. There is no solution at the moment. Become abstinent and an eremite. (Not seriously meant)

    2. Mona: And you think a prostitute has no feelings and cannot get hurt, and would be okay with overstepping boundaries?

    3. My ex did that, not sure if it happened while he was with me as well, but I know he did it while he was still living with his wife (several years before they separated, she doesn’t know). Not just once, multiple times. He even had a prostitute who gave him “discounts” because he was such a frequent “customer”. Although when I asked him about this later on, he acted like “what? What discounts?”. I’m not senile though. Anyway, it all didn’t work, he also cheated with a neighbour, told me he was hitting on women online as well, etc. And as usual, whatever he told me is probably the Disney version of reality.

  10. But what’s missing in this is explanation is that you are not that wonderful soul mate we think you are. You are just pretending. If you could maintain your pretending at that golden level maybe we would stay the same as well. But you don’t. You always begin to let us down. You just can’t maintain your façade. Cracks begin to show. Unexplainable bursts of anger, laughing at something bad that shows you have no empathy. We can’t help but begin to worry, which you perceive as criticism and the entire house of cards crumbles. We are betrayed and hurt by your treasonable conduct. All we wanted was to love you and for you to love us forever like you said you would. But you let us down. Surely you can understand that.

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