Sex and the Narcissist

No holds barred and no strings attached

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform

Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

AUS e-book here

Also available in paperback on Amazon

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57 thoughts on “Sex and the Narcissist”

  1. With my narcissist there was never any fore play it was straight to business and laying on our side. He was very lazy and took forever. Because he was well endowed I got mine and because I was so addicted to him I always got one when he did. But there was no noise no talking no admiration so I was always left feeling that it wasn’t good enough for him cause he never gave any recognition. And he was a drinker so he would stop several times to use the bathroom then start all over till it was at the point I was done and bored and wishing he would just finish. And then left feeling like I did nothing for him. It really gave me a bad complex about myself and left feeling like something was wrong with me and couldnt get him aroused. It definitely took a toll on me and killed my self esteem. He was more effectionate with me out in public around his friends then he was in the bedroom and I have never had any one ever say i was bad. And he doesn’t either he just has no emotion at all. But its like im addicted to him far worse than any drug. Ive never been considered a bad looking girl in fact just the opposite his friends always made comments about me. And thats only when he would show any affection. I’ve known him almost 30 years and always had a crush on him but he was a playboy. We have now been together for five years. I know he is no good for me but I can’t leave him alone and I just try harder and harder for affection. He knows just how much to give to keep me there. I know he is toxic but my love for him consumes me. I left several times. The last time had him lock up for 9 Months for stalking me. And once he got out i went right back. I’m addicted to every thing about him and crave him. He also says he loves me but always keeps me feeling I’m not good enough.

    1. JENNIFER MARTIN ,I READ YOUR POST. VERY INTERESTING ,BECAUSE THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN I COULD HAVE WRITTEN YOUR STATEMENT ,I’M ALSO A STRONG WOMAN ,BUT NEEDED TENDER LOVING CARE ,AND MY NARCISSIST WANTED TO ASSIST ME ,THE MEMORIES ARE BREATHTAKING.🔥👅👄.YOU ALSO KNOW SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT. & NEEDING TO ESCAPE ,BUT YOU BECOME SO MESMERIZED BY THIS PERSON S ENERGY ,THE INTENSITY OF THE MOMENT AND THE PROMISE OF NEXT TIME,S. PLEASURE.

      AS SAM WATERSTON SAID TO MARY TYLER MOORE( ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD )💃💅!

    1. No because the very fact we disengaged from you KT means we did not want your fuel any longer, from sex or otherwise.

      1. HG, what would it mean when the narcissist comes back for sex after several years away and says “you were the best I ever had”? (Related to attractiveness and large breasts). If I was discarded then doesn’t that contradict how a narcissist works, typically?

      2. It is a contradiction in your world, yes, but not in ours. You were disengaged from for a reason which was applicable at the time (see the article 5 Reasons Why We Discard/Disengage) . He hoovers you and does so by telling you that you were the best. It is all part of the compartmentalisation and manipulation. Tomorrow he may well tell you that you were the worst sexual partner, if it suits him to say so.

  2. The sex was so exciting and creative on his part — never a dull moment. But there was no romance and true affection. Sooooo … I took it for what it was and i told myself, okay, you give great sex and I’m taking it. I’m using YOU!

    It worked for a while, but I began to feel devalued after a while, which was his aim, after all.

    For every reason I tell myself I want him back, there is a Tudor book that reminds me why I really don’t.

    So thankful for this blog for a couple of reasons:
    1) because it acts as a deterrent.
    2) it’s a safe place to … indulge in the Greater.

    HG makes it hard to resist a fantasy or two. I’m consigned to working on me, until even the fantasy becomes sickening. 😞

    1. That is exactly how it was with me also. Like you I’m going to work on me for a change and I’m thankful for HG’s books. They put everything into perspective.

    2. Mistynolan01:

      That’s exactly what I told myself too. When I realized he was just a player and may not care about me the way he said he did, I still loved the (online) sex with him. So I told myself it’s okay because it’s just fun and I’m using HIM!

      Even then, he would find ways to make me feel shitty and humiliated. He interspersed this with normal fantasies, and he would always always always find a way to have me hoping he really did care. I began to see a pattern, just as he would say something “loving” or sweet, just as I would start to just relax and stop expecting the worse, that’s when he would bring it down hard! I started to cringe when he would say something that sounded like he was attached, knowing he would yank it all away with something twisted. And it NEVER fucking failed!

      Yes, this blog has helped me turn the corner on craving him all the time. He never existed. The games and the twisted shit is the only part of him that was real, and there is no reason to ever go back to that.

  3. there is no relationship, it is an entaglement, and it is not about sex for them.. it is to achieve their aims…. understand that… a dildo can do the same and you are in control, if you need sex… HG! please, if I have not paid attention, please correct me now… thx..
    And I hope someday ALL your books are in hard form…📖

  4. When i first read it was a trigger of sex with mid range. Now i realize the sex wasnt that great but the manipulations, touching, and deadly stare is what did it.

    Opps, the caressing and attention to my feet. 🤔

    Knowing this I wouldn’t trust my self with the mid. It’s not because he is so good in bed but his charm, deflection , future faking, and false empathy for my mental well being. I truly believe may set me back.

    I don’t have a strong support system, most of my family and friends believe I am overreacting. Also, hes 10 years younger 34
    and i should expect his behavior.

    1. So you like to be degraded and debased, and to have sex like an object without emotions? With someone who considers you a mere toy? To have your emotions and reactions and physical plaesure used as a weapon against you? To serve for the self-gratification of another?

      1. There must be something in it that fulfills us – because we keep going back. Perhaps there is a little (or a big) masochist in every empath.

      2. I got roped in to sex with narcissists because I am a masochist and submissive. I knew he was mixing pleasure with good pain and bad pain but the endorphins were firing so much that my judgment became even more clouded. I imagine that was the intent.

  5. I meant that as a sincere compliment. I love getting answers from the horses mouth, so to speak.

  6. I agree. There could be no plainer / clearer words be found, Mercy. It has the power to cure you (unless you’re masochistic).

  7. Dear HG
    Why your kind prefers to have sex with yourself?
    Oral doesn’t make you pleasure?

  8. Best book ever !!

    It all makes perfect sense after reading this book.

    1. I just ordered it and I can’t wait to read it. I think I have like six of his books so far! I feel so empowered. 😃👍🏻

      1. You won’t be disappointed RS. All HGs books are good but this made everything completely fall into place.

        I hope you enjoy x

  9. I need to read this. This is the book that frightens me the most. Ive been putting it off thinking it’ll go away or something haha. So much of our relationship and it’s dynamics are related to sex and I don’t want to face the ugliness of it.

    1. Sex was the only good part about our relationship also. I need to read this book so I can stop romanticizing about it.

  10. I just ordered this book. I have so many questions and I’m sure this book will answer most of them. He did some pretty weird things so I’m sure there will be some things left unanswered.

      1. Yes, you are like the great and all powerful Oz. You have the answers to everything!😘

    1. RS, I’m finding it very helpful. Of course I am not finished as I started reading “Exorcism” as well and am alternating. You’ll be glad you ordered this!

      1. I am reading “exorcism” and “danger 50 things you should not do with a narcissist” as well. So much information, my head me explode! 😜

      2. RS… lol Damn that auto correct

        But yes, it’s a lot of mind blowing info for sure! Mind blown is still preferred to having our heads fucked with.

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