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34 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 19”
I already left one comment but wanted to add I was recently diagnose with stage 3 breast cancer and had a double mastectomy so I feel ugly and unwant. And don’t wanna start a new relationship for some one to look at me like I’m a gross monster. My narcissist is quick to let me know he thinks Im beautiful either way and he loves me like I am. So I cling to that. But I know he says just the right thing to keep me around. But he only does cause he’s a mamas boy and she gives him everything. And so do i. His mother is 80 and won’t be around much longer but hes 48 and he won’t work I support him and if he points out something he likes I Make sure he gets it. Because I wanna win his Love and affection deep down I know he is trying to find someone that will take his mothers place when she is gone and will support him. And I am the dumb ass that does and he will keep me around scars and all because I mother him. I can’t make my heart believe what my head knows I’m being used. But no one would want me the way i look now and I’m terrified to be alone. And any little bone he throws me Keeps me right with him.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I’ve gone my whole life without telling!
Emotionally raw piccie Mr Tudor!
These LITTLE ACON pictures are becoming harder to look at. Such power in a picture and phrase.
HG, what was/is your objective of this series?
To address a dynamic which I have only touched on intermittently and not in any considerable depth so far but by drawing attention through these memes for the purpose of expanding on the subject.
I see. A very interesting subject. I look forward to reading your insights on this topic.
And I thank you for it HG. I have had both a mother with NPD and partners with NPD. In my case the worse abuse was the one done by my mother. And it has also been the most difficult to escape from; physically, mentally and emotionally.
I’m sorry Lou, it’s a life long battle. Hang in there ❤️
Thank you Sue423. It is a life long battle indeed.
I’m currently reading “Cries Unheard. The Story of Mary Bell”. I’m only somewhere in the middle but have you ever read it, HG? Or perhaps read other things about Mary Bell’s childhood? If yes, her mother was a narc, right?
I haven’t read it, but I know about Mary Bell aka the Tyneside Strangler. I know her mother abused her physically and caused her to suffer sexual abuse at the hands of men. I don’t know much more about her mother but I suspect you are correct.
Gruesome read. The last book of this sort I read was about the Manson murders. As a teen I read In Cold Blood. This was enough for me.
I know 10 people who have had their life snuffed by anothers hand, one was my future brother in law and another was our business partner, taken out by his son to be ex-wife. Others were co-workers. I know over ten people who have committed suicide. I just found out about one woman last night talking with an ex co-worker. Oh let me list the ways these people have died………..
I know eleven.
of course you do. I wish I did not know any.
Apparently the mother always talked about herself whenever she visited Mary in Red Bank and then later on in prison. Never asked Mary how she was doing, merely told her how bad she was doing, both physically and because of what Mary had done to her (by killing the two boys) and how she can never tell anyone now that she’s her mum. Then she ran to the press to sell the story and even made Mary pose for photos that she also sold. Apparently already during the trial, where she was seated behind Mary, she secretly pinched Mary in the back, nobody saw. Of course back then people probably didn’t know much about narcissism, and even though there were people who urged to stop the mother visiting Mary, she never stopped and according to Mary, she put on a show for the guards and pretended to be a great mother.
It’s not that horrible really. The author doesn’t go into the horrible details, and it’s more about explaining why Mary turned out the way she did. She also mentions the two boys who tortured and killed James Bulger.
But having said that, I have a general interest in things that some consider morbid and dark. It’s not of sick or perverted nature (I swear!). My ex, the narc, used to say I make no sense because on the one hand, I have this fascination with serial killers, murderers, death, etc. on the other hand I like things that kids like.
I don’t know anyone who was murdered, but I know (knew?) many people who have killed themselves. One of them being my own father.
The very worst of them all. Secrets. You can never tell anyone. Soul destroyers. Constantly living in isolation because no one was really allowed to know you. Keeping up the lie to hide what life was really like. My first step father was a pedophile.
They married when my sister and I were 4 and 6 years old. My sister told when she was in the 8th grade and I was in the 6th. They separated for two months. My mother believed both of us but would not leave him. You see, money and status were the most important things in her life. Definitely not my sister and I. During their separation my mother told friends and acquaintances that he had briefly cheated on her but that he was repentant and begged her to come back. All a cover.
He was an elder in our church and sat on several boards for youth ministry corporations. Our secrets were entrenched and NOTHING could ever threaten the status, prestige or wealth of our “family”.
My sister left for college and then I graduated two years after that. He left my mother the day I graduated. The very same day. There was no more need to stay.
He was a criminal. He is dead now. She is a criminal. She is alive. People go to prison when breaking failure to protect laws and covering up abuse. But someone has to tell.
I know some will think why didn’t you and your sister just tell someone and get out of there??? It’s scarier than you can imagine and the threats that go along with the insistence of keeping the secret feel very real. Your emotional growth is stunted almost the minute the abuse begins and you feel unable to do anything but survive. Just survive.
12345 Was he Mormon? I do believe it is this sect that has Elders.
My mother denied also with the only man she loved, but it was short lived thank god. He only attempted to touch me once and my 5 year sister twice. Long story but my mother denied us and he left shortly after this. His name was Al.
My father never knew of any abuse from the baby-sitter’s father or “Al”. My parents separated when I was a baby and he was Military. I told him maybe five years before he died. He cried when I told him. I regretted doing so because he could not change it and it hurt him more than anything because he could not take it away. I was his Princess. Sometimes these things are best to just let it go and not tell the ones who love you more than life when it is to late to change it. I miss my father more than anything else on this earth.
No. He was Presbyterian.
I think it’s good your father knew in a way. He got to grieve with his daughter. Even though it’s painful it’s still a gift for you and for him.
12345 I told him it was OK that it was not his fault. On his last day of life, I told him what I needed to say. That he gave me the best years of my life when I was with him. I will never forget the reaction he gave me. He did not want to leave me.
Presbyterians have Elders and Deacons…the hands and heart of the church.
12345… like “what goes on in this house, stays in this house”…. we learn coping skills to suit us early on and do what it takes to survive. it then manifests differently in all of us as adults, (coping/survival) as is evident on this blog.
Oh wow, 12345 I am so very sorry that that happened to you. That has to be the ultimate form of abuse. It is a devestation to your soul. I’m so sorry.
How are you doing now? Not to be too intrusive..I just hope you are okay.. I know it’s a life long battle.. ❤️
I’ve been in therapy for 30+ years and I’ve never married but I’m very high functioning so not many people know I need help. You’d never guess it if you knew me but narcs do. They can smell it. The hardest part is resisting the belief that I’m only worth sex. I know it intellectually but it still feels like it’s my only currency. My life is very blessed though. I post so much pain about the narcs but I have a job I love and an amazing daughter. She has had a relatively nice life with zero physical or sexual abuse. That’s a win to me❤️
Thank you for sharing that with me. I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. The fact that you appreciate that your life is blessed is a huge testament to your strength. And the fact that you have an amazing daughter is just icing on the cake . I’m very impressed that you are able to share your story. ❤️. Thank you again .
I understand better why you want your mother dead.
Thank you, Lou. I guess context always helps.
Yes, context does help. Thanks for sharing 12345
i think this is the most damaging one
This one makes me cringe. So many victims children and adults are intimidated into hiding the abuse and scars it leaves both external and internal 🙁
Yes NA, I was afraid to go to the bathroom in my own home until my teens. My sister had to go in with me and my brothers would have to wait outside. If I ever had to go by myself, I did not think I could live through it. I never understood why I was so afraid until I was much older.