Little Acons – No. 21

I ONLY EVERHEARFROMYOU WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING

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11 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 21”

  1. My parents haven’t really said this to me. I don’t ask my parents for help either financially or emotionally. More often they’re the ones who call when *they* want something. My mom when she wants to vent or needs her “fix” as she calls it, and my dad when he needs to “borrow” money. Does that mean I’m the narcissistic one?

    1. No.

      The meme reflects the projection of the parental narcissist who is actually the one who calls because they want something. In order to provoke a reaction in the ACON the parental narcissist will project and accuse the ACON of only calling when they need something, even when that has not happened.
      IN some instances, an adult does only call when they want something. That does not mean they are a narcissist, albeit it is inconsiderate behaviour and the parent (who is not a narcissist) points this out to them. The dynamic encapsulated in this meme is different.

  2. This is said to me so much. At least when I spoke to her. Narcissistic parents love indebtedness. Tit for tat. Nothing is ever free. I don’t care if my daughter only calls me when she needs something and never any other time. I’m her mother. I am there for her not the other way around. Now if she called and said “give me all your money bitch” I’d be a little upset.

    No matter how long she goes she always finds her way back to me. “You never call me” and “you only call me when you need something” will never pass my lips. That’s shaming your children and I won’t do that to her.

  3. So, that is, what I talked about. It is about giving and taking and there must be a balance. This time, HG, I understand you. After that childhood it is no wonder, that you do not like their presence or enjoy it. And that you do not call them unless you need something. Or is that only their feeling? I have not been here for a week, because the health system makes some problems concerning my mother. And it is funny : the typical “enemies” in the health system do make no problems, the typical “helpers” are the problem this time. It is quite opposite to normal. It is exhausting. HG, did you ever talk with your brother and sister about the behaviour of your parents?
    I talked yesterday with an old friend about my mother. Her mother was cruel. She insulted her daughter so many times and had bitten her in her arm. She said to me, yes, your mother is abusive, different to mine, but very abusive and then; “But she is old now, you have to take care of her.” And I said: “Yes, I do. But please do not excuse her because of her age. That will continue the emotional abuse and the emotional violence forever.” I was so angry about my friend, although she knows that there is abuse she tries to make me feel guilty about my mother. I do not understand such a nonsense. I care as much as I can, but no excuses for her behaviour welcome. And she said : “Yes, I know she is emotional violent. But there is no fight between you and your mother.” I only said: “If you talk about emotional violence, there is a fight. Why are you so contradictive?” She was quiet for a minute. Then she only said: “That is your opinion.” There is no logic in it.

  4. What about those children of Narcissistic parents who don’t realize what has been going on in their family? If you’re almost 30 and you’re still under a strict control of your Narcmother? I watched the scened when my ex Narc was aggressive towards me, but acted like a little kitty whenever his mother was getting angry, threatening she will take everything away from him and screaming how cruel he is after all she sacrificed. This scene was outreagous for me given the fact that that the reason for her behaviour was so trivial. But it struck me how much he is dependent on her, he didn’t say a word! Is there any chance to help understand such people that this is not a parental love and sacrifice, this is abuse.

  5. I am seeing a lot of stuff in the news about narcs recently – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4683390/Do-live-work-narcissist.html?login&base_fe_url=http%3A%2F%2Fdailymail.co.uk%2F&validation_fe_uri=%2Fregistration%2Fp%2Fapi%2Ffield%2Fvalidation%2F&check_user_fe_uri=registration%2Fp%2Fapi%2Fuser%2Fuser_check%2F&isMobile=false#readerCommentsCommand-message-field (It’s in the Daily Mail so it must be true)

    I posted a comment with a link to here on it πŸ™‚

    It seems that NPD is becoming more & more recognised – your time to shine may be closer than you think HG!

  6. These Acons are so accurate it’s scary. Sometimes, rarely, I will feel sorry for my monster and think “was she really as bad as I’m remembering?” Just like with the narc in dating, distance used to cause me to romanticize something that was never really real so I’d go back to checkπŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„ Anyway, I’m making a notebook of these Acons (until the first Acons book is published HG) so that I can remember all the reasons I have no contact in place with my monster. If I’m tempted to show sympathy and allow contact this compilation of photos should help me get right sized within minutes.

  7. Every single time I called my mother! “Hello? What do you want this time? You only call me when you want something.”
    It becomes a self-fulfilling profecy. You so dread having to talk to someone like that, that you don’t call them unless you really need to!

  8. Yes, I have said this many times. It is a fact two of my sons call when they need to tap in the pocketbook. So there is no guilt in saying this to them.

    1. I made the mistake of giving my kids everything. They do not know struggle. They have never had a car payment but have had 5 cars between the two of them. They do not have student loans but have educations that many kids have to pay back for years of their life. My youngest as a child had several remote cars. No matter what they were into they had multiples. They are good men, no issues. They have worked since they were 16, I still feel that they only want to take from me.
      I wanted them to have what I never did. I just paid for my youngest sons lasik.
      I think my middle son used me the most. My youngest knows how to work me. My oldest is the one who asks for nothing.

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