17 Salvos of Silence
Silence is golden. Or rather, it is a golden weapon when deployed by our kind. The use of silent treatment against our victims is a major part of our portfolio of abusive manipulations. Easy to implement, very low in terms of energy expended but capable of reaping such considerable rewards in terms of fuel, control, the assertion of superiority and the administration of power, it is little wonder that we use it regularly. The application of silence can be used virtually at any time and in nearly every situation. This cold fury causes frustration, upset, fearfulness, concern, confusion and bewilderment. It is perfect at drawing fuel from our victims. It is astonishing just how it affects those it is used against, causing the emotional fuel to froth and spill from the perplexed and worried individual. It causes anxiety and has a most unsettling effect which ensures that those who are subjected to it are unable to understand why it is being used. By maintaining a heightened emotional state, we ensure that you never manage to grasp what is happening and why this passive aggressive tactic is being used. It plays to your desire to know what is happening and why, but you do not realise. You hover around us, asking what is wrong, why are you not speaking to me, what is the matter, please just talk to me. Every sentence you utter, every plea you make and every beseeched demand just makes us continue it all the more. In those instances, where the silent treatment is administered and we remain proximate to you, we will maintain a glacial mask. An impassive fixed expression which may be punctuated by the occasional baleful glare, but underneath this mask we are smiling and laughing at you. Look at how upset she is, see the confusion in her eyes and wait for it, here comes another question, another plea, another request to be put out of her misery. How the fuel flows and we revel in what we see.
Even when the silent treatment is utilised against you from a distance and we are not physically with you, we are savouring just how you will be reacting. We can picture you frantically jabbing your ‘phone as you send text after text asking us to come home, to call you and just explain what the problem is. We listen to your tear-infused voicemails as you ask us to just let you know that we are okay. Your sobbing promises to work things out and “whatever I have done, I am sorry, but please, please don’t do this to me.” Of course your failure to understand what you have done is used against you in two ways so that you are damned either way. Your admission that you do not know what you have done (which of course is entirely correct, how could you know what has happened when we just walked out of the living room when everybody was say quietly watching television?) just serves to underline, in our minds, that we are right to take this course of action. Good Lord, why should we bother to contact you if you cannot even be bothered to work out what you have done wrong. All the more reason to keep this silence going for a while longer yet. Furthermore, because it is so effective at troubling you and keeping you guessing as to what the reason for this icy front is, we want to continue it.
The silent treatment is used for many reasons. First and foremost, as with all manipulations, it is used to draw fuel. It is to exert control over you. It is to keep you in an emotional place and thus paralysed, unable to see what is happening and unable to think clearly. It is to reinforce that we are powerful, superior and mighty, whilst you are useless and pathetic. You do not know how to please us, you do not know how to remedy matters and you cannot even work out what you have done. You are useless.
There is also a further reason why we use the silent treatment. This is our way of killing you. True enough there are those of our kind who actually do kill their victims. Those people are idiots. They lack control, function and competence and allow their knee-jerk response to override their need for fuel and the ability to do as we please. By committing such an act, by losing control and killing, those of our kind who do this (invariably the lesser of our kind) not only destroy their primary source of fuel (often with no true contingency in place) but they then hand themselves on a plate to the authorities, a prison sentence and the attendance diminution in fuel gathering opportunities that arise from incarceration. As I wrote, they are idiots.
Those of us who exert control over our responses, those of us who are of a higher function, who plot and plan and calculate, do not go down such a route. No, instead we slay with silence and here are seventeen salvos which bring about that quiet death.
- Remaining in the room and saying nothing and not even acknowledging you.
- Remaining silent but staring malevolently at you.
- Talking to others in a social gathering but blanking you.
- Ignoring your telephone calls.
- Answering your telephone calls but saying nothing as we listen to you beg and plea before ending the call.
- Ignoring your text messages.
- Allowing you to know we have read your messages but never responding.
- Responding to everybody else’s comments on a social media post but not yours.
- Inviting everybody in a social group to which you belong, to an event, but not inviting you.
- Agreeing to meet for a date and not turn up.
- Sleeping in the spare room or on the sofa, anywhere but in the bed with you.
- Walking out all of a sudden and completely disappearing.
- Not engaging with you directly but acknowledging your existence through a third party – “John, did you hear something then? I thought I heard something squeak/whine/moan” used when you speak.
- Extending the silent treatment so it is meted out by lieutenants and members of the coterie.
- Responding to any written communication from you by writing “I do not recognise the sender of this letter/message/e-mail”
- We talk to you but only about our day, what we want to discuss and do not allow you to speak. We talk over you, ignore what you have to say and behave as if we are talking to ourselves in the mirror.
- You hear from other parties that we have been talking in terms as if you do not exist – “Yes, I am going to the wedding next week, I am happy to do so on my own, I am not being controlled then.” Even though you had no idea that we have such a plan in mind. Your existence has been eradicated and deleted by us and relayed back to you by proxy.
Yes, the application of the silent treatment is powerful indeed. It is regarded as a “death blow” against you.
Murdering without feeling has never been so damn appealing.
16 thoughts on “17 Salvos of Silence”
brings to mind an old quote…..
“The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us; but he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. His attack is psychological, Damien. And powerful.”
william peter blatty – the exorcist
this is the best damned article i have seen online. thank you for your BRUTAL TRUTH and for sharing to enlighten us about the Narcissist way of thinking. Sheds a great deal of light on the “who & what” of these people.
You are welcome.
It is amazing how people seek you out during the silent treatment and it offers a great opportunity to discover who the narcissists’ lieutenants are too. Usually people you would rarely see or talk to but suddently come out of the wood work to “reacquaint” at strange times. Makes me smile.
My grandmother referred quite often to “silence is golden’ under different terms “silence is like honey”.
Looking forward to reading more articles here.
I am one of those victims that walked the fine line between life and death . On two occasions actually , it was only shear fate I was saved . Saved by a stranger . I suspect there have been many victims that have taken their own lives , and their stories written off as just another bad break up .
I totally agree. That’s why education and awareness is key. There’s a lot of discussion in the US now. People are able to identify blameshifting, gaslighting, triangulation, manipulation, and how these people vehemently denies their behavior.
I tried to tell one of my associated that her boyfriend of 6 months may be a narc. She laughed, now she get to witness some of his behaviours played out daily on T.V.
Know she’s a loyal HG follower.😊
Good work Yolo.
Pretty amazing! I love the one about sleeping anywhere but with you! Had it happen so much, with me, being, like, WHAT? Oh, lol! Could never figure it out! Why in the hell? Idk? Jesus! O.K. although i understand it, doesn’t the justification defeat the means? Ya know some of us, no matter, or maybe more? Empathic, are just gonna leave! I get it, ya got more! But some of us, ya wnr see very often! Must be frustrating.
Truth be told and interestingly enough, I used a lot of these techniques. However, only on the exnarc and after experiencing them being used on me. The first of which came right after the GP of 3 mnths and a successful malignant hoover of her previous IPPS…which I busted her on red-handed and She vehemently denied at first (despite all the evidence) After a 3 day ST, she FAKED empathy saying She was sorry about how that must have made me feel(seriously?? Lmao!) This triggered (my then)codependency and we had intense sex and FAKED intimacy for two days. Immediately on the 3rd day, like an earthquake she painted me black for whatever reason? Then blocked my number and want N/C for 3mnths. Ha, then hoovered me back in. Should have taken the opportunity at that time to escape…little did I know what torture I’d be put through the next 5yrs. Stupid is what stupid does.
That has been my reality for two years but no more! Thank you HG for our two sessions over skype today! I’m very determined now and feel so much stronger. Back from evening swim and saying STOP to unwanted thoughts and a rubber band now placed on my arm. Thanks to you I’ll make it this time! We’ll talk soon!!!
Cheers from a relieved and anxiety free woman tonight!
You are most welcome. Seize the power.
9 years of this shit I’ve had to take. 9 effing years. Just coming out of the last bout of silence. This time it will be the last time. My hatred for him now overrides everything else, and reading this blog I now know I no longer have to continue to do the right thing by him. Which means I’m planning to take the kids and cut ALL contact. Sorry had to get that off my chest, just in so much pain continually. Most destructive pointless worthless human beings. Took me a long long time but now the seething anger I feel is going to sweep me right outta here.
Best Wishes….save yourself and kids.
Welcome Ola! Keep reading here and sharing. It will help. Thoughts are with you!
For once I’m the one dishing out the silent treatment for the first time ever in 2 and a half years of this on again off again bullshit with a mid lesser – to lower mid lol if that exists . I received a Hoover text after 4 weeks break up which I ignored I’ve never done that before ever , it was a typical novel length text all about himself being a victim as usual , now after a further 3 weeks silence I’ve received a novel length email Hoover more about his victim self but how now he is missing me and realises what I mean to him . Yawn Yawn. I’ve been sucked in by this time and time again. I’ve ignored the email , it was 3 days ago. He’ll still be expecting me to answer. I wonder how he is enjoying my silent treatment of him . I’m actually getting over him, not quite there but close . Ignoring him is easy now. I don’t think he will like it and I think he’ll be shocked