Utter Disgust


You disgust me. How did I ever choose to be with you? How did I not see what you really are? You conned me. There can be no other explanation for what has happened. You drew me in and promised me so much. You offered all that I needed and now you have revealed your true colours. Another chameleon. I would have thought that I would have become more adept at identifying you by now but I suspect that you came with leaden tongue which was draped in sugar as you sought to lure me into your despairing world. I cannot believe that you behaved in such a way and after everything that I have done for you. This is the method of your thanks is it? You are a disgusting person to behave in this way. Building up my hopes, thinking that after so long searching and hunting that I have finally located the one that would always give me what I need. The sole supply of my strength, the bearer of joy, the provider of sustenance and yet you promised all this and when it came to the moment of reckoning you failed to deliver. I should not berate myself for once again I have been fooled by someone who came with obscuring smoke and confusing mirrors. I am but a simple and straightforward person who offers only dedication and a perfect love. You knew this yet you lured me in with your false promises and empty words.

How did you think I would react to such perfidy? With a smile and a “oh it does not matter”? Of course not. You failed me and in the most offensive way possible. You have insulted me, me of all people. You have caused grave offence through your disgusting conduct and that was why you had to be punished. It is not good pleading for clemency. You held a position of trust and you abused that trust in a foul manner. You were given complete and utter access to my inner being and you achieved this through manipulation and fraud. Your punishment accordingly must match this heinous crime. Look at you, snivelling and begging, the crocodile tears spilling down your face as you plead for leniency and another chance. How many chances must I give you? You have failed me so many times and you have taken advantage of my most generous nature. You disgust me. So weak and so pathetic. You thought you could break me but you could not. You thought that you could outwit and outflank me. Not a chance. You thought you could do as you pleased but I have found you out and for that you shall receive your comeuppance. Get up and have some dignity. By heaven, I cannot stand it when you behave like this. Your weakness offends me. I can smell the putrid stench of your pathetic vulnerability now that I have pierced that fraudster’s veil. The offensive odour is all pervasive and I want to vomit such is the disgusting sensation that arises from it. Get out of my sight, you turn my stomach. How did I ever think that you would be the solution? I must have taken leave of my senses but then in a way I did. You made me believe in something that was not real. You duped me. Me, me of all people, someone of my brilliance and intellect, taken in by the sleight of hand of a trickster. I cannot stand this association with something so vile as you. I despite you but I also despise myself for having ever chosen you. You promised me everything and I fell for it. I thought I knew better. I thought I had it all worked out, the path forward and the road to infinite excellence but you were waiting around the bend again weren’t you, you despicable bastard. You ambushed me and just as I thought everything was right, correct and well, you sought to topple me with your clandestine behaviours. Your deceit run through you like a disease and you are riddled with it. Do you see how it causes your features to twist in some sick parody of what you are? The vitriol and the malice age you. It is bound to be the case for nobody can such sick sin for too long. I suppose that is why you try and conceal it isn’t it? Your leering sick grin cannot be looked upon for it will reveal all your other warped features, the grimacing evil that stems from being such a disgusting creature as you are. I cannot stand to look upon you, I cannot bear to hear your screeching and pitiful voice which makes me shudder when I think how often I desired to hear it. Oh what a fool I have been to have been taken in by your promises. You have misled me over and over again. How could you behave in such a manner? Are you not disgusted with yourself? You ought to be. I can feel the bile rising in my throat as I contemplate what you have done to me and now as I see you for what you truly are. Leave! Be gone! I have no desire to have you in my eye any longer. My disgust overwhelms me and I must escape your presence. I said for you to go. Why do you remain staring at me and mocking me with those hooded eyes? Is there not end to your torturous ways? Stop looking at me. Stop it, I demand it. Perhaps if I shut my eyes and yes, you have gone. Ha, I am not finished yet. I have dispelled you but even as I keep my eyes shut tight I know that when I open them again you will have returned because I can never escape you can I?

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30 thoughts on “Utter Disgust

  1. K says:

    I have read about lies, truths, perspective, perception and opinion in the comments lately and Utter Disgust could be spoken by us both. I noticed you used the word Bastard. If we can’t escape the narcissist, then does that mean he can’t escape the empath? Do you need the empath more than we need you? Because, we both know that the empath can escape if they want to.

    Top favorites:
    1. The 3 Little Empaths
    2. I Want
    3. Ex Machina
    4. Overload
    5. Utter disgust

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you K, I am always interested to know which of the articles people like the most.

      Who can escape who? Opens up an interesting debate. Can we escape THE empath? Absolutely. We dis-engage. Can we escape the need for AN empath, no, or certainly less likely if people believe change can be achieved.
      Can you escape the narcissist? Often no, but you an get away in the physical sense. Can you escape the effect, the contamination, the aftermath? Again, you may escape much of it, part of it, or very little of it, but ultimately there is still something always left inside of you following the experience.

      1. robins359 says:

        You just answered my question from this morning about an empath being perfectly happy without you, but you cannot exist without us.

        The part about escaping the narcissist. . . truer words were never spoken. I see my life now as “before and after the sociopath”. My friends who knew me before getting involved with him say I am not the same person I once was. I am not.

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        HG, you should do a poll then for readers to say which was their favorite blog and why.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Clarece, I have considered that. Of course there are several hundred blog articles, so any poll would be rather cumbersome. I shall have to draw up a shortlist.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            I suppose. If there’s an article not in the list, they’ll write about it in the comments.

          2. HG Tudor says:


  2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    Utter disgust…

    That is how I feel about all my ex boyfriends lmao.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Shame, they all speak so highly of you!

      1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Oh shhhhh lol!

        They don’t matter for so many reasons I can’t even get into them all lol!

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I did them a favor by dating them.

  3. RS says:

    This is perfectly said if it is written from the victims point of view and not the narc’s.

    1. Salome says:


    2. K says:

      Exactly what I was thinking!

  4. catlady2468 says:

    Curious… If a middle midrange responds to our statement of such a thing to them by saying they agree, so disgusted with themselves blah blah blah ‘so sorry I’m a horrible person’ by text or messenger, then after being called out on being a coward because can never seemingly say anything of substance in person only behind a cellphone and also if sorry then why , and then the CN responds a week later after apparently another silent treatment (FFS thought this was finally discard/shelving since this silent treatment included blocking) offering that in-person apology stated above, is this a trap for some kind of hoover do you think, and if so benign or maligned? Is a pity play benign…? What does a maligned hoover from mid midranger seeking revenge look like, I assume the arrogance in your face I don’t need you i have new supply if fueled or rekindle something intending to discard shortly after for the fuel and possibly added hurt…? It’s just confusing because I’d assume the latter is typical in a hoover anyway isn’t it? I don’t see how it’s more maligned if I’m correct and is intended as such. Maybe because it’s from mmrn? Lol i only say that because any obvious action on their part is like some miracle on a blue moon…

    1. catlady2468 says:

      *edit: that should have read as:

      then after being called out on being a coward because can never seemingly say anything of substance in person only behind a cellphone and also if sorry then why , and then the CN responds a week later after apparently another silent treatment

    2. catlady2468 says:

      Ok so apparently pointy brackets don’t post correct on here…

      Edit v2.0:
      …then after being called out on being a coward because can never seemingly say anything of substance in person only behind a cellphone and also if sorry then why (insert recent contradictory behaviours or words indicating arrogance, nonapologetic, or lack of empathy here), and then the CN responds a week later after apparently another silent treatment…

    3. catlady2468 says:

      Also I should add it is what would’ve been our anniversary either Monday or Wednesday is it bad I can’t recall exact date?! I think tomorrow Aug 7th is correct… I had all this saved on social media and contacts and deleted from both numerous times, his only line of contact with me is from an old deactivated fb account where I kept messenger for professional contacts just to be safe… Anyway, I guess that’s a sorry not all that sorry this year god knows he didn’t make them special anyway, I probably repressed the date due to disappointments at his rate 😉

  5. Mona says:

    Jacqueline Sauvage

  6. gabbanzobean says:

    Your kind and the constant use of the word “utter” or “utterly”. 🙄

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Utterly correct.

  7. Ps says:

    I’m presuming that the purpose of this article is to elicit a response from people in order to provide some form of supply. If that is the case, then I should perhaps refrain from writing any further. However, my sincere desire for understanding leaves me with the urge to continue. While I can certainly see the contents of the article from both perspectives I wonder why a narcissist would even feel such anger and hatred toward an individual who has left them. Ultimately it was the narc who initiated the discard, the end result of which he or she knew would be the departure of the empath from their world. Such being the case, the narc (theoretically) achieved their goal: which was to simply use the empath for supply and discard the individual at the end of said individual’s useful life. As such, why would a narc feel such rage at a former source of supply when that supply is no longer needed? Conventional thinking would assume that the narc would be more prone to a feeling of satisfaction and therefore a full of supply stemming from the achievement of his/her goal. We know, however, that narcs do not follow conventional thinking which, in and of itself, makes them unpredictable in their reactions.

    Or was this article penned with the intention of playing mind games with your readers? Since it has been re-posted on several occasions, I wonder about the motivation behind the action. Curiosity of course is the driving factor behind my questions.

  8. Karma says:

    Right back at you!!!

  9. Salome says:

    Two in one!


    Manipulative projection & Empath’s speech

    I feel biiiiiiig tentation to print your text, dear HG…
    And to put in a mailbox of my Greater Elite…

    Would he kill me after reading your words as mine addressed to him?
    Could it be dengerous?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would need more information to ascertain the extent of the risk of being dis-incentivised.

      You would likely get a reaction however.

      1. Salome says:

        What do you mean exactly, HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      2. Salome says:

        Do you know about the Empath who has killed the Narc?

        1. HG Tudor says:


  10. Said the narc to the empath…and said the empath to the narc.

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