The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5
The use of music in the narcissistic dynamic between our kind and our victims is common. It appears throughout the various stages of the dynamic but is used most heavily and also effectively during seduction. This use is an excellent microcosm for our behaviours as a whole :-
- It is used to appeal to your empathic traits such as love devotee;
- We use something created by someone else and pass it off as speaking for us;
- We do not feel the emotion conveyed in the song so we find a conduit (namely the song) to emulate it for us;
- It is easy to do thus conserving energy;
- We can use the same approach over and over again, even the same songs.
Thus we will use music often in order to lure our victims to us. I have however written a few pieces concerning the use of music in the seduction and therefore do not propose to do so once again here. Instead, I will utilise this expanded Narcissistic Truth to write about the use of bait in seducing you.
Everything we do when look to seduce you is bait.
Nothing is done or said ‘just because’. Our actions, our gestures, our words, our expressions are all part of this bait which is designed to draw you to us and ensure that you become ensnared on our dangling hook.
Much of this is instinctive. We have an ability to respond in a way which keeps producing bait to attract you. There is calculation too as we assess information that we have gathered about you and determine how would be the best way to lure you in, what would be the most appropriate and most rewarding approach. However, when we are interacting with you, we also respond in a instinctive fashion so that we do and say things which appeal to you.
Chief amongst this of course is the capacity to mirror. We have to do this, as I have explained elsewhere, which means that with a default setting of needing to mirror we automatically respond in a way which is appealing to you. We respond in a similar way to your likes and dislikes and it is a natural reaction which flows from this intrinsic requirement to mirror you. It often just happens because that is how we have been programmed.
Be in no doubt that during those early engagements with us that everything we do with you is designed to lure you. Of course we are drawing fuel from your enthusiastic replies to our passionate text messages, from that broad smile when you see us as you have been waiting in a bar for us or from your delight when we surprise you with a gift. This delicious positive fuel that you provide keeps telling us that we are right to keep laying down the bait, creating that trail of breadcrumbs that leads you into our world and then we close the portal behind you, keeping you there once you have become embedded.
None of these actions compliments, gestures or activities are done just for the sake of doing it. We do not derive ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyment’ from taking you out for dinner, going rowing together or playing a game of squash. We are drawing fuel and putting down the bait to trap you. That is all that matters.
You might wonder, but surely you enjoy playing squash anyway and it is doubly delightful to play squash with somebody whose company that you enjoy? It is a fair question and of course is one asked form your viewpoint. You do things because you intrinsically enjoy the experience. You like to be with somebody because you find them caring, amusing, mentally stimulating, good at what they do which impresses you and so on. None of that matters unless there is fuel attached to it.
Might I enjoy playing squash? Yes. Why? To win and thus draw fuel from the other person be it their praise at my prowess, admiration at the shots played or irritation at having been beaten. Might I enjoy playing squash with you? Yes. Why? Because you are giving me fuel during the game but moreover it is because I know you enjoy playing squash and therefore I am using it as a bait in my seduction of you.
There has to be a purpose.
Everything we say to you. Everything we do for you and with you. All of it, during seduction, must have the purpose of baiting you and providing us with fuel. It is not done just for the sake of doing it. That is an empty activity and a waste of our energy which must be conserved and applied in the most effective way to continue to gain fuel. During seduction these activities are carried out to lure you to us. That is the purpose. If the sentence or activity is not going to achieve that, there is no point to it.
During this seduction we want to spend so much time with you because you have something that we want – primarily fuel, but also those character traits and residual benefits. Those are the aims. You may be able to expound an excellent argument about the benefits of decriminalising narcotics but that is only of use to us as a character trait we might use for ourselves or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.
You may well be mentally stimulating, but that is only relevant in the context that fuel, character traits and residual benefits come with that mental stimulation also. The mental stimulation in itself is not enough.
This systematic baiting is necessary owing to the need for fuel. We have to have the certainty that you will give us fuel and be a fully functioning and reliable appliance. To secure this, we have to rely on baiting you and it is not enough to rely on that which is already there. That poses too great a risk. It is necessary to maximise our chances, thus we look for those who are the most susceptible and then we deploy our array of manipulations to create the illusion which ensures the bait is taken.
Yes, it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance? Not when there is so much at stake. You may say, “Be yourself and we would love you just the same”. I have seen this written many times and heard it too, but for many of our kind that would be a fatal mistake. For others, more advanced and with existing talent, it is not enough to rely on this and take chances. The optimum outcome has to be achieved and this means relying on luring you, attracting, baiting you through falsity, fakery and fabrication.
When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?
26 thoughts on “The Expanded Narcissistic Truths – No. 5”
What about Amanda……
” or the fact we purposefully play devil’s advocate so that your consternation as you continue to argue gives us fuel.”
THIS. The few times politics were discussed, my narc argued irrationally and in an attacking way. I’m not like that, and I didn’t want to fight, I wanted to discuss intelligently like adults. It baffled me that he couldn’t do this, because he seemed open-minded about everything else we discussed, but then he became so nasty and mean wanted to make it an ugly, accusing fight! It’s entirely possible he was just playing devil’s advocate to get me upset, isn’t it?
And then, when I finally did argue back (still not nasty like him, but I was assertive in countering his points), he then told me “I think we need to say goodbye before this gets uglier.” And I was heartbroken, because he’s the reason it got ugly in the first place! I was polite and said “I’m sorry you feel that way” but didn’t beg him to hang around. He returned in a month and that subject wasn’t discussed again. He would occasionally make a comment that he’s watching a debate, and I would tell him I’m watching something else, even though I was watching it too.
I thought him coming back, after being so upset that I didn’t agree with him on stuff. It was all just a test, wasn’t it? To see if I’d let that mindfuckery slide, just to maintain a relationship with him? (I use the word mindfuckery a lot because “manipulation” isn’t a strong enough word for this shit.)
What if u were to play squash by urself? Then surely it wud b for ur own enjoyment? My ex likes to jog by himself, for example. That must mean he enjoys it? Ty.
No he jogs to stay fit knowing this assists him with what he wished to achieve
I meant ty to hg. For some reason, wordpress is showing it as a reply to narcaffair.
But ty to narcaffair also!
I jog on my own bc i enjoy the time to reflect and admire nature. I cant see a narcissist wanting to reflect but more scheming and planning.
Somatics itd be purely to stay in shape for ego and to lure.
He is a mid-range somatic. But he says he does it for the fresh air.
Well he is not going to say he does it to gain fuel is he Jenna?
I guess not!! Good point!!
HG, If I had a super power it would be to answer every question without a real answer the way you do. It makes me laugh every time😘
“…it might be the case that the more superior amongst us might well be able to secure your dedication to us without the embellishments and exaggerations but why on earth would we take such a chance?”
In my case it was a belittling, not exaggeration! And when we got married, he got the “wow-effect” from me and I got his sly grin in response. Men… Lol
I’d say the main thing that ‘baited’ or ’embedded’ me was simply the familiarity instilled through regular back and forth. No real affection resulted.
I’m routinely baffled as to why some people I know ended up being ensnared. I suspect through want of discrimination and not bothering to have a personal standard.
“When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?”…..would anyone ever be “good enough” in your mind.??????….how would you describe this person that would be “good enough?”
Yes. They are “The One” as mentioned previously.
HG why do you still think there is The One when you have said you don’t need a loving relationship in another answer when I said you will never have a real loving relationship and you said you do not need this and yet you still believe there is the one , so you must want it ?
I want the fuel. No, I need the fuel.
I just read your article “The One and Only” (maybe I am not on the right article) hmmm…..every one seems to be “The One” initially. After reading that article the words “figment of your imagination” springs to my mind when I see any chat about “The One.” (I hope I am wrong though.) Anyway it is my experience that the actually searching and chasing of what you think you want, is usually far more exciting than the actual getting of what you think you want…..and I think this sums up most narcs. Once they get what they think they want, the novelty usually wears off PDQ. Its like a dog chasing a motorbike, most of the fun and excitement is in the chase. Once they catch up with it, they realise it’s not the best model, the engine size could be bigger and a red one would look nicer than this black one. They feel conned and let down. This motorbike will do for now because there are no others around, but the thrill and suspense in the looking around searching for a Dodge Tomahawk to appear is palpable……… I can’t help thinking when I see the words “The One”…….that you simply mean “The Next One”…… I must try and be more positive!!!!!!!
I have a few questions….if you feel like answering them……How do you go from believing you are not good enough to believing you are God or a God………maybe you just make those God comments in jest???? I am not being cynical …..even though that is often the case with me……I truly do not understand……maybe you have covered this before??? This is not a religious based question in my mind…..as I have no beliefs…but I don’t know how you can go from one extreme to the other……other than you like extremes……
Who says I am not good enough?
Last line of your article…..maybe I misread it….I thought you were talking about yourself……maybe you meant us??? I will have to read it again as I am not sure myself now. I will look at it again later….
One just has to read Love is a Taught Construct or In The Middle to know who and why made you not feel good enough.
When you have been repeatedly told you are not good enough you are going to find someone else who is aren’t you?
Is that “us” from being around the N. What the N thinks. Or both? It’s ambiguous. Something you rarely are. Was/is that intentional? Part of the snare? And entanglement. Please tell. My IP NPD used music. Shocker. But would also sprinkle here and there “you will leave one day” blah blah (which made me feel more trapped). Snow globe is what I call it. Shake the thing and the white out of constant snow will blind you (me) thus not knowing wth is ever going on: control.
HG do you live in London ?