Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers? Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?
It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.
Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.
Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.
Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.
12 thoughts on “The Fear”
My ex took me to horror movies and haunted houses. I would have never gone in a million years with anyone else. I was terrified of them. Did she just enjoy the thought of getting me to go somewhere that she knew I didn’t want to go? My reactions wouldn’t have been from her directly but from the activities so that wouldn’t have been fuel for her. Did that make her feel powerful.
She then would say afterwards that she was proud of me for conquering my fears. Can you translate what that means?
Hello Snow White,
1. She placed you in the position of being scared, thus your reaction was indeed fuel for her.
2. Her comment afterwards was (a) façade management (“see how I have helped you conquer your fears, aren’t I good and kind person?) and (b) to draw fuel from your pleased/relieved/grateful response.
Thanks for the answer HG. Always appreciated.
She must have enjoyed this tactic. She continued to find new ways to place fear in me. And it also was used for me to believe that she would one day leave me. A huge fear of mine also. Very believable.
From my perspective that’s crazy but I see how effective it was for her own means.
I could endure the fear with a shit ton of Xanax just to get back to the most loving, nurturing man I’d ever known. I wonder which was authentic.
Fear are my shackles. Only true freedom is to face your fears and deep down i know this. Narcissists are afraid to face themselves and their pasts. Theyre afraid to accept who they are and mistakes theyve made. Weaknesses.
Empaths are afraid too.
The more you run away from fears the more imprisoned you become. When you become imprisoned you become depressed.
When ive talked to therapists about my fears theyve helped me dissect these fears which i realised much had become overexaggerated. It helps but the true cure for fear is actually facing it and coming out on the other side. Dispproving the fear or overcoming it and being stronger as a result. Fear is a wall that stands between me and my future and full potential.
rage is the response to the primary stimulus of thwarting, something interfering with our…behavior. Our actions. Fear-is the response to loud noises, or loss of support.
Your emotions can be your own greatest enemy.
“Control Your Emotions” (1950) Pt 1
I’m rarely scared of anything, unless I watch horror movies. Sometimes I like to pretend I’m scared, like when I come home at night, and then I run home like a freak but that’s because sometimes I feel like I have too much energy and I like to push myself to my physical limits. The last time I saw my ex we were staying in a castle on a hill and had to take a funicular to get up there. One night we were out late and I started running from the bus to the funicular and I looked back and said “hurry up, we need to make sure nobody sees where we’re going!” and he just laughed. I’m a strange person.
I was anxious when I was with him. Towards the end, I mean. It was such a rollercoaster that pretty much every morning the first thought I had was “are we arguing or are we ok? Is he being weird, is he giving me the silent treatment, where do we stand right now?”. It’s really weird but it’s as if I forgot things while I was asleep and had to remind myself. I guess it’s because everything was so illogical, it’s not like there was a reason for any of the shit he made me go through.
Looking for insight. The sociopathic/narcissitic relationship I was in ended formally over a year ago, no contact since February 2017. Today was the day of his daughter’s wedding. I was not allowed to meet the daughter. It was a source of contention at the time. The wedding was not held where they and their family is from. It was held in my hometown………..on the anniversary of our first date. A first date where non consensual sex occurred. These things no longer traumatize me. It is what it is.
This morning while home alone, I heard the outside door to my house close. A strange occurrence. My phone is missing, I’ve searched the house and can’t find it. I’m not concerned for my safety, and the phone is inexpensive, but I’m curious.
1. Is it possible the the sociopath intentionally planned
the date and location of the event? Why?
2. Would the sociopath bother to enter my home, and
take my phone? For what purpose?
3. Would it be more likely someone he is triangulating
had something to do with it?
I was resoundingly devalued and discarded. This is not a man that wanted to be with me. There has been no direct contact since February. I stay far away, and left a career I loved and changed my life to do so. I’m wondering if these things were intentional to provoke a reaction from me. I’m not concerned, but my instincts have been consistently off with this person. Does anyone have any insight or feedback to provide? Are these just coincidences? Should I be concerned? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
1. The date of the event could have been coincidental but the fact that it is being held in a place which has no obvious connection to the individuals concerned also, added to the nature of the person you have been entangled with, suggests it is deliberate. It has been done as a bulletin to remind you of the individual concerned and is a hoover, albeit passive in nature.
2. Indeed. To draw fuel by reason of the intimidating behaviour and to gather information which is held on your phone.
3. It is more likely to be the sociopath or someone instructed on his behalf, rather than a triangulated third party deciding to act in this manner.
I was very scared of him. I often didn’t say what I wanted to or call him out on his shit because I was scared he might hurt.
My ex put me in a perpetual state of anxiety. It was a special type of anxiety that I can barely describe. On a happy note it has gone away but my startle response is off the charts which is pretty damn annoying.
He’s the one who should be fearful lmao….😂😇
Pshhhh after all I know…. I would be scared of me lmao!
“Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you?” Sure I do…….not as a child though (I don’t remember much of that)….only as an adult…..right after meeting one of your kind………