The Rules of Ex Club – No. 20
26 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 20”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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He was exposed. His facade was ruptured. When one of those persons asked abt it, he said it was my fault (ie. smear).
Hg,
If I blocked my mid range ex is it likely he still somehow creeps on my facebook? We don’t have any mutual friends. I am just wondering if facebook creeping on exs even exes who have blocked you is common among narcissists.
It is a distinct possibility dependent on your place in his fuel matrix and his current fuel needs.
I agree that all exes are smeared. When i’ve not been compliant the smearing takes on a different level, that’s all.
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Do all narcs smear? I’m fairly certain I’ve never been smeared. At least not that I know of. Is a DLS usually smeared though?
You identify that you may not know about it. Smearing usually takes place, but not always, there is often little or no smearing of the DLS because nobody knows about the DLS. Of course if the DLS tries to raise their prominence then they will be smeared.
People usually know if they’re being smeared though in most cases right? That is why I added the “not that I know of” sentence. But yeah it would seem odd to smear a DLS no one likely knows of.
Even a compliant one will be smeared if the fuel isnt up to par and the narc has started looking elsewhere in prep to replace you. The narc will smear you behind your back while smiling at you meanwhile seducing your replacement. The smear is to prepare for their departure and beat you to the punch before you can tell others of their deceit. Theyre constantly scheming.
This is very true. I remember how he smeared one of his ex even though she was openly admitting how bad she is in love with him years later. she did absolutely nothing wrong, and he even admitted that she has a good heart. but still… she was called a whore, a psycho, an ugly one… just because she wasn’t enough for him. So yes – we are all smeared no matter how good we were.
We are all non compliant. Smeared during. And after. Sort of a pre smear during just in case one departs or disengages. This title fires me up. There is no such thing as “compliant” except maybe death but then we would have abandoned the narc. Sordid dance of infinite insanity that some times I still want to circle back and “fix” which would play out: fix and change me. As nauseum. Blah. One pic and caption. Opened up more for me to look at. There’s always more. Just when I think I’ve got it. Not even close.
Iv been smeared, it’s still going on now. It’s the supply that’s doing it. Does this mean they will never try to get you back?
I will get a restraining order on him if he does
No, the situation may well change owing to split thinking.
question HG: I’m in NC for 6 months, after being discarded, he found a replacement. But I have a strong impression that he hates me e.g only recently he blocked me on WhatsApp although I have him blocked for 6 months. Why is that? is it because I ignore him while in his mind I should beg and cry?
It might be a provocative move to try and cause you to contact him another way because the golden period has ended with your replacement. It can happen but 6 months is quite short. Alternatively, he may well still be in the golden period and wants to keep you out.
But I do keep out because I did the NC and I haven’t changed a thing for the past 6 months. I’ve not tried to contact him, I just left him alone. After these 6 months he even blocked my parents, like wtf?! They didn’t try to contact him either… I feel like he’s getting rid of his past which is fine, but why does he want me to see it again… He also still cannot decide on his privacy settings on instagram, he’s in between “I want to prove that I’m happy” and “I want to keep her out”. What does it mean?
Yes and he wants to ensure you remain out.
Six months is a lifetime for us and quite short for you. Kills me. You have the patience of the Taliban.
I guess, all exes are smeared in one or another way. But yes, a non-compliant exes are smeared more thorougly and they always deal with revenge (sometimes very cruel).
Dear HG
I don’t want to be smeared!
What can I do?
Whether you are smeared or not is within the gift of the narcissist. In terms of knowing how to deal with it and what you should and should not do, read the book ‘Smeared’.
After reading your works, my conclusion is that the best thing I can do is to keep calme and to ignore the smearing.
Am I right?
In essence, yes.
hi morning HG
appliance related huh …thatll be me i disengaged/NC for last month slipped up twice with txts how are you then didnt follow up to his replies…
i am reading all blogs and HG books and think i strong enough to stay NC…
would i be smeared if i DLSIPSS….no one really knew me as being with him re the DLS…..
i am reading few months now taken me this long to be NC have to convince myself to dislike him and grasp the illusion..
today feeling fine
beautiful day for the beach x
Is it possible you could do a series of memes about the matrinarc next please ..
I have made a note C.