Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)

UNBELIEVABLE(AND HOW TO TACKLE IT)

 

My kind savage your heart. We pollute your mind. We ravage your soul. One of the all-pervasive elements of your entanglement with us is just how unbelievable it all is. This operates in two ways. You find it unbelievable at the time and you find it unbelievable afterwards, although often in a different way. This creates confusion, bewilderment, emotional overload and paralysis which are as you are now aware, are key components of exerting control over you. This unbelievable behaviour is found at every stage of your entanglement.

  1. Seduction

It is unbelievable just how amazing our love for you is when you are being love-bombed, it is unbelievable but you will not reject it because it feels so wonderful, so uplifting and so joyous. It is then unbelievable later that someone who loved you in such a way could suddenly stop doing so. Even later, you still find it unbelievable that it was fake. Surely we did love you? Surely we had those feelings for you? It is unbelievable that we could not have done. Do you see how this lack of believability can twist and turn, morphing into a new angle, yet remaining in place to confuse and puzzle you?

  1. Devaluation

It is unbelievable that somebody can turn to quickly from being loving to being awful. It is unbelievable that a person can behave in such a way towards somebody who they say that they love. It is unbelievable how long you put up with this behaviour for. It is unbelievable that this behaviour could last for as long as it did. It is unbelievable that this person cannot understand what they are doing and see what they are doing is wrong. It is unbelievable that they cannot be helped.

  1. Discard

It is unbelievable that someone can just vanish like that. It is unbelievable that someone can move on to someone else in the blink of an eye. It is unbelievable that the new target cannot see what is really happening. It is unbelievable that the new victim won’t accept what you tell them about us. It is unbelievable how we ignore you, refuse to speak to you and treat you like we never knew you after everything that has been said and done. It is unbelievable that you have been treated like this after everything that you did. It is unbelievable that he is saying so many lies and hurtful things to other people about you.

  1. The Post Discard Hoover

It is unbelievable that someone can just waltz back into your life like nothing has happened and carry on as normal. It is unbelievable how much you want that person to contact you even though you have suffered terribly. It is unbelievable just how much you miss this person. It is unbelievable how he has said all those horrible things to other people and then brushes it to one side.

It is unbelievable that you want this person so much. It is unbelievable that you cannot stop thinking about us.

So many unbelievable matters and what is the cumulative effect of all this? You are bewildered, unable to comprehend what has happened, unable to make sense of it all and you are left a whirlpool of emotions. You are dizzy, disorientated and unable to pick a path to stick to in order to reach safety. You can be picked off again with ease by our kind.

To add to the sheer unbelievable nature of what you have endured is the fact that so few people can actually understand what has happened either. They may have been brainwashed by us, they may just not want to get involved or they just cannot understand how somebody can behave like that and think you are either exaggerating or they are so stunned they cannot offer you any practical assistance. The power of this lack of believability and the effect of disbelief are substantial and they act as double hammer blows against your recovery.

How do you tackle the sheer scale of disbelief from both you and those around you?

  1. Understand what you have been entangled with. Really understand.
  2. Understand that our kind operate in a different reality to you.
  3. Avoid over analysis of our motives. Until you grasp points one and two, such analysis is futile and detrimental.
  4. Do you really need so many people to believe you? Are you not propounding the pain by repeatedly explaining it to people who are unwilling or unable to help? Don’t approach this in a scattergun manner.
  5. Don’t seek answers from us. You won’t get them. Ever.
  6. Do not expect everyone to understand. They have not experienced it.
  7. Identify promptly those who can be relied on and ensure they understand. Conserve your energy for these true supporters and do not waste it on lost causes.
  8. Read, read and read so you understand.
  9. Build your vessel of logic and understanding. You need it to get across the emotional sea which this disbelief is keeping you in.
  10. Use independent evidence, not just your say so, to support your position and break down disbelief.
  11. Accept some people will always be on our side. Don’t waste time trying to persuade them. You are not going to convince them.
  12. Don’t waste time trying to tell the world at large about how awful we are. You may want everyone to know but this is a futile exercise. We have already smeared you and you are just paying into our hands.
  13. Don’t bother attacking our façade unless you have the energy and credible independent exercise. You will use up valuable energy trying to tackle a wall that believes us and not you.
  14. Many people experience our kind but few people understand that they have done so. It is hard trying to persuade people that they have encountered a narcissist. We make it that way.
  15. Ultimately, it is you who matters most and has to shake the disbelief ahead of everybody else. Concentrate on that.
Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)”

  1. Hi Jenna If I was on the outside looking on I would call myself an idiot. The reason 95 percent of the time a narc says they will phone and then doesn’t must surely be that they want to hook you? I refuse to be hooked.
    I am turned down for sex by this Narc for a few days each month and I feel resentful (I know this is when women are supposed to turn men down I believe that’s the stereotype) so that combined with the fact he is already with someone else means I am too deprived to get hooked. Though I am still being a twit, when the time is right I swear I will be able to let this one go. After that I will be getting neutered.

  2. Thank you, HG. I needed these words this morning, as I sat reflecting on all that has happened this year and how unbelievable all of it is.

  3. When I look back on it all now…..it’s unbelievable, how unbelievable my life with him was……yet at the time, he made it so believable…….Diva

  4. Thank you for giving me something to cling to, HG. Your website and community have saved me, somehow, just in the nick of time.

  5. Keep wishing I had read this earlier but come to think of it, wouldn’t have made the slightest bit of difference as I wasn’t ready. Now I am. Thank you for the constant reminder. What we should do in order to stop playing into the hands of narcissists.

  6. This is such an excellent post. I will re read it whenever I can only see a sheep but I know I just saw a wolf.

  7. “It is unbelievable how much you want that person to contact you even though you have suffered terribly.”

    It is due to the love-sex. When we engage in intimacy w a partner, oxytocin is released into the body. It is like a drug. When the narc pulls away, we experience oxytocin withdrawal effects. We wish he will contact us; when he does, the oxytocin levels again and we feel relief. Biochemistry plays a huge part in our lives.

  8. This should be in the Prime Article area. You’ve broken down NPD Abuse simply and elegantly, and there’s not a way to heal without accepting this post to be the absolute truth.

    Excellent job, Mr. Tudor.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.