The Narcissistic Path – Part One

the-narcissistic-path-pt-1

 

Most people come to understand that the engagement with our kind consists of three stages. Seduction, devaluation and the discard. Whilst this is correct, in essence, there is more to the narcissistic entanglement which you ought to be aware of as this will not only assist your understanding but it enable you to relate certain key occurrences and events to your own experience of being ensnared by us. This path should always be considered with regard to how you fit in to the dynamic with your narcissist and also how your particular narcissist engages with others, as the path may not be the same dependent on the nature of the narcissist and the nature of the victim.

  1. The Targeting.

Our victims are all targeted. They are targeted primarily for fuel and then the provision of character traits (where applicable) and residual benefits (where applicable). The extent and duration of this targeting depends on those three factors, the nature of the narcissist and the nature of the prospective victim. For instance, I as, a Greater, see an attractive lady sat across from me on a train. I decide that fuel can be obtained from her as a tertiary source (a stranger). Since I am not angling to make her a primary or secondary source, I am not preoccupied in ascertaining her empathic, class and special traits, but rather relying on her responding positively to my overture. I do not identify any residual benefit to obtain from her and I may, if I engage in a conversation with her find a character trait to acquire as my own, if I do, all well and good, but fuel is the main aim here. I note which book she is reading. It is unfamiliar to me but I look it up on google and find some choice information which I can use for the purpose of engagement. In the space of a few minutes I have ascertained that there is a viable target and how to engage her.

If I am looking for a prospective primary source in one of my hunting grounds, the targeting progress will be of greater detail and more rigorous as explained in my book Sitting Target and once again a target is identified and time is dedicated to deciding who this target shall be and the methodology adopted.

All individuals are potential targets. Some are dispensed with as poor targets and left alone. Some are regarded as too difficult by some of our kind. Whoever we interact with that person will be assessed and then if there is potential action will be taken. The tertiary target has little investment from us, secondary sources more investment and as you would expect the person we intend to be our primary source receives the greatest investment in terms of time, intelligence and energy.

2. The Seducing (part of the Seduction Phase)

The next stage is The Seducing. You have not become attached to us when this happens but fuel starts to flow as a consequence of our overtures towards you. This is where the well-known love-bombing resides as we apply our seductive wiles, allied with the intelligence we have garnered to begin seducing you.

Once again the nature of the intended victim and the nature of the narcissist impacts on the scale and extent of this seducing. Take the tertiary target mentioned above, being the lady on the train. I decided to target her and the method of doing so in a few minutes. I catch her eye, smile and make the relevant comment about the book she is reading. That is the totality of the seducing. Short and effective.

If I was looking to seduce a primary source, the seducing would be over a longer period. If I was a Lesser, the nature of the seducing would be in the main keeping the beast under wraps and doing a handful of pleasant things for the intended primary source. As a Greater, the whole blitzkrieg of charm, magnetism and love bombing would be deployed. The compliments, the incessant messaging, the need to meet up repeatedly, the lavish gifts, the introduction of the coterie to reinforce my credentials and so on.

During the seducing we are looking for those indicators which I have written about previously which tell us that you are falling for this seducing approach of ours so we know it is working, what to keep doing and what to change.

The golden period has commenced when the seducing starts. This golden period applies for all sources be they primary, secondary or tertiary.

3. The Ensnarement (the second part of the Seduction Phase)

To put it simply, this is when we know we have got you.

Returning to the lady on the train, I know I have got her when she pays attention to me and smiles thus giving me fuel. My aim was just to get fuel. I have it. She is ensnared. I need no longer continue the seducing, but the seduction continues as we talk and she finds what I have to say interesting. The conversation covers various topics as the journey progresses and I continue to receive positive fuel from her.

With a secondary source, such as a friend, the ensnarement occurs when we determine that they refer to us a friend or confirm they will do something for us or we note they act in our best interests in some way with a third party.

With the primary source, we look for the indicators which have been written about previously which confirm to us that you are now attached to us, embedded within our control and thus the seducing has ended.

The arrival of the ensnarement is the time we reap the benefits of your fuel, character traits and residual benefits as a reward for the energy we expending during the seducing. The golden period continues. We do not have to apply the same level of concentrated effort as we did during the seducing but we continue to be loving, kind, funny, generous,  pleasant, passionate et al in order to consolidate our acquisition of you as our fuel source. We are secure in the knowledge that we have embedded you and we can concentrate on enjoying your positive fuel and maintaining its flow by an adjustment here and there.

The period of ensnarement depends on the nature of the fuel source, the fuel provided and the narcissist. With the lady on the train, I get off at a station before she does and I decide that the engagement in itself was sufficient for the provision of fuel. I may have determined that whilst she was attentive and pleasant, her empathic traits were low and therefore there was no need to, for example, swap telephone numbers to maintain the connection and perhaps promote her, eventually, to a secondary source by moving from stranger to acquaintance to outer circle friend. We part ways and she is discarded but there is no devaluation. There is no need. We may never see one another ever again.

Taking the example of a tertiary source who we see intermittently, say somebody who works in a bar or shop, we would target, engage in the seducing and then achieve ensnarement. We then do not engage with them for a week. There is no discard in that instance but rather the ensnarement continues. Such a tertiary source could well remain in the ensnarement golden period for a long time.

Also you should note that a tertiary source may be targeted and determined as a viable source of negative fuel and therefore there will be no seducing stage nor an ensnarement stage but instead we jump several stages and proceed to devalue you them for the purpose of insulting the dilatory waiter in order to gain that annoyed response from him and thus his negative fuel.

Similarly, a secondary source may also be targeted and then subjected to devaluation from the off – this might be a family member or a colleague who is effectively already in a connection with us by reason of working with us or being related to us. They are less able to disconnect with us as a consequence of the existing nature of the relationship between us and them. A friend will not suffer a devaluation from the beginning as it is necessary for us to target, seduce and ensnare to cause that person to become our friend.

Naturally, the primary source cannot be devalued from the start as such a person would instantly dis-engage from us and we will lose the potential of gains after investing time and energy in the targeting of this individual.

Accordingly, the start of the narcissistic path looks like this

Primary Source – extensive targeting, the seducing, the ensnarement

(done to gain positive fuel, character traits and residual benefits)

Secondary Source (friend/family/colleague)- moderate targeting, the seducing, the ensnarement

(done to gain positive fuel, character traits and residual benefits)

Secondary Source (Family/Colleague) – low targeting, devaluation

(done to gain negative fuel)

Tertiary Source – low targeting, the seducing, the ensnarement

(done to gain positive fuel mainly, slight possibility of character traits and/or residual benefits)

Tertiary Source – low targeting, devaluation

(done to gain negative fuel)

We shall, in the next part, move on to the Stranger Zone, Devaluation, Respite and Preventative Periods.

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Path – Part One”

  1. HG, may I ask, do you have an IPSS that you are REGULARLY in contact with and I mean every few weeks and over years. What if this particular IPSS knew what you were but carried on seeing you regardless ‘not letting on’ kinda thing but you sorta knew she knew something wasn’t quite right but the fuel was still good and she was happy with her ‘role’ in your life. I guess I’m asking if someone is ‘on to you’ does it automatically mean disengagement or perhaps now with all you have learned from the blog and the doctors that perhaps you would be more tolerant of maybe letting someone ‘in’ a little. Thanks in advance. X

    1. Not every few weeks. They are placed on the shelf when I have a new IPPS and I am in the golden period. They may not hear from me for many months.

  2. HG-if an IPSS becomes the IPPS will they be devalued sooner as energy has already been expended? I imagine they aren’t as idealized as they are already known and aren’t as shiny as new supply would be?

  3. HG – My mid range narcissist ex was always controlling with me yet super submissive to his dad. I am about 99% sure his dad is also narcissistic. Would his dad be a greater or could he just be a mid ranger that controls another mid ranger? His dad is much more outgoing and charming than him.

  4. Sorry if I missed this information but are you doing a live chat anytime soon HG? I enjoyed the last one and look forward to learning more from you.

  5. Broken down very nicely here HG as well as in Sitting Target which is a must read if you want to avoid ensnarement again.

    What I now know as targeting I used to call narc interviews and indeed you can see them laying out the bait to test you if youve had experience with them and especially once youve been Tudorized.

    One who was persistent in chatting despite me showing little interest started like this after a few brief exchanges:

    I can tell youre intelligent and of good moral character so I was wondering if you would please give me your thoughts on this dilemma I have……

    Proceeded with a story about how he has found his nephew who is in the military and who he has basically raised to know right from wrong (because his sister is a loser and married to a loser)……is a Tranny. He wants to have the full operation and live as a woman. He loves his nephew and has always supported him financially (wtf?!) but spiritually he knows that it is wrong and doesnt know if he can continue to support him emotionally (enter my laughter here). If he does not continue to support his nephew emotionally he will lose his relationship with his sister and he does not have a large family. There was lots more horseshit but at the end he asked: What would I do in his situation?

    I replied: Thats it?! Hes a tranny? Thats just my Tuesday. What else have you got? I assumed that was the end of the conversation (was for me) and I shit you not, as I had my finger poised to delete he added:
    My brother died in a fire. They found him at the door. Hardest thing Ive ever had to do was break the news to his fiance (wtf?!). Now you probably wont believe me but he comes to me as 3 knocks when I am at a crossroads in making a decision and I heard 3 knocks while texting you. What do you suppose he is trying to tell me?

    I had had enough of this asshole so I replied: To answer the fucking door-its your dignity trying to return. This interview is over-Im not gullible enough for you.

    You can see by the questioning though that he was testing me to see if I was a suitable target.

  6. Dear Kimmichauldl, sorry for interjecting but just speaking from personal experience, if you hope to get good treatment as a NISS, I am here to tell you that you will still end up with your stomach in knots and anxious because crazy-making will continue.

  7. “Some are regarded as too difficult by some of our kind.”……..

    Yes, I am the difficult one that you refer too……..I was born to do it!!!!!!……Diva

      1. Hi Merripen…..good to hear from you……I missed your posts the last few days. I am not so sure it is “pluck” as opposed to being defiant and rash……and my behaviour usually does not come without consequences. It would seem that I can control it, unless I am dealing with a narc. Then it is like a striking a match next to a tank of gas. My behaviour has it’s perks though……it means that I will never be ensnared by a Lesser…….I know exactly how that would end up….mutual combustion. The Midrange find me too difficult to control and don’t have the stomach or the energy for it and the constant silent treatments do not amuse me. I can easily walk away from that. It is only really the Greaters and the subsequent mind games that can play me for any length of time…….and as those types are thin on the ground…….I am realising that my behaviour is actually a blessing in disguise……..Diva

  8. would it ever be possible for a former ipps or ipss to become friends with a narc sorry I don’t know the term you use for friends. I don’t mean would it be possible for the victim I mean would the narc ever welcome a former intimate partner into the role of a strictly platonic friend

    1. The narcissist may allocate a former IPPS the role of NISS. Do not think though it is something you might aspire to because the control will still always vest with us and subject to requirements you will undoubtedly be moved to IPSS (even IPPS) at some point and on it goes.

      1. wow thanks and yes u read my mind I was aspiring to this but I guess I better think again lol

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.