The Love Triangle

the-love-triangle

 

Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.

This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?

–         It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;

–         We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;

–         It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;

–          It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;

–         It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;

–         It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;

–         It assists the maintenance of our façade.

Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.

Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.

–         The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;

–         The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;

–         The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;

–         You feel that you know us far better than the other person;

–         You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.

These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.

You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?

–         It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;

–         It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.

–         The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.

–         It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.

Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,

“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”

Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?

You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –

Literature

 

Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights

 

Film

 

Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)

 

Real Life

 

Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)

Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy 

Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)

I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.

I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.

27 thoughts on “The Love Triangle

  1. Debra says:

    You missed out Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys

  2. Carol M says:

    IMO, from the presented examples, could be narcissists:

    Cleopatra
    Helen of Troy
    Mark Anthony
    Scarlett O’Hara
    Humbert Humbert
    Heathcliff (more like a sociopath)
    Tom Ripley (covert narcissist)
    Lord Voldemort (again, more like a sociopath)
    Meg Ryan

    Some people from Literature I find very narcissistic:
    Dorian Gray
    Barry Lyndon
    Charlotte from Henry Jame’s The Golden Bowl
    Osmont from Henry Jame’s Portrait of a Lady
    Anna Karenina
    Patrick Bateman
    Werther
    Javert from Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables
    Georges Dupont from Guy de Maupassant’s Bel Ami

    Just to name a few.

  3. Angel223 says:

    my narc was turfed out by me after 17 years….he had been contacting his ex wife who herself is the grandest of narcs and alienator…..behind my back when meant to be sorting himself out. His abuse ended up in court…the full extent of his betrayal and his ex wife rubbing her hands in glee has only recently came out..the lies he has told her and his family has torn mine and my childrens apart..

  4. Perky says:

    You can remove Meg Ryan, Quaid Crowe from your list. dennis Quaid cheated on meg ryan for many years with several young women, she left him for it and only then hooked up with Crowe. The narcissist there is Quaid, who even ruined his third and last marriage by cheating for years yet again and now dating a cheap 32 yrs younger gold digger.

  5. DL says:

    Triangulation such a horrible mind game. I was real young when I married the first time. My husband had been married once before we married. He kept his first wife around and hanging on until she committed suicide. It was so heartbreaking, they had two children together and we had 3 together. I ended raising the children from his first marriage. It was a horrible game he played. After she died I lashed out at him and blamed him for her death. He tortured both of us. And did not love neither of us. He was very physically abusive. I stayed with him 18 years and when I left him I had no feelings of love left for him. He cheated constantly was rarely home and was no help with the children. I lived in a state of devaluation for years. When I left he did come after me and basically tried to kidnap me. I ran from him and ran into another narc. The second husband narcissist really fooled me at first because he was not grandious. He was kind of down in his luck always bad low self esteem, but very manipulative, very verbal and really tore me to shreds. Then it turned out the second Narc husband was a closeted gay. He still used me for supply though ti prop up that false straight image.

  6. OCEAN says:

    hi HG
    even after knowing N 3yrs worked out that i am DLS , did the triangulation just give him a great only in his mind ego … as very sure she didnt know about me and he would deny anytime i may have asked him if there were others ….

    is the N devaluing the IPPS when with DLS or IPSS ?
    what is the point of a DLS when N regularly sees IPPS?

    x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Yes it is devaluation and this occurs even if the IPPS does not know about the other person.
      2. Fuel and contrasting fuel.

  7. Catherine says:

    The Danish inventor Peter Madsen who’s now accused of killing the Swedish journalist in his submarine. Definitely a narcissist I would say. Lots of women involved there as well. But nowadays I see narcissists everywhere I guess.

    And I do love Don Quixote! That’s one of my favourite novels. Love the sarcasm.

  8. 12345 says:

    His secretary. What’s interesting to me is, if I’m honest, I hate her. Even now that I know she was a pawn just like me. There’s something in me that says “he likes her better and you know it”. It’s him and his triangulation but I hate her for the fear it causes me. That’s fucked up.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      12345

      He doesnt like anyone.
      Logic says that translates to: He just enjoys abusing her more. Do you really hate someone because you believe them to be a better victim than you?

  9. Scout says:

    My exN triangulated me with all sorts, mainly new toys; bikes, cameras, sport, but mostly with his shallow friends and women. When I foolishly broke NC last month, he told me straight with a fierce look in his eyes that he had no lovers during the entire NC period. A few days ago, the former supply he triangulated me with was in the radio studio with him. I had no idea she’d been invited. I bumped into her 2 days later and she gave me a look to kill. I’ve never spoken to this woman. I get the same treatment from his friends. It goes to show how effective triangulation combined with a malignant smear campaign can be.
    HG, may I ask, what’s the likelihood a narcissist can go without sex for 7 months? I wouldn’t have thought it possible even if he was depressed during the NC period as I was informed.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It depends on

      1. The school and cadre of narcissist;
      2. Whether it is a necessary act;
      3. It may be denied to one victim for 7 months (or more) because it is being obtained elsewhere.

  10. Loulou says:

    I think Julius Caesar
    Bill Clinton definateldy
    I am not sure about Wuthering heights. Maybe Cathy’s older brother or husband. For years I thought Heathcliff but I am not sure now. …

  11. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

    I love Scarlett O’Hara 🤓…

    That chick knew how to triangulate lol.

  12. Windstorm2 says:

    This is all very true, but just the tip of the iceberg. Narcissists triangulate EVERYTHING! Not just love interests. Friends, dogs, cats, coworkers, store employees, children, people they meet in restaurants- it is endless. If there are two living things, narcs will triangulate.

    Watching a greater narcissist in any social setting is better than going to the movies. My exhusband never ceases to amaze me how he will triangulate any number of dogs or cats, creating jealousy, irritation or subservient behavior – and that’s just animals! Throw in a human or two and he will really put on a show!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Windstorm

      They dont even have to be living lol.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Hello, HG. I would add Fatal Attraction to your list of films involving triangulation.

  14. gabbanzobean says:

    Looking back through my fog, I was definitely triangulated. At the time it did not seem like it though. A causal mention of a friend or coworker which I thought nothing of, flirting with the waitress which I dismissed as his friendly personality, and so on.

    One such thing sticks out in my mind though. My mid range frequently discussed his coworker with me. He would show me her social media on his phone. He spoke positively of her. He said that he confided in her about our (DLS) relationship. They “bonded” over it because she was cheating on her spouse too just like he was (with me). This made their friendship stronger, so he said.

    He also said that she thought I was “way too attached to him”. So curious if those were actually her words or if he made that up because he wanted to indirectly know that is how he felt. (he is a coward and hides behind his Mr. Nice Guy routine).

    Am I to assume he triangulated me with her as well? And shared my social media too?

    I wonder who else knows about me even though I was a DLS.

    I figured as DLS triangulation would not be as common.

    Oh foolish hindsight.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Hey Gabby,
      Narcs can never be trusted to keep any confidence or secret. If it will garner fuel, they will tell it. If embellishing it will gain more fuel, they’ll do that.

      A few months ago I went to a family funeral with my exhusband. We met a new secretary from his office that I’d never met before. She was very effusive and excited to finally meet me because she’d heard so much about me from my exhusband! After she left I told him I hated to think what on earth kind of stories he had told her about me! He’d probably made them all up. I asked him, “what sort of things have you been saying about me?” He grinned and said, “Whatever would get the biggest laugh!”

      Being a gifted and highly practiced liar, I’m sure each story contained at least a grain of truth, for levening – but I’m equally sure that just like yeast in bread, there wasn’t much truth at all. God alone knows what all he’s said about me in that office (since my exhusband’s probably forgotten himself).

      That’s just the way with narcs. They say in each instance what they think will gain the most fuel right then. There’s no way of knowing what all your Mr Piano Recital man has told to God only knows who about you, either. And you likewise can never trust what he says to you about anyone or anything either. That’s just something you have to accept if you want to keep a relationship with a narcissist.

    2. Sniglet says:

      Hi gabbanzobean

      What is DLS? and
      How long did your narcissist boyfriend triangulate his wife with you? and
      Did you know that he was married when he was seeing you?

      1. Gabrielle says:

        DLS = dirty little secret. Search it for HGs article about it.

        Yes I knew he was married.

    3. Sniglet says:

      Ah, yes. Your clarification helps eliminate any dubiety of the initialism’s true meaning as was originally intended by HG.

    4. NarcAngel says:

      Gabbanzobean

      “he is a coward and hides behind his Mr. Nice Guy routine”.

      Those are your words in black and white. Look at them. Is that what you aspire to sharing your life with and could be proud of? A coward and a fraud?
      I dont know God but if you do, do you imagine thats what he wants for you much less what you want for yourself?

  15. Shameless Namedropper says:

    Let’s do some shameless namedropping… after all, it’s public on internet..

    Christiano Ronaldo – Georgina Rodriguez – Natacha Sofia
    and
    Gianluca Vacchi – Ariadna Gutierrez – Giorgia Gabriele

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