Just Leave Him




I know what they say about me. I always know. I know they crowd around, earnest expressions etched across their made-up faces, their mouths flapping as they spout their supposed wisdom to you.

“We will be here for you. You have always got us.”

“If you are unhappy there must be something wrong.”

“Is it right to be treated like this?”

“You are not the person you used to be.”

Who are they to claim what is right for you? Have they held you on that cliff-top with the foaming ocean churning beneath us, the cool Atlantic air brushing past us as a canopy of stars hung overhead? Have they looked into your eyes and seen the pain that I know was there long before I came along, a pain that I have shouldered for you? Where were they when you called at 3am and asked that I tell you a story because you had just had a horrible nightmare? I do not recall them soothing you and keeping those night demons at bay. Do they know you inside out? I think not. They do not know every each of you in the way that I do. Each delicate piece of you that I have kissed and caressed, so there is no place about your person that has not been embraced by me. They have not done that have they? Have they held your long tresses back and rubbed your back as you spewed those cocktails back up and groaned about what how much money you have just regurgitated? No. It was I who rode to your rescue as they wove their drunken way to another bar. They do not know your favourite ten songs and I will wager more than they earn that they have no inclination that you are frightened of geese.

Oh I know alright. I know about their messages which they send you. I have seen them and it is fortunate that I have so I can spare you from the green-eyed lies. They do not have what we have and nor will they ever. One cannot blame them for their wretched jealousy, they are just flesh and blood, but are they your true friends when they seek to pour such sedition in your ears when my back is turned? Ought they not to be happy for you, delighted that you want to spend so much time with me. Do they not see that your sadness on occasions is borne out of your deep and perfect love for me, that such is our connection that you justifiably feel upset when you irk me or irritate me. I know you do not mean to do it and that is why I have not pushed you aside like those other pretenders who came before you. You understand what it is to have found someone who fulfils all your hopes and your dreams and you understand my pain when you sleight me or let me down. Yet, since you are such a good person, my upset becomes your upset but they do not see it. I suppose if I was charitable I might ascribe their short-sightedness to the fact that they lack your special qualities. Only you understand me and only you have that deep-seated bond with me so that what I feel resonates with you. That is who you are and who they are not.

I heard them caution you about moving in together, their comments about “undue haste” and “it is too early” and “he wants you where he can see you.” Well, why should I not? Why should I not have my number one fan with me as often as I can? Why would you want to be anywhere else?Why would I not want to have someone so pretty and wonderful as you besides me? Does not every winner want to show off his trophy? Of course.

I know they have cautioned you about my temper and urged you to depart, claiming that it will only get worse and you will suffer. They mistake passion for temper, but then they would wouldn’t they, it suits their selfish purposes to try and bring down what you and I have. People usually do that when they do not understand something. It is a predictable and regrettable response.  As for their remarks about me controlling you, how can that be so? I chose you for so many things and chief amongst those attributes was the attraction of your strong mind and keen intelligence. So what if I suggest what you might wear and how you should do your hair, I am taking an interest. Would you prefer it if I never commented on how you looked or made no suggestion as to what suited you? I know a couple of them think I stop you seeing them, but that is just more of their campaign of slander. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but the times I have asked you to cancel plans to see some of your friends were only because I wanted to be with you. Perhaps I sounded firmer than I intended, I suppose that might happen when you spend all day working hard to support a relationship, it does make one tired. Do not be concerned by their observations that I make all the decisions about what we do, where we go and how our money is spent. I am happy to bear such a burden for us both and you have admitted, have you not, that I do know more than you about certain things. I am only doing what is right for you, for me and most of all for us. Of course, they do not bother to gain possession of all the facts. They would much rather whisper untruths in your ear based on hearsay and ill-informed perspectives. I suppose that is a price I have to pay for loving you so totally, so completely and so perfectly.

Still, I know they urge you to leave me. I am no fool. I have overheard their comments, heard what they say when they telephone you and seen the messages. I know they want you to depart and escape me. Well, do it. Go. Leave everything that we have built up together. Leave my guiding hand and perhaps someone more grateful will come along. I do not want that but why should my largesse and love be abused in this way? Why should I pour my all into an empty hole? Go do  it. Pack your bags and leave. I will not stop you. See. If I controlled you would I not be begging you to stay and pleading with you to ignore them? If I pulled your strings as they accuse me of doing so would I not be threatening you now with all manner of terrible consequences if you had the audacity to step through that door and away from me? But I have not and I do not, because you already know don’t you? That is why I chose you. But I shall not stand in your way. If it really is awful being with someone who only ever has your best interests at heart and who loves you perfectly, albeit sometimes clumsily and erratically, then leave me. Just leave.

I know you won’t though. I know.

24 thoughts on “Just Leave Him

  1. Lou says:

    Oh, I did not know HG used cocaine.
    Blank, have you read the post Cheers, alcohol and the narcissist? It may answer some questions.

    1. Blank says:

      Thank you so much Lou, I am going back and forth through this website :), spending far too much time here. I can’t keep up with all the comments, especially because I’m not native English and I just don’t ‘get’ a lot of comments. But I came across your comment now.
      Thanks, Yes I read this post, I understand the effect of alcohol, since I used to drink myself. I still do, but not every day. I’ll have it when I go out with my friends or when I have guests. It’s the drugs on top of the alcohol that I don’t get.I wanted to know why my husband needed it so bad every day, but he’d always just say: I don’t need it. Of course, that’s rubbish. I tried cannabis a few times, which only made me wanna sleep. The last time I had it I thought I was gonna die (a friend from abroad was over who’d grown the plants in his yard and he put 100% of it in the joint, while Nex would always add tobacco. I never did any drugs after that experience again 🙂

  2. Louking says:

    Hmmm….. ”What to do?” “Just leave him”

    HG, do you have a blog article with the title “Do not worry; you will find a cheap, sunny and spacious apartment, excellent location, available immediately”?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Of course, I can create anything in my world.

      1. Lou says:

        Marvelous . You are a wonderful host HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Fucking a I am!

      2. Blank says:

        Tudor… Your mum wouldn’t approve of you using the f-word! 🙂

        Btw – off topic- I had a funeral yesterday. My uncle the greater elite’s that was, very wealthy, very powerfull man. Did I have ‘a good time’ recogizing all the narcs and their actions and their narcissistic speeches. The hypocrisy was toe-curling. All those laudatory statements. Yuk! He was an intimidating, selfish basterd! It’s unbelievable how no one recognized the bullshit. Although later, when the wine was being passed, I heard lots of stories from cousins about him, which nobody would have mentioned in any of their speeches.
        Oh, and about a week before he died he was very very scared and he became religious again. (Didn’t I read this somewhere in Tudor’s bible? ;)) The vicar called him God’s child. I’m praying now to the Alpha and the Omega, please never send me to heaven.
        Still, I find it hard to believe there is no good in a narc. He had his good sides too and I couldn’t help but think how hard and ruthless the man has worked all his life just to live up to his dad’s expectations in order to receive the love he probably never got.
        I cried for him, seeing him lying in his coffin and thinking how this is the end of his empire. He had a great life but never experienced what it is to love. (He told me recently he has never been in love… his girlfriend was sitting next to him… she probably had to work a little harder to please him, poor woman).
        When I think of you HG, I think of him and all other narcs in my life and how much I wished our brains could work differently.

        Can I ask you, do you do drugs at all, like cocaine or XTC? Cause I wonder what happens when a narc uses “love-drugs”.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Answered this previously.

      3. Lou says:

        Blank, No, HG does not do drugs (not even coffee).
        I believe he tried Ecstasy once and just made him want to have sex.
        That is the information I have gathered from this blog.

      4. Blank says:

        Dear Mr. Tudor. I am sure you have and I looked for it, but I wouldn’t know where to find it in between thousands of comments.
        You do answer repetitive questions, I see it all the time.
        This was only my second question ever to you and I would really like to know the answer, because my Nex would never tell me what drugs would do to him and why he needed it so bad (he said he didn’t).
        Would you please be so kind to tell me about it briefly, or give me a link to where I can find it? I would be so grateful. Thank you Mr Tudor.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Cocaine provides me with super human drinking powers. Ecstasy makes me want to dance and fuck.

      5. Blank says:

        Thank you so much Lou! And thank you Mr. Tudor. I understand that, those kind of drugs just give you a temporary boost.
        What I don’t understand is why my Nex would do drugs (mostly marijuana and hashish, besides loads of alcohol) at home, just being on his own, going to bed in the end, alone. He skipped the fucking part (after the golden period). They say those drugs aren’t physically addictive, but I guess they sure are mentally. Do you think he can’t handle his own thoughts? Or he needs this to be able to sleep?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          We are addicts so addiction to drugs and alcohol are going to appear.

      6. Blank says:

        Thank you, that really is a narcissist’s answer, doesn’t help me at all 🙂
        But that’s okay I’m used to it. I’ll have my lunch and forget about it.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well I am one and it is the truth of the effects they have.

    2. abrokenwing says:


      Cocaine also makes you talk to someone all night.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Do you know I find that affects women far more than men.

      2. Blank says:

        Thanks abw, I never did cocaine, but in that case I might, because I find having to small talk, at a party or so, horrendous. Maybe the words will come flowing next time 🙂

    3. abrokenwing says:

      Blank ,

      I understand you , I’m only confident when with people i know well but using cocaine to treat social awkwardness and shyness it’s not a good idea.

      1. Blank says:

        I know abw 🙂 well… I don’t actually, I’d have to try it first 😉

  3. Sniglet says:

    This story reminds me of a time when I was in a relationship with someone who was not a good match for me. I planned on leaving for sometime and discussed the situation with my family. My mom’s response was ‘don’t leave yet, try to work it out’. My dad’s reply was ‘what about you? WHAT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LIFE? You will suffer you fool!’ Both on Skype at the same time, two different responses. My father was right and I ended that relationship. I love my parents!

    1. Becky says:

      I find women will encourage you to work it out, but men are more to the point, “He’s an asshole, leave.” Women give pretty bad advice sometimes, I have to say…

  4. Desiree says:

    Sneaky, very sneaky.

  5. mb says:

    Wow. So hard to resist that masterful manipulation. Sad, that’s the reality my God willing soon to be ex must be in. Heartbreaking. I believed this and my heart got shattered. Wow. Poisoned candy apple.

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