The Narcissistic Truths – No. 217

PROTECTORTURNSDESTROYER

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19 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 217”

  1. Yes, there is that oddity,
    He would protect me from other people, and turn around and cut me to the bone emotionally.

    If they still protect, it’s probably to get a charge of fuel. Negative from the opposition, positive from the protected.

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    1. I know Perse! This one spoke to me as well as it took me a good bit before I felt safe enough to “be with” him. But I eventually felt very protected in his arms, as ironic as that now seems. Even once I started to become suspicious of his other activities, spending the night at his home, nestled by his side, still gave me the sweetest sense of comfort.

      I now know that’s because when I was lying next to him, I knew exactly where he was. Actually, I got my best rest whenever I stayed at his place. While there, I wasn’t tossing and turning, alone and fearful that he wasn’t.

      The man who promised to place my heart inside of his for protection… this tough guy who acted as though he’d fight anyone for my honor… this great protector… he couldn’t do it.

      It took me longer than it should to finally admit that the one I needed protection from, was him. Like you said… such an oddity.

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  2. And thus, I keep my eye on you, my dear!

    (This is also an ACON nugget of truth too. Supposed protector but really not.)

    Reminds me of the story of the Dancing Shiva—creator and destroyer of worlds. One big difference though, and why I love Shiva myth, he is also the destroyer of lies.

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  3. Indy,

    that’s beautiful. Shiva, destroying and resurrecting our realities in his everlasting circular dance.

    And yes, my narcissist told me he would protect me against all harm. It hurt really bad when he, supposedly the love of my life, the masculine force in my life, turned against me and destroyed me. There’s no resurrection now. Just emptiness.

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    1. I am so sorry Catherine that he let you down and hurt you deeply. It is hard to come back from such treason of the heart. I know I rarely let my guard down and still feel the weariness of always having to have my own back. The fairytales lie to us about being protected by the prince in shining armor. My father was my protector, with a gun and military hardiness. And still, he couldn’t protect me from having my heart torn and my trust tested to the point of no return.

      I wear my armor daily because there is no knight. It’s up to me alone to keep me safe. Most days, I feel empowered. Most. My faith in humanity is waning.

      Just know this, if you recently left, it takes time and No Contact to find your new normal and detox. Healing comes. Learning to love again, well, that is a different lesson. Best wishes to you 💜

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      1. Indy,

        I’m so sorry for your hurt as well. It’s so difficult to grasp sometimes that there are all these kind of people in this world who live in separate realities, inflicting pain and hurt on others on a daily basis, playing games with your soul. My narcissist presented himself exactly as that sort of strong man in shiny armour who would do anything to keep me safe; his betrayal in that sense was staggering to me. He mentally, emotionally and even physically abused me in the name of what he so disgracefully called love.

        I left quite recently, but I’ve had some time to recover. And I’m getting stronger slowly day by day. It’s a long and hazardous journey which I’m determined to make worthwhile. I think I needed to have a good look at my own issues, to heal hurts of the past. And I did want that fairytale, but I don’t believe in it anymore either. It’s a painful new experience for me to live with armour and guard my own back, but then, I guess the true fairytale is the story we have within us, the story of who we are and how we want to live our lives, regardless of that prince of deception offering us his upside down world of make believe.

        Thank you so much for reaching out to me!

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    2. Hello, Catherine!
      My nex used to point out the many ‘supposedly cruel’ abuses I suffered by the hands of family and friends and drop a final comment such as ‘No one will abuse my love anymore’ – he just kept the words ‘ but me’ whispered to himself! However, now I understand how his mind works and realise his behaviour could have been no different I declare over my old life and start my new life from this moment on with eyes wide open. So please, don’t allow your narcissist to destroy you – only your ‘old’ self was shattered, your very much improved, stronger, wiser new self has already started!
      All love from Brazil <3

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      1. Thank you Carol M, I agree with you. My logical thinking gets stronger by the day and I do know that I will be an improved and better version of myself leaving him behind. I’m so sorry for what you went through as well, but I like your decision of living with your eyes wide open from now on. Brazil must be so much warmer and nicer right now than my country. Lots of hugs from a rainy and cold Sweden.

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      2. OMG, my nex lives in Stockholm right now! He’s a Pole expat working at NetEnt. We all better stay away from this one, lol. Kuddos! <3

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      3. PS. Your post just made me remember when the next convinced me to cancel my own vacations in order to allow him to come to Brazil in February because ‘the cold in Sweden was unbearable’, made me pay for his Carnival holidays because ‘he didn’t have Brazilian currency’ and then threw in my face that he had crossed half the world to stay with me and I wouldn’t even become vegan and run ultramarathons just like he expected his soulmate to *sighs*

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      4. Oh, I’ll stay away from Stockholm then! It seems these narcissists are in an abundance everywhere!

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  4. Yes!!!! LOVE the eloquence of this , so, so true when the one who swore to love & protect is your only source of destruction . True true true. HG no one does it better.

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  5. Protecting his/her fragile “ego”, the Narc destroys his/her self-respect and many other aspects of the life.

    Your picture represents that phenomenon with an incredible exactness. Bravissimo, Tudor.

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  6. The funny thing is that my ex-narc never was my protector, I was his. Not that he appreciated it though.

    Still, looking back, he was a blessing in disguise, because his abuse and my acceptance of it, forced me to look back at my upbringing and I finally found out why I am the way I am.

    A little damaged around the edges but still standing and with a little work stronger than ever. So although he never meant to do it, he did me a tremendous favour.

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    1. Iris,

      I find your perception to be awesome. I feel the same way and I hope to walk away from this experience so much stronger, finally having had a look at what’s behind my own behaviour in being susceptible to abuse from a narcissist. Great that you’re still standing! That’s courageous I think.

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  7. Yes, Iris, I think the lack of appreciation – of any acknowledgement of what we do for them is actually something that when I finally realized it, helped me to escape in all my relationships with narcs.. getting quicker, I hope..

    This meme makes me think of the Perchance to Sleep post:
    *audio version – when HG speaks of how he recognizes that though he feels he wants to protect the sleeping beauty, he will be the one to hurt her…

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