The 20 Rules of the Social Media Narcissist

20 rules


Social media and the internet. When the Romans built those long, straight and effective roads they had no idea what was going to be using those roads in years to come. Similarly, those early pioneers – Tim Berners-Lee, Mark Zuckerberg, Noah Glass, Kevin Systrom et al could not have realised what their various creations might achieve and might still achieve. I daresay none of them realised what fantastic tools they had created for my kind and me. The advance of technology and the various forms of applications and social media have not only contributed to a growth in our numbers, those entitled millennials for example, but our reach has been massively extended beyond the use of the humble telephone. Whereas once my tendrils coiled from my person when I was physically proximate to you, through the use of Lieutenants, elegant hand-crafted letters and those whispered words from landlines and telephone booths, now my tendrils are multiplied a billion times over. They surge across the internet, striking from well-composed e-mails, appearing from the medley of text messages which race to and fro. I surf forums selecting those who are the most appropriate targets and victims and use the vast array of electronic media at my disposal to seduce and ensnare. Messages, photos, videos fly back and forth across the many outlets, across my many devices. In my bolthole the glow from multiple screens would allow you, if I ever admitted you across the threshold, to see my studious gaze and fuel-filled grin as my fingers dart and glide. Opening one application, closing another, composing a message, answering a query, laughing at a comment, reaching out, reeling in, seducing, devaluing, hoovering. Like some grand organist at a technological organ, the screens change and glow, from phone to phone, from PC to laptop, to tablet. The notifications pings and appear, each one the potential for fuel. Yes, the seemingly unstoppable advance of the availability of wireless communication and the many, many methods of connection that are available have been a playground for our kind. We can observe, learn, ply our trade as we cross jurisdictions, mountain ranges and oceans like never before. Once upon a time a bar or a club was a prime hunting ground for some of our kind. Now it invariably begins online and we can broadcast our love-bombs across a massive area, tweaking and adjusting until we refine matters so we can close in on those in a proximate area. The few hundred in a local bar become several million in a city who can then be met face to face and the most potent fuelling begins.

The use of social media and the internet is all pervading throughout your entanglement with our kind We seduce using it, we bombard and charm using it. We harness its formidable power to devalue, to smear, to disseminate the lies about you and then broadcast news of our newest conquest in order to further your misery. Pictures plastered across our timeline. Comments smeared across your own. Others piling into the frenzy of electronic barbs and hooks. The enticing hoover of a late night text message. The blocking, the deleting, the eradicating. The capacity to scour your online profile for information to commence your seduction. The ability to monitor where you are and who you are with as we ready a hoover. The game playing from knowing you can see I have read a message but I won’t respond, leaving you churning, anxious and on the edge of indecision as to whether you ought to try again or remain distant. The carousel of available targets, the endless permutations and possibilities for gathering fuel. Such potential and such excitement. The triangulation across the airwaves, the shuttling of similar messages back and forth to various recipients, a beauty parade where the most effective responders then are chosen for the next stage.

If all of this was taken away I can revert to old school methods. I have that skill set. The junior of our number would be in serious distress, thrashing around and unable to perform effectively as us great sharks cruise easily utilising the older methods to suck up all that fuel to leave the younger of our brethren starving and failing. Not that such an occurrence is likely to happen. No, instead it will only become more and more of a narcissist’s heaven as faster and more intuitive devices are created. How long before the “Find an Empath” application makes its presence known? Watch with glee as the radar sweeps around and notifies me that there are 42 empaths in a one-mile radius. Such sweet delight!

Of course with every new system, every new method of interaction there come rules, obligations, conventions, protocols and procedures. Many are informal, internationally recognised as the dos and don’ts of social media usage. Our kind, naturally, is not isolated from such a development and there is indeed an etiquette (which is just a euphemistic way of saying this is what you really should do) with regard to social media usage involving our kind and your kind. Accordingly, let me introduce you to twenty commandments of social media etiquette as decreed by the Council of Narcissists.

  1. You are never to tag us in any photographs without our prior permission which can be revoked at any time and without reason.


  1. Our relationship status is only updated when we deem it appropriate. Any insistence by you that we reflect your existence will meet with repercussions. Your relationship status? Nobody is interested.


  1. All photographs post discard will show us ecstatically happy and with ourselves draped around your replacement. You should make sure you look and do so regularly.


  1. All adverse comments about you are true and must never be removed, amended or diluted by you.


  1. We have a stock of unlimited likes which we can throw around over other people’s comments and pictures as often as we want and you have to deal with it.


  1. If messenger says I was active five minutes ago, it is lying.


  1. I can block, ban, unblock, revoke bans as and when required. You must facilitate access to all your social media at all times without condition or exclusion.


  1. My tweets are slices of intellectual brilliance. Nobody reads yours (unless they praise me).


  1. All electronic communications used by me never existed. You imagined them.


  1. My 1500 friends of the opposite sex are exactly that. Why else are they described as friends?


  1. All postings by you are subject to scrutiny and questioning as in, “Whose hand is that in the background?” and

“I see two glasses on the table. Who else was there?”


  1. Just because it shows I have read your message is not determinative proof that I have done so.



  1. It shows my message to you has been read. You have ten seconds to reply.


  1. You are duty bound post discard or escape to accept follower and friend requests from utter strangers with unusual profile pictures.


  1. Notifications do not appear on my lock screen to save battery power. Honest.


  1. All my postings must be liked and commented, re-tweeted etc. by you within one hour of their creation. All comments must reflect my brilliance and incisive insights on the topic du jour.


  1. The fact my device automatically logs in at a location is not evidence I have been before. It merely shows how welcome I am.


  1. You are not permitted to demonstrate favour to other posts, tweets, pictures etc. over mine.


  1. I filter everything that might appear on my timeline. Popularity requires such a step. No, I have not got anything to hide.


  1. If my response is a non-sequitur when we are messaging this does not mean I am messaging someone else at the same time. It means you are not keeping up with me.

23 thoughts on “The 20 Rules of the Social Media Narcissist

  1. Ashley says:

    HG will it wound my mid range ex if i block all the accounts under his name on facebook? there are 5 blank and empty profiles with his name in addition to his main profile which he hardly ever uses. I don’t think he knows I know the other ones are him so I think even if he is not wounded he will be surprised I know enough to block them as well.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  2. NP says:

    Makes sense…all the drama.

    Thats my sister complaining I dont respond to her texts yet she never responds to mine.


    She doesnt know whats coming yet!

    I have her number!

  3. E. B. says:

    “The fact my device automatically logs in at a location is not evidence I have been before. It merely shows how welcome I am.”

    Haha – This is my favourite one 🙂

  4. “How long before the “Find an Empath” application makes its presence known?”

    I will want to deliver serious physical violence on whomever comes up with this!

  5. Misty,

    You can win, if you want to.
    The tools are available here, NC and GOSO.
    But you have to want it.
    Do you?
    When you do, you can.


  6. Carol M says:

    I shivered with the words “those entitled millennials for example”. As a teacher, I have never seen a generation more prone to care about absolutelynothing and no one except themselves individually as these millenials. Brace ouselves, Winter Is Coming!

  7. Catherine says:

    #11 tells the story of my relationship most accurately. I don’t know how many times he stormed into my house furiously interrogating me about Facebook postings. He must’ve scrutinised every post, every comment, every like. Whose dog was that? Whose shadow could he (by magnifying glass surely) detect on that picture? Who took that picture of me? Little did he know that I had a gay friend in Spain; who was he? And why was this gay friend liking my posts almost on a daily basis?

    Sometimes he would be really blatant about it. Other times he would in a more malignant way mention something in another setting that made me understand that his comments referred to something he read on Facebook, and he would even smile nastily delivering his poisonous remarks.

    It was ludicrous. And scary. He’d never have accepted me subjecting him to that kind of scrutiny. Writing this I wonder why I even liked him at all.

  8. Jojosmiles says:


    Why is it if social media can provide so much fuel, both positive and negative, and there is also so much pornography online (for masturbation purposes which I’m told is preferred to sex by narcs) do you need women “in the flesh”?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      For fuel. Read ‘Fuel’ and ‘Sex and the Narcissist’ and you will the understand why.

  9. Adrianna says:

    Hi HG, as the ISS social media games were always played. On Instagram when one would like a photo, the other would shortly later like a photo to show the other one was online, or just woke up ect. Sometimes he would like the same photo as me. This is not devalue or is it? Also on snapchat , he would rarely look at my snapstorey. So I stopped looking at his. You can also see someone snapchat score. Every time you send someone a direct snapchat, your score goes up. He would be ensure the last few digits were the same as mine , but then ensure he had a higher score and was always ahead? Were all of these social media mind games devalue?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They were about asserting superiority and looking to provoke a response which would provide fuel.

  10. Misty K says:

    In regards to #14…is it just to keep tabs or is it also to make us feel like we are losing our minds? How much effort is put into this? How many platforms are usually involved?

    Besides the women that I know are real, is it possible the he would have fake female accounts?

    #20…sigh. I call them stock replies.

    And my favorite, it shows him logged in…messages are sent, depending on the platform it may or may not show he has read them. If it doesn’t show, he is mysteriously off line after they are sent. If it does show, then then it’s wrong.

    I’ve read your books. I know who he is. I know why I was picked. I’m so far out of his league in regards to looks and charm. Yet he has worked hard to find my every weakness. The longest I’ve gotten away was 3 weeks. He rarely expresses emotion and that is one of my hooks. I’m so easy. He will find a way to get through and send an, “I miss you”..that’s all it took last time.

    I love you is next. I know. But he has to make sure I am feeling strong, he will wait…and I will cave.

    I can’t win.

    1. Misty K
      Regarding the fake accounts…. I’ve seen so many “reasons” for his creating new accounts and I wanted to comment on your wondering if he would create fake female accounts; mine did just that. I am in direct sales and use Facebook for the majority of my selling. My N created a fake female account and shopped on my Facebook business page, watched live sales, commented on merchandise, and messaged me requesting information on sizing and whether or not “she” could come by and see the clothing and try it on before purchase. Every time we had a day set up for “her” to come, something would come up. Then I offered to send her a free pair of leggings (because I was suspicious but couldn’t believe he would go to those lengths) and “she” all of a sudden couldn’t remember her P.O. box number! After that sketchball conversation, I knew it was him and deleted and blocked “her.” I have no doubt he was going to go and get a P.O. box in “her” town and have me send the leggings just to keep up the charade.
      My N has 11 profiles (and counting) and he used them to “like” my public posts, profile pictures, and cover photos. I’ve blocked them all and reported some of them. I’m 100% sure he has more profiles I don’t know about and he also has friends watching me, but I’m not sure who. I do think they do it to keep tabs, but I’m with you on the crazy making, too! They want us to know they are still watching… I know I am paranoid about anything that is posted on social media. I don’t post anything anymore at all, but my friends tag me in posts and I freak out and untag myself.
      Most of us are in the same boat as far as the “magnetism” if that helps any. If you go three weeks, you can go four! Build those No contact walls and every time he worms through, block it again. I know it gets exhausting, but you’re worth the effort.

    2. demoneater says:

      Give me a break. Of course you can win. Just get some self respect and say no. For god’s sakes – the way some of you talk is ridiculous! There are so many guys out there. And even more to the point, why would you waste even one more second on someone who doesn’t and will never – can never – actually love you but only hates and will only hate and abuse you, worse and worse? Get real. It’s really not that hard. Is his dick really that good? I highly doubt it. You are a grown woman. For god’s sakes. Do you want to just be the butt of a vile joke? Is that all you think you are worth?

  11. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor.

    You’re funny

  12. geyserempath says:

    So many of those in the list were familiar, but #11 made me spit out my beer and laugh. Mine was tagged in a photo by a married coworker at a pub and there were two glasses on the table. He denied being there, of course. A close inspection of the photo clearly showed his reflection, upside down. Even a narc has to beware of those shiny pub table tops.

  13. Katie says:

    These have me chuckling, we have had the messenger fight more than once. From where I sit now it’s comical but at the time it was a raging argument.

    What is it that makes you feel so entitled and powerful? I have read that narcissists actually have low self esteem and often come from an abusive background, your take on that?

    I am finding your writing quite informative and enlightening. I’d say thank you but would hate it to go to your head😉

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The necessity for control in order to succeed creates entitlement. Power comes from the provision of fuel. Witnessing the outcome of what I do underlines both.

  14. Ugotit says:

    This is all so very accurate yesterday I came across his cousins Facebook page and saw pics of narc his cousin and a bunch of friends on a ski trip in the mountains he was sitting around a dinner table eating and his pictures made me weak in the knees like they always do he had put weight back in after losing too much seeing his pics made me unable to resist replying to his hoover message I got today Facebook is the devil incarnate

    1. Ugotit,

      Sorry to hear this.
      Can you distract yourself in some way? Is there a friend you can get to hang out with you for awhile, so you are not looking at facebook?
      When I go out with my friend or friends, we pile our phones in one pile, face down on the table, and whoever looks first, pays the bill!

      Or any distraction, when it’s cold out, do bowling, billiards, darts, anything you can’t do with the phone in your hand.
      That damn phone being hooked up to facebook also doesn’t help. (I assume you do facebook on your phone, i could be mistaken).

      Block block block, and delete. Make a list of the cons of dealing with him, Leave out the pros, and when you miss him, and your heart is aching for him, read your list and remember you’re in for more heartache the longer you let him in your life.

      I do sound “bossy”, i know, I just feel so bad for you and wish I could stop it. I can’t. You can.


      1. geyserempath says:


        Thank you for posting the above. I am going to try it. I note my ex-narc just friended the coworker he has had designs on for awhile. It is killing me to know I have been replaced, but I made a vow this year no more crying over him. I have to remember she will get the same treatment as I did eventually.

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