Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)

Unbelievable

Narcissists have a different world view to you. Failing to understand this results in the behaviour which seems entirely appropriate from our perspective, being confusing, bewildering and utterly unbelievable from your perspective.

This results in the use of flawed logic, bad decisions and continued ensnarement with the narcissist.

To understand how the behaviour is unbelievable and importantly what you can do about it, use the link below.

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17 thoughts on “Unbelievable (And How To Tackle It)

  1. Sophia says:

    It’s unbelievable that we deeply love someone, want to love someone, so much that we ignore the red flags. It’s unbelievable how many excuses we’ll make for someone even though we’d never dream of letting our daughters or best friends excuse such behavior. It’s unbelievable how much they’ll let you sacrifice and then throw it away without any apologies. So much of it really is unbelievable, until it’s not.

    Thank you, HG. From the bottom of my heart. You are the reason my heart is healing. You are leaving an amazing legacy. I hope you are experiencing true joy in your life.

  2. Mary says:

    “I’ve been thinking of you exclusively. Shedding many tears. I just want to hold you.
    I want to see you when I get back. I am still missing you terribly. I don’t love someone else. I love you.
    We acted too fast, rushed things. But I still want to be in your life.
    Linda wanted to come to Laughlin but I said no. I still feel like she won’t love me like you. She won’t let me be myself.
    I miss baking with you. Please talk to me.”

    Un-fucking-believable!

  3. Yolo says:

    It feels like I am enrolled in a perpetual narc refresher class, as its a lesson I am forever learning. No matter how many times I’ve read some of your post it appears I’ve missed a part and I gain additional knowledge. It maybe because the fog is finally dissipating.

    Forever greatful…

  4. Deepsigh says:

    Because honestly….these freaking people will have you believing you are freaking NUTS! I bet they hate your website HG….but I am greatful for your website….! And I also do not doubt these freaking people can drive you NUTS as well…luckily some of us just hang on to sanity by every available string until we make it to the other side! Or find some kind of answer!

  5. Deepsigh says:

    Very helpful article….very! 🙂 and so damn true! Every bit of it!

  6. Alexissmith2016 says:

    Love this article. God if I had to pick a favourite, I literally don’t think I could?

    HG, I understand you lack emotions are highly intelligent and that both these attributes allow you to make valid observations of our kind.

    But for this article in particular, how so?
    How do you know with such certainty that these are the steps we need to follow and levels we need to achieve ?

    I absolutely believe it because i am testament to it. I can see clearly now and I’m not troubled by the unbelievable any more because I have reached a level of understanding from your work whereby everything has been unravelled for me, exactly as you describe.

    Of course, I don’t know everything. I still need you hahaha

    Back to my question. How exactly do you know this will work for us ? Is it because some of your victims have achieved this ? I can’t imagine at all that I would have achieved this level of understanding wktnoht your work. A basic understanding from other people who write on the subject, of course. But never to the level you have enabled me to reach.

    So how do you know this is what we needed to do?

    Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Based on understanding my kind, your kind, observation and thereafter the results of its application by others.

  7. Stefanie says:

    If I wasn`t informed about the whole thing I would spend my whole life …….just wondering….finding some explanations or excuses. There would have always been a kind of stitch….a crack in the world for the rest of my life. But now: All I can see when I encounter a narcissist is the word “fuel” burnt in and glowing on their forehead. And that puts me into the modified behaviour mode right away.

  8. Anm says:

    My Ex, has finally started to mention that he has a new IPPS. He is doing this to triangulate me with her. He has also been more obsessed with me and constantly trying to get me to interact by using our child to contact. If i ignore him, he walks over me by not returning my child. If i call the police, he will call the police all the time on me. If i engage, im “obsessed with him” even if in a calm manner.

  9. Noname says:

    “Don’t seek answers from us. You won’t get them. Ever.”

    That’s an absolute truth. Absolute.

    That phrase has evoked my childhood memory.

    I was 13. My Mother of Hell sent me and my sister (she was 3) to the kids’ park to spend some time playing there.

    I was sitting on a bench and my sister and another girl were playing next to me with their dolls. There were a lot of kids playing in the sandbox near us and their parents were sitting on benches talking to each other.

    Suddenly, it was a commotion in the sandbox and one girl started to scream and cry. All parents jumped from their benches and darted to that sandbox to see what had happened.

    As it was revealed, the 6 or 7-years old boy pumped a lot of sand into that girl eyes, ears and mouth. All parents, including the mother of that boy, tryed to clean that girl out of sand and calm her down. No one paid any attention to that boy and he walked toward the bench where I was sitting and sat next to me watching all that mess he caused.

    I turned to him and asked “Why did you do that?”.

    He turned his cherubic face to me and said “Because she pissed me off. She was nasty nasty”. His eyes were angelically blue and innocent.

    I shaked my head “Nooo… Not because of it. I was watching all of you playing in that sandbox. She played alone peacfully… Tell me the truth. I’m not a threat to you. I won’t tell anything to your parents or someone else. I’m just curious. Why did you do that?”.

    And then his cherubic face faded. It was a face of an adult, not a boy, with very very dark and icy cold eyes.
    “I did it because I LIKE to do it…”.
    “Why?”.
    “Because it FEELS wonderful…”.

    “What about punishment? Your parents definitely will punish you for what you have done”.
    “I LIKE it too. I LIKE when I piss them off”.

    “What about that girl? Look, how bad she is suffering now”.
    He looked at that crying girl very attentively and wide SMILE appeared on his face. He said “I don’t care. I LIKE what I have done”…

    Then, his mother started to walk to us and his face immediately became “cherubic”. She angrily took his arm and dragged him from the bench. When they started to walk away, he turned to me and said with a wide smile “Bye”. His “angelic” eyes weren’t smiling…

    Many years passed. I don’t know anything about that boy’s life, but his honest answers gave me an important clue to understand the Narcissists and Sociopaths.

    One day, my friend (future psychiatrist) and I sat together watching the documental movie about our serial rapist and killer Andrey Chikatilo. He sadistically raped and murdered more than 50 girls and women.

    That movie showed the court process, where they presented a lot of photos of his murdered victims to him and public. Chikatilo covered his mouth with his hand representing a “horror”, he supposedly felt watching the results of his “deals”.

    My friend said “Look, how he is gaping! He is hiding his gape with his hand. So, he has a sense of remorse and guilt then!”.

    I said “Look closer. He isn’t hiding the gape. He is hiding a SMILE. He LIKES what he is watching now. He is memorizing everything. He is memorizing the “thrill” he had when he was doing all of those things. He can’t help himself to stop smiling. It is an involuntary reaction. He can’t control it. And he is trying to hide his smile and play the “horror” card”.

    He said “Wow… You are right! How did you know?”.
    “Because I saw that type of the SMILE once. I remember that smile very well and I’ll never confuse it with any other type of smile”…

    It is very important to understand why Narcs do what they do.

    When you catch them on cheating and then confront them, they would PROTECT themselves in a various ways (denial, blame shifting, silent treatments, more lies, etc.) and DEFLECT you from the real and very simple truth – that they LIKE it.

    They LIKE the thrill of cheating. They LIKE the thrill of forbidden f*cking. They LIKE the thrill of breaking rules. They LIKE the thrill of having power and control. They LIKE…

    LIKE… So simple word. So pleasant feeling.
    And so disastrous when it is used in a wrong way.

    Sad.

    1. Sad says:

      I am having a particularly difficult day. I am loathing myself for being conned by such a horrible person. I still find it hard to believe and I catch myself thinking, “This can’t be true!” I feel shattered in deep places that I didn’t even know I had. I want to move on, but I can’t stop myself from ruminating… And, to think that he “liked” hurting me is just so fucking AWFUL. I saw that look in his eyes and I will never forget it!

  10. Blank says:

    God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts
    Guess he kissed the girls and made them cry
    Those hard-faced queens of misadventure
    God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken lives
    Fiery throngs of muted angels
    Giving love but getting nothing back, oh

    People help the people
    And if you’re homesick
    give me your hand and I’ll hold it
    People help the people
    And nothing will drag you down
    Oh and if I had a brain,
    Oh and if I had a brain
    I’d be cold as a stone and rich as the fool
    That turned all those good hearts away

    Birdy

  11. HG,

    Your awareness, keen observation, and eloquent way of expressing your observations, make it hard sometimes to disbelieve that you have empathy for us:
    “15. Ultimately, it is you who matters most and has to shake the disbelief ahead of everybody else. Concentrate on that.”

    Now, I’d like to practice some arrogance and act as if my feelings have any currency with you,
    You have my gratitude, I feel this over and over again.And I have just come to realize how very much of my respect you have, also.

    Perse

  12. So true. I need to stop trying to explain, and prove my point. What’s unbelievable to me is how they can twist everything around make it my fault and I actually believe it.

  13. Windstorm2 says:

    Once you understand that the seduction was fake, the other three become immaterial. Your 15 points are spot on.

  14. Pbw says:

    Great info HG …. I find all of it unbelievable .. what’s unbelievable is how bad you miss the person who treated you so terribly … but thank you for the info to understand ♡

  15. angela says:

    Good post

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