Parasite

PARASITE-5

You fed off me and I am sick of it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my magnetism, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am magnanimous I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to annoy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my charm, my attractiveness, my easy manner with people and how they are drawn to me and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted some of that. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my impeccable reputation, my scintillating presence and my esteemed connections. I do not blame you for wanting to be associated with me, who would not? Who would not want such a slice of the action as me? The opportunity to move in circles that you had never experienced before. The chance to be somebody. The time to clamber upwards from the tedious life you led and the doldrums in which you festered. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to be a part of that world. You certainly did become part of that world as well. You enjoyed my extraordinary largesse as you accepted my gifts, my invitations and my cold hard cash. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed your friends and family to become part of my entourage, they certainly had no qualms about getting on the gravy train did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were always only ever my friends. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my irritation became annoyance? That my annoyance became fury? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I had to stop this. I had to find someone who would give rather than take and that meant I had to be rid of you. That is why I chose someone else to escape your leeching and draining behaviour. That is why I cast you aside. You are a parasite.

 

You fed off me and I am sick with it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my goodness, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am the kind and caring person that I pride myself on being, I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to destroy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my compassion, my attractiveness, my empathic manner with people and how they respond to such kindness and love and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted all of that for yourself. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my gushing compassion, my reflective presence as my emotional nature. I do not blame you for wanting to be with me, who would not when they are a creature like you? Who would not want such to erode me slice by slice? The opportunity to move yet again in circles that you had experienced before. The chance to be make yourself feel like somebody for once. The time to clamber upwards from the empty life you lead and the chasm which threatens to engulf you. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to make me part of you by swallowing me up. You certainly did make me become part of you as I struggle to remember most days who I am and what I was before I met you. You enjoyed my extraordinary love as you accepted my attentiveness, my invitation into my heart and my warm, loving nature. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas to who I was and you saw no reason to ever respect my identity. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised and even when you began to abuse me, I never wavered from that. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed my friends and family to become part of your facade, they certainly had no qualms about forgetting me following your smear campaigns did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places in side my soul once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were my friends until you banished them. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my confusion became despair? That my despair became desperation? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I need to find a way to stop this, but I can’t seem to. You won’t stop.  I have to find someone who will give rather than take and that means I need to be rid of you. I know this has to happen but I feel I cannot escape you, you have drained and leeched from me to such an extent that I am barely able to think and function. That is why I need to cast you aside but how can I when you will not let me go and you will not stop causing me to love you. You are a parasite.

Who is the parasite. You, me or both of us?

The parasite is the one who benefits at the expense of the other.

Who is the parasite?

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17 thoughts on “Parasite”

  1. Dear HG:
    Approximately how much time does it take to moderate and accept a written insight to your articles?
    I find often what i write takes days sometimes weeks to be accepted.
    Just curious.
    Thank you

  2. Parasite? Hmmm…though I have stated in a past comment that In the end it’s what he was offering me and my own dreams that he carrot dangled in my face day after day that I truly missed more than him in the end…..that doesn’t mean that he didn’t stand to gain in his connection with me….contrary he had much to gain….as I was willing to give him all of my love….time…adoration….My heart….support….emotional and sex….all he wanted….he would have never gone without in any of those areas as I would have always been providing all of those things….friendship…a partner for life I would have been to him. See I had a lot to offer him as well….so just because I missed that the most in the end….doesn’t mean I was only there to take….I also wanted to give….and what he said he wanted was ALL OF ME!!!! Which I was prepared to give him…so no that is not a parasite….see a parasite only wants to TAKE and not give….a parasite takes the good stuff and excretes the poison of that digested good stuff back into the system of it’s prey….causing a bad condition for the one it feeds off of….THAT is a true parasite….a parasite does not give….and knew its intention all along…so no the ones who fall for Narcs or psychopaths are not the parasites! The description parasite belongs solely to the one with bad intentions in the beginning …..and even if he didn’t offer me everything I wanted as I never asked for such….I would have still fallen for him….and in fact many times I asked him to please stop dangling these things in my face as topic of our conversation as I was not wanting that to be our total focus….I wanted to get to know and love him for who he was! He was the one who didn’t want that! I tried….but that wasn’t ever his goal….I know that now. I told him I would not stay with a man just because of money or stuff he could give me…but I wanted someone to love and love me back and he knew that….as unlike myself he KNEW me wayyyy better than I knew him. He knew what I was all about and everything about me. He knew I wanted love and to give love.

  3. The difference in these two… I loved you! I was committed to you! I was looking forward to growing together, to inspire each other to be our very best selves. I was willing to give you everything (including my heart) and you left me in the dark. You sucked the life right out of me – I physically and emotionally felt myself dying -slowly fading away. You were cruel. I was kind. You were shallow and empty. I was deep and abiding. You gave and then took away. You didn’t expect me to love myself and were surprised when you couldn’t control me. You didn’t expect me to see your machinations for what they really were. I am smarter than you, KS. I knew to end this crazy dance before all my blood was drained, before I was completely consumed. And, now I am left with the the agonizing pain and confusion. Am I to blame for wanting something true and meaningful? Am I to blame for being a victim of a conman? No, I am not the parasite.

  4. It’s funny! Cause anytime I ever worried about if I was being needy….I would ask him….am I being too needy and that if I was I would tone it down….and he would always say…”I like it”….”I want you to be needy”…..and sometimes when we would hang up the phone and I wouldn’t say I love you….he would call me back and make me say it! Lol….! Yeah he wanted me like that…and that is how he made me! He knows it! I gave him so many outs it wasn’t even funny! All of the time I gave him outs! He even acknowledged them to me verbally that I had given him so many outs! So yeah crazy making shit!

    1. Yes…but if if any part of the dynamic is expected to change…one part has to be willing to change…yes?

  5. Initially the relationship is symbiotic. As devaluation starts the Narcissist becomes parasitoid, in that he no longer gives, and accelerates the taking, often weakening the host significantly, but not to the point of death.

    The second half is exactly what I thought. At times it was a struggle just to keep life going, while he thought he was entitled to do whatever whenever, and I was taking away from him if I ever even protested the littlest bit.

    The first half was exactly what he acted like, so it is no surprise that this is what he thought and felt like.

    And both of us would still believe that our version is the true version.

  6. It is easy to see a parasitic symbiosis taking place where the needs of each are being sought out from the other. Two halves making a complete part rather than two whole pieces coming together to form something greater.
    If the empath were able to maintain their identity instead of gush, and see the red flags charging instead of waving them away…the parasitic partnership would cease to be.
    The narcissist is addict-like which is why i put the onus on the empath counterpart.
    Narcissists and narcissism would either need to evolve, adapt or die off.
    Interesting to see what would happen there…

  7. Interesting. I’ve thought this actually. Narc victims can be just as bad as the narc. Becoming needy. I was horrible at times. I wanted attention from him just as much as he wanted it. We both loved to be admired about the other, it felt good. When one stops admiring the other then it breaks down because we can’t use the other for our own benefits anymore.

    Loving yourself and not needing that emotional bs is the better way though.

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