Ex Machina

 

i

 

I wake. I sigh. I wait. I see. I smile. I rise. I look. I notice. I awaken. I observe. I pause. I brush. I spit. I view. I hear. I glance. I surge. I type. I halt. I listen. I note. I grin. I step. I stand. I lather. I rinse. I wipe. I turn. I move. I check. I nod. I collect. I foam. I shave. I clear. I admire. I piss. I flush. I smear. I moisturise. I turn. I catch. I dry. I spray. I dress. I adore. I answer. I speak. I understand. I climb. I descend. I eat. I compliment. I accept. I plan. I consider. I formulate. I read. I zone. I screen. I drink. I kiss. I extract. I gather. I accumulate. I garner. I stockpile. I brush. I check. I rise. I exit. I call. I tease. I plot. I move. I drive. I sing. I cruise. I forge. I advance. I frustrate. I lie. I speed. I overtake. I gesticulate. I rage. I growl. I glower. I overcome. I bristle. I prowl. I dictate. I oversee. I lead. I achieve. I pioneer. I evaluate. I target. I flirt. I chastise. I laugh. I frown. I complete. I direct. I orchestrate. I demand. I secure. I fabricate. I succeed. I triumph. I challenge. I inspire. I decide. I action. I activate. I consume. I quench. I envy. I roar. I rage. I burn. I slash. I throttle. I lash. I denigrate. I belittle. I strike. I wound. I attack. I conquer. I despise. I hate. I overrun. I dominate. I sign. I shake. I clench. I maintain. I read. I assimilate. I conduct. I move. I touch. I preserve. I continue. I subjugate. I exceed. I impress. I frighten. I illuminate. I shine. I blaze. I buy. I offer. I grace. I favour. I entertain. I joke. I outrank. I outflank. I identify. I attract. I bind. I deceive. I con. I dedicate. I pretend. I know. I understand. I grasp. I press. I pull. I remove. I shadow. I lure. I beckon. I bestow. I receive. I evade. I deny. I deflect. I swing. I duck. I blacken. I obscure. I hide. I take. I grab. I have. I remove. I strip. I push. I enter. I thrust. I delight. I lick. I bite. I tug. I caress. I probe. I stroke. I entrance. I hypnotise. I mesmerise. I float. I soar. I smooth. I sooth. I confuse. I defraud. I steal. I distract. I depart. I ignore. I sneer. I calculate. I follow. I invigilate. I guard. I misinform. I perjure. I mislead. I falsify. I construct. I destroy. I tell. I withhold. I reduce. I erode. I cloud. I arrive. I amass. I harbour. I harvest. I pluck. I suck. I drain. I acquire. I takeover. I obliterate. I annihilate. I beat. I overcome. I assure. I ignite. I manipulate. I control. I assuage. I decide. I conclude. I reflect. I dismiss. I ascertain. I point. I click. I review. I tap. I send. I spin. I trap. I block. I unblock. I do. I don’t. I will. I won’t. I can. I cannot. I should. I shouldn’t. I would. I wouldn’t. I did. I didn’t. I oppose. I combine. I bewilder. I daze. I encircle. I defend. I swoop. I revel. I increase. I fume. I snarl. I infuriate. I retaliate. I provoke. I win. I switch. I lower. I triumph. I outsmart. I outreach. I succeed. I delight. I accomplish. I remember. I twist. I turn. I grimace. I scratch. I scrape. I whisper.

I close.

I sleep.

I wake.

I am.

I repeat.

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20 thoughts on “Ex Machina”

  1. HG, I should imagine you are friends with Death..

    I see rather the problem not with remaining effective, but rather insatiety… ravenous hunger… insatisfaction.. the neverending aspect of this existence… (only in accepting your point of view)

    ..so the response becomes – yet.

    You have yet to experience love, joy..
    You have yet to be sated.. satisfied..
    You have yet to die..

    xx

  2. Are you not afraid? That one day you will stop being effective at what you do? Can I ask how old you are? I hope my questions are not too impertinent. Please feel free to not post this comment.

      1. Time is ticking, Mr Narc.
        Have you truly never experienced joy? Not even one moment of joy that wasn’t related to gaining “fuel” ?
        I truly pity your kind. I pity your victims more. What a f****** up dynamic.

  3. Dearest HG,

    I love these posts – elegance in brevity, striking with succinct verbal choice.. I aspire to be this accurate..

    I have been looking for another of your gorgeous posts – as I recall, it is a poem – imagery involving a tree..

    Could you tell me the name so I can search for it, please?
    I was telling a friend about it..

    Je t’embrasse..

  4. “I’m a broken machine
    I can do anything
    I’ve got nothing to hide
    I’m a mechanical thing
    I can do anything
    Nothing bothers me now
    Now I start to dream”

    Lyrics from a song called ‘Broken Machine’
    Seems apropos….

      1. Aren’t we all broken in some way? Some of us are better at repairing the damage. Some of us are better at ignoring the damage, some of us will never admit to the damage, and some of us seem to be beyond repair.
        I hope he doesn’t fall into the latter category. Hope. Such a hard thing to kill once that idea has taken root. The idea that he is not beyond repair. That I have it wrong. That I am not an appliance.

      2. Differing perspectives can cause one to reach a conclusion of being broken, yes.

        I am not broken because I am effective at what I do. I understand (although disagree) that others could describe me as broken because I do not experience love, joy etc – I do not regard that state of affairs as being broken.

  5. This reminds me of my narc. He sticks to a schedule and it moves forward regardless. Its like a robot and their mechanical ways. Weve disengaged and its messed up my days but he carried on with his schedule like clockwork. Going thru the motions.

      1. Aw, that means I could actually sleep beside you then without elbowing you in your ribs. How sweet!

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