The Haunted Chamber



Your heart has its haunted chamber,

Where the silent treatment falls,

On the floor are stalking footsteps,

Malicious whispers along the walls.

Though your perfect love is manifold,

This chamber will still persist,

Its lingering hurt and sadness,

Is decreed to always exist.

No matter how you shine and smile,

‘Tis a place of frigid cold,

That now no love, no joy, no care

Can relinquish its endless hold.

Your heart these times is haunted,

By phantoms of our past,

So insidious is the infection

It seems it will always last.

A form sits by your window,

Always in your corner eye,

Waiting and watching all night long

Yet never answering why.

I sit there in the moonlight,

Hatred etched across my face,

And point a blaming finger,

To avoid my own disgrace.

I haunt your heart and memory,

My poison flows yet still,

To remind you of your treachery,

And to scold you for causing me ill.

Each lonely darkened midnight,

You will hear my accusing wail,

The bitter and twisted arguments,

Still remain beyond the pale.

This phantom’s baleful glare,

Seems to absorb and drain your will,

The remembering of torment,

Places in your heart sick chill.

My haunting clouds your remembrance,

All else becomes thin air,

The shadows form and twist now,

So you always see me there.

The knock upon your window pane,

Wrenches your thought from me,

A relentless drumming announcement,

From the gloomy darkened tree.

There stands our oak, rain-slicked, boughs bent,

A place that was sanctuary,

We climbed it often together,

To imagine being free.

Yet now near lifeless monument,

It serves only to torment,

The greying bark and sorest wounds,

Form the night’s empty lament.

I know you look there still each night,

I know you see me there,

The haunting of your aching heart

Ne’er relieved by earnest prayer.

Your chained and weighted pensive guilt,

Is naught to my own hell,

But yours is bound in silence,

Since you can never tell.

Beneath the oaken branches,

Is the grave of that little child,

Who fell from grace so violently,

And never wept nor smiled.

So your heart remains an empty chamber,

Where my hatred will reside,

And evermore I will punish you,

For what you have always denied.

What once shone bright and golden,

Is dulled and tarnished deep,

And the memory of your failings,

Will steal away your sleep.

I blamed her then so I blame you now,

It all must  wither and turn bad,

Since I have no hope but to see you

As the parent I never had.

81 thoughts on “The Haunted Chamber

  1. MB says:

    Stumbled on this tonight. Wasn’t reading the blog when this was posted. Beautiful writing HG. Proof that you possess the power to break your chains and overcome if you decide that is what you want.

  2. Jose says:

    HG- if a midranger has a midranger parent who he or she know their parent is emotionally abusive? My ex is her mother’s golden child and she doesn’t seem to know her mom is not normal.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is not necessarily the case Jose that an individual realises that their treatment is abusive. I knew that certain behaviours towards me were abusive and with others I did not realise until I spent time with other people and saw how their family interacted and how that was different to that of my family which was something of an eye-opener on occasions.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        That was true for me as well. When all you know is what you’ve grown up with, you naturally tend to think it’s normal, even when you can tell it’s irrational. I was that way with my marriage, too. All I had to compare it to was my parents marriage and I sure didn’t want THAT!

  3. Jose says:

    HG- if a midranger has a midranger parent who he or she know their parent is emotionally abusive? My ex is her mother’s golden child and she doesn’t seem to know her mom is not normal.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is usually the case.

  4. Suzie says:

    He came across as an angel of light
    0 but what a bitter plight
    I just couldn’t see what he had in store
    until that day I had problems galore
    I couldn;t understand the man so helpful and true
    could be anything other than always true blue
    He lurked in the shadows of which I couldn’t see
    until the the time came I had lost me
    I asked I inquired to what he had done
    To which he replied “Im just having fun”
    But how and where had my true love gone
    To which he replied “your only a pawn”
    I felt so sad and heartbroken to finally awaken
    to the sad realization that I had been taken
    and made such a fool that this angel of mine
    was a devil just waiting for my utter demise

  5. Suzie says:

    Very excellent poetry. Sounds like someone has unhealed trauma from the past. Also sounds like someone I once knew and loved so well, who is a distant memory straight from the pits of hell.

  6. HG,
    If you were given this poem written for you,but from your IPSS and their viewpoint, what would you feel? What would your reaction be?
    On a completely different subject, besides being able to walk in daylight,are narcissist the origin of the vampire myth?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It would depend on whether I viewed them as black or white – if the former, I would be dismissive of it and criticise it, if the latter I would find some phrases to praises it.
      I do not know the answer with regard to your second question, although I see there is considerable force in such a suggestion.

  7. Cathrine says:

    Hauntingly beautiful and utterly sad.

  8. Becoming Observant says:

    Did your mother physically abandon you as a child at some point, or just emotionally (since she was a narcissist)? Could there be a correlation between the amount of time spent in close proximity to the family/senior Ns (for a child) and whether or not the child becomes a N or a codependent?

    Do you have children who are narcissists?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t believe so.

  9. Sniglet says:

    Such a sweet but sad poem. Well, in response I took the liberty of writing my own (first time, draft) poem with a more positive ending to uplift your outlook, HG. Not everything needs to be doom and gloom.

    From the deep shadow of the haunted chamber vault
    Her pith now resurrects
    A new window of hope, at its nook
    The brash Narc expects.

    ‘Tis true, the memory of phantoms past
    A construct he toiled day and night
    And as he silenced her for weeks
    His ardor his instincts spur
    Unawares he falls in love with her.

    Near the lake she stands beneath the oaken branches
    Her sudden discard at his whim
    She sees forgiveness in his answer
    Soothing her heart, anointed soul
    She falls in love with him.

    They meet their weary gazes o’er the mirrored lake
    He stands beside her in chinook; she’n fear,
    She knows not her end is nowhere near
    He reaches for her sweet embrace
    So that their souls may hook.

  10. Just Me says:

    Why is it my heart breaks so easily for the lost little boy he was, yet, I have abandon the little girl I was? The little girl with hopes and dreams that did not include paying his mother’s debt.

  11. Caroline says:

    I shouldn’t have read this during NC. It makes me feel sad about the narcissist’s plight and gave me pangs of guilt about my ex – like I should find a way to help him break through his abyss and help him toward healing, somehow…some way.

    No, I don’t think it’s possible for me to help him. But I better start shoring up these guilt tendencies, in case he ever Hoovers. Welcome to my therapy session.

    Cold logic: I can’t help him. I’m not a magical fairy. He has an illness that drives him to cycles. I can only fuel him temporarily and put myself in danger by doing that.
    Cold logic: I choose me. I won’t allow myself to be used or hurt by someone who isn’t able to care if I’m used or hurt. I can continue to help many people in this world who don’t have NPD. It’s sad that I can’t help him, but it’s reality.

    So I guess I did need to read this. It showed me the intensity of my Guilt Factor.

    Thanks for using your talent to write this haunting piece, HG. Strictly in terms of victims and their recovery, I don’t think it matters what the exact cause (s) for the NPD, but for you to have poignantly spelled it out like this, it answers the WHY, and I find it very helpful. The WHY is always going to be the deeply buried hurt from within the narcissist that’s twisted and transferred to the innocent…and I think we can grab into that as our closure.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

      1. Caroline says:

        Very welcome, HG.

  12. narc affair says:

    This poem speaks so intensly the pattern and cycle of what can happen when a parent who has narcissism damages a child. This is a haunting yet heartfelt poem that children of a narc parent whether narcissist or empath can relate to. Very beautifully written HG and one ill be saving to look back on ty! When i read this i think of that child as my own mother and it helps me to forgive the way she is. I wont allow her to abuse me but i wont allow my heart to be a haunted chamber due to hatred towards her altho i feel hers is. She has to live with this and i dont envy her deepest thoughts if they ever do enter her mind. Shes disordered from an abusive past and wasnt lucky enough to be educated on why shes this way nor strong enough to change. I am lucky in that i understand it and am learning to let go of the anger and the pain and blame of it all. Happiness is a choice and i choose not to linger in what shes done over the years. I want to lift those haunting heavy clouds so sun can shine thru and light the rest of my life. Narcissism is so dark and stiffling like a thick blanket blocking out and smothering. I want to breath and live life the way i was supposed to before experiencing what i did being a child of a narcissist.

  13. thepianist20 says:

    I wish my narc was nice,

    But I guess it’s never meant to be 🙁

  14. analise13 says:

    HG, your words are haunting. Beautifully written.
    I can feel the pain of the words.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  15. Twilight says:


    I read this earlier, I also listened to it….it is haunting and beautifully written.
    This piece has always affected me deeply, what happened was wrong and tears form. I don’t know another that could have gone through what you did and be able to convey to the many.
    Thank you HG for your insights and the knowledge you provide on your perspective.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  16. Salome says:

    Dear HG
    Reading your poem make me sad at first.
    But after I was angry.
    Whay it is always a mother’s fault?
    Because Freud sad so?

    Are you in love with your perfect mother?
    You don’t have to post my comment.
    Just answer to yourself.

  17. Salome says:

    Dear HG

    Juste fuck her!

    That will make you able to make love the first time in your life.
    (Instead of making sex, as usually).

    1. Salome says:

      Ha! Ha!
      I see it makes double meaning when I say “fuck her!”…

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Indeed it does.

  18. Katie Smart says:

    Very nice x I know you don’t feel a word of that but I do.

  19. Diva says:

    “Since I have no hope but to see you,

    As the parent I never had.”

    HG It’s a pity that you can’t rejig that whole poems theme and specifically those last 2 lines to something like:

    Since I have no desire to be

    The parents that I had

    Many of us here have strived to do this ourselves… against all the narc odds stacked against us, especially since it may be all we have ever known ourselves and so how can we know any different?

    We know because it was wrong, we remember how it made us feel and therefore we CHOSE to treat others as we wished ourselves to be treated…..despite having many ingrained narc traits of our own.

    Finally, an open wound that does not heal becomes infected……pouring fuel on an open wound, might temporarily flush out the dirt, but only balm will close and heal the wound…………Diva

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      I completely agree. He has the insight. He understands what he is doing and why. He’s highly intelligent. His legacy is important to him. He has the ability to chose, yet he choses to perpetuate the very evil that hurt him so badly. In a way he’s still letting his mother control his life and actions.

      I will hold on to the hope that he will eventually see the contradiction and move beyond feeling trapped into this life he chose as a child. Surely with his intelligence and insight it is just a matter of time.

      HG, I keep you in my prayers.

      1. Diva says:

        Hi Windstorm2….I thought you raised a couple of very interesting points there….Diva

  20. Erin says:

    This brought me to tears, H.G.; it’s so beautifully written and so painful to read. I don’t think I’ve ever come across anything of yours that felt so raw and so vulnerable.
    I know your treatment was forced upon you, but now more than ever I wish you could heal; I want you to feel happiness and love so much.
    Nobody should feel like what is in that poem.

  21. Not So Sad says:

    Nicely written HG BUT my empathy bypass for any narc must be working well .

    What happened to make them the way they are, how they may have suffered as a child or what formed them into what they become is of no relevance to me.

    Why would anyone pity the evil monsters they become if they continually repeat the cycle . Yes I understand it’s a trait they have no control over . Yes I understand there is no cure . But to be on the receiving end as you are well aware is a life long sentence for the victim . ..

    Like you . I don’t care. .

  22. Stumbling Around says:

    HG this a powerful piece of work. I’m filled with the need to take away your pain, but that’s because I’m an Empath and I can’t help it 😉.

  23. Violet says:

    Wow HG, you have finally said it.
    And triggered my father’s words that blaming her was the only way to feel anything. Without blame he felt nothing.

    If you do more posts like this, it will help us.

    And, your mother is a loser. Who may have had some attractive traits but, she is definitely a loser.

  24. Noname says:

    Achingly beautiful. Very deep. There are a lot of things to think about.

    Thank you very much for sharing your poetry, Tudor. You are very talented.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  25. Lisa says:

    Great poem. With respect HG, I read it again and in my mind changed a few words. It then spoke of how I see your pain, not ours. Very close indeed.
    Thank you. Thought provoking…….

  26. SuperXena says:

    … a powerful reminder indeed…

  27. Worried Mother Tracy Ma says:

    HG I get now. Your comment “I don’t care” I could understand it. It is like the point I reached from abuse from greater Narc. I stopped caring about me. As you stopped caring about the outside world. As each bad thing happened to me I was like oh F it. Put it in the F@*k it bucket. My bucket is over flowing. I don’t care. Let the sky fall not going to bother me. I will just put it in F it bucket. I stopped feeling pain but for myself. Everything else I feel the pain. The Dog got sick today . My heart broken I am nursing to health covered in empathy for him. At the same what made him sick made me sick. I put it in F it bucket. No concern my breath was effected big fat oh well. It is what it is. The dog has top notch care. I get it now abused to the point of I don’t care.

  28. Bruised says:

    Ne’er relieved by earnest prayer – what do You mean my dear G. by that?

    shockingly painful that was…moreover I wanted ask in the middle of reading but the end of it gave me an answer…it’s her…your Matrinarc. … I understand…
    do You think You are able to draw fuel from her nowadays?
    if not Do You think You would be …relieved if she suddenly died ? I know for the fuel purposes You prefer people to be alive… I hate talking n thinking using all that vocabulary re narcissism. .. but hey You use these word Yourself…
    what I am trying to say is that I feel sorey for the pain she has caused You and have hope that one day one way or another You will brake the chains…. within Yourself. You deserve the best.. ❤

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It means that praying did not provide the sought after salvation.

      I am able to draw fuel from her on the few occasions we interact, yes.

      No I would not be relieved if she suddenly died, I would be furious because my plans would have been damaged by that happening.

      1. Salome says:

        What kind of plans?
        Do you want her to apologise?
        Do you want to kill her personaly?

  29. Brandi says:

    Just because narcissist are aware of the hurt they inflict, doesn’t mean they will stop. This is how they were made. Just as we are made to find it so sad/awful that someone intentionally hurts others & enjoys it. Expecting a narcissist to change who they are is like asking us to no longer have empathy for others.

  30. Phoenix says:

    What I am sensing is that your mother was a narcissist of sorts. My father was a narcissist and i too had parental abandoning.
    I wonder why then; despite a possible similar experience, you took the qualities of a Greater Elite Narcissist, yet I took the opposite route and had ended up an empathic codependent… It is almost like you were able to take control and regain power with a more empowering self-defence mechanism, whereas a codependent may remain stuck in powerlessness. hmm who knows. I hope I haven’t offended anyone.
    life is a funny thing..
    I have written MORE than enough, I rarely post on a blog, and i usually keep it very short, today i’ve excelled myself so.. I greatly appreciate your time reading my replies today
    I look forward to reading your future posts. 😀

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Phoenix, indeed she is a narcissist as you will learn the more that you read.

      1. Phoenix says:

        Hello H.G 😀thank you for sharing. I’m reading more and more here, it’s incredibly interesting to get to know how you think and your experience. 😀😀

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome Phoenix, I hope you will continue to do so.

      2. Phoenix says:

        Thank you Mr Tudor. That means a lot, i feel honored to peer into your mind, writing and experience 😁 It is finally making everything make complete sense.
        And your gift at writing has sparked me to get back into composing my music and lyrics again, my musical creative juices are flowing now that I’m becomming more free. Who would’ve known joining this blog would also had become a muse for creativity.
        Looking foward to more writing, it flows out of you like gold lava 😀

  31. Phoenix says:

    Wow. Brilliant; that was exceptional and beautifully written.

    Hello H G. Honoured to meet you. My name is Natasha.

    I enjoy your blog and writing H G, I look forward to reading your posts

    I finally escaped my ex Narcissist/Sociopath of 10 years after reading your book “No Contact”. This site and your books offer by far the best information and your honest expression of your perception continues to give me the understanding, perfect strategies, inspiration, reality check and the power to remain vigilant and free.
    Thank you. 😀 This info has saved my life.

    I love how the poem perfectly expresses the core dynamic.

    Your poem etc has inspired this….

    Similarly; I’ve noticed Empaths/Codependents can subconsciously substitute the narcissist she loves, for her parent as well, in particular the father she never had. It was that way for me.

    The Relationship dynamic between a Narcissist and Empath/Codependent reminds me of an Omnipotent Wolf and a Loving Loyal Lioness.

    The empath/codependent seeks fuel too, especially if codependent, but in a different way, in the form of validation, security, belonging and protection from her beloved wolf, whom she subconsciously sees as her father figure and partly why she can continue to wrap him up once again in the warmness of her pleasing nature with his repeated hoovers despite the abuse, he successfully subdued critical thinking.
    And at times almost smothering him with love and glorious fuel of the best top-notch variety. But each hoover, each devaluation the cycle becomes more intense, impassioned and destructive.

    The lioness (empath/codependent) has wild rage too, and if she is a codependent, possibly even buried fury, but it is hidden, so deeply suppressed by her beliefs of being less than in some way, and invalidated and trying to be “good” and not angry, she learned to doubt how she felt and push down her anger as her child. She learned to use immature “emotional reactions’ to get her needs heard and honoured. Or, if partly matured, the emotional reactions were just pent up from being invalidated.The WOLF can brilliantly play upon this old wound, like a world class virtuoso, pulling our stings and gathering more delicious fuel. In conjunction with the love bombing during intimacy as he tries to sneak his wolf paws into our unsuspecting knickers to increase our emotional energy towards him. Our overflowing positive or reactive fuel, lavished over him, with the level of intensity or passion coinciding with the degree that we felt invalidated as a child. As the attachment increases, so does the intensity of sexual and subsequent emotional reactivity, positive and then negative, heaven and hell.

    We assume the wolf is like us, feels like us, which can make the incongruencies confusing and we can take it personally, especially as he whispers such beautiful romantic sentiments or blows out fluff like ‘lets get married or I want to give you a baby” or you are the “Golden Goose” as my ex used to call me…

    ….all the while attempting to get his furry paws into our unsuspecting knickers to deepen our attachment on him, and heighten our level of fuel when the hoover recommences.. The wolf wants his needs met, so we learn to mould ourselves to LOVE our wolf, and become agreeable, exactly how we had to deny or MOULD ourselves to please our narcissistic parent.

    The Wolf, as our substitute parent too, replays the past wounds in our subconscious.The INTENSITY and level of immense passion we feel towards our WOLF, matches our level of need and desire for wholeness we seek THROUGH him. Looking for love in the wrong direction. The more codependent we become, the more deeply intense the feelings of attraction. And the more powerful the delicious fuel becomes. It can also reach a level of danger for some WOLVES who seeks that level of intense fuel, it has the potential of opening up their wounds that lay so dormant, seemingly invisible, cemented in their heart and hidden by narcissist qualities. That dormant HURT that is shrivelled inside and overcome by fury.

    But the narcissist, especially those of the greatest variety can create a pearl out of the seemingly weak, (as a narcissist may view it) compassionate lioness. The LIONESS who loves her WOLF so greatly that she would save his life as the expense of her own.
    But would he save her life at the expense of his ? NO.

    A POWER of the Narcissist, is his incredible capacity to stir up the greatest and most positive change within us after we escape.

    The forming of a pearl…

    “In order to protect itself from irritation, the oyster will quickly begin covering the uninvited visitor with layers of nacre — the mineral substance that fashions the mollusk’s shells. Layer upon layer of nacre, also known as mother-of-pearl, coat the grain of sand until the iridescent gem is formed” (google )


    In similar fashion, layer upon layer of being worn down and then learning to protect herself from irritation from the all powerful and influential wolf, she learns (with the knowledge of the perception of a Narcissist ) she learns to protect herself and heal her inner wounds and to become independent and whole and authentic, no longer moulding herself to please others, and then layer upon layer, sparked from his influence, she can develop into a pearl, an even greater version of her true self.

    Only the MOST majestic forces of nature can create the most beautiful of pearls, through persistent irritation, a beautiful gem can be formed.

    The pearl will never be the Ocean, the empowering force that created her, surrounded her, encompassed her every being, thought, ounce of her love and loyalty, passion, happiness, powerlessness…..she was sucked dry……almost…

    The narcissist can make a real mess of us; almost to destruction,and they take no blame. However like spring cleaning a house, a room always get the messiest just before it can become cleaner, more organised and efficient than before. The narcissist has the potential to make us spring clean who we are and become better, more whole and a greater version of ourselves than before we met him. We are all responsible for ourselves.

    The all powerful, quick intellect and charmed wolf, in hindsight, may seem like the codependent/empath lionesses nemesis and greatest irresistible kryptonite, Yin and Yang, believing good prevails, not accepting the truth until almost too late, but he longs for her fuel, the greatest delicious fuel, the one prize he has yet to completely conquer.. She did not realise what she was up against the moment she first let him into her heart in the beginning, cunning, persuasive, switched on, persistence of a champion triathlete and master of manipulation

    ……..until she understands the knowledge that can set her free and sees the immense value of having met a narcissist.

    Hurt always haunts rage, quietly and secretly as it lays buried, wanting to fully manifest. The lioness reacted emotionally to the wolf because she had not learned to fully SELF FUEL and meet her own emotional needs, she gave that power over to the wolf, the almighty wolf had become her subconscious parental figure, until she can mature. The more she lost that love of her parent as a child, the more glorious fuel she gave that wolf, until she can mature.

    The lioness is not strong like a Wolf, not yet..nor could she ever come close to being that strong in the way he is, she is vulnerable, feels what other people feels, doesn’t have his callous capacities, and if she does the guilt gets to her. Nor does the Lioness yet see her own importance like the Wolf does, even if she is independent, or presents herself as society expects, she has yet to learn to value her own beauty. BUT that is the gift of the Narcissist. And the power of vulnerability.

    He can make her strong on the inside with loving boundaries and then able, for the first time to eventually, with that inner strength and lessons gained from the experience of THE WOLF, finally learn to open her full vulnerability to others….

    THE WOLF is the key that unlocks the door to a LIONESS being able to LET IN LOVE with a strong core. Before hand she was a weakling, an emotional reactive kitten.

    The WOLF turns her around, attaches, twists, turns her on, off, up, down like a violent washing machine of energy that can feel almost impossible to get out of, a Loyal lioness is SO LOYAL to LOVE…to that Wolf…..

    ….She used to be SOFT and WEAK on the INSIDE and HARD on the OUTSIDE…. but he irritated her into becoming STRONGER on the Inside and SOFT on the outside…and discovers what it means to have LOYALTY unto HERSELF.

    This process allows her to blossom into being soft and feminine after healing her “Daddy Issues” that used to keep her Hard and Weak.

    THE WOLF is the catalyst to growing her into a pearl. She will never be a WOLF, or capable of his gifts….

    But as soon as she understands his opposite perception, she can find the solution to creating her own wholeness and embrace her own gifts.

    A WHOLENESS that could not occur if not for meeting the WOLF.

    As the lioness walks away; towards becoming authentic and finally, leaving the Wolf abandoned and searching for alternative fuel …… who was the real prey, victim, winner or loser ?

    The Wolf or the Lioness ?

    Both of whom, in the haunted chambers of their own hearts had blamed their parent for not loving them as they so rightly deserved, the real pain locked away within.
    The buried disowned rage inside the codependent/empath, and the buried disowned hurt within the narcissist. One stuck in hurt, the other stuck in fury.

    Both drawn together with the potential opportunity to become more whole by self-fuelling their own emotional needs for love and self loyalty

    As an empath, learning the truth of Narcissist Perception; is the most empowering tool for liberty, especially in hindsight,we can allow the experience with an ALMIGHTY Wolf, however painful, passionate, intense, hopeful, heart-wrenching or soul sucking the experience was, even if it brought us to almost jumping off a bridge, no matter how long it went on, meeting an Almighty WOLF can free and transform us into a mighty lioness, the authentic self we were born to be all along..

    (..or we can allow the experience to keep us stuck in the pain we felt growing up in regards to the parent we ALSO never had, it is our choice…)

    Our emotional reactions towards a narcissist are based upon false beliefs and woundings at the core of our being….and the Wolf is the Divine Master of reaching the core of our being, digging his sneaky claws and paws in there and ripping it to shreds as he lays on his back in the sun basking in the glory licking his lips, because we assume others love the way we do, we assume the Wolf has the loyalty of a Lioness..we assume the Wolf has our gifts, until we start to lose our gifts TO him.

    But we can never lose our loyalty

    THE TRUTH ….SETS US FREE…AND SO CAN being ensnared by a WOLF, when we walk away, pick up the pieces and accept him as he is.


    THANK YOU for the INSPIRATION and YOUR TIME IN READING this novella 😀

    I’d sort through and shorten this reply, but its epic length looks like daunting task haha, a reader deserves an award for concentration. 😀

    Much RESPECT for the work you do . H G. 😀

    Kind regards

  32. Susan says:

    All I can say is Wow, that poem is absolutely phenomenal!!

    My brother plays the piano. He has all his life. He’s very good but not a professional. Over the years when he’s played for people, ALL of them comment on how beautifully he plays, which he does. I thought about it a few years back, “What makes it sooo good?” “Why can he play the same song as some one else but it sounds so much more beautiful?” And I realized that his feelings go through his hands onto the keys.. All of his passion, pain, happiness, joy, sorrow resonate through out the room as he plays… and people feel it.

    That’s what I see in your writings HG…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Susan. An interesting interpretation you offer there, thank you for sharing that.

      1. Susan says:

        You’re more than welcome kind sir! (I said that with an English accent in case you didn’t hear it) hehe!

  33. Twilight says:

    HG do you mind if I share this?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Only with appropriate credit.

      1. Twilght says:

        Always HG thank you, I just feel I need to ask before sharing off line.

  34. Twilight says:

    Interesting are you sifting through the emotions of who your with durning these times?

    He always wanted to know what I was thinking about, why I always got this far away look

  35. Exhausted says:

    My N had mama issues too. Only picks women with long dark hair like hers. Sick sick world

  36. Ollie says:

    I read this a few times and it’s really beautifully written, so painful and sad, yet so honest and touching. I’m sorry your mother did this to you. What happened at the oak if i may ask?

  37. Ollie says:

    So sad…😔

  38. Fool me 1 time says:

    This one always starts the tears flowing! Bittersweet it is, beautiful and sad combined, will know one ever win? My heart screams out for that small lad and the past that he has had, and also for the victims of this very frightened man! Xxx

  39. And right after the last 2 lines…que the most appropriate advertisement for the Genealogy site “My Heritage…great black and white shot of a beautiful new mother holding her beautiful male child.

    Every so often the advertisements match up with your articles…coincidental icing on the cake so to speak. I always feel them as double whammy’s.

    Anyone else see these or as usual…just “my” luck 😉

    In my humble opinion,this Poem is the best one so far HG.
    Great flow…great insight…great summary…great impact.
    Yours Truly

    1. I’m using narcs computer. I am female, it keeps showing me impotence ads, and Asian dating sites. he’s been dead a year. Google is persistent. I’d rather see ads for chocolate or B.O.B.s

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        I know what you mean. I’m not on FB, but several years ago I kept getting so much hassle from family that I told them, I was opposed to it but I’d let my dog open a FB account and they could send things to his. In his profile I said he was a 42 year old, single Canadian man originally from France. Whenever I looked at his page, it was always covered in ads for male enhancement, impotency remedies and hookups with French-speaking women. It was very obnoxious and irritating at the assumptions they made about my dog. Didn’t seem to bother him any though. 😄

  40. Even I’ll shed a tear for you HG – and I don’t know how to.

  41. Twilight says:

    HG saying I am sorry isn’t enough, saying I understand is making light of what happened. This is one of the most painful things ever.
    If I could change or take things away I would.

    HG have you ever watched the sky at twilight?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have.

      1. Twilight says:

        May I ask do you “reflect” on things Or are there specific things you think about durning this time?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not especially, I may do it alongside someone on a veranda as we talk.

    I don’t understand?!!! Obviously if you wrote that you understand what you’re doing. The depth and breadth of the forlorness. Why do you want this for someone else???? Why????? Please explain this to me. PLEASE!!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because I do not care.

      1. Ollie says:

        I think you do, you do care. You with your intelligence, you with all these qualities and talents, you who writes all these articles… you do care…

      2. Twilight says:

        If you cared this would be considered a weakness in your eyes, correct?
        You were taught never to be weak.

        1. HG Tudor says:


      3. Cheyenne Blackendorf says:

        I think you do it ( you and your kind) because you are wanting someone else (target) to ache with that same horrid black tormentuous dejecting that was put upon you so long ago. You need it on others for it is too much for only one to bear?
        Well i am so deeply sorry that was put upon you, it makes me so grievous and dizzy.
        U have to wall that ache away as much as possible, so you dont feel it anymore but your targets do.?….otherwise, how do you (not you per se ..,because i dont know what u look like…but how can you or narc/sociopath appear so goshdarn normal and beautiful. Ive aged quite a bit since discard three yrs ago, i havent trimmed my hair even once since it and it hasnt gotten even a half inch longer! It was so long gorgeous til he slammed shut me.
        Anyhow, im somehow slooowwwly pushing past it. But i will never forget it. The brutal barren callousness of it all.
        A strange thing i must add Mister HG ….i feel the same air from you as the narc that i knew.
        Ever since i read your first article. ..and im being honest…,such a very similar air ..have others mentioned this same thing to you?? I am just curious

  43. Still Confused says:

    Oh HG…what did they do to you? I am so sorry.

  44. ANK says:


  45. ava101 says:

    Wow! Moving. Reminds me of Blake (songs of experience).
    Maybe you should mourn.

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