The False Exaggeration Of The Victim



We would struggle without those twin helpers of exaggeration and embellishment as we make our mediocre achievements impressive and our decent accomplishments spectacular. Good for all occasions, a healthy and liberal sprinkling of exaggeration makes us far more appealing and alluring. Embellishing what I have done ensures I look far better than you and means that I remain the superior individual. Like salt and pepper at meal times, exaggeration and embellishment are never far from our kind. We make everything bigger, better, bolder, brighter and more brilliant. We love to magnify and multiply in order to convey just how great we are, yet, generous souls that our kind are it would not be fair if we did not allow you an opportunity to be seen to exaggerate and embellish, to make a mountain out of a mole hill and blow things out of proportion. Of course, when we provide this opportunity to you, it has none of the self-aggrandizing effects of our behaviour for ourselves but it used as an opportunity to make you see hysterical, unreliable and someone who is trying to pin the blame on us unfairly. We use exaggeration to inflate what we are but also as a means of attacking you. Here are twenty examples of using exaggeration and embellishment to undermine you.

  1. You are hypersensitive
  2. You are over-thinking what has happened
  3. You read too much into what I say
  4. You are paranoid
  5. You are seeing things which are not there
  6. You are making that up
  7. You have to be melodramatic don’t you?
  8. You aren’t that ill really.
  9. You are over-reacting.
  10. You are making a fuss over nothing.
  11. You have lost your sense of perspective.
  12. You take things too far at times
  13. You are going over the top with this now
  14. You press the panic button too soon
  15. You are making something out of nothing
  16. You are responding in a disproportionate manner
  17. You are getting over excited about this
  18. You are losing your sense of proportion
  19. You are putting two and two together and making eight
  20. You are jumping to conclusions


When you hear these comments being made by us, you should become aware that we are using such a comment to deflect what you are saying by trying to trivialise it by suggesting you are exaggerating its effect or importance. The use of phrases such as these are stock tells by us that you have landed a blow against us and we need to reduce its impact promptly. The easiest way to do this is to not only diminish the import of what you have said but then to make you question your own behaviour by making the conversation about you, rather than us. This will also provoke you by frustrating you. You are being denied the opportunity to advance your agenda and this will increase your emotional response. This not only gives us fuel, it also means that you lose sight of your point as you are derailed by conducting the discussion in a logical fashion as you are pushed by us into the territory of emotion. Once emotion has taken hold of your thinking we are far abler to exploit this to our advantage. Recognise these comments and understand their significance when you are engaging with our kind so you are able to withdraw from or neutralise their effect.

8 thoughts on “The False Exaggeration Of The Victim

  1. All out of Fuel says:

    #2, #3, #4, #9 and #20. But good grief #3. Word for word with #3 with even more of a defensive spin. He would often say, “You read too much into what I say VS. what I actually do.” And then “And I know I can be contradictory at times so you do not need to point that out”. All said so politely too.

    In regard to #16 “responding in a disproportionate manner”, I was told “the way you feel about me is disproportionate to the way I feel about you”. You guys seem to enjoy that word as much as the word “utterly”.

    Now that I am thinking back to hearing these things I see now that he often treated me like a child with some of the other stuff he said every time I tried to make a point about something.

    “You need to cool your jets. If you calm down I will call you later to talk about this, okay?”
    “Breathe, child. Just…breathe.”
    “Relax darling girl”

    Yes he used terms like “child” and “darling”. (EYE ROLL)

  2. Insatiable Learner says:

    HG, why is it that when the narc talked about his new IPPS he said she was not jealous unlike his ex-IPPS he had just disengaged from at that time but after a while, he described how this new IPPS feels insecure in the relationship while he is trying to be supportive and reassuring? I always wanted to say how is this different? In his mind for some reason, the same insecurity in the old “evil” IPPS is regarded as jealousy but in the new one, this is insecurity he seems to understand and is trying to reassure her there is no reason for it. Why is this, HG?

  3. H. says:

    Don’t forget the line:

    “You are jealous and insecure”

    Which I heard repeatedly when I would nail him dead to rights cultivating multiple secondary sources…

    1. Julie says:

      SO many times I was told that I was jealous and insecure. “Your insecurity is killing you. You need to figure out how to maturely and rationally deal with it.”

      He just kept going on about how I needed to push through the societal boundaries of sexuality and social construct. I don’t think there’s a number high enough for how many times he said that to me.

      1. Brian says:

        But if you were to do anything to him that he was doing…he would suddenly become a staunch conservative who believes in family values and loyalty ^_^

      2. H. says:

        Always his answer when he was caught cheating I assume.

  4. Mb says:

    Verily HG. Thank you , I’ve heard most of these and continue to. Also he uses these to smear me and undermine my point of view and invalidate it to others.

  5. Empress1 says:

    When they are hoovering, or tying to ‘heal’ over what you have said or done- DO NOT ANSWER their calls! Let them stew, let them phone, let them feel the pain, let them ‘overthink’, let them be paranoid, let them panic! Let them go through the list above, do not answer, do not return the calls. You can now sit and smile- YOU have indeed hit a button and you do not need to keep pushing it– they will keep pushing the button all by themselves!
    Smile, for now you are on top and they are miserable.
    MIne still has no idea what is coming!
    So I smile!

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