Sins of the Empath : Honesty


The sins of the empath. These are the traits which are inherent to those who are of an empathic nature. You possess these traits; this is why you were picked by us. You may wonder why they are regarded as a sin? This is because in our view we consider them to be sins as we do not possess these traits. These traits are regarded, in your world, as laudable traits to have. These traits however make you vulnerable to us. They cause us to be attracted to you in the first instance and the existence of these characteristics means that they are ripe to to be exploited by us. These traits are good traits to have but because of us they become polluted, desecrated and exploited.

You cannot lose these traits. They are as much a part of you as your skin tone and eye colour. They define who you are. You may, unusually, try to rid yourself of them but you cannot. It would be like trying to rip out your own heart and still live. These traits are infused within you. For the most part you will be pleased you possess these characteristics, thankful that they assist you and define you, separate you from being one of us. You ought to be aware however of what these sins are so you know what it is that causes us to home in on you and furthermore how it is that we exploit these sins for our own benefit. With that knowledge you will be able to look to protect the relevant characteristic and ensure it remains intact and is not attacked, shredded or fed upon by us.

The first of these sins is the empathic sin of honesty. James E Faust said of honesty,

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living and truth loving.”

This aptly demonstrates how honesty is at the core of how an empath behaves. You utilise this honesty in everything that you do. It governs how you interact with people, how you speak to people and most of all how you conduct your intimate relationships. I am not suggesting that this empathic trait makes you a saint; you will not be above pocketing the excess change if the cashier hands you back too much money or refraining from telling a friend that the outfit they think is wonderful does not really do them too many favours. Your honesty is tempered with discretion and being circumspect when you identify that a lighter touch is required. You understand when being too honest with another is not appropriate. Nevertheless, honesty is of huge importance to you. You regard it as a fundamental factor of your character to act with honesty, both in terms of those you deal with and especially in respect of yourself. This core of honesty and its repeated application to your every day outlook in life makes it ripe for exploitation by us.

The exploitation commences at the seduction. When you engage with people, you have a tendency to allow your emotions and traits to be seen by all. You do not hide the way you feel. You do not operate from behind a mask (not like others you may know of) nor from behind a curtain. You do not cloud your dealings and operate in a shadowy manner but rather you exhibit who you are from the outset. This is of no consequence when you are dealing with your fellow empaths or even the normals but it becomes especially dangerous when you come into our sights. Not only do we have a heightened ability to sense the traits which matter to us, you aid this because your honesty means that you have all your characteristics on display. Just like a proud shopkeeper displaying his wares in a pristine shop window, you exhibit (but you do not flaunt) your inherent traits for the world to see. This means that your empathic and class traits which are so important to us when we target our victims are out in the open because of your honesty. You have an honest default setting. It is akin to having no privacy settings on your social media so that whoever takes an interest in you can see everything about you, everything that you have ever posted, where you live, where you have been, your photographs and so forth. This default setting is important to us as it makes our task of identifying you so much easier. When you are demonstrating those empathic traits through your honesty, they are highlighted, prominent and readily identifiable. Accordingly, if you keep wondering why you always seem to attract our kind, it is because your honesty is causing you to stand out to us.

Your honesty means that you engage with people without an agenda, without suspicion and providing them with the benefit of the doubt. This honesty of approach means that you fail to see those red flags which are fluttering during the seduction and that you fail to hear the blaring klaxons and see the flashing red lights which signal that something is amiss. You operate in an honest way and this causes your thinking to be framed so that you expect and assume that the person you are dealing with is honest towards you. This honesty takes you into the territory of gullibility. Add to this that we are of course not being truthful with you in the way we engage during the seduction and you have little chance of avoiding what we are doing; seducing you and doing so effectively.

The inherent honesty which you possess also means that you tell us how you feel and you will do so early in our interactions with you. Since we are engaged in love-bombing you at the outset it is nearly impossible to resist telling us how wonderful it feels and that you have fallen in love with us. Your early declarations in this regard are wanted and expected. Hearing this allows us, along with seeing the relevant indicators, to know that our seduction is proving successful and that you are being embedded. Gaining such knowledge is important for us in terms of ensuring that we have the level of fuel that we want but also in terms of allowing us to bind you closer to us, for instance by asking to borrow money or by moving in together. Your honesty results in your telling us what you are thinking and feeling, which in turn gives us the green lights we require.

Your honesty makes you transparent. You cannot hide anything from us and most importantly of all, you are unable to hide your feelings from us. Thus you will always struggle to hide you joy, your delight, your ecstasy, your pain, your tears, your annoyance and your agony from us. This emotional honesty is fundamental to why we engage with you. This means that the fuel you provide to us is purer that any which might come from another source. Yes, the “normals” will provide us with fuel through being happy to see us, through praising us or annoyed at being messed around by us. Even our own kind will provide fuel to another member of the brethren through exhibiting jealousy, annoyance or anger, but in both these cases there is an absence of emotional honesty which is prevalent with you as an empath. Your emotional honesty creates a fuel which is pure, free from toxins, devoid of pollutants. It is not masked, it has not been shrouded or clouded in some way, as is the case with normals and most certainly with our kind.

By being emotionally honest you ensure that your fuel is the best of all types and naturally this is why we are drawn to you, sink our teeth into you and start to drain you of all that sparkling and pure fuel.

Your honesty makes you a target to begin with, it makes you an easier target to latch onto and the reward of this pure fuel means we want to keep hold of you and keep returning to you to feed on it.

The matter does not of course end there. Your empathic sin of honesty generates further problems for you once the devaluation commences. We are dishonest. We are habitual liars, practitioners of deceit and operate through a skewed lens of fraudulent intent. When we engage in these dishonest practices it mortally offends your innate honesty with the consequence that you respond by providing yet more fuel. This offence to your honesty combined with your honesty drives you to want to make us see the lies that we so readily allow to fall from our deceitful mouths, to have us address our mendacity and recognise what we do. This only serves to bind you to us further.

The honesty you have with your self also means that you have a capacity to be introspective and the consequence of this is that you regularly self-flagellate by blaming yourself when you can find no other answer to our behaviour. The narcissistic perspective and our toxic logic, which are invariably a mystery to our victims means that you fail to understand why we do and say as we do. Your honesty causes you to look inwards and you blame yourself. This fulfils our desire to remain unaccountable and increases the weight of the burden of our engagement with you, upon you. Your honesty causes you to accept blame either where it does not lie with you or in a greater proportion that for which you are culpable.

Your honesty of dealings also prevents you often of speaking of the devaluing abuses outside of your relationship with us. At first, that may seem a contradiction, but you would feel dishonest if you spoke about them to others without informing us first of your intention to do so. You, by this stage, have learned that it is a safer course of action to suffer in silence rather than speak out to us and in turn you will not speak of what is happening to others, not until the pressure has become too great or more likely once you have been discarded by us.

The enduring love you experience for us, or more accurately, your addiction as a consequence of our infecting you, means that when those hoovers come post escape or discard, you are unable to shroud or hide how you truly feel and once more you light up like the brightest beacon. You signal to us that your love (addiction) remains and thus there is yet more fuel to gather and that you are so susceptible to our machinations to pull you back into our grasp once again, be that to extract fuel or to commence the Formal Relationship once again.

We know you are honest. It shines from you and we identify it from the way you conduct yourself and what you say when we target you at the outset. Not only is the identification of this trait confirmation that you possess one of the many traits that we look for, it also confirms that certain actions will succeed and certain responses will take place.

It is often stated that honesty is the best policy. It is certainly a policy that we endorse. It is one of the empath’s sins and with it comes the attention, exploitation and manipulation of our kind.



18 thoughts on “Sins of the Empath : Honesty”

  1. So… Is the narcissist jealous of these traits? is that why there is so much contempt surrounding them? Or is it just purely that you feel more in control when they are present and you find empaths easier to abuse?

    I personally think the underline issue is the jealousy. We may be “easier” to abuse, but we possess what you never can.

  2. I’ve been meaning to ask hg do your good doctors as you call them ever visit or read things on this website

  3. What is described here still sounds to me more like honesty to the point of gullibility/ credulity, although in good faith. For example, honesty and acceptance of change, which I wasn’t owed doesn’t sound like the same concept to my internal value system.

    I’m an empath blessed/ cursed (depends on the day) with analytical thinking, which was proposed as a countermeasure to excessive gullibility, and if trained well, I believe could greatly help those prone to meeting abusive people. It influences my empathy as well – when I feel the pull to reach out with help or whatever, I often check myself if I feel made to do it or if I feel like doing it because I’d like to.

    It took me some years and challenging experiences to figure out but once I started educating myself, I could put more puzzles together.

    And I owe it in a big part to some Narcs. With HG the newest “SN Hall of Fame” inductee. (Um, that is not sarcasm, but my honest appreciation dressed in camo uniform)

    Also, I give that change back. Honesty is the best policy, while gratitude the best currency (for me).

  4. Thank you, HG! So you care about our feelings only to the extent they affect you (fuel) but not the way our feelings affect us. For example, if a narc upset an appliance, he does not care this appliance is upset, but he cares that he made the appliance upset as it gives him fuel.

      1. Thank you, HG. What an alien way of thinking! I can never not care about people’s feelings even if not caring would benefit me. People’s feelings are always a big factor and are always considered.

  5. HG, you wrote elsewhere your kind see people as objects. Could you please confirm whether my understanding is correct: your kind do not feel connection with other people, do not care about other people’s feelings, and all engagements and interactions with people are only to secure the prime aims and this is true even if the narc states to the contrary that he cares about someone’s feelings and that he seeks connection?

    1. Correct save that we “care” about your feelings in so much as we require them to be directed towards us as this is fuel.

  6. I knew that he was not always honest. I believed him when he said “he wanted to be loved” but his actions contradicted his words.

    But my core values believed (not anymore) that underneath all the “baggage”, people fundamentally are good,

    Boy did I get a wake up call.

    I don’t trust nobody now. I am not longer gullible.

    I think I lost my innocence and my light.

    1. H. I felt the same way. The “wake up call” is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to wrap my head around. I still struggle with it. I think there is definitely a loss of innocence. But as long as there are people like this walking around, isn’t it better to understand and accept the reality that some people are simply not worth your time, empathy, energy, concern, love, etc.? I see people more clearly now, rather than projecting my own values onto them because I expect everyone to be like me. I’m still recovering from what I went through, but I’m slowly building back my trust in my own instincts, which was completely obliterated. That, to me, is the trust that matters. The trust in myself, in my gut, in the knowledge of who I am, not what someone else says I am.
      Your light is still there. You just have to dig it out from under all of the garbage that was thrown on top of it to try and burn it out. And now it can be used to expose these people for what they really are.

    2. H.
      I feel the same way; like there’s this light in me that’s gone out; I never thought about myself in terms of innocent before, I’ve always known that there’s evil in the world, but when it got so close to me I feel like I’ve lost something fundamental and I’m scared I won’t find that part of me again. I’m at the stage where I mostly grieve the self I lost now; he’s not that important anymore; and I do think the innocence and the joy will resurface again, maybe with a bit more guarded carefulness though. I don’t want to live my life like a suspicious recluse.

      1. LOL…i have my dogs! I am sure we will both walk freely again….I do believe that time heals all things. I am counting on it.

    3. All is not lost. While the N builds a facade in a lonely castle that only exists in his mind, we are equipped with better tools. We can go to that quiet place where everything (while not technicolor pipe-dreams the N let us see) is peaceful, beautiful, and real. We can go there and start using our blunt tools that we’ve always had to rebuild what’s been broken inside us. Our tools may not be shiny, but they are reliable.

      One exercise I’ve used is by examining the things he said that hurt me (or were intended to sting) and if they did hurt me, I think “why did that hurt? What insecurity was already there that he tapped into?” And then slowly learn from that. If I was scared of being labeled a certain way, why? At the end of the day, I remind myself someone else’s idea of me is not who and what I am. I am a survivor and I have all the tools I need to rebuild. Nothing’s lost, it’s just scattered around. It takes effort to pick up the pieces and reform a new structure, but this one will be sturdier, and not in isolation.

      Even if you decide to build a slightly sturdier edifice in your quiet place for the world to see, you are not alone, we are there with you in this quiet place, and we will help each other rebuild. That’s what the N is lacking, because he thinks he can build something perfect without others with stolen shiny tools. It’s simply not self-sustaining. We are.

      1. Thanks…AAK…..I now have an appreciation for the label “mind-fuck”. Day by day, bitty pieces of a better me are developing. I am wrestling with the notion, that someone so corrupt was actually able to dissemble my core happiness. This has nothing to do with him, never in a million years would I want to have anything to do with him again. I am just amazed at the destruction.

      2. Thank AAK….It’s been over a month now. I don’t count days anymore, now I will be counting months. The optimist, who was once me, is peaking through the fog of war. So many nice people here, who have been through the same hell, are making it a bit easier to take it day by day. Thank you.

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