Absorb

absorb

When we seduce you, we want to absorb you. We want to make you part of us. This is because we see you as an extension of ourselves but it is also because we want to ensure that you are isolated and cut-off from any potential threats to our grand design for you. It is also because we want you exposed to those who will only increase and magnify our charm, our magnetism and our attraction. This means we need to expose you to and integrate you within our own networks. Accordingly, where we are the type of narcissist that has a significant social circle and family connections, you will be thrust into their midst very quickly when the seduction has begun. It is akin to taking hold of you, hanging you over a vat of liquid which represents all of our supporters, admirers and adorers and dunking you straight into it ensuring you are wholly covered, utterly subsumed and completely covered. You will be paraded around these various sources of ours in order to extract fuel from their admiration at our latest conquest. Our smearing of your predecessor will mean that that person is rarely mentioned and if they are it will be in terms which are disparaging about them and complimentary about us. That is how our coterie and lieutenants have been conditioned to respond for the purposes of maintaining our glorious appearance. We will draw fuel from all of their complimentary remarks and furthermore we will be able to gather fuel from your delighted reaction at being presented as such a wonderful and perfect person. It amounts to a fuel fest for us. This integration with those who worship us and promote our agenda is a crucial part of how we embed you into our world. You are made to feel special and wanted, liked and involved as you find yourself invited to a family dinner, a christening, a wedding, nights out with our friends, drinks with other friends, an afternoon coffee and so on. So many ways to plug you into our world by using the all obliging members of our façade. This absorption convinces you that we are the real deal. Who in in their right mind would stand against such conviction from so many people? Nobody of course and that is how our magic is woven. You feel so fortunate. Not only have you met the partner of your dreams but our family are so welcoming and friendly, and our friends are delightful. Nobody has a bad word to say about us. Little do you realise that this is almost like a television programme with actors playing the parts of family and friends and the wonderful places and events that we take to you are just scenery that has been created to give the appearance of reality. If you were able to look behind the scenes then you would see one-dimensional cardboard cut-outs, masking tape and spray paint. You will not notice though. We do not allow you sufficient time to take everything in. You are whisked from one thing to another, festooned with compliments, spun around, whirled about and not given any opportunity to consider, reflect or scrutinise. Everything is moving, shining and sparkling in order to distract you. Oh those klaxons are blaring but you cannot hear them for the honey being poured in your mouth. The red flags are flying but there is so much glitter being thrown about by us, so much fairy dust hanging in the air that you are unable to see those scarlet warnings.

We want to draw you into us through ensuring that you are utterly immersed in our supportive and obliging networks. This also means that if you happen to have some kind of concern, perhaps a slight inkling that something is not quite right and you ask one of the many people you have been introduced to, you will receive the party line in response in order to assuage your concern. This absorbing into our world, our band of merry supporters provides you with no chance to resist. Whereas in your past you may have found the mother-in-law to be distant or a brother unwelcoming, friends jealous that their friend now has a new distraction and so forth, all of those potential problems do not exist with us. This is because the few that might know what we are, the handful which may identify that there is something wrong with us even though they may not know exactly what we are, will have been side-lined. They are not allowed to point out that the beautiful world that we have created is one of smoke and mirrors. Their dissenting voices have been silenced, their pointing fingers cut off and they have been bundled away. If you ever ask about them we will either ignore your question or advance an entirely plausible reason why we no longer have anything to do with our brother. As you will recognise by now, it will all be his fault.

You are to be subsumed not only into our identity as we swallow you up to form part of us, a functioning and reliable appliance pumping fuel our way, but you are also woven into the tapestry that is our illusion. Each introduction, each party, each greeting, each pleasant afternoon getting to know members of our coterie is but a further needle stroke as we pass the thread over you and enmesh you into our illusion. Tighter and tighter the thread becomes until you are a complete part of it. Of course, should you eventually realise that you have been woven into a fabrication, the thread will be so tight about you, so complete and so covering that escape is nigh on impossible without the assistance of someone else who is able to cut you free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Absorb”

  1. Essentially yes, that is what it came to, leading up to the end of the formal relationship.
    What I can’t understand is how it got that far…knowing what I know now…that the fuel is everything…shouldn’t his own sense of self-preservation kicked in sooner?

  2. What about the direct opposite?

    Where the narc lets himself and his primary source be ever more isolated. And he never had any obvious fuel matrix: no social circle, no family ties, no dedicated work environment?
    Why risk so much? He must have felt certain in his choice of empath or he had another plan…(having sources through the internet cannot be enough fuel, right?)

    1. Do you mean where the narcissist has essentially only the IPPS in his fuel matrix and he and the IPPS do not really bother with anybody else?

  3. Another great article HG!
    Cardboard and masking tape. Ha.! Spot on.
    My greater Narc did not use flash, money and social events like you. He spun entitlement not needing people in our lives. He would not let me talk to his neighbors. It was none of anyones business what he was doing, or mine to know or care, what they are doing..
    Only his few closest choice followers were allowed to confirm to me his greatness.
    I was impressed. Like a fool.

  4. You didn’t know me, it was only just a mirage, mirage .
    Eyes must be wide shut

    Now I understand this better than ever .

  5. This is it exactly! I was invited into the lifestyle; the entitled status, events, parties, friendships, extravagant gifts and travel. And yes I was introduced into his inner circle exactly like this.

    In time, I began to see that much of the generosity was about packaging me to his liking. The illusions, perception of other elites and being a package deal.

    My greater x showered me beyond anything I ever imagined. I just didn’t know that it was a golden shower followed by an epic discard and a totally fictitious smear campaign that I can only imagine. After all, he has already embedded my replacement. He has to be saying something malicious because most of his friends really liked me.

    His new victim is going thru divorce, 24 years younger, without career or financial means and kids at home. The perfect profile.

    During the most difficult moments I remember wondering if I was not strong enough or too strong. I now have my answer

    Another powerful acknowledgement. Thank you HG

    1. ISTU
      Wow…you know it is so hard to comprehend how they can go to so much trouble and shower you with so many good things….just to turn around and discard you. I just don’t get it!

      HG
      Also while I was reading the end of your article here about being woven in and so tightly you can get out unless someone else can cut you out. That made me almost feel claustrophobic just reading that. What a process they go through and so much effort. I don’t know it just doesn’t make sense to me. Why put so much effort into winning someone’s heart and possible soul….just to discard them. It’s so wrong HG….! So wrong for you to do that to people. Can’t you or the greater narcissist even try to stop yourself from this behavior? Can’t you try to change? Have you ever tried to change HG? Just curious.

  6. “We want to draw you into us through ensuring that you are utterly immersed in our supportive and obliging networks. This also means that if you happen to have some kind of concern, perhaps a slight inkling that something is not quite right and you ask one of the many people you have been introduced to, you will receive the party line in response in order to assuage your concern.”

    I don’t think this behavior is reserved to narcissistic friendships. For the most part, people do not want to get involved in another person’s relationship. So if a significant other asks a person’s friend for information it’s commonplace for the friend to lie or say something to placate the situation. Most people expect you to figure your partner out on your own.

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