LoveSex Addiction

lovesex

In many instances there is often the lament following discard (and even escape) that although your experience with our kind was horrendous beyond measure the sex was out of this world. You miss the sex to an incredible degree. The sex was mind-blowing, intense, hugely satisfying and unlike anything else you have known. Now I know this is not always the case, there are some of our kind who are not interested in sex and some who are useless at it and in those instances you have more than likely been ensnared by a Victim Narcissist. That is not the topic of discussion today. Today we focus on those of our kind who are the sexual Olympian who thrilled and delighted you between the sheets (and plenty of other places too). One of the reasons our kind uses sex as a weapon is because of the addictive quality that we create around the sexual experience you have with us. Why is sex with us so addictive? There are actually several reasons, but the one I wish to focus on today is the concept of LoveSex. This is the link between Love and Sex.

We do not dissuade you from making such a link. In fact we positively encourage you to do this. The way that we seduce you and the way that we love bomb you is designed to inject love into sex so that they effectively become indistinguishable from one another. We are fully aware that irrespective of how self-sufficient you may like to think that you are, how independently you might lead your life, you still have that desire for the white knight. Again, this relates to the way that you have been conditioned by society to regard love and romance. We know about this and exploit this. An honest examination of your thoughts and feelings will result in your admitting that at least on one occasion you have wanted that dashing knight to come riding in on his charger, sweep you in his arms and then take you through to the bedroom where he makes tender and delicious love to you. You have been conditioned to expect to be treated like a princess and we do this when we place you on that pedestal during our love bombing of you. Sex is no different. You want to be taken care of in the bedroom, loved and made to feel special. By providing all of this when we have sex with you then we are blurring the lines between sex and love, binding the two together. Since we are so magnificent in our delivery of delicious and rewarding sex then this entwined sex and love causes you to feel a very special kind of love, better than anything else you have experienced before. We apply all of the loving techniques when we have sex with you. The tender, romantic, slow and caring way we caress and hold you before easing into you all accords with this almost dream-like perception of how sex should be. We do however go further than this traditional model of the handsome prince making sweet, delicate love to his beautiful princess. When we suddenly take you from behind, hitch up your skirt and bend you over a worktop or the back of the settee and have vigorous sex with you we will look to ensure that this type of sex is entwined with love. How do we do this? With words of course. Words come easily to us and are cheap to use. So as we are hammering away and you are admittedly enjoying this spontaneous and energetic sex we will be telling you things such as:-

“I just had to have you. You were stood there and I was overwhelmed with love for you.”

“I love you so much I needed to have you there and then.”

“You do something to me that makes me almost lose control. That is how much I love you.”

“I am so in love with you I just needed to be inside you.”

“You make me crazy in love, I cannot help myself.”

We reinforce this urgent sex with being linked to just how powerful and amazing our love is. The sex itself feels fantastic and when you hear those magical words being said to you from behind the two are melded together. The sex could not be regarded as romantic but that does not matter. Such rampant desire for you to be taken in this manner can only be a symptom of our love for you. This reinforcement will happen over and over again. From the obvious slow, tender love-making through to the quick knee-trembler on a table through to you fellating us in a parked car, we will cause you to associate all of these sexual acts as being manifestations of our truly remarkable love. Eventually, the word sex becomes eroded and every time we do something which is sexual in nature it is seen as love. Everything we do together in the sexual arena is born of love, is because of love and is a manifestation of love.

You are unable to resist this blurring of the boundaries between love and sex. You are not able to prevent sex actually subsuming the notion of love and cloaking itself in the name of love. This lack of resistance happens for two reasons. Firstly, the nature of our sexual couplings with you is so intense and enjoyable you want them and you want them repeatedly. Secondly, aside from the use of sex as a weapon, during the seduction stage you are being love bombed on lots of different fronts. We are saying beautiful things to you, writing you poems and love letters, buying you gifts, taking you to special places, looking after you when you feel ill, introducing you to our friends and so on. This onslaught of loving behaviour magnifies what we are doing on the sexual side. You are surrounded by loving behaviour so that it permeates into everything that we do with you, including sex. Accordingly, over time sex and love become bound up together. The great sex we provide to you translates as the marvellous love that we have for you. Sex is love, love is sex and it feels amazing causing you to become addicted to the sensation. We create lovesex and it is a powerful way of creating an addiction in you.

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15 thoughts on “LoveSex Addiction”

  1. The sex was always great – with the little blue pill. Otherwise he couldn’t get it up. But as per your blog – I always enjoyed it as I felt desired and loved. (All in my head).
    During a major hoovering moment (the last time I’ll ever see him) he kissed me passionately – used all the moves. But it just felt like a big fake act to me then – he’d mistreated me so much I knew he didn’t love me and it was all a show. It became so so obvious in the moment.
    I left him on my driveway. I could tell he was puzzled that I didn’t invite him in – he thought for sure (as I had in the past) that I’d fall for that again.

  2. Yes this one is so true! The first time we made love I thought he was the most loving, considerate man. Maybe I’m silly but I’ve never felt used or exploited because I’ve always wanted him just as much.

  3. HG,
    This article is spot on! For the first time, I experienced everything you just wrote and I felt love in exactly how you described.
    Question: When the devaluation begins, even though they might not be sleeping with anyone else for awhile, are they actively looking for my replacement?
    Thank you.

      1. “Then that can only be your fault! Some narcissists suffer from retarded ejaculation issues”

        Some suffer from both.

      2. Wow yes the first time we had sex he became soft and tried to act like he was TURNED OFF ….I made a comment let’s be real here I never had a problem getting a d#$%= hard you must have the issues …i then noticed it would get hard then just go soft so I asked him what was wrong with him …lol he probably hates me…lol

  4. Sex is amazing only until they have secured your submission. The moment he convinced me to move in with him it all changed. Sex became sporadic and boring. The reality is they don’t enjoy it – they just use It during the seduction phase to draw fuel/ to ensnare you

  5. Does this apply to cerebral narcissists as well? My ex-narc was the worst lover I’ve ever had. He is a mid range who has used prostitutes and picked up women who he has had sex with through dating sites and because of his interest in extra marital sex I always assumed him to be an elite and not just cerebral (he is also something of an intellectual and cultural snob). But the fact that he was so crappy in bed (yes, even initially although the sex was frequent) makes me wonder if I’ve got him classified wrong.

  6. Funny I was thinking today of an article I had sent to my Narc from Robert Weiss on Intimacy Avoidance. My Narc used to say he loved sex but found that my need for intimacy was unbearable and he could not stand it. It was too intense for him. When he read the article he said .” Wow this is me… ” I found there are a lot in common with Sex and Love addiction behavior- Addictive behaviors with Sex for the Narcissist and Love addiction behaviors from the co-dependant. I have wondered lately the prevalence of Sex Addicts who are Narcissist, Sex addicts also use people as objects to satisfy their needs and do not see the partner as a person but as a mean to avoid the pain. Very interesting HG and you kindda read my mind.

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