Whore

 

Tell me, what is it like to be such a whore? How does it feel? Are you proud of yourself? Are you pleased with what you have become? Are your parents proud of what their son or daughter has done with their life, to become this thing that prostitutes itself so regularly and with no sense of shame? If only they knew eh? If only they knew the lengths, you go to in order to get what you want. It must be a shallow existence don’t you think? Knowing that nobody truly likes you, that all of the love, affection, friendship, kindness and gratitude has to be bought and paid for. What an empty life that must be? I know you are very good at it. I will give you that. You are a professional when it comes to performing this role. I must admit that I sometimes watch with a strange kind of, well, I suppose it is respect isn’t it? Yes, respect for the way that you work your role. You know what to say don’t you? Those words come easy to you but they should because you have used them often enough on other people. You are a serial offender if the truth be told and that is why the epitaph of whore is so fitting. You know just what to say to get what you want. You know when to say it, what to say and how to say it, just like a hooker parading her wares in a window in Amsterdam. You have worked out your best side, your most beguiling stance and you have them come flocking, every time. I am impressed by it; I have to say. You make it seem so real. You fooled me, there was no doubt about it. You have used your experience and you are experienced, to heighten the sensation so it is better than anything else. It is probably better than the real thing. I know you are just going through the motions but I am wise to you, I would be a fool if I was not, but there are countless of them out there who will fall for it time and time again. You won’t be going out of business, not at all. You will have a steady stream of those willing to have sugar poured in their ear, hear those honey-coated words tumble from those oh so inviting lips. And the promises, oh the promises. So difficult to resist, so inviting, so exciting. They clamour for your attention in the end. I find it odd in a way because you are selling yourself but you don’t actually have to sell yourself do you? They come to you. They flock in their droves, lured by your siren call and you always deliver. You always give them exactly what they want. You did that with me. You knew what I wanted and you provided it for me, in spades. It was sensational and you got me hooked so I didn’t want it from anyone else. That is pretty powerful.

I wish I knew how it felt though. How does it feel to live like this? How does it feel knowing that everything is a show, a performance and it isn’t real? What is it like being so shallow? Do you even care? Perhaps you don’t, after all you are getting what you want aren’t you? Well we both are actually so we should both be delighted with it, but why is it that I am not? Why is it that I feel used? I thought I was the one who was in control, I thought I was the one who was calling the shots and yet I always seem to surrender that control to you. I thought I was the one who got to play the tune and you danced to it but then it doesn’t always work that way does it? I wish I could work out why that was. You make me feel like you at times, or at least you make me feel how I imagine you feel, cheap, used, dirty, a whore.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. This is all you know isn’t it? This is how you have had to adapt, how you have to ensure you survive by getting people to do what you want, to make them like you, to make them adore you and love you. I wonder how long you will carry on like this? Is this the way it is always going to be? Is this you are consigned to do for the rest of your life, seeking a way through the vagaries of your existence by always doing what the other person wants. You need to please don’t you? That’s how you survive. You exist only through the permission and desires of the others. You may think you wield the power, you may think that pleasure, absolute please, joy, ecstasy and delight are within your gift but you are beholden to provide those things because if you do not then you are nothing. You are nothing. Nothing without me. Nothing at all. I made you who you are, you need me although you will tell me that I need you. Perhaps we need one another? I don’t like to think that is the case because I have to be the one that makes the decisions, pulls the strings and gets what I want. I dictate and you react. That’s the way it is isn’t it?

So, you carry on doing what you do best. Carry on imagining that people really do love you, that people really do like you and that they want to be with you because you are so wonderful and delightful. It is your performance that they want and you had better not forget that. You had better remember that you are beholden to their desires. You dance to the tune and he who pays the piper plays the tune. Everybody pays though don’t they? The payment is what it is all about and you always make sure you get paid. You are never short-changed, ripped off or discounted. You won’t do anything without extracting your payment and you make sure you get full value for your endeavours don’t’ you? Nothing for free. Everybody pays. Nothing because you want to do it or feel you should. It is all about the payment. That is all you want, the payment for yourself.

Whore.

I hate you.

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23 thoughts on “Whore”

  1. One words describes this PROJECTION . I hate you really means I hate me.

    The projection always tells you what the Narc is doing and what he thinks about himself.

    1. I like your observation, Lori!

      I say to this, “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

      Meaning, some day they may learn. Let’s not lose faith in them, as mischievious as they are!

      1. Yo mama so old she remembers when the Dead Sea was still alive.

        My favorite.

      2. HG
        No contest. That wasnt directed specifically at you but rather anyone who would ask that question of someone. But if the shoe fits………

      3. Yo mama such a whore that her vagina is rated 5 stars on Yelp.

  2. Another entry which is scary for how accurate it is. However I wish I knew all this a couple of years ago and feeling so empowered as I do know. He was feeling as confused as I have been feeling! Thank you HG!

  3. He’s called me a dirty whore. Except he’s the ones fucking around with as many women as possible. Last year he actually said of himself ‘I’m just a whore’. Yep you said it mate, YOU are the whore.

  4. What about the narc who told me quite early on, that he had become a whore himself? I instinctively knew what he meant and told him, I know, already, don’t underestimate my powers. But Narcs are whores. They don’t control it all. They whore for attention, fuel and more. I know he fueld for anyone willing to hang out with him, get involved. He had no standards. I remember HG talking about doing perverted sexual things not because they are in to it, but because it gave them fuel if that is what their victim wanted. That’s whore behavior. To have no boundaries, no self-respect, no limits. Quite whorish. The narc HAS to be a pleaser himself. Faking love, faking interest in people he is not really interested in, just to build his coiterie. That’s whorish. He may later switch it, become the controller, but he has to pretend a whole lot just to get the ball rolling with people. The tricks of a narc are usually well hidden at first for many. And if they let it all out right up front, they wouldn’t fare well. So they have to hide it, seduce with false charme and falls love. That’s a whore. 100% whorish. But like many things, in the dynamic, places get traded and soon, its the victim trying to do anything to control her world…. and he ceases to invest. She becomes the whore, begging for this or that while he stands above her in his sadism and denies.

    Its never a static pimp/whore dynamic. Its a dynamic that switches slowly on a victim.

    I once Gooled how to turn a woman into a whore. Pretty sickeningly enough, all of the tactics are out there. Posts on how to do it. Men asking how they can turn a woman. All of it, exactly what a narc does. A woman can be codependent with someone who doesn’t necessarily abuse her and it works for them. And a woman can also be turned into a whore by using techniques and turned to become codependent. But as a pimp, the narc has to use something pleasureable to lure her in. Then the pain/pleasure dynamic starts. Then the pain is slowly withheld and the pain turned up. Then she is dancing and he is no longer offering pleasure. She becomes the rat pressing the lever looking for the rewards that used to come. There is nothing really that special about it. Its human psychology, pure and simple.

  5. Wow-You’ve almost wrote the letter I was planning to send my ex narcissist. not long ago that concept of this letter entered my mind and it is sadly true . And my narcissist is so concerned about her image but her reputation is beginning to precede her! I don’t know if she realizes that -the irony of it . I don’t hate her though I feel sorry for her Lord knows what kind of diseases she’s going to pick up.

  6. This to me is what a codependant relationship is about..payment for each others services. The narcissist is the ultimate controller and the victim is the pleaser. The victim pleases to get the narcissists fake validation and fake love. Its all a performance. The narcissist expects so much more and keeps wanting more until nothings left. They are the ultimate greedy whores bc they have to take from others to feel whole. They are cheap and empty bc they lack dignity and and a sense of self. Their power is flimsy and in the grand scheme of things means nothing and they know it thats why they keep being a whore and stealing from others what they cant get for themselves.
    The victim sells themselves to a fake facade bc they too are missing parts of themself. They whore away their self respect and their boundaries to gain the love they think theyre getting but its all a sham. Its all a cheap performance both play into and in the end theres nothing but even more emptiness.

  7. My husband called me this, drunk, when he learned of our affair. Nevermind I had been faithful until this. I didn’t react. Just took each knifing comment one after another after another.

    But I can’t blame him for his rage or hurt. At first I blamed myself. And then comments made came to my attention, and I realized what had just happened wasn’t normal.

    I was ensnared. Exploited. Plundered. My only safe space, my head, essentially raped.

    I was a whore. Crazy. Selfish. Bitch. This, from the love of my life. But it wasn’t my husband’s fault. He forgave me. Saw in some ways that I was manipulated. But won’t accept the truth.

    Get out. Stay out.

    Burn the memories to the ground.
    Do not try “one more time” and do not allow yourself to be shelved. Do not question your sanity do not mire yourself with “what if.”

    Get out. Stay out.

    I am not a crazy.
    I am not a whore.

    Fuck you.

    1. Ummm…………..
      The person I was addressing can never give me the answer……

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