The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 5

golden 6

I have made it plain that we achieve much of what we do through our insidious, “salami-slicing” techniques. This means that we do and say things which in themselves appear innocuous, that are readily explained away by your prevailing emotional thinking and therefore you are conned into either barely noticing them, failing to react to them or thinking that there is no risk or danger associated with the act.

Let us consider the position whereby you have ascertained that you are entangled with one of our kind. You have experienced the seduction, the devaluation and then we disengaged from you. You have been able to work out that you had a romantic entanglement with a narcissist and now, some time later, the hoovering has begun.

You have started to understand what this person is and you are gaining more knowledge about how this person functions and operates. The experience has certainly had its impact on you.

“There is no way I am going to get into a relationship with him,” you explain defiantly. You mean it. You do not want to go through it a second time.

Such a declaration rejects the ultimate fall – to be sucked back into the Formal Relationship and all that this entails. Only a fool would willingly agree to go back into such an arrangement, yes? So, if the narcissist returns and suggests that you and he become boyfriend and girlfriend again you are ready to reject that aren’t you? That is a clear and present danger.

Some of our kind may indeed make such a suggestion or even demand it – but this is done either out of desperation when there is a fuel crisis or when we know we are pushing on an open door and therefore far more likely to be met with agreement. Sometimes the Formal Relationship has somehow started again without it being stated as such,  it just appears to have happened and this latter state of affairs as somehow you have fallen again without even seeing it happen is testament to how a failure to prevent the small will result in your fall.

Whilst we may sometimes press for the ‘big ticket item’ such as resurrecting the Formal Relationship and sometimes that works, if we do so at the wrong time it is too obvious and therefore your new-found vigilance will spot it and unless emotional thinking has a firm grip on you, you will reject this obvious danger. It is too ‘big’, too evident and is therefore prone to being rejected by the victim.

Instead, the steady slicing we engage in enables your emotional thinking to rise, your resistance to be reduced strip by strip as we make steady and incremental incursions. We do not overrun you in one massive assault (this can happen under different circumstances) but instead this is a sustained invasion where the advances are sufficient to make gains, but are not too grand and obvious to avoid the obscuring nature of emotional thinking and thus alert you.

Our approach of bit by bit, small incursion after small incursion is effective and one small action will, aided and abetted by emotional thinking, lead to another one, only this one is a little larger and then onto another, which is a little larger again and we are moving forward, making our gains and you are not noticing or if you are, you are noticing to such an extent that causes you to do anything about it.

Let us take an example. The narcissist attended at your home and demands to see you. His sense of entitlement, lack of accountability and poor boundary recognition means he walks up to a window and stares at you through it.

As your eyes meet with his, your emotional thinking begins to rise as it senses an opportunity to feed your emotional infection. He stands at the window peering in and gesticulating for you to let him in. You can hear him saying that he needs to talk to you.

You do not want to let him in. That is a step too far.

Logic would tell you – “Close the curtains and put some headphones on so you cannot see or hear him.”

Your emotional thinking does not want that to happen. It wants there to be engagement, so it whispers

“Keep an eye on him, you don’t know what he is going to do out there.”

That sounds sensible. If you close the curtains you will not know what he is doing. If you put the headphones on you cannot hear what he is doing. You need to know – isn’t knowledge power? Emotional thinking dons the cloak and masquerades as logic, as offering a simple suggestion to protect yourself and thus you keep watching him and all the while your emotional thinking is being fed.

He is still standing there and then he paces around outside, moving near your car. What is he doing? He comes back to the window and again demands that you speak to him.

Your emotional infection is being fed, your emotional thinking is increasing and it wants to feed the infection further.

“Tell him to leave you alone, tell him you have had enough of him pestering you,” suggests your emotional thinking. That sounds like a good thing to say doesn’t it? Tell him to leave you alone and you are rejecting him aren’t you? Most likely however you say this angrily or nervously and therefore all you do is provide Challenge Fuel. Furthermore, you are continuing your interaction and thus the emotional thinking continues.

“I just want to talk, please can we talk? If you do not let me in, I will smash your headlights.”

He is threatening you now. Will he do it? He might – you know he has a temper. If he does that, you will need to repair the car and you need it for work tonight at your shift at the hospital and you really do not need the aggravation.

“He isn’t going to go away until he’s spoken to you,” whispers emotional thinking, “and you really could do without the aggravation of a damaged car. You can handle him, just give him five minutes and then make him leave.”

Yes. Five minutes. Avoids the car damage and you will then get him out.

“Okay, okay,” you say, “you can come in but only for five minutes and then you leave, okay?”

The narcissist nods. Your engagement continues.

You open the door and in he comes. He is now next to you. That familiar fragrance washes over you and in an instant takes you back to when you first smelt it in happier (albeit illusory) times. Your logic is crumbling. Your resistance is fading. Your emotional thinking is rising.

The narcissist sits down uninvited. You make to say something but you halt.

“No point making a song and dance about him sitting down, it will only make him stay longer, let him get on with it.” coaxes your emotional thinking. How right it is with such an apparently sensible suggestion.

You remain standing.

“Aren’t you sitting down?” asks the narcissist and he pats the sofa next to him. Just as he always used to do when he wanted to hold you and kiss you.

“No I am fine standing.” you assert.

He gives you those eyes. Oh those eyes, those eyes that showed you the world (reflected as it was) and promised so much, that seemed to show that golden now, that golden future and you do not think you will ever forget the way he looks at you.

Logic is vanishing. Resistance is lowering. Emotional thinking continues to rise.

“Please?” he asks softly.

“Oh, it won’t do any harm, just sit down.” instructs emotional thinking. You do so with a sigh.

He smiles and then begins his monologue. The promises, the apologies, the delicious words that you have so wanted to hear him say. But aren’t they just lies? Aren’t they just more manipulation? (Logic is trying to fight back). But he seems so genuine and what if he does make those changes? What if everything is going to be alright.

“It’s rather warm out there,” the narcissist halts his speech, “would you make me a drink please?”

“It is warm.” says emotional thinking. It adds no further explanation as you nod and head to the kitchen returning with a cold drink.

“Thank you Long Legs,” he smiles using that affectionate nickname he always used with you. You give a short laugh, trying to halt it, not wanting to show it pleases you to hear that name again but it is too late. The signal has been given.

He talks and you realise he has been here twenty minutes. You point this out but he persuades you to grant him a stay of execution. You listen as he continues. He lightly places his hand on yours and you feel that tingle of excitement again. The hour mark passes and he is still here. Two hours. Three hours.

Logic has been sat on and silenced by emotional thinking as the continued engagement causes it to surge. You offer dinner. He accepts. You watch a film together. His arm slides around you. You accept it and smile as you press against him the familiar feelings of delight and safety flooding you.

Logic has been sent to bed with no tea. Emotional thinking is running riot.

“I have brought you tea,” you smile placing the mug on the nightstand next to the bed. He smiles as he turns in your bed, his hand reaching for you and pushing through your dressing gown, seeking more of what occurred during the night.

From standing in the garden to being inside you.

You swore you would never sleep with him again.

Bit by bit the supposed harmless interactions in isolation allowed your resistance to falter, your logic to diminish and your emotional thinking to increase, surge and eventually govern you.

Each tiny interaction, because it was not halted. Because you did not close the curtains, Because you did not put the headphones on. Because you did not keep the door shut. Because you did not keep to five minutes. Because you let him sit down and so on and so forth this all led to your emotional thinking building and making you allow the next incursion, the next ‘salami slice’.

You think it is minor and it will not cause a problem. You do not see the harm in it. Indeed, your emotional thinking causes you to think it is beneficial.

You did not stop the small.

So, you got the fall.


57 thoughts on “The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 5

  1. /iroll says:

    At first i was hurt by his demands and discards and degradations! I cried, because after being so intimate i couldn’t help but take it personally. I wanted communication and closure.

    But now i feel numb. Is he a horrible entitled jerk, a vile misogynist, a danger to me, just mentally ill? Did i antagonise him or defend myself?

    No contact is hard at first, because i always just want to vent an emotion and then i feel less burdened and can move on. I don’t understand these poker face games of whoever responds loses, because i don’t lose self worth when i respond, it doesn’t mean i’m invested in his response. But i said i needed a wake up call and i got one, the emo-cocktail has been subdued.

    1. Youdon'townme says:

      /iroll, I get you.

      1. /iroll says:

        I understand (now) that No Contact is there to prevent it from going on and on and getting worse.

  2. /iroll says:

    Ok, months after formal blabla sordid affair is over, wounding + discard, i’m hoovered with a booty call that would involve travel. I have a little fun teasing him with selfies but ultimately reject it, then i get a “you are DEAD to me”. I mistakenly sent a no-hard feelings let’s move on, because we’ve been down this road before. Days after that i get another malign hoover informing me that i am just a whore and will spend the rest of my life suffering in misery and that any girl anywhere would have gone to see him.

    C’mon that’s a lower. Isn’t it? But he’s not a thug as in, street criminal. He has a fairly hipster fashionable appearance and life, although it’s an illusion, considering how he behaves.

    Also there was a tendency to take any word i used to criticise him and the situation and boomerang it back at me. I said no to “cheap and meaningless sex” so i am a “cheap whore prostitute”. During the booty call i was a dumb bimbo and he is of course, a God.

    He didn’t seduce me with that attitude, initially, this is all post-discard. We had a pretty romantic time, sunbathing in the park, he fed me, was always too possessive. It’s not that i hang out with men who are this angry on a normal basis, it built up gradually and became normal. That is what is so crazy.

  3. sarabella says:

    If I ever want an innoculation against him, I just need to re-read stuff I have already read on his page years ago. When I flew there, he used as his discard the complaint that I kept him up at night texting, though he assured me all the time it was fine, he sneered at me when I wanted to stay out with him on my last night, acting like I kept him up past his little bedtime. But he lives at night always up until 3am. Reading the flowery words of some of his supply, loving on him about how much she loves his friendship, staying up at night, drunk, talking, long walks and making late night runs for food, I can never ever forgive him for treating me like such garbage. Never, ever. I read one post, and that is enough for me to know I will never, ever fall. He could never ever undo the level of hurt he left, the damage he caused, in any kind of word seduction. He may be good, but he’s not that good.

  4. LilAng says:

    Hello HG!

    I think I have made that mistake and after some time of no contact responded to his innocent texts and now I feel like a shit, like I’m losing control once again.

    I don’t want to give him green light anymore. Is it appropiate to block him “just like that”, just when he starts to think that his salami slicing is working?

    Also, I’m courious what would he think about my sudden blocking? I don’t want to give him satisfaction of knowing I am still hurt or angry or something like that. I would like him to think that I got bored, have better things to do and maybe wound him a little bit.

    So assuming we were in no contact but he has sent me some meaningless but kind texts and I replied to it in quite unemotional fashion (but still, I repied) is it better to:

    1. block him silently right away
    2. wait for his next hoover and block him suddenly
    3. wait for the next hoover – ignore it – wait for another hoover – block so he could see I blocked him because I’m not angry at him, just bored with these texts?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, apply the Tommy Cooper technique and block him “just like that”. So option one.

  5. Carolyn says:

    This salami tactic is really dangerous. It’s easy to block the narcissist everywhere when he does a grand gesture or bombard our telephones with tones of texts and messages. But when he takes his steps carefully, by small innocent incidents, the victim doesn’t want to act like a drama queen and so she doesn’t block him, even starts responding.

  6. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I read this article to Mr Bubbles whilst he was outside gardening. I came back in to wash the floors. He stood outside looking in thru the glass door, asking if he could come and I said “no” cos the floors were still wet. He said he had to use the bathroom, so I said “okaaaaay then”. As he came in, he said … ”
    I don’t like this salami slicing thing” … I said ” neither do i”

    So, then he said …. “could please you make it a ham sandwich luv?”
    so I did !

    After that, he approached me and put his arm around my well rounded waist and said … “how about a cuppa tea luv?”

    So I did

    One thing led to another and before I knew it ….
    I was making his breakfast!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Mr Bubbles has a ham sandwich BEFORE breakfast? Get him back in the garden and working hard!

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Haha …. no no no it was lunch time …. then later I made his dinner, then went to bed, then we got up and theeeeeeeennnnn I made his breakfast … haha
        Gawd I do a lot of cooking, don’t I … haha
        Actually, he doesn’t do that much in the garden, I think he does a soft shoe shuffle in the dirt to look like he has …haha I’m always catching him resting on the garden seat having a pussy sleep Haha

  7. /iroll says:

    Putin has been described as being thuggish, can you, HG, be brutal and thuggish beneath cultural elite appearances?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Brutal but I am neither thuggish or a thug.

      1. Caroline says:

        You are absolutely* not* thuggish, HG. You seem absolutely dapper and delightful – AND I would never have tea with you.;-)

        Can you please write a blog on the subtle differences between an UMR and a Greater? Can you give specific examples, possibly questions that can be asked to identify between the two? I feel that these two categories are most likely to be mistaken, and I would rather appreciate your insight.:-)

  8. /iroll says:

    Ok, thanks for the clarification, but i wonder why you think that. My description above is how he was. He has no ability to think flexibly or even fake it, emotionless on the surface but always needs admiration and has rage underneath. He interacted socially, but is in reality a serious loner.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If that is the case then how was he able to infiltrate such groups?

      1. /iroll says:

        I don’t think people really knew him, he didn’t want them to. Decoding needs more info then, visuals help, there’s many different kinds of subculture.

  9. /iroll says:

    My guy is: a Mean (sadistic), Avoidant, Trophy Hunter – novelty seeker, a vain, grandiose yet ‘fragile’ —doesn’t have a ‘nice persona’ but very easily wounded, lower-somatic. I’m a high functioning bpd who got addicted to him for over a year, and i’m still recovering. Worse still, i think that his type is my subconcious type sexually, because i was a late sexual bloomer due to abuse.

    Unlike the lower portrayed in this blog, i find this type to have good looks, mine had boyish charm with a ‘black leather’ tough edge and swept me away with generosity and fast dominance in the beginning. Like a highschool seduction meets pimp, without actual pimping —but who knows what would happen if i didn’t have values and boundaries. The affair was intensely passionate like 91/2 weeks, but rocky and stretched out with avoidance and fighting in between, many discards, punishments and seductions. Emotional abuse was combined with ‘rough sex’, i got bruises. He moved away and asked me to travel to see him, i flirted a bit and then confronted him and said no – he gave me a vicious verbal attack and discard (again).

    I also thought that our fights were about his attempts to install me as a girlfriend and anger when I left him or wouldn’t see him everytime he wanted me to, but I now think he was mostly insulted at my setting limits on his control and has a pattern of avoidance and hunting anyway. He was openly nonmonogamous, his idea of a girlfriend is a sex slave. He got less generous and meaner the more I knew him. It would be hell to be with him, but the attraction is like heroin (a metaphor, I don’t use).

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      /iroll …

      “but the attraction is like heroin (a metaphor, I don’t use).”

      A perfectly accurate summary. I have never done heroin but I am told and I have read that it is one of the most addictive drugs. I often compare my addiction to him as that to a heroin addict.

      1. /iroll says:

        yes, and i think that HG underestimates lowers, he thinks of them as thugs, and while they’re pretty thuggish once you get to know them, attractive lowers can cultivate cutting edge hipster looks, lifestyles and use subcutural scenes as their hunting ground.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Lower Lesser – thug.
          Middle Lesser – thuggish
          Upper Lesser – thuggish.

          A narcissist who use a subcultural scene as a hunting ground is unlikely to be a Lesser.

      2. Maybe I am an anomoly….

        I have been addicted to heroin twice. 2 different modes of use.
        I used with my N, he had been using a few stretches of time about 4 or 5 years before we met.
        Each time I had been using daily 2-3 times a day for 3 months the first time, 4 months the second. I got so bored, and frustrated with the boredom. It was a pleasant intoxication, but I could never work up the enthusiasm for it that the rest of the users in our group had for it. We never did anything else but check if we had money for it, go looking for it and get it (a couple hour process) use it a few times over 6-8 hours. Eat. Vomit. Sleep. Repeat. Boooring!

        I’d announce that I wasn’t doing it, anymore. I wouldn’t help get it. I would go do something else while they got high.

        It felt like a 2 day bad cold. That’s it for me. My N would quit at the same time, simply because his “favorite drug buddy” wasn’t being the “drug buddy” anymore. Of course I was spoiling his fun! He had body shakes chills skin crawling, etc, (so he claimed.I assume he wasn’t lying about that part.) I would be sleeping peacefully, and he would jump up out of the bed, and pull the pillow out from under my head, and start beating me with it. NOW he gripes it’s not fair that I should not be sick, when he was so sick, I must have something that I took to stop the symptoms, and I’d better give it to him, too.
        I said no, I didn’t take or have anything, and I never told him he had to quit doing it. If he wanted, I’d take him to the methadone clinic. Instead he’d cold turkey for another week before he felt better, but gave me shit every night that he felt any symptoms.

        Coffee was harder to give up. I only do so periodically, usually due to a doctors request, for tests or treatments. And cigs is my current wishing to quit. It was never this hard to quit them before.

        Whatever was in me that kept me giving in each time I wanted to leave was/is the hardest addiction.
        I have some very good ideas on what they are, but still working through it.

  10. Anna Belle Black💙 says:

    Bye Felicia!!

  11. Challenge Fuel says:

    “I have brought you tea,” you smile placing the mug on the nightstand next to the bed. He smiles as he turns in your bed, his hand reaching for you and pushing through your dressing gown, seeking more of what occurred during the night.

    From standing in the garden to being inside you.

    You swore you would never sleep with him again.


    Replace tea with coffee and reverse the roles (him bringing the coffee to me) and you have described the exact same scenario where I have been.

    But then again you are always in my head with your articles so I am sure you already knew that.

  12. /iroll says:

    Why would a discard be done with violence, if the supply wasn’t complying with a seduction and there were other options—aka why the rage?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A violent disengagement would most likely occur owing to the ignition of heated fury which is caused by wounding.

      1. /iroll says:

        Feeling so entitled to sex that you’d threaten someone’s life over it, is really extreme, even if it’s for a dramatic effect, it certainly makes me doubt my safety if i’d be alone with him. Perhaps things aren’t going so well for him in other areas, because i can’t imagine his sex supply being short. I gave him far too much power over me, that must feed the entitlement. Bad boundaries: don’t feed the animals.

  13. Abbie says:

    Mister Tudor,

    why narcs while seducing a new victim also flirts with other women at the same time and make it quite obvious? And when they hoover exes, saying they miss them, they also flirt with others online so everybody can see it? It is like sabotaging their own efforts – a girl gets a nice message and even starts to feel something but then she checks his activity and the effect fades away because she sees she is not the only one and he doesn’t treat her with respect.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All for fuel. Once can seduce multiple targets and triangulate between them, if one does not respond effectively then they can be dropped and the focus remains on those who responded in the approved manner.

  14. Reba says:

    Such a helpful, post especially for those of us who don’t have the luxury of going “no contact” because of children or work ties. Mine tried to move some of his stuff back into our home, while he looks for a new apartment–I’m so glad that I shut that down.

  15. Bibi says:

    Other than the Golden Period, this is when the narcissist is so sweet. Poor them, they give you the sad eyes, the sob story, can I just come in? They offer to do things: can I make you some tea? You look tired. I’m so sorry how I have been lately. I will make it better.

    When I found the Mid Ranger’s web of lies and how he hid his identity from me, I was distraught, beside myself, could not stop crying. I had to get a hold of him.

    He sent me this long email and was so sweet. ‘I want to give you a big hug right now,’ he said. He was just the sweetest thing. That did NOT last because when I started demanding more answers, he took this as criticism and the nasty side emerged once again.

    That cognitive dissonance shit is mind fucking. You have horrible actions and mistreatment coupled with wonderful words and hugs and your brain does not know how to process it. It’s no wonder the logic and emotional thinking are in full battle gear.

  16. narc affair says:

    The part where he says hed break the headlights of her vehicle to me is where the salami slicer goes haywire and hes gone to far. Everyones different but stalking and threats is not thin slicing to me. Thin slicing is apologies and easing slowly back into ones life possibly posing as wanting to be friends at first.

    1. /iroll says:

      Yes, anything that alerts your defences, and the game’s up. Mine always makes violent threats and discards when i start defending myself and not playing the ‘docile’ role he wants me to play. But initially he will tell me that the reason why i didn’t trust him was because of my insecurities and he will exude calm confidence. Foot in the door, plus my curiosity due to lack of closure and ’emotional cocktail’—even if it grosses you out, it feels like the attraction-pull is happening to you.

  17. narc affair says:

    That dam salami slicer! My narc shouldve worked in a deli bc he slices very thin 🙄

  18. Kensey says:

    I now would say ..Kensey,why would you want anything to do with a person who threatens to smash your headlights? Call the cops.
    Giving up power is thinking you have none.

  19. MH says:

    That’s exactly how it happens. Does anyone else suspect mind control, not Jedi level, but some sort of covert hypnosis? Is that another way of saying “emotional infection” or “the mixture”? In the beginning with my monster, I remember feeling very serene after seeing him, the exact word I used, which was weird because we would always get together for coffee, so I should have been jittery. What do you think HG? The last time we were together he sort of gave me commands over the phone and I ended up giving in and letting him come up to my apartment. Sort of dropped his voice and spoke slowly and deliberately. HG you have mentioned the girlfriend to whom you would say “I’m taking you to bed”. I’ve heard of other people saying it was like another person speaking, writing checks, etc with Narcs. Thoughts?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      These are not the droids you are looking for.

      1. Twilight says:

        Ha ha

      2. Oh, come now!

        Y’all use hypnotic language, whether by design or instinct. Mine did.
        And the Ns I’ve avoided myself, I’ve watched them using it on other people.

        Maybe a lesser couldn’t. But I would have no truck with someone who was an obvious bully or whiner, so I have no experience there.

        Nice try. LOL

        1. Twilight says:


          I do not believe HG tries now, he is after all a Master of the dark side…..

      3. MH – yes, there is absolutely a hypnotic element – I remember times we’d finish a conversation & I would somehow have come round to his way of thinking – though in hindsight I would have serious difficulty remembering anything specific as to how this had happened, and I once he’d said “all that matters is that we’ve talked, everything will be alright now” – yikes..

        “Only a fool would willingly agree to go back into such an arrangement, yes?”
        Yes – and that damn seductive way about them that has us falling for it! The words.. *snaps fingers, shakes head: Nope. Holding onto my truth, my perception, my perspective.

        I think my (& all us empaths) downfall is actually our ability to see the other person’s perspective – as in your sins of the empath listener – We listen too well – and we shouldn’t, because it’s nonsense, and doesn’t mean anything.

        This series is golden, Hg. Frighteningly golden… Merci.

      4. MH says:

        First Jesus, now Obi Wan! Thanks for your answer. It’s one of the few things that still doesn’t make sense to me. Actually, manipulation is mind control. Thanks to Perse and Nuit Etoilée also for answers.

      5. MH says:

        That’s not even an answer, much less a straight one.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is called a joke.

  20. Catherine says:

    Good one HG. It illustrates how easily and against all logic we start to slip again. In my case I would call the police if I found him staring at me through the window. That would freak me out completely and because he was violent I don’t want him anywhere near me again. But it’s easier said than done. Better to have the curtains drawn at all times right now;)

  21. Patricia says:


  22. Em. says:

    Yes this has happened to me many many times with the same narc.
    I escaped a year ago and have been no contact for 6 months. It’s made me realise that the recent contact he made via one unused messaging app was a salami Slicer. I thought I could withstand the messages by ignoring them. The first was a ‘sorry i butt called you, i do think of you a lot, I know you don’t want to think of me’. I ignored.
    The next was a mild form of triangulation ‘I’m with a friend telling her how fab you are’. I ignored it but it started my emotional thinking. Who is she? And what is he saying about me? Plus all the other stuff. Is she just a friend?
    Reading this describes exactly how he’s wormed his way back into my life in the past. I realised I even prepared myself for a knock st the door again. It’s quite creepy to find the almost identical behaviours set out infront of you in black and white, but it’s also helpful.
    Since reading this I’ve blocked him on the final app. No contact reinstated. Thanks HG.
    I still need to know what to do when the inevitable meeting in a professional forum happens because I know now I will be hoovered. It’s relentless. Please may I have some advice on how to deal with it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You would benefit from a consultation Em. Should you see him at a professional forum do not engage with him, look at him, or watch what he is doing. If he approaches you move away. If he corners you, make an excuse and get away – he is not physically going to stop you at a professional forum. If you do speak to him, keep it brief and then move away – make an excuse to go to the bathroom, make a call, to get some refreshment.

  23. That’s it, exactly. Took mine a few months. He tried to rush me, but I ran the other way.So, he had to take it slower. It still worked, and i didn’t even get sex.

    1. Sophia says:


      It’s a good thing you didn’t get sex. They suck you in deeper when you’re intimate.

      1. Sophia,

        I got obligation, (marriage vows) and guilt, (should be more sympathetic for the poor, sick man), 3rd party hoovers (he is out of his mind, he loves you and misses you soooooo much).
        Once it was communicated to me that he was having an amputation, (by email) I came out of hiding. Then I thought I could “deal” with him.
        Nope I could not. What started as amicable divorce talks went round in circles, and he love bombed me with every thing BUT sex.
        There was more than love bombing. He made out that HE was at MY mercy, would I really be so cruel? Then once I had sold my “home” there was even a sideways but deniable threat towards my elderly mother.

        If he was capable and still talented at sex, it would have been faster and easier for him. My brain wasn’t even close to functioning at a normal level yet. Stick a dick in me, and it shuts up entirely. 😛

      2. Kensey says:

        I don’t miss the bad sex. The one area he could not lead with his wallet ,lolol.

  24. Sophia says:

    Former IPPS/IPSS of 2 1/2 years to MMRN. I’m into my first week of true no contact. I’ve had 3 half-assed no contact attempts that has lasted 3, 4, and 5 weeks. I caved each time after ignoring a few 1-3 line messages.

    I’ve never put so much energy into going no contact before and I feel very prepared. I have to say that I’m a bit worried after reading this though. I’d like to think he doesn’t have the balls or the energy being the low energy coward that he is to show up at my job.

    This is typically the work of a greater narc, correct? Going this far for fuel?

  25. Bibi says:

    Great one, HG. Nailed it.

    “Logic has been sent to bed with no tea. Emotional thinking is running riot.”

  26. Ugotit says:

    This was beautifully written and a great reminder I could feel this situation happening with me so easily especially when you through in the comment long legs because he always complimented me on my legs I’m lucky he doesn’t live around the corner and can’t just pop over but I can totally see how one small accession( I know that’s the wrong eord) can lead to another and the next thing you know your back to square one

  27. Agnes says:

    I have 2 guestions.

    1.So when the victim sounds guarded and tells him “It was not a healthy relationship and I am glad its over, please don’t contact me again” and after some time he makes a contact telling her “you are right, we didn’t make a good couple, but hey, we can be good friends!” it can be a salami tactic to move closer and closer? To mute her logical thinking and trigger emotions “oh, being friends is not a great harm, friends don’t sleep together, it is safe, don’t freak out”?

    2. Do narcissists ever get emotional? Are you only logic driven? What about fuel? Isn’t fuel for you the same thing as emotions for your victims? You are obsessed with fuel, you need it, you do many stupid things to gain it. What is the difference between the emotion driven victim and fuel driven narc?

  28. /iroll says:

    This is my story. Salami slicing, got it.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Next article

Little Acons – No. 48