The 5 False Promises of the Narcissist

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Words are our tools. They come readily to us and we much prefer them over actions as they use so little energy. We have no sense of guilt, remorse or conscience that we are easily able to make promises with no intention of ever keeping them. You on the other hand hate to break a promise and we know that your adherence to this means that the effect our broken promises is significant against you and will allow us to draw fuel. You will be familiar with the nature of the broken promises if you have danced with our kind already but you may not know what we actually mean when we say certain supposed promises to you. If this dance is new to you, not only will you not know what is being really meant when we whisper these words to you, but you may not realise that this promise will not be kept. Here are five of the most-used promises we issue, that we always break and this is what we really mean when we say them.

  1. I will always love you

I know that you love to hear such bold proclamations because they appeal to you as a love devotee. Indeed, you have been conditioned to believe strongly in the concept of love. I won’t always love you, in fact I will not even begin by loving you because I am incapable of feeling what you know to be love since it has been denied to me as an option. I understand what love is to you however because I am surrounded by people like you telling me what it means and it appears in books, on the television, on the internet, in films and advertisements. It is easy to understand what love means to you but impossible for me to feel it and therefore I can never love you. What I mean when I tell you this is that I am telling you what you want to hear so you will remain with me and provide me with the fuel that I crave. I am telling you that I will actually always want you so long as you give me what I need. My desire to be with you is entirely conditional on you furnishing me with fuel.

  1. I will repay you

I will borrow money from you because of my sense of entitlement since either I have none and I want yours or I have plenty and I still want yours. If I have no money I need it and therefore I will want to borrow it from you. I will of course promise to repay you in order to induce you to lend it to me in the first place. I will then make repeated promises to pay you: –

“I am a little short this month, I will have it for you next month.”

“I am due a bonus in two months so I will pay you from that then.”

“I had an emergency and had to use the money for that.”

“I am not able to work at present but since you love me you won’t mind waiting will you?”

“If you really loved me, you would not ask for it back.”

Those of our kind who lack financial resources want the money for obvious reasons but also in order to strengthen the link between them and you, so that you have reason to remain in contact with them and to allow them to trot out excuses and reasons which will eventually provoke you through exasperation, frustration, irritation and upset.

Those of our kind who have ample financial resources do not have any intention of making repayment. Instead we use this borrowing of the money as a bridge between you and I and as above it is all about keeping a hook into you.

When we promise to repay you, we will not do so. What we are telling you is that we want to create a method of ensuring you are connected to us and able to draw fuel from you.

  1. I won’t hurt you

Of all the broken promises this is perhaps the one which does the most damage. We are actually telling you this: –

“I won’t hurt you as long as you comply with what I want.”

It just so happens that we always omit the last nine words. We regard you as our appliance, an extension of our will and you are expected to do what we want. Provide potent positive fuel, succumb to our demands, run around after us, say yes when we want yes and no when we want no but you must guess which is correct. We want you obedient, compliant and submissive. Navigate your way through this maze successfully and you will not be hurt. Unfortunately, for you nobody is ever able to do this because you will always have to be hurt because we want fuel. You have to be hurt because no matter how hard you try you will always cause a criticism which will wound us and therefore we have to defend ourselves by lashing out and hurting you. You have to be hurt because there are even those of our kind, the malignant and the greater who delight in doing so.

The hurt will always visit you somehow.

  1. I will be faithful

We cannot be faithful. We need fuel too much. Although most of it will come from you we need it from other sources as well and this will result in our infidelity. Infidelity comes in many forms, just as fuel does. To some it may be sharing long and intimate conversations, to others it is a kiss, to others it is sexual touching and to others it is full blown sexual intercourse. Our desire for fuel combined with our massive sense of entitlement and our failure to recognise boundaries means that we will be unfaithful. Add to that our lack of accountability, our failure to feel guilt or remorse and you stand no chance of ever ensuring that we remain faithful.

We say this because you want to hear it. This is most often used after we have been exposed as committing an act or acts of infidelity and we are concerned that you will leave us and thus take away our primary source of fuel when we have not secured a replacement yet. We will pledge that we will be faithful moving forward in an attempt to prevent you from causing a cessation to our supply of fuel. These are empty words. We will be unfaithful within the week, maybe not even that long, just so long as uttering such a promise stops you from going.

  1. I will change

No I won’t. Even if I could, which is highly unlikely, why should I when there is nothing wrong with me. Everything I do is necessary to ensure my survival and my remaining elevated and superior. Just because you and others do not like the way that I behave does not mean that I have to alter what I am. I know however that you love to think that we can be cured of whatever ill it is that we suffer from. You want us to become better and different and naturally if this means we can get you to stay, do what we want and keep providing us with fuel we are content to tell you that we will change. We are experts at adopting false expressions of contrition as well to accompany this empty promise.

This vacant promise actually means

“I will carry on doing what I am doing and nobody will ever stop me.”

 

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40 thoughts on “The 5 False Promises of the Narcissist”

  1. HG – thank-you for the power of words; they certainly can be very uplifting or very insidious little things…

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    1. Thank you, K! That’s how I meant it – I immediately apologized, but that comment is in moderation.

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      1. Oh no! Your comment is in moderation. You are in big trouble, Nuit Étoilée!

        I know what you meant and I thought is was a “hoot” when I read: The Grand Scheme. Thanks for the laugh.

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      2. Oh K, you have nooooo idea…. I really just couldn’t find the right word – and had no idea how to look for it – your comment has likely helped reduce my punishment.. I hope…
        – trouble is my middle name?

        I really should just learn when to leave well enough alone… *still working on that… (just be quiet, NE!)

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      3. Ha ha ha….don’t worry, Nuit Étoilée, I was only teasing you. HG seems pretty laid back most of the time and he reads/understands comments very well. Don’t let fear inhibit your genuineness; it is a very nice quality to have.

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  2. I believe there is not a single element of “fantasy” in The Grand Design or anything related to it.

    I believe it is a perfectly , meticulously, synchronised and calculated design.
    Not a single “fantasy “ element in it.

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    1. On HG’s planning, I’m sure you’re right, SX – I meant it’s my fantasy at the moment – something I daydream about.

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      1. Others alluded to knowing something about it. That’s what made me curious.

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      2. MB
        Your comment reminded me of # 2. Insider Jokes, located on 7 Back-Handed Provocations.

        “We will use terms that amuse us and our followers considerably but seem meaningless to you.”

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  3. It’s a wonderful plan to go public! As we have seen on the blog, you are a delightful person. No need to hide. You shouldn’t be defined by your narcissism any more than someone should be defined by any other “difference”. It takes all kinds of people to make this world go around.
    Everyone should be free to live their truth. Express your needs to the people in your life that care about you. There are many, many variations of an “alternate” lifestyle. Who is to say it couldn’t be worked out with patience and understanding. (Spoken like a true empath, right?)

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      1. I appreciate that you make it a point to have patience with us. And that you are observant, have cognitive empathy, communicate well, and are willing to teach us about narcissism.
        Oh, and that you have a good sense of humor, most of the time.
        Some may find that downright delightful, for a narcissist.

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      2. Malign Dragon…”come out” on the Dr. Phil show. Give him a run for his money!

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      3. That made me giggle HG.

        Delightful is not the word I would use for you.

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    1. MB
      Quick! Get out of the water! I see a great white shark and he is headed right for you! Be careful. HG is defined by his sociopathy and narcissism; he is a predator and he is damn good at it.

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      1. Thank you K. You sound like my best friend! She worries about her naive friend with a big heart too 😘

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      2. MB
        We empaths have to have each others back. Lord knows, the narcs in our lives don’t give a rat’s ass about us.

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      3. MB
        The closest I have ever been to a great white is the movie Jaws, however, I have referred to HG, and narcs in general, as being similar to sharks because of their predatory nature.

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      4. K, I live in a land far, far away from Lord Tudor. My fuel may be potent and sweet, but it wouldn’t be worth swimming across the pond for. Much closer prey for the Great White to be sure!

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      5. You are absolutely right MB. The narcissist will choose the “fuel dessert” that is the closest to him or her; they like to conserve energy. So you are definitely safe in a land far, far away across the pond.

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  4. *sigh* I needed this today. But I love your words!
    I’ve always loved words.. language(s)…

    but, I appreciate the truth.

    Hg, How are you going to balance all this honesty when you “go public”? Won’t this affect your prospective partners?

    *although I’m guessing with your surplus of charm, there will barely be an effect… (*yikes)

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      1. If we live long enough! He has mentioned it as part of the Grand Scheme, but there are no concrete nor imminent plans, just fantasy at the moment.

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      2. *Oops.. I knew that wasn’t quite right.. but I had no way of finding the correct terminology – begging indulgence, your Excellency…
        (although Grand Scheme seems entirely plausible, yes? – j/k! running away!!)

        – but here’s a question: any interviews coming up?
        (never miss a chance to hear your voice.. especially interacting “live”)

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      3. I have been asked to appear for WNAAD again and have confirmed I will appear.
        There are a couple of separate interviews which have been sought which I am considering.

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  5. “I’m all yours” him to me almost daily. This became my private joke as I pictured him in front of full length mirror practicing.Towards the end, I discovered he had an email folder of -things to say to women- …that was like #7. No shit,true. LOLOL

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  6. Lol my midrange, once told me, (as we were cheating!) that he would never cheat on me if he were with me, because “was faithful”.
    Lol?!

    My LMR /UL narcoholic tired to preventative Hoover me when I was on y way out by saying “I will always be your friend”
    I told him to go fuck himself on the head. He isn’t worthy of my friendship.

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  7. HG – Did your mother ever physically cheat on your father that you know of? Did she ever physically leave or go away at all or was it mostly present silent treatments?

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    1. I suspect she did. I have no clear evidence. There were some absent silent treatments yes – my father dressed them up as her “visiting people”.

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