Protection

PROTECTION

I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are. I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust. Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

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22 thoughts on “Protection”

  1. Yep. “You fall for this speech – every time.” – HG Tudor.

    Pretty sure I was being manipulated by those innocent, needful words, but like with most empaths drawn to narcissists, we don’t seem to get the confirmation until the end… once it’s too late.

    Even knowing it’s a tactic, those sweet words pull me in like a mother bear to her cub. Am I always going to have this desire to want to fix people?

  2. Is this something you would like to direct to your mother? Sounds genuine, but words spoken to the wrong person. Tell me if I’m right? These are the words spoken to your mom

  3. HG,
    Do you really think so at a certain point, or you are talking about this consciously because of manipulation?

      1. well, I heard exact sentences form my narc

        “I would be a good person becouse of you”

        “The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders”

        “I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand”

        “You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person”

        “…and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.”

        …and
        I would like to know, did he really think so at that moment or was it manipulation?

        …and
        does he think the same now about his ex-IPPS(residual benefits) when he returned to her?

      2. Hg, I know that you didn’t do anything wrong it’s all my fault hahaha but can you see my message from 7.april and your reply to that and my reply to your reply? Thx a lot

  4. Yep i fell for it alright but my question is would there be a certain amount of truth in this?? Like do you hope that ‘the one’ will come and save you H.G?

  5. I always find this a truth within a lie. Its true but its being used to lure. Might as well use my past as an excuse and get sympathy while luring in an empathetic source of fuel.

  6. Such a sweet and cute little baby. It’s surreal to think that such delicate miracles can possibly grow up to be deadly maniacs. It is unspeakably sad.

  7. My narc admits to them and uses this line all the time. Every few weeks when he feels he is losing his grip on me. No contact is the only way. It is so hard but do it somehow.

  8. Oh yes, I did fall for it, but I won’t in the future. I was broken too and I’ll never inflict hurt on purpose with that as an excuse and I’ll never feel entitled to play power games because of it. In my opinion that’s strength; not weakness. Needing to hurt someone else to feel strong is an immense weakness of character and I will not ever again listen to someone who uses victimisation as a reason to hurt me. That’s bullshit. We’re all responsible for our own behaviour; we are all our own redemption and there’s not enough time in the world worth spending it on an illusion. That’s what I’ve learnt the hard way. I’m quite proud of it too.

    1. Catherine, wonderful insight and so true. U left a much needed wise impression on me today. Tx.

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