The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 1

THE NARCISSISTIC ICICLES-1

 

This is a meme which encapsulates the mind set of the narcissist towards you.

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40 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 1”

  1. Somewhere over the rainbow,

    I very much enjoyed your post; insightful and I agree with much of it.

    Especially this part:

    “A woman using her brain and not her emotional thinking and despair will feel…pity for a narc’s personal life. That’s how I think about nex and that’s why I would never go back to a man able to lower himself only to get fuel. In the past, I saw (online) some of nex’s conquests. My rational thinking left me disappointed. I have standards in choosing a partner (even if he is a narcissist) and I’ve also been single and happy, not desperate to be adored by any man.”

    I realize that my dignity is what partly got me ensnared. It is also quite ironic, for me (in all the reading about social media/dating sites being like fish in a barrel for narcissists) that it was in a period of my life where I chose to simply date for the sake of dating. And then, disgusted with myself, I gave up on the dating scene & social media because I decided that it was not my scene and I was not going to lower myself to finding someone that way…*that* is when – unprepared and not looking for anyone – that I met my narc. I didn’t even contact him for two months after the initial meeting (but, damn, I did think about him during that time.)

    Also, in reading your post I couldn’t help but think of a conversation, between the anagonist and his sidekick, from the 2017 Beauty and the Beast movie:

    Gaston: It’s the ones who play hard to get that are always the sweetest prey. That’s what makes Belle so appealing; she hasn’t made a fool of herself just to gain my favor. What would you call that?

    LeFou: Dignity?

    Gaston: It’s outrageously attractive, isn’t it?

    1. WhoCares,

      I liked your comment very much. As I was reflecting on what it said, I had one thought, mostly for the scriptwriters, but since you brought it up I’ll tell you.

      “Gaston: It’s the ones who play hard to get that are always the sweetest prey.”
      I’d say Gaston could be right.

      Playing hard to get is what makes such people fall prey to their hunters.

      Whereas, being hard to get (or in other words: simply not desperate enough to make oneself fall for the first person who expresses curiosity in them) seems like a safer option to become a keeper at the very least, and a partner – ideally.

      1. SN – yes, I hear you. Especially nowadays.

        In the movie Belle does not actually want to be ‘gotten’ – certainly not by Gaston. It his *perspective* telling him that she’s playing hard to get. The dialogue is taken out of context.

        However, in real life, I do understand what you mean.

      2. Just so you know WhoCares – I figured it all out too about the dialogue. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you on this.

        And you might here me more nowadays, as I decided to narcovorce (narc + divorce), and HG’s is pretty much the only place where I can speak my mind on this stuff and not be looked at as an alien speaking tongues (which I don’t mind much, but it doesn’t help the conversation reach any rational conclusion and makes me not want to speak at all.)

      3. SN –

        “And you might here me more nowadays, as I decided to narcovorce (narc + divorce), and HG’s is pretty much the only place where I can speak my mind on this stuff and not be looked at as an alien speaking tongues (which I don’t mind much, but it doesn’t help the conversation reach any rational conclusion and makes me not want to speak at all.)”

        Best wishes on moving the ‘narcovorce’ forward!

        And as for HG’s blog being a place to speak one’s mind – yes, I agree and I’m forever grateful. (Fortunately, for myself, I do have 1 or 2 people I can talk about this subject with but I don’t want to go on and on at length with them and don’t want to speak, unnecessarily, about my narc – as the negativity he generates becomes exponential.)

        I wish I could speak more to ‘narcovorces’ and such similar circumstances, but I don’t feel comfortable yet until I further resolve some areas of my situation.
        Perhaps someday…

        In the meantime, thank-you HG for this place to vent, share and learn.
        Also, the company I find here on the blog encourages me to reflect more deeply on my own experiences and the experiences of others – it helps with both coming to terms with my own personal narcissist and with further learning.
        You have a quality blog *and* quality commentators.

  2. So bizarre. My narc step-mother and her flying monkeys act as if she is always on my mind. In most cases, some other narc has me wondering and thus the social media post. It seems I am always on the narc’s mind, not the other way around. Ah-ha it is the hoovering points that keep this in play. After reading HG’s books, I am no longer wondering. The question now is how to adopt narc traits, when no fearful inner child/prisoner exists.

  3. This icicle is true up until some hotter narcissist comes along.
    In that case the former one can be seen as a bit bleak in comparison.

    It can be a simple mid-range making us forget a refined greater elite ex.
    Simply because the new one looks so good he doesn’t even need quite that level of eloquence and planning skills.
    But of course it is still a narcissist, staying on the mind of the abused/codependent.

  4. Dear HG,

    This is off-topic, however, can you please answer a question if possible?

    I have a nosy neighbour who is a narc, with definite jealousy issues.

    I recently replaced my front door with a new one and have now seen that a small dog has peed right in the middle of my new door! So annoying! My narc neighbour just happens to have two small dogs… surprise surprise. I also don’t see any other people regularly walking their dogs up and down the street.

    What would be an effective response to this very un-neighbourly neighbour? And how can I prevent the same thing happening again?

    Thank you very much in advance.

      1. But SN was in the forum kitchen and was like “HG!!!!! Bark this back, Sir! III law of dynamics! Or in other words, spit it out, spit it out! Good HG! You don’t tell people to shoot dogs. Shooting is for stars or swearing, not for dogs.”

        Check out Tim Minchin’s Wife’s Dark Humor for reference! He is ‘my’ funny Narc!

      2. “I do what I want” No more genuine words have been ever spoken. HG’s not joking this time. Wish I had a nickel for every time I heard that line.

      3. You could try playing him some Nickel Black songs to sneekily sneek into his sphere of influence and see what happens. Or not.

      4. My Narc or HG? I’m in HG’s sphere too often as it is! But it’s only fair cause he’s the reason I gave up social media. This is all I’ve got now. Sorry if I post too much, but I was SUPER ADDICTED to Facebook and went cold turkey back in February. Not going back either so hopefully he doesn’t mind me in the sphere!

      1. K

        Better to leave the dogs alone and aim the car for the narc when its running loose. Reminds me, once when my husband was dropping me off at work a woman I am not fond of was crossing the road in front of us. My husband said to me: just say the word- I have one clear shot. Made me laugh to start my day. Later, that same woman annoyed me and I told her about our conversation in the car without smiling or laughing. She stopped coming around lol.

      2. NarcAngel
        I was aiming for plausible deniability, however, aiming for the narc is appealing, as well. Keep in mind, there is no jail time for “accidentally” running over dogs and running over the narc would be harder to explain away. “Oops, I didn’t see him officer. Honestly, cross my (maniacal) heart and hope to die.”

      3. K,
        be careful though – get your poker face trained well for that. Police guys know all about those accidental events… So tears might be in place as well.

        Just saying. From movies, you know.

      4. SN
        No worries! I have the Narcissist’s Twin Lines of defence down to a science.

      5. SN
        ha ha ha…the next time you get pulled over by the police follow these rules:

        1. Be polite (do NOT behave like a lesser)
        2. Was I speeding? (feign innocence with a hint of denial)
        3. Rely on charm, flattery and self confidence to deflect (Flash a smile and say: Thank goodness you are out on patrol, protecting us from the criminal element. You are so brave.)
        4. Play the damsel in distress card (a.k.a. play the victim). I am lost and it is so dark out. Can you help me find the way? (pity play)

        Hopefully, you won’t get a ticket.

        https://narcsite.com/2018/02/10/the-narcissists-twin-lines-of-defence-3/#comments

      6. Thank you again, K!

        However, I don’t live in the Anglo legal system, and police guys here are not up for that.

        I have been pulled over, yes, however not for speeding or anything but fir standing there, in a parking lot talking at my partner, some time ago.
        So the crime in question was owning a phone. Stolen, said them.
        Good thing I bought it in a mall, kept all the stuff they need and am not in jail. Suggestions were of course made.
        My favorite dialogue with the good sirs:
        – It’s impossible to be rich in this country without pulling any scams!
        – Depends on what you do, I guess…
        -…

        Best line of defense I was given by an expert on this from here?
        – What are you doing here?
        – Oh, not much. Just resting on my walk for a bit, and I am on my way any moment.

        And also, K, your advice might work for fierce women like NarcAngel in my opinion – they’d not make s s disgrace of themselves playing that part. My chances for that would be much higher. I’ll rearrange them for myself, thank you for taking your time on this!
        I really appreciate it!

      7. My pleasure SN! And I am happy to read that you were not arrested because of the phone.

      8. I was kept for questioning at the station. But that’s because I did not think it necessary to have my ID on my that night, my partner had to speed to the other side of the city to get, and then back AGAIN, because he was on the phone with my Narc lawyer, and left it on the key shelf.

        So I spent pleasant three hours playing small-talk with good and bad cop. It was worth the experience, I admit. I learned a lot and I was a good girl, who did not steal any phones.

      9. SN
        What a fiasco! Three hours with good cop/bad cop because they thought you stole a phone, what a pain-in-the-ass. Of course you are a good girl, you are an empath.

  5. My own experience aligns with the narcissist’s mindset on the first line. However, I believe the second statement is the n’s own particular brand of magical thinking (Jedi mind-push) that the empath will never obtain enlightenment. It is the n’s desperate hope that they will forever control the empath to secure the three Prime Aims. Knowledge is freedom from this exploitation. How ironic that ice cold logic is our escape.

  6. As if the narc ever escapes us. He sees us and if we’re looking and feeling good without him, the narc feels the rush to have us again. That one goes both ways…HG! Only we (empaths) have the interest to say “stop”!

    The fact nex was always available for every woman made his “armour” loose its “shine” in my eyes. I don’t like a man all women can have and that’s a narc. A narc is not choosing, his fuel urge chooses instead of his selective brain. It’s hard for all (Greaters or not) to only find (hundreds of) beautiful, intelligent, balanced, independent women in a lifetime. All you want (better said: need) is a lot of validation. A woman using her brain and not her emotional thinking and despair will feel…pity for a narc’s personal life. That’s how I think about nex and that’s why I would never go back to a man able to lower himself only to get fuel. In the past, I saw (online) some of nex’s conquests. My rational thinking left me disappointed. I have standards in choosing a partner (even if he is a narcissist) and I’ve also been single and happy, not desperate to be adored by any man. I politely refused men (from my country & from abroad) and stayed single if they were not a good match. Brain choices staying above all rushes means control to me, not controlling others by lowering their self-esteem.

  7. This is crazy because I have previously referred to my ex-husband on this blog as “ice eyes”.

  8. Appear to me telepathic FOR SURE!!!
    That’s how they can confuse the source during limit thinking they’ve met their soulmate or twin flame- Yes they’re different

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