Holy Narcissist

holy

The holy narcissist is one of the especially effective members of the narcissistic brethren. The attraction of religion but moreover being a member of the clergy carries with it considerable advantages for those of our kind who manage to install themselves within organised religion.

The holy narcissist is nigh on impeachable. What better authority can there be for always being right, always having the high ground and always being revered than as an instrument of God? The holy narcissist has the supreme power in his corner and a book full of phrases and sentences that he can turn to in support of his wisdom. He is here to do good work and by virtue of his position he is assumed to be truthful, kind, compassionate and empathic. The holy narcissist has one of the most effective facades one might hope to see amongst our kind. His is not a façade which has to be worked at through the careful application of community works, diligent industry at work and all round good guy in the neighbourhood. No, the holy narcissist has centuries of instilled goodness to drape around him in an impenetrable cloak of goodness. He has saints and apostles marching behind him, archangels hovering above him, charitable works to point to, the salvation of the sick, the poor and the needy, all woven into this vast façade.

Once he joins the clergy he can avail himself of this façade in an instant. There is no steady and incremental accumulation of the veneer of respectability like the rest of our kind but instead it is akin to placing a cloak around himself and immediately he has a façade and not just a façade, but perhaps the ultimate façade on which to rely.

He is the embodiment of goodness, God’s word flows through him and as such he can act with unquestionable authority. He has zealots ready to support him and to shout down the heretics. Even though organised religion may not wield the power that it once did, one would be foolish to underestimate its effect still. Even those who do not believe and readily bait and insult those who do, are likely to think twice before attacking a man of the cloth. They wear God’s armour and the indoctrination of people, even those who have rejected the notion of such a being, means they would hesitate before launching some kind of attack against a member of the clergy. I have seen it happen. Those who are vociferous in all other aspects still show a deference to that dog collar.

A position in religion appeals greatly to our kind. You are blessed with an instant authority. You have scriptures, texts and readings which are used as a form of law to castigate mortal man and thus allow the holy narcissist to maintain superiority. There are grand and ornate ceremonies which the holy narcissist is the centre of. He dresses differently from the simplicity of the Catholic black which distinguished from others in the community to the papal splendour of the man (almost) at the top. Decadence, shiny and glittering decadence abounds and he even is able to stand at preach at his fellow man and woman. How does he do so? From the elevated position of the pulpit. Proof, if proof were needed that he is greater than those around him and finds himself part way between heaven and earth.

Where confession plays a part he is able to absorb the sins of his worshippers. The narcissist always needs to know and of course knowledge is power. Being privy to the foibles, sins and vulnerabilities of someone on the other side of that screen (who is of course readily known) vests considerable power in the holy narcissist. He is able to scold and upbraid and is thanked for doing so. He doles out devaluation on a daily basis and is met with the grateful thanks of those who seek absolution.

Should you offend him you are not just discarded but you are banished, made a pariah and few can smear you so darkly as one who apparently operates from the side of light. Step out of line with the holy narcissist and see how quickly the community is mobilised against you. You are snubbed at church (if you dare to appear) and this tarring and feathering leaks out into the community as a whole as the holy narcissist does not just have a coterie but he has a congregation. He does not just have Lieutenants, he has vergers and sextons, he has bishops and archbishops who will close ranks and turn their backs on those who speak ill of one of their own.

Try to speak out and expose the holy narcissist and he will describe you as ‘troubled’ and that he will pray for you, further advancing how filled with goodness he is and there must be something seriously wrong and deviant with you if you are resorting to making accusations against  man of the cloth.

The holy narcissist has a position of considerable privilege. An ancient and powerful institution which resolutely supports him, the commanding word of God to dispense, the impressive façade and always the capacity to exploit a person’s fear of their own mortality. As it has been stated before, there were no atheists in the trenches. When the chips are down you either call out to God or your mother, usually both. When you know that despite all appearances, a person still has that need to call on a higher power when they are in fear, this places you in a powerful position.

This position comes with many benefits but the most attractive of all is the congregation. A loyal, devout conclave of fuel. Those who attend services, hold coffee mornings, raise collections, operate soup kitchens and so forth are the foot soldiers of empathy. They are inherently good people who care, who are honest and decent and they wish to exhibit their goodness through good acts and deeds. How they respond and light up when the holy narcissist moves amongst them thanking them for their endeavours. Their faces turn to the holy narcissist, rapt with delight, fuel gushing for them as the holy narcissist sweeps through his worshippers, drinking deep of their admiration, their love and their compassion. It is these people who are doing the dirty work, standing in the cold shaking a collecting tin, feeding down and outs in the less desirable areas of the city and walking mile upon mile to gather donations for the charity shop or food parcels. The holy narcissist will tap into this collective goodness and bolt it on to his façade. He will front the mission’s work, the output as he receives the earnest thanks of the disadvantaged and yet more fuel.

This congregation will round on transgressors, they will offer up delicious fuel as a host of secondary sources which has the holy narcissist positively drenched in the positive fuel. With firebrand enthusiasm, the holy preacher will set his sights on those who apparently do evil and will contentedly draw their ire and the associated negative fuel. He is unswayed. The Big Man has his back and with that it is ever onwards Christian soldiers. No matter what form this religion might take, there will always be holy narcissists in their numbers. There is so much that appeals and accords with the narcissist that organised religion will always attract our kind. The ready availability of unquestionable moral authority which is plated and welded to the narcissistic mind set of superiority, omnipotence and grandiosity makes for a heady concoction indeed. Many struggle to escape the clutches of a holy narcissist and if they do not comply, they are hammered into submission by one of the master strokes of organised religion, the concept of guilt.

Empathic individuals are burdened by guilt and with a book full of quotations that support this construct, the holy narcissist has a field day as he exploits this inherent trait of those who he deals with. You must never question him but you must question yourself because you are prone to sin, you are weighed down by guilt and therefore it is always your fault. It is manna from heaven for the narcissist. Everything about organised religion either elevates him or provides him with a set of tools and methods for keeping his congregation and worshippers submissive, appreciative and loyal. He is able to call on near total dedication and loyalty and if the occasional member strays out of line he has the means and the clerical muscle to either bring them back under his control or banish them into the wilderness. Exerting such control and being able to reap the fuel rewards demonstrates how supine his congregation becomes when it is in the hands of the holy narcissist.

No wonder it is referred to as his flock.

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19 thoughts on “Holy Narcissist”

  1. Hi HG, I was wondering if you could clarify something for me?
    I was reading an article about sexual abuse within the Catholic Church.
    A priest guilty of abusing four underage boys in the 80s was being interviewed. He had admitted to the crime, for which, in his words, he “had paid with external accountibility and had been receiving psychological treatment”.
    During such treatment he had discovered how “his attraction to boys had started when he was 8, after being sexually abused (spanked with his trousers down) by a 9-year-old neighbour”. Essentially, he was the victim and we should all feel sorry for him.
    Also, he had reached out to the boys asking for forgiveness (one of them had already died of AIDS, unfortunately).
    The priest claimed he had confessed the sin, God had told him (?) he was His creature therefore he was “good” and loved.
    The clergyman confirmed he was now trying to stay away from young boys to avoid giving into sin again. Hmmm…..I am inclined not to believe ANY of it and here comes my question. I remember you said that when incest happens, a narcissist is involved. Would you also say that where sexual abuse happens within the Church (or a cult, or a religious group) a narcissist is involved?
    Very grateful if you could answer HG!

    1. Yes because the abuser lacks empathy for the victim to commit the act in the first place.

  2. It happened to me. I. Never. Saw. It. Coming. Really crushed. Hurt. And beyond. One year to the date of leaving my narc. Now the priest I confided EVERY THING TO. Same.

  3. Hello hg, twilight, narcangel, bibi and everyone!

    I miss you all so much! I wish we could meet somehow😊
    My recovery journey has been coming along surely and steadily. I barely think abt him anymore nor do I want to. I owe it all to hg for educating me and to my lovely fellow readers for encouragement! Stay here folks! With time, you will all be free! 💗

  4. Another amazing article, HG. Thank you.

    I am 100% certain I work with a holy narc. She isn’t in a position of real power, thankfully. She and I are both on equal ground at work, but she is “holy” because she is a minister’s wife and thinks she is always taking the “high road” when what she is doing is issuing narc discards constantly! We were close friends the first several years I worked here. She had a work request for me, but rather than asking, she ordered me to do it, and when I replied that I can do that, but not completely, and explained why, she cut me off entirely.

    A year later, she became my friend again out of the blue. It was just so she could ask me if I got a raise. When I didn’t answer, she said “I guess that means you did” and cut me off again. That was 7 years ago, and I’ve been discarded ever since! She did the same thing to our office manager, and will not even communicate with her. Office mgr basically used the word “narcissist” in describing how this employee has treated her. She has painted us both black forever.

    She generally leaves me alone, but every few months, she sends me petty emails like “please don’t use so much tape on things” and “please don’t set files in the box at that angle.” Just petty and STUPID crap. I used to get upset and cry, but now I just archive the nasty emails and do not say a word to her. HG, is that what is called a malign hoover?

  5. I am not one to normally post song lyrics but this one is sooooo apropos right now that it is not even funny…

    “Praying” by Kesha.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-Dur3uXXCQ

    “And we both know all the truth I could tell
    I’ll just say this is I wish you farewell
    I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying
    I hope your soul is changing, changing
    I hope you find your peace
    Falling on your knees, praying”

    He’ll never change but oh the line about “the truth I could tell”….

  6. This article will always get under my skin. Those of you who know my story will know why so that is all I am going to say on the matter.

    “Now remember….if anyone asks us how we know each other we are bible study partners!”

  7. I was subjected to a corrective devaluation by my holy narc last week. It is fine with me. That just helps me see more clearly through his mask. He does know how to hurt me and does it very subtly but efficiently.
    I will try to send a link to this site to his IPPS. I do not think it is going to work though; he is completely under his control.

    1. What is it with these holy narcs and their corrective devaluations?
      Great screen name by the way!

  8. Excellent article, HG. I concur–although not everyone in the church with a position of power is a narcissist-there are quite a few. Also, I agree that if you disagree with a Holy Narcissist-you’ll be labeled the “bad seed”
    Not too long ago, there was a Holy Narcissist that after years of abusing young ones–he was finally caught and went to prison. Although his deviant acts were brought up years prior–it was ignored and the person who brought it was subjected to a smear campaign.

  9. Man o man, HG,
    This is so true!!! I thought I was going to marry a pastor, and I’m supposing I was having some kind of dopamine high, because I felt God told me id even marry him. Thank God, lol, that did not happen. He used my little idea to the hilt!
    Everything I did, I did for him. Even things I thought, and to prove my love, I moved to another State here in the US, because it was near a bible college he said he wanted to go to. I was working on setting things up, but came back because he was in the hospital.
    Now I’m bitter, I lost my faith in God, other’s and myself.
    What’s a girl to do?
    Keep traveling with you, HG, and all my mates here.

    1. Bibi

      I saw this after my son showed me the movie of Heavens Gate. After he pointed out something to me I tossed my cookies.
      I can’t watch these documentaries.

  10. He spoke truth in his perspective, he spoke of many things from his life which were true.
    He understood scripture better then anyone I met.

    He was kind, never raised his voice or hand to me. For the first time in my life I let someone in, someone into the private life of mine.

    He understood me, he understood me a little to well once I explained. He understood just what he could extract from me….

    Now I understand.

    Thank you HG, the first evening I read your book fuel I sat upon a hillside I knew I found what I had been searching for….my next move was to reach out to you and you answered.

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