Needing Release


Why will you not let me go? I just want to be on my own, I have had enough of you. Is it too much to ask that I am able to lead my own life free of your presence and influence? I need to do this for myself. I do not want to be with you anymore. I had to get out. I have other things I want to do and they do not involve you. In truth, I have been wanting to do this for some time but you always managed to prevent me from going. There was always some reason that came up to stop me from breaking free of you. Every time I girded my loins in order to achieve my freedom you would do or say something that would stop me from going. I don’t know how you manage to do it. It is a fearsome power you have when I stop to think about it. It infuriates me actually, the way you manage to keep this hold over me. It is as if you know exactly what I need and you just have to say the right words. It is like weaving a spell, yes, that is it, you are a sorcerer and when you utter the incantation I am stopped from getting away. You freeze me where I stand or you take control of my decisions and actions. Sometimes your dark magic creates a wall that I cannot see but it is there and I cannot get past it. I despise the fact that you are able to do this to me. It should not be like this. You should not be allowed to control me. I know I cannot expect someone like you to even think that what you do is wrong because all you ever do is think about yourself. I have realised this; eventually. It has come at some cost because I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. I have tried to understand you but so many times it is like trying to play a vinyl record on an ipod. Impossible. I still do not understand why you have done what you have done and perhaps I never will, thank goodness there are other people who I can turn to. I know they will not do what you have done to me. You really are inhuman at times.

What’s that? I gave you no reason for why I left? Why would I? You do not deserve an explanation. Why would I give you the pleasure of seeing me having to explain myself to you? Why would I give you a further opportunity to cast another spell and stop me in my tracks once again. I just had to get away from you but look where we are now. You just will not let it happen will you. Why not just get on with your own life? You are no use to me anymore. Is that the reason? It is part of the reason, yes. No, I am not going to tell you more because you will just use it as a way to worm your way back in and get hold of me once again because that is what you do. It is no good denying it, you have done it so many times. If I give the proverbial inch you take a yard. I don’t know why you are shaking your head because it is true. I don’t care if it hurts, how hurt do you think I am after what you did to me. I had to leave you. There was no hope for any other way. I had to escape you otherwise, well, I do not want to consider what might have happened if I had remained. Just let me go will you. Why do you keep contacting me? I have nothing to say to you. I do not want to speak to you, I do not want to exchange messages, I do not want to see you. No, I do not want to talk about it. No, I do not want to sort matters out. No I do not want to try to resolve our differences. There is no point. I have moved on. Yes, I have moved on. I thought I needed you, I really did but it turns out that this is not the case any longer. I have broken free of your grip and believe me it has been a long time coming. They all know by the way, my friends, your friends, our colleagues and families. I had to tell them because I knew this is what you would do. I knew how dangerous you are and I had to warn them to watch out for you because I just knew you would try and get to me through them. You have done it before but I anticipated this move. I am good at reading you. I have had plenty of practice you see and I always know what you are going to do and say. Your predictability has given me such an advantage now and I am using to ensure I stay away from you, so why don’t you just let go? How can this possibly help you or me? You keep clinging on but I don’t understand why? There is no point in your doing this. There is no point in keep ringing me, although how you got my number I am not sure. Don’t hang around my neighbourhood either, yes I have seen you from the window and my neighbours have told me you have been doing it. It is no good denying it, I know what you are like. You are crazy, you are obsessed, I just need you to leave me alone. Please stop it. I am trying to move forward and you need to do the same. I don’t want to discuss the past. There is no point it is done. What’s that, you don’t like it when I do this, it as if I have changed into someone else. Well, I suppose I have, I have had to, in order to escape your influence. Look, this is getting nowhere, I have been civil with you for the sake of the other people here but it won’t last if you keep this up. Go, go now and leave me alone. Please. Just do it. Move on. You can find someone else, I am sure there is someone equally crazy who will take you with open arms. Don’t look like that, I am just telling you how it is. How can I just change like that? It isn’t me that has changed, it was you, you conned me, but I am not going through all of that now, I know what you are doing you are trying to keep me talking in the hope of persuading me, well it won’t work and besides, you really must go now because my new girlfriend will be here in a moment and I don’t want her to have to deal with you and your lunacy. Go.

15 thoughts on “Needing Release

  1. Marie says:

    OMG!!! This is me HG! Leave me alone !!! I have worked out what you are ! Stop stalking me, bagging me on facebook, having your mates take photos of my backyard! Let me go and move on! I want to be free from your presence! Your possessions at my home do not give you control over me cause they are up for sale to pay your debts you left me with. I’ve had enough please I beg you to go away !

  2. oh, dear just read my bit… must have been in a shitty mindset.. apologies peeps

  3. thecandiiclub says:

    oh my lord, you are such a coward, don’t blame another person because you dont have the guts to leave and make a decision.. that is bad form and very shallow… hallow

  4. Paul says:

    Dear HG,
    I’ve just been dumped (4 months ago) by a covert narcissistic female. I have done the research (Vaknin, youtube videos, wiki, etc.) and she qualifies for nearly 100% of the symptoms – wears her vulnerability, is seen as sweet as sugar by everyone who knows her, mother was a gold digger who emotionally abused and neglected her as a child (the mother asked that the father take custody of her, while the mother took custody of her younger sister who clearly most resembled the mother), and of course her gas lighting, dog whistling, etc. that occurred at the end of our relationship is what prompted me to seek out this knowledge – she just became a completely different, cold and callous person. She moved onto 2 new partners within 4 weeks of dumping me, one of which she wanted to tell me over the phone “has a girlfriend.” She only ever pursues long-distance ‘relationships.’ My question is: I possess several months of WhatsApp messages, some of which surely prove what sort of person she is, particularly toward the end of our relationship. What if I attempt to gain a clinician’s diagnosis from these messages? What if I attain their word on what she is and attempt to use it to expose her? Is this something that you, yourself, would have any interest in looking into?
    Many thanks

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Paul, the bespoke nature of this matter means that it is best suited to a consultation.

  5. Spiritial Warrior says:

    ooooooh HG this is the suffering The Narc. got from me when I learned the truth. He I think has suffered. Of loosing his title of Mr. President and being outed by his harem of women. You mess with the Narcissist supply and what gives him the means of money to look for supply. That is a deserved fuck up for him. Supernova will get them. YOU know why because we were USED as a drug and Anything we gave was not appreciate. The End

  6. Kat says:

    Wow HG! Thx for reminding me of my narc’s exhaustingly long diatribes that would go on for a half hour! I actually started timing these speeches on the phone! Thx for reminding me how he would twist everything! I feel for him because he doesnt know who he is, but I dont miss any of this lunacy.

  7. T says:

    HG, you’re rocking my world today! Thank you for the truths I have a hard time with. Thank you for shattering the illusions. I need this to happen.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  8. MB says:

    HG, is it possible that some narcissists really don’t know the real reason they discard? They really cannot give a true explanation even if they wanted to? (Not that they would of course!)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Most do not know.

      1. Eloise says:

        I think that’s true. Thank you, HG, for validating my sense that my upper level mid-ranger really didn’t know why he discarded me (in spite of his explanations and projections).

    2. SuperEmp+ says:

      Great question, MG. Interesting response from HG . . . I always think there’s a reason, particularly any breakup whether its famial, friendship, etc., but not to know? I get the ‘cannot give a true explanation’ part lol

  9. Lori says:

    Oh my the projection. Now Hg how is that they cam say they don’t want to speak to us. Stop sending messages. We all know that’s not true. The Narc has the block button on their phone just like everyone else. Shall we assume that stop sending me messages really means send more messages ? Ahh Narcville where black is white. No means yes. Up is down and left is right

    1. Insatiable Learner says:

      Lori, HG is, of course, welcome to correct me if I am wrong but I don’t think it is always backwards or opposite with narcs. Sometimes when they say they do not want to talk and tell you to stop sending messages, they mean exactly that. It is even illustrated in HG’s article about the narc and shelf IPSS interacting when she keeps sending him messages and he ignores them and then tells her to stop bothering him.

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