The Online Empathic Target

youtube-online-empathicYou are an obvious target when you engage in on-line dating. Your profile acts as a beacon to us. We see certain phrases and descriptions which have us making a bee line for you. You may as well strap a neon sign to your head stating “Empath” because you are sending a clear and distinct signal to us and we will move in for the kill.

On-line dating websites are popular and growing. They have millions of members and billions of page views each day. There are plenty of people looking for love on the internet. Given the ease through which one can browse, select and interact with a prospective date, it is little wonder that online dating sites are extensively used. The ability to avoid having to plunge into a gene pool of who knows what in bars and clubs and other predictable pick-up joints means that firing up the laptop and tablet and settling back to see who is out there has become a major way of finding that other half. I have mentioned before that cyberspace is a major hunting ground for our kind. From apps to social media, through messaging to the dating websites, the speed and reach of technology is a huge boon to the narcissist in his search for victims. Dating websites are no exception. It is there that we can sift through the prospective victims, assessing the target and gauging whether an approach ought to be made to begin the additional fact finding about this individual and commence the seduction. Dating websites attract a good proportion of cranks, wind-up merchants, no-shows, time wasters, married people searching for some sexting and potentially more and these individuals often stand out a mile. The opening gambit of the pervert who is looking for some topless pictures of you is likely to be

“U r gawjuss, do you have nudes?”

Easy to pick that jerk out isn’t it? He won’t be one of us though. He is just an arsehole. The philanderer may well belong to our brethren but when he starts with,

“I am married but my wife and I haven’t had sex for 2 years so I am not really being unfaithful in looking for some action elsewhere.”

You know that he is looking for some extra-marital fun and being so upfront about it means he is unlikely to be one of ours. You never charm somebody by playing your B.L.U.F. – bottom line up front. Rather, in order to bluff, a far more subtle and insidious approach is required. These individuals may have narcissistic traits but they are not in our gang. They operate on a percentage basis. Keep asking for nude pictures often enough and someone is bound to agree. Keep plugging away for someone who fancies a quick bunk up and somebody will eventually respond. That is all they are interested in. They are not after your fuel. We are.

So, what do we look for when we are scouring the digital directory of potential appliances? Naturally, the cadre of narcissist affects the class traits that the relevant narcissist looks for, therefore the Somatic Narcissist will be concentrating on those who look stunning, are gym bunnies, love travel and shopping and such like. The Cerebral Narc will be looking for those who enjoy literature, the arts, demonstrate a higher education and so forth. Those class traits are highly relevant and we do look for them in the profiles of those who place themselves on an online dating site.

We also look for the empathic traits which signify to us that this person has the potential to be an excellent appliance for us and eventually maybe even be a primary source. We scour for those who have the special traits as well, which amount to a bonus. Finally, we look for indicators which tell us that you are unlikely to put up much resistance. Combine all of these indicators – the class, empathic and special traits, add in the knowledge that you are not going to be difficult to approach and engage with and it all points towards a viable target for our attentions. Not all of the empathic or special traits will be present in your profile, this requires additional investigative work on our part which we will engage in, but we will have seen enough which tells us that you are more likely than not an empath and well worth targeting.

So what are these phrases and descriptions that stand out a mile to our kind and have us converging on you? There are numerous that exist, but here is a selection of ones which are used most often.

  1. Been Hurt Before

Our klaxon goes off to tell us that you are damaged goods and therefore ripe for the taking. Somebody has tenderized you already and thus our insidious charm will meet with little resistance. You will be delighted to find someone so caring, so compassionate, so considerate and so into you. Such a contrast to the predecessor. You will not be warier for the experience but actually more vulnerable because you clearly do not recognise our kind when we come hunting.

  1. Loves animals

If you are prepared to care for a lower life form, feed it, groom it, exercise it, play with it, buy it things, pay vet’s bills and so forth, you are clearly a caring person. Nine times out of ten an animal lover is also someone who is very caring towards their own species too, there is the odd exception of course, but it is more often a reliable indicator of empathic traits than not.

  1. I’m new to this/ I cannot believe I am doing on-line dating

You have not been able to meet anybody through a traditional method and you are telling us this because you feel somewhat awkward and silly that you are doing this. Don’t worry, we will put you at your ease because guess what? We will tell you we are new to this (of course we are not) and let’s handhold on this new adventure. This also tells us that there is a degree of desperation to find somebody because you are trying to suggest you do not use this ordinarily. Well you are here now aren’t you because nothing else has worked?

  1. I like to stay in with a glass of wine and a DVD/cosy up in front the fire/ walk in the park on Sunday and go to the pub for a roast/ have Sunday brunch and read the papers together

You are a love devotee. How so? These standard phrases originate because you have watched the fabricated happy Hollywood couples in film, or read about them in glossy magazines and novels which advocate that this is the way that couples spend every evening or Sunday together. You are susceptible to being sold the ideal of how love is, the romantic and wonderful view of love and by using phrases such as these you are indicating that to us loud and clear. You want an ideal form of love? Guess who can manufacture that in an instant?

  1. Church/God/Spirituality

If you make mention of this on your profile you are exhibiting, you operate by a moral code and therefore you will have empathic traits. If you demonstrate some form of spirituality this tells us that you have a belief system and therefore you are susceptible to suggestion. This ranges from being a good and decent person through to someone who believes that love will solve every issue and problem. That mind set is appealing to us.

  1. Charity involvement

If you make mention of your work at the local homeless shelter, you volunteer with a medical charity or are engaged in fund-raising we know you are a giver and not a taker. We also know that you have significant levels of empathy and that you will go the extra mile to secure the happiness of somebody. We want that attitude directed towards us.

  1. I am a middle child/ I come from a large family

There is a good chance you have not been afforded the attention you might otherwise have wanted and thus we know that we can secure an easy win by lavishing on you plenty of the aforementioned attention. We also regard this as demonstrating that you are quite stoic individual who has been used to just getting on with things, so that having someone come along and help you and put you at the centre of things will really gain your approval and appreciation.

  1. I just got out of a committed relationship

So you have and by writing this you are telling us two things. The first is you want another one pretty quickly because you do not like being alone. The second is that you have evidently been the one who has been dumped or cheated on as you are saying you were the one who was committed and you want other people to know that you were committed. This tells us that you are keen on getting to the truth of the matter, an empathic trait and that you will stick around.

  1. I am looking for a knight in shining armour

So many bases are ticked with this one. You are a love devotee as you are sold on the idea of romantic love. You want someone to save you and therefore you will respond well to such overtures. You have evidently suffered previously and therefore you have been softened up in that regard as detailed above. You are also expecting somebody else to be chivalrous and bear the burden, which translates into you wanting that person to buy you things, take you places and spoil you. No problem, that all comes as part of the Love Bombing package.

  1. I am seeking someone who is financially secure

You have financial problems which we can exploit and/or you were with somebody who had financial problems so you want to avoid that happening again. You are attracted to success (or the appearance of success) and this is a motivating factor for you. We will be happy to factor that in for you.

  1. I am ready for a long-term relationship

You have not been able to find anybody so far, so desperation is starting to creep in. You are also a giver and believe in relationships, you want to be bound to somebody and make it work. You have just tilted your head and exposed your throat to us.

  1. I want to be swept off my feet

Another indication of being a love devotee who believes in excessive romanticism and also a key indicator that our whirlwind approach to seduction will reap significant rewards and find favour with you. You will be swept off your feet alright, you just may have trouble getting up again.

  1. I am tired of games

Again another signal that you have suffered in the past and therefore you are susceptible to manipulation. This offers us the chance to exhibit that we are honest, straightforward and reliable to draw you in and then we can commence our manipulations of you with impunity.

  1. Looking for The One

More evidence of the love devotee, someone who is ready to pour their heart and soul into the relationship and therefore you will be overflowing with empathic traits. Not only that, you will fall prey to our various ways of telling you that you are The One, Our Soulmate and The Person We Have Waited Our Whole Life For.

  1. Mention of the caring professions

If you happen to explain you work in nursing, look after the elderly, you sign for the local deaf community and so forth, this lights up that you have empathic traits and this especially appeals to the Victim Narcissist who will be looking for his own personal carer.

There are many more and we look for a selection of these in somebody’s written dating profile to confirm to us that you will have the various traits we desire and that your resistance to being seduced will be low.

Time for a re-think on what you have written?


26 thoughts on “The Online Empathic Target”

  2. I am not going to under value any of our experiences as we are intitiled to feel our pain and take our time to heal, AS NO one can say okay get over it, he cheated on you. He lied. All men lie…NOPE many who have not experience this type of abuse have no clue. Then there is the OH you should of known better…YUP me, beating myself up..BUT this experience took something from me and gave me something too. I am NOT in a mind set to flirt, date, look or play with the idea of a man in my life. Sex…ohh how good it was with the Narc. as it was all different. nice lovely dirty playful romantic. and all fucking fake…He was a gigglo SO he took from me the wanting to be in a relationship. My sex drive died. It comes to me in dreams then it is me myself and I. as Sex is healthy, but knowing I was with a sick evil monster who put a curse a spell his stench on me and all the women he kiss licked and fucked WHO also thought they were special. uggg my mind goes to sick vill. He took from me with out my permissions. He manipulated my sex organs to serve him.

  3. CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN OR HG ??How Do you and all the Narcissist keep THE MANY Victims he has organized ?? How do you keep all of us a secret from each other?? See I understand the relationship part, married part, family part. BUT not the harem part. Then there is the triangulation of the victims know of each other and the Narcissist is playing us against each other. I met mine in 2011. I was a mess in 2013 as he came back from a work trip to China. Then he was acting weird when he came back. So I Googled him, as it was awhile since I did OMG there was a TripAdvisor review under his name. It was of a hotel in France, done by a woman who said they were a couple. So I googled her. Found her facebook. AND years of him and her and their life and blended family. NOT married. NOT living together, but lived 5 miles away. I was sick so sick to my stomach…I went and threw up my guts. NEVER have I been with a man, who was so bold of lying and cheating with a family. I returned to her FB page and as I was looking at it. SHE was down loading her photos of THEM being in China. OMG…he was with her and texting me for a week, photos so on.So I was looking at her timeline…So many photos he sent me of trips of work, SHE took them and he sent them to me. NOPE he sent it to his sex phone, then sent them TO ALL OF HIS HAREM OF WOMEN ON HIS SEX PHONE. 2014 came I had a closer lunch with him of him telling me WHAT happened. So many double talks of words. So 2014 I contacted her. She lied about him and her. So I felt I did something so horrible. I went to therapy…for being used and my rights taken away of being involved with a man in partnership..NO HEALING…WASTED TIME, AS the issue was misdiagnosed of my reason for therapy…2015 I found out He was a Narcissist and she was a kookoo crazy sicko bitch of hurting women with him. The many layers of C-PTSD, threats, I got death threats from his flying monkeys or him or his gf. I had to go to the police. Nothing done, unless I got hurt. So I HAD to become a Spiritual Warrior to heal and fight. NO contact sometimes has to be handled later, as if you have a Narcissist who are victimizing other women and you know, all you can do is let them know with evidence. So if they do not care or believe you. YOU still planted the seed, as WE would of NOT believed it either, BUT in time we knew Something was sickly wrong with this person…Blessings to all of us…

  4. Craiglist….Mine probably wrote many a day, to see who would write back. Holidays are the times when many write an ad, as being lonely. HE did NOT write ads, he answered…the type of victims…Newly divorced, single moms. Low self esteem. So me after 3 years of him and finding out something was just not right. I posted my ad on Craiglist DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN with his photo. He lives at a beach house and I asked questions. Of phases he used. Things he did. The house. 25 questions. I posted NO name or personal information, 3 months and 22 women wrote me. All anonymous except one. One I met and became friends with to take him down. Then there was an older women who wrote a book on him….a erotica SHE was dumped for the GF but did not know, he was doing this before her and after her or he was a narc. SHE blamed her self she was a sex addict or fantasy addict. SEE we blame ourselves, but we were duped conned lied to…THEN IF WE DO NOT KNOW WE ARE DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST…..We misdiagnose the issues and go get help, but the wrong help as we are treating the wrong symptom….not a messed up man, who is having flings as EVERYONE cheats. or he is having a midlife crises. He is so sorry, as you found out and he is trying to tell you someone thing, as I did NOT know you thought we were monogamous. UGGGGG one years wasted in therapy and money…Let him burn down into the ground he came from…go back to the devil…as I think these are the workers of the devil….

  5. I am that crazy blonde woman with all the guns and knives….how do you respond to that tagline, HG? LOL!!!

  6. I can show any women how to find what they really need / want online. That’s me the empath super nova . This is one of my narc traits used for the betterment of women . I learned a lot the 4 years I was a single parent . There actually are some good men looking . You can easily spot a narc online . Lol HG has told us what his kind and others act like online. I need to start a personal service for women . 😉

  7. Oh let me tell about this. I had totally forgotten that Mr, Married Lesser had shown me a dating profile on are you interested. He said it wasn’t his and he didn’t know how it got there. Oh he knows how it got there.

    Why on earth would he have shown that to me during the seduction phase

    1. Lori,
      My speculation would be that he pulled this move during seduction to test you, to see if you swallow your suspicions to make him happy. If so, it was prob a good indicator to him that you were hooked. Just a thought.

      1. Perhaps. I thought the woman before me had done it. I said who would do that ? He said I don’t know. Oh he knew alright. I think he probably gets laid off of there all the time.

        God these people are so warped all because they had shitty parents that didn’t know how to live them

      2. And here’s the thing I never really suspected anything except for maybe a split second and then said nah he just pissed someone off and they did it to screw with him.

        This guy had me so fooled because he was a lesser. I had previously been with a cassanova mid ranger that was smooth with words. This guy wasn’t. Like HG described it was a bronzey golden period. I must have been the mother load of supply because he was smitten with me. He could hardly stand to not be on touch with me for an hour but he wasn’t a romantic tyoe. He was very uncomfortable with even mimicking those types of emotions

        Even when you have experience these people can still ensnare you

  8. HG,
    My online narc (who approached me on a gaming app) did advise me early on that he’s married, and he sent me pics of himself with his wife and kids without being asked. HG, he said he wanted me to see he’s a just a normal guy. In his case, I think he was just so “honest” early on to appear like a harmless guy. He turned out to be all kinds of twisted in the head. Could he still have been a narc, HG, even though he was honest about being married?

    Then again, maybe that family in the pics was some relatives of his, and he could be some single guy or escaped convict who sits in his parents’ basement and trolls for vulnerable women? There is no way to ever know. We met in person and that’s def his real face, but anything else could be fictional. I don’t even believe he gave me his real first name.

  9. Lol ! Middle child of large family . Yes , you would need to be cerebral narc to know that detail is a sign of an empath .

  10. I’ve never felt comfortable with the idea of finding someone online.
    This article cements my feelings. I’m too battered and fearful that no matter what I might say on a dating site, I would still attract a narc.
    I envy people who have been successful using this method of finding someone to love.

  11. My profile had nothing about any of this – no animals, religion, past relationships, don’t work in a caring profession, never mention past relationships. I’m not even very nice! Ha. He still zeroed in on me. His opening line referred to something I had written. It was funny. So the first thing we had was a laugh. We had a lot of laughs — similarly warped senses of humor. Oops. Now I am missing that about him.

    1. It was how you responded to him …laughing and how you wrote . Maybe what was in your pics also ?

      1. He contacted me, so maybe it was the pictures. I am okay to look at :). I did challenge him immediately with a very sarcastic comment so we matched wits. We actually have a lot in common – similar humor, expats from similar countries, travels to and living in obscure places; our kids are close in age and went to the same school (my son only for a short time), as did I many decades ago. Our backgrounds meshed. Plus we have this incredible chemistry, which one cannot tell online. But things pretty quickly got twisted…and I dumped him after a month. I second guessed myself, however, and there went the years. Now I am old and worn out by this. I don’t online date anymore!

  12. Lol, I’ve not engaged in online dating sites. I’m more of a traditionalist, preferring meeting someone in person.
    Lol, even that hasn’t worked out because my man picker is way off the mark.
    What’s a girl to do???
    HG, I’m just going to keep reading!!!

    1. T, that’s a very wise decision! I’m with you on continuing to read HG’s posts and the comments here. I definitely don’t trust my man picker either. Usually if I’m watching a movie and there’s a side character who I’m drawn to, they end up being a serial killer or terrorist or some shit like that. WTF?

      1. Mary many of us want a gentleman with an edge.So now I and many of us need to get back to honoring the lovely beautiful people we are. We were tainted by the Narcissist. We had their stench on us. We had to be cleansed after them, whatever that is that is right for us. I did spiritual, therapy, cleansing baths, mental cleansing. IT IS SO FUCKING SAD SO SAD HOW MUCH THEY TOOK FROM US AND MESSED US UP, WE HAD TO DO THE WORK AND SPEND THE MONEY. THERE SHOULD BE A FUND TO HELP US. LIKE THE #ME TOO MOVEMENT. Rape by fraud Rape by deceit

        1. Interesting that you should say this, Spirtual Warrior, because I was thinking the same – rape by fraud, by deceit – especially because mine lied about his name and his marital status. I was just reading about Harvey Weinstein’s wife and how she had no clue. I can now understand how one can be married to a psychopath and have no clue.

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