Goldinarcs and the Three Empaths



Once upon a time, there was a narcissist called Goldinarc. She went for a walk in the Forest of Empathy as she had heard that there were always some fresh victims she could find there. Pretty soon, she came upon a beautiful cottage. She didn’t bother knocking, she never did and in accordance with her sense of entitlement she just pushed the door open and walked in.

She found the interior to have all the trappings of empathy. There was a large doormat with welcome written on it, there were various books about spirituality, self-improvement and the universe on a set of shelves and the décor was relaxing and not showy.

“I wouldn’t live here myself,” she sniffed as she wandered through the rooms until she entered the kitchen where she saw three bowls of soup on the table. Feeling hungry and knowing that she had an inalienable right to commandeer the resources of another, she tasted the soup from the first bowl.

“Yuk, what a cheap and nasty tasting soup,” spluttered Goldinarc and she tipped the soup onto the floor smiling at the dismay the owner of the house would experience and thus she gained some Thought Fuel. She moved on to the next bowl.

“Urrgh cabbage soup, clearly someone is trying to lose some weight, obviously not as beautiful as me. I do not need to eat this crap,” she announced and poured the contents on the floor also.

Goldinarc turned to the third bowl. This bowl was beautifully designed and set with precious stones. A silver spoon rested in it and Goldinarc scooped up a mouthful of the soup.

“Oh that is delicious, a bowl of Buddha Jumps Over the Wall. Yum yum.” Goldinarc ate it all up. When she had finished she suddenly felt restless and annoyed.

“I enjoyed that soup but whoever made it thinks they can make better soup than me. I hate them!” So in a fit of ignited fury she smashed the ornate bowl on the floor and bent the silver spoon in her mouth before dropping it on to the table.

After scoffing the bowl of Buddha Jumps Over the Wall soup, Goldinarc decided she needed to sit down and watch some television. She moved to the living room and found a small wooden stool.

“I am not sitting on that, that is a stool for a peasant,” she sneered and slammed her foot down on it, breaking the wooden stool.

Her eyes alighted on an armchair with a cushion which looked rather comfortable. She tried it but if felt lumpy. Scowling, Goldinarc jumped up and ripped the cushion apart as she called the chair names, slashing at the fabric with her long, red nails.

Just then she saw a throne.

“Aha, that is far more to my taste,” she remarked. She settled on the throne and felt most at home as she imagined how people would admire her as she sat resplendent and noble. After a while however she became bored because there was nobody there to see what she was doing so she stood up and took a knife from the kitchen. She carved her name into the throne.

“Now, since it obviously belongs to me, everyone will know it is mine and therefore nobody else is allowed to sit in it,” she said smugly.

Goldinarc gave a yawn. All this malicious behaviour was tiring but she also felt weak because nobody was around to see her machinations, so she decided that she would head upstairs and have a nap to await the owners of the cottage who would surely be home soon and available to provide her with some fuel.

Once upstairs, Goldinarc found three bedrooms. She entered the first and found a very small bed in an extremely tidy room.

“That bed is no use to anybody, pathetic!” she declared and tipped it over before knocking over the carefully placed bottles, books and other trappings of the bedroom’s owner, making a right old mess.

She went into the second bedroom and found a bed of nails on the floor.

“Hmm,” mused Goldinarc, “this must be a Martyr’s bedroom but there is no way I am sleeping on that.” She hitched up her skirt (and she never wore panties since she was such a slut) and peed over the bed of nails.

“Try sleeping with that pong!” laughed Goldinarc.

Goldinarc went to the third bedroom and pushed open the door to see a massive bed and inside of it lay seven small men.

“Oi!” shouted Goldinarc causing the dozing men to wake with a jolt.

“Aren’t you in the wrong story?” she asked as the bewildered little men all sat up and stared at her.

“Begging your pardon miss, we were just having a rest, we will be on our way right this moment and out of your story,” said one, a handsome fellow with shining eyes.

“Not so fast,” grinned Goldinarc as she closed the door behind her, “You are just what I have been looking for!”

“Please miss, we had best be getting back to our mistress, she will be worried about where we are,” remarked another of the men who had a carefully trimmed beard and a diamante ear-ring. The men started to move, trying to clamber out of the sumptuous bed.

“Oh I don’t think so,” cried Goldinarc, “I know who you are.”

Goldinarc then pointed at each of the little men as she called out their names.

“Soulmate! Angel! Light of my life! Flower in bloom! The One! Saviour! My True Love!”

As she said each name, the little men each became transfixed, a loving and helpless look coming over their faces as they were ensnared by the charm of Goldinarc. Smiling, Goldinarc started to remove her dress as she made her way to the bed and the waiting little men.

Some time later Goldinarc lay in the centre of the bed surrounded by the exhausted little men all of whom had fallen asleep once again, drained of their fuel. Goldinarc was asleep also, a smile of contentment plastered on her lips, her golden hair spread out across the pillow as she slept the sleep of the righteous.

Meanwhile, the Three Empaths, Honesty, Decency and Integrity, had arrived home at their cottage after a day of assisting at the soup kitchen, collecting for an orphanage charity and feeding stray animals on the streets of a nearby town. They were jolly hungry after their charitable exertions and made straight for the kitchen.

“Goodness me, someone has thrown my Pauper’s Broth, on the floor,” remarked Honesty.

“Goodness me, someone has thrown my Cabbage Soup, on the floor as well,” remarked Decency.

“Goodness me, someone has eaten up all my Buddha Jumps Over the Wall and smashed my bowl! And bent my spoon! ” said Integrity.

They made their way to the living room in search of clues as they were all truth seekers.

“Oh my, someone has smashed my Virtuous Yet Useless Stool,” cried Honesty.

“Oh my, someone has shredded the cushion on my old comfy chair and torn huge tears in my armchair!” cried Decency.

“Oh my, someone has etched the name Goldinarc into my throne, who would do such a thing?” declared Integrity.

“Someone called Goldinarc, just a guess,” said Honesty quietly.

In search of the vandal, the Three Empaths went upstairs.

They reached the first bedroom.

“Oh heaven to Betsy,” cried Honesty as she looked in on her overturned bed and trashed bedroom, “the Feng Shui has been desecrated!”

They reached the second bedroom.

“Sweet Jesus and the baby orphans,” cried Integrity as she smelt the ammonia of Goldinarc’s urinary insult, “my room stinks!”

They reached the third bedroom and tentatively pushed the door open to see the naked Goldinarc surrounded by the seven naked little men. Goldinarc awoke instantly and stared at the Three Empaths.

“Poor thing, she has no room at all with all those dwarves hogging the bed,” cried Honesty.

“Poor thing, she will catch a chill without some night clothes,” cried Decency.

“Poor thing, judging by the looks on those dwarves’ faces, they have stolen her innocence,” cried Integrity.

“Damn right!” cried Goldinarc seizing the moment and putting her hands to her face in mock horror, “these evil little bastards poured soup on the floor, smashed a bowl, broke a chair, ripped up a cushion, shredded an armchair, vandalised the throne, trashed a bedroom, pissed on another bed and then dragged me in here when I tried to stop them wrecking the complete cottage and had their wicked way with me. Help me, please!”

And so it came to pass that the seven dwarves received jail time for an array of crimes and the Three Empaths took Goldinarc under their wing providing her with a steady stream of fuel, traits and residual benefits but nobody lived happily ever after……








22 thoughts on “Goldinarcs and the Three Empaths

  1. UltraEmpath says:

    Haha this is brilliant!

  2. Kat says:

    Here’s my fairy tale for you, HG! Once upon a time, a lesser narc asked Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the greatest narc of all?! The mirror answered, the mid-ranger is! So the lesser in his instinctive rage impulsively killed the mid-ranger. The lesser asked the same question of the mirror, to which The Mirror replied….the greater narc is obviously the greatest of them all! So the lesser went off to find the greater. They had it out, and even though the greater was far more coniving than the lesser, it was the lesser’s impulsive rage which allowed the lesser to do away with the greater once and for all! The greater just didnt see his end coming! Unfortunately, the lesser was so taken by the offer of a delectable apple with its “shiny” appeal offered by a naive young princess in the land, that he failed to realize it was poisoned! You see, he saw the apple as “fuel” since it was a delicious opportunity to turn the tables and “seduce” this naive princess! The lesser died before he knew what had hit him! All the empathic elves in the land were thrilled to death (pun intended) to hear all the narcs had died off! However, they had a sickening, sinking, gut-wrenching feeling that there had to be more narcs of whatever class out there! And, of course, their instincts were right on…………..

  3. T says:


  4. Eloise says:


  5. MB says:

    I don’t want to get in trouble for cooking related comments, but does anybody have Goldinarc’s recipe for Buddha Jumps Over the Wall soup?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Google is your friend.

      1. MB says:

        It’s a real freaking thing! I gotta get out more! That’s my learning experience for today at Tudor U. Of course the day isn’t over yet. Thank you professor HG.

        1. Caroline says:

          If you hardly ever Google, it’s probably more the other — you get out TOO much — you wild woman you!;-)

          1. MB says:

            Hehe Caroline! Wild woman I wish!

            Who knew there was some kinda shark fin stew!?! This soup has like 30 ingredients. You’d spend $1000 to make it! Goldinarc can have her damned superior soup! I’ll get some in Fiji next time I’m in the neighborhood. I love their water too. 😊

            I like how HG says Buddha. We say “Boo Dah””. If I had not read it before listening on YouTube, I would not have understood what he said.

            Google has gotten a workout since I started reading I had to activate the lookup function on my iPhone for the first time too once I found HG. I don’t like not knowing what words mean. I started keeping a list of all the words I had to look up. Tudor U has done wonders for my vocabulary. True story.

      2. Caroline says:

        Cute question, cute reply. Needed a smile today. Tx~

        1. MB says:

          Smiling is always good.

          I’m beginning to think there isn’t a subject HG doesn’t know about. If there is, I certainly haven’t discovered it!

  6. MB says:

    Love HG’s stories, so humorous and entertaining. (As well as informative.) Modern day Aesop. If you haven’t listened to it on YouTube, click over…you’re in for a treat.

  7. narc affair says:

    Waiting for my fav one to pop up lol these are hilarious 😄

    1. Caroline says:

      Which one, NA?:-)

      1. narc affair says:

        Hi caroline… i cant remember the name offhand but the one where the queens son is put to shame by the super empath lol i think a dildo was involved 😂🤣😄

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The Princess Empath and the Hurt

        2. Caroline says:

          How very warm and cozy, NA~~let me know when it arrives…I’ll grab my soft, pretty polka-dot blanket and warm milk.

          (Insert here: *angel-girl-emoji-with-open-mouthed-elves-passing-out-in-the-background*)

      2. narc affair says:

        That be it HG …🤣

  8. Susan says:

    Love it !!! ❤️

  9. Caroline says:

    Uskikkelig og morsomme!

    1. Sunniva says:

      And in Norwegian, Caroline.
      Love it👌🏻

      1. Caroline says:

        Thank you, Sunniva…very kind of you. 🙂 It’s partly situational shyness/partly that I want to learn (helped by relative).

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