A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 23




We will not be continuing. I don’t hold anything against you and I sincerely wish you the best. There will be no further communication from this point forward.



23 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 23”

    1. It doesn’t surprise me that it might sound like an N wrote it..Considering it was written based on advice given by a friend (and self-admitted sociopath). He told me the middle sentence and the “Farewell” were too much.

      All the other letters I sent previously, when I was in the thick of confusion and chaos, were pouring emotion. I was met with a similar brick wall from the N.

      1. I do not see this letter as written by a narcissist at all. It is to the point and almost fuel free. I see this as a letter written by someone who has applied what I teach.

      2. Thank you, HG. 😊 I appreciate hearing that. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time. You’ve helped me understand, process, and finally start to get back to center and move forward.

  1. BOOM! Perfect! Short and sweet. No fuel laden letter. Just an I’m done here. That’s all that need be said

  2. If I understand it correctly this letter would cause the most wounding of all. Most of them are dripping with fuel. This one you could actually deliver.

    1. Jess
      My guess is that he would see it exactly as the picture demonstrates. The kindness lowering the hoover bar and leaving a small window of opportunity for a breach in future.

      1. You are right. It’s really for the victim’s closure and not the narcs. If u follow it up with strict no contact then that brick will replace itself. HG has stated that it’s ok to state how you feel but as long as it’s emotion free, done once and then left be then you cause wounding. Its difficult for us to understand that but if you want to get revenge this letter is how it’s done.

      2. Also, it doesn’t matter what the victim says or does the narcissist will still see bricks missing from the wall. <3

        1. Jess
          Yes thats true-narcs will see what they want, and I believed the purpose of the exercise to be that the letters were never intended to be sent and allow the WRITER to say exactly what they want and to be heard without criticism. In that respect there are no WRONG letters. It is another exercise entirely to then have others review/modify them as if they actually WERE to be sent so that they would have maximum effectiveness. Of course there is really only one opinion that matters on that.

          1. NarcAngel
            I agree with you about the letters. In my opinion they are more therapeutic, a way to express how we feel about the narc and our relationship with him/her. There would never really be any point in giving a narc an explanatory letter anyway. They would never read it and internalize the words. If they even looked at it, they would see what they wanted to see.

            There’s no way to get remorse out of a narc. Their fragile self-esteem can’t handle believing they have anything to feel remorse about – regardless of anything they say. They have no understanding of closure, either. As HG often says, for a narc no relationship ever ends until death.

            And that middle sentence about holding nothing against him and wishing him the best? I see the importance for her of putting that in there. It reaffirms her empathy for everyone, even him.
            We have to be true to ourselves. We need to learn how to recognize narcs and make better decisions, while being true to the person we know we are inside.

    2. I don’t feel I criticized anyone’s letter. The purpose of the exercise is for the writer’s emotional release so the more emotion laden letters are cathartic to write, with hope. I was proposing that this letter could be delivered to the narcissist without providing fuel and would wound. Im learning as well and these concepts are vague to me. I’m not interested in criticizing anyone….except for the narcissist.

      1. Jess
        Youve misunderstood me. I am not saying you were critisizing the letters at all. I was explaining my understanding of the exercise and there have been some pretty harsh comments previously. I agreed with you that no matter what we say (or dont say) the narc will believe what he wants. I should have separated the post at that point when adding my further thoughts. Apologies for the confusion.

  3. This should be a stationary letter in our phone 🙂

    My first escape – my letter was like that – I am so annoyed I did not ended it there .

    My last communication to him was 🙂

    A smile – to an angry text that he had been so great to me and that basically I was not appreciative etc

    I am keeping a pic on my phone – hope I never have to use it but if I do – that is what I will send 🙂

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