Tirade

 

TIRADE1

 

“You’ve done what? I cannot believe it. What on earth possessed you to do that? Are you mad? Are you completely unhinged woman? Sweet Jesus I don’t believe what you just said to me. How many times have we been over this before? Countless times. Hell, I said it only yesterday didn’t I? I cannot believe you would be so stupid as to do something like this, it just beggars belief. You know I am starting to think that you do this on purpose don’t you? It’s no good shaking your head and staring at me like that, do you think I will feel sorry for you if you give me those eyes? Do you? I said DO YOU? Yes, you may as well shake your head again, it’s about as much as someone of your idiocy can do. I swear I am living with an epsilon semi-moron, have you always been this fucking dumb? I guess you have. It was such a simple thing to do, straight forward, a child could do it, but no not you, you had to go and be clever and go and royally fuck it up. You absolute idiot. You have ruined everything now; you do realise that don’t you? I mean it is completely ruined and how about that for a fantastic start eh? Yes, I am being sarcastic, I suppose I have to explain that to someone as brain dead as you. Jesus, why on earth have I been saddled with you. Don’t you fucking dare speak when I am speaking, you’ve done enough damage as it is, you will shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am setting you straight. I have pointed out to you so many bloody times what you should do and you assured me, you stood there and assured me that you knew what you were doing. That was a lie. I SAID SHUT UP AND DON’T INTERRUPT ME! I swear you want me to hit you don’t you? That’s what you are trying to do. Oh I know you alright, you think you are so damn clever but I have you worked out. I know what you are up to. That’s right, wind me up, get it wrong, disappoint and frustrate me and then you want me to explode and land myself in some hot water. Well it isn’t going to work with me. I am not stupid. I am not you, you know. I know what I am doing. I am the one that keep this place together, you would do well to remember that when you are busy ruining everything with your mind-blowing and monumental incompetence. It is breath taking. It truly is. I told you what to do. I told you once, I told you a hundred times and you said to me and I can specifically remember what you said, you said ‘don’t worry, I can be trusted to get it right’. Yes, that is what you said. It is no point looking like that, don’t pull that face with me, don’t you fucking dare, I am sick of you not showing me enough respect around here. I work my backside off to keep things afloat, not that you give me any credit for it though. Oh no, you are too busy taking the piss, fucking things up and spoiling it for everyone and especially for me. I don’t know what I am going to do now. I mean, you’ve just, I, I am almost lost for words. You see, not only have you cocked it right up but you have lied to me as well. I don’t know which is worse, but that’s you all over isn’t it. The liar, the deceiver, you flatter to deceive. Don’t think I don’t know what you get up to. I have my eye on you, yes, you would do well to look worried, I know all about you. What are you looking over there for? Look at me when I am talking to you. Look. At. Me. Oh here we go, the waterworks. If you have messed up and you are being corrected start crying and it will be all okay again. Well it won’t will it? It won’t be okay after what you have done. It won’t be fine. It won’t be good or great or fine and dandy. You have messed it up. I knew this would happen. I knew I shouldn’t have left it to you, but do you know what, I thought to myself, no, give her a chance, let her prove she can do it, let he demonstrate that she can be trusted to get it right, I mean, after all, that is what a relationship is all about isn’t it? Trust. Without trust there is nothing. Do you see what you have done? Do you? Do you really understand the impact of what you have done? Somehow I doubt it, that is why I am having to do this. Do you think I like shouting at you? What’s that? Were you going to nod then? Why you ungrateful and nasty bitch, you have some cheek to accuse me of enjoying this when I am the one who has to put up with the consequence of your outrageous incompetence. I am the one who is put out. I am the one who has to suffer. You will just walk away muttering about having understood, how you have learned your lesson and you won’t do it again but I may as well be speaking in Mandarin for all of the notice that you take. I told you to stop crying. If you don’t stop crying, I am going to seriously lose it with you. Christ, what am I going to do? You’ve messed it up and ruined it for me. You don’t care, you don’t. If you did care you wouldn’t keep doing this would you. You wouldn’t keep making these mistakes and winding me up. You are trying to send me to an early grave aren’t you so you can have all this to yourself aren’t you? Got some fancy man on the side have we? I bet that’s what this is all about isn’t it? Ruin me through your incompetence and then waltz off into the sunset with some Johnny Come Lately after I croak it, sent to an early grave by your scheming. You’d love that wouldn’t you, to see me off. You nasty cow, no wonder nobody likes you, no wonder nobody asks you out. Oh yes, we never get invited anywhere these days because of you and your behaviour and is it any wonder. You are a walking disaster area. I mean people put up with you, they did it for my sake, I have good friends like that, or should I say I had good friends like that but thanks to you they are disappearing like rats on a sinking ship. You won’t be happy will you until you have completely ruined everything for me will you. That’s what you want. You want me on my knees, gasping for breath, miserable and wretched as you cavort and carry on with some other mug that you have seduced and promised the world to. I can’t believe I fell for it, but then I guess you keep the real you hidden don’t you, tucked away until you have your feet under the table, your name on the deeds and the joint Amex account. Well you are not that clever because you won’t beat me. I am cleverer than you. I am going to make you pay for what you have done. I am the one who is in charge here, this is my house and you do what I say. I am going to unleash hell against you after this catastrophe, it is an outrage, a complete outrage. I pity our neighbours having to put up with this, but you make me do it, it is all about you. I am not fooled by the frightened looks and the tears, other people might be taken in by it, but I am not. I know it is all for show. You disgust me, you scheming, manipulative, hateful cow. I curse the day I met you. Now look, you’ve made me late, thanks a bunch, that’s all I need. I’m going and don’t think I’ve finished; this is far from over.”

Silence.

“I thought you would prefer raspberry jam to marmalade,” you say softly to nobody in particular.

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23 thoughts on “Tirade”

  1. Hello…can you please tell me why the narcissist felt the need to stop, stare at me and wave hello? I have not spoken to this man in almost two years our breakup was not amicable at all, I had to get a PPO against him and keep the police involved…I have no desire to speak to the narc and he should not want to speak to me either. What is happening here? Is this part of his counseling/probation assignment or something?

    1. You should organise a consultation so I can receive more information about the circumstances to enable me to provide you with an accurate response.

  2. T…
    It takes time. Took me a few years to pull myself together too. You have to do you first and foremost! Absolutely nothing wrong with that! Oh girl, that tequila will MESS you up! Lol
    Last time I did tequila shots I climbed a tree and fell out of it and hit a fence requiring stitches in my leg… but I’d do it again Yolo Right? Ha ha
    Red wine will get you all nekked and happy just the same . Not that I would know anything about that (wink)…just saying

      1. K…
        Lol i like your thinking.. it would be amusing thats for sure haha

  3. “Are you quite done?….. Seems like you could use a nap. Do you need your nappies changed too?….. I’m going out to have an adult conversation. No, you are not invited.”

  4. And…This is what I grew up with.
    It’s made me a beacon for narcissists.
    Both my parents are now deceased.
    And I’m glad. I have no respect for the dead, and certainly not them.
    My siblings think I’m pissed off they were rich and left me with nothing. No, it wasn’t that. I can make my own money. It was what they put me through. Fuck them. They don’t deserve my putty or forgiveness.

    1. T…
      I cant imagine growing up with TWO narc parents. I truely feel bad for those that have. One was bad enough. I feel the same about my “momster”. I have been nc for about 5yrs with her. She is a horrible person and my sister is the same way. When my dad was terminally ill she was hinting towards going to see him in the hospital and I told her under NO circumstances will I allow that. (They had been divorced since I was about 13) My dad suffered her narcissism enough and I wasnt about to let that woman get another last shot at him on his deathbed. Not so strangely enough He still had a soft spot for her after all those years. She treated him like shit and he worshipped the ground she walked on. Makes me sick.

      1. Julie! We have a lot in common. I wish I could say it was all under better circumstances.

      2. T…
        I have noticed as well! Its good when you can talk about these things and someone REALLY gets you. My best friend is supportive but I dont feel she truely understands what kind of mind blowing fuckey I have been exposed to. She was around when I got narc’d up by the lesser but not the greater several years ago. She has never met my narc mother or sister. She is my bestie god bless her but she hasnt the foggiest clue what a narc can do. Thats why its so nice to be here and amongst people who can totally relate. Too bad we all cant meet up for a girls night out LOL
        HG can come too .. ill make sure there’s crumpets & those little fancy cuke sandwiches for him..of course there will be wine & jello shots ha ha

      3. Julie, I haven’t had a girl’s night out in years!!! I really don’t have friends. I never really did. I dropped everyone I knew. I don’t do social media anymore. I’m fine with that for now. Just concentrating on putting my life back together.
        And man o man is it hard.
        And I love crumpets. They’re hard to find here in the states. English muffins are as close as it gets, lol!!!
        And, yes, jello shots! I like lime tequila shots. It’s an excuse to get naked, lololololololol!!!

  5. Jesus, HG, jesus…
    Yup, that’s exactly how it was. Day after day after fucking nightmarish day. Fucking shit!
    This was a hard read. Anger is always something I’ve repressed through life so far.
    How did I get through? We’ll, I almost didn’t.
    Thanks to you HG, and your helping me through the most gruesome of truths with your writing. Any insane thought I have about going backward, I’ll read my book, read the blogs, and it all floods back. This is why your work is invaluable.
    Lol, I feel better now. Except I have to replace some plates and glassware I threw at the wall. It felt good to hear glasses breaking and things being smashed. Gotta let it out someway.

    1. T
      Maybe try punching pillows lol. Less damage and noise for the neighbours. Im all for getting it out but dont destroy your stuff over that clown. Thats something he would do and you are far above him. Also, I dont want you to get hurt in the process (but dont tell anyone I care-not good for my image).

      NA

      1. Thanks, NA.
        AND LOL, my neighbor was looking at me funny this morning…

    1. “Are you quite done? Sounds like someone needs a nap…. do you need your nappies changed too?….. I’m going out to have an adult conversation. No….you’re not invited.”

      1. Margaret robertson… Absoutely! I would ask him that then proceed to tell him “I dont talk to you this way and I dont expect you to talk to me this way so when your done having your meltdown call me, Im going home now”. Few times I was prevented from leaving and was not uncommon for him to just follow me 15 miles back to my own house with his childish temper tantrum. Stupid is as stupid does.

  6. Pingback: Someone else’s post: on Narcissistic Spinning – Mirroring the Chameleon
  7. Oh that’s just BRILLIANT! Amazing, I’m going to re-read that one just for the chuckle… (Mrs W)

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